Simple Acknowledgements

Two weeks ago, my nephew graduated from High School. It was an exciting time to witness the achievement of such a significant milestone in the life of a young person.

I've tried to help my nephew along the way. My goal is to be a source of encouragement and support to all the young people in my life. With my nephew it took the form of giving him some summer work to do to earn money, helping him get organized for college applications, financial aid forms and to take the SAT. I am sure that I annoyed him many times... keeping him on task, following up on deadlines, etc.

So, it was especially touching to me, that at his graduation, he took the opportunity to say thank you in a very sweet way.

Each of the kids was given 3 roses when they picked up their diploma. At a later point in the ceremony, they were free to go out into the audience and give the roses to people they wanted to thank for their support and encouragement.

I was truly delighted that I was one of the recipients of my nephew's roses.

It was a simple thing, but it meant a lot to me. To be acknowledged is a lovely thing.

I kept that rose near me for the entire length of it's life! It actually lasted about 10 days! I'd move it from place to place so that I could look at it no matter what I was doing.

Letting people know that we care about them, that they matter to us, and that we appreciate their contributions to our lives is a wonderful and powerful practice. It doesn't have to be anything fancy!

Sharing our appreciation with each other, and acknowledging the roles that people play in our lives is one of the things that truly makes life worth living.

Why not take a moment today, and send off an email, or a card, or even a small gift to someone who has made a difference in your life? It feels good to do it... and it sure feels good to be on the receiving end of such a blessing!

The rose my nephew presented to me
at his graduation

Happy Father's Day 2010

Here we are again at another Father's day! I'm sitting in a restaurant, witnessing a lot of families brining their 'dad' out to celebrate.

It is wonderful to pause once a year to reflect on the role that fathers play in the lives of their children and in this world.

The father role is an important one in our lives. Having a good father is a blessing. Having an absent or unskilled father leaves wounds and scars that we can spend a life time working out.

Even if we had a hard time with our own fathers, we can appreciate the 'fathering' that we've received along the way. We can receive loving father energy from anyone really.

I was blessed in my life to have a great dad. He taught me many wonderful things about how to live life and become the person that I am today. I always feel a little nostalgic around father's day, because we used to take a trip to Reno every year around this time to have a little father/daughter time and to gamble a little bit. :)

Dad passed away in 1997, and I still miss him.

On father's day, I like to not only give thanks for my own father, and all he gave me, but also to the other men in my life who have shown me love, support, tenderness and compassion. Those men have all contributed to my life in special and meaningful ways as well.


My Dad


Me with my Grandpa Drazdoff


Uncle David


Dr. Charles Bruni


Jack Boland


Happy Father's Day to all you men out there! Give yourselves credit for the fathering that you have done - with your own children and with others as well!

If You Let 'Em

My niece's 15th birthday was a couple weeks ago. I was in my mom's town preparing a little party for my niece. I had just picked up her birthday cake and was on my way to get a cup of coffee to take home for my mother. As I parked my car, I noticed a lady coming out of the neighboring "Dollar Store" with a bunch of helium balloons. I thought that seemed like a great idea! I had never given my niece balloons on her birthday before, so I decided to go in and get some.

I went into the store and purchased 3 balloons. As I was leaving the store, a woman appeared to me to be just arriving. She was behind me, pushing a cart. I assumed she was starting her shopping trip in the store. As I walked out the door, making sure that my balloons passed safely under the top of the door frame, I glanced back at the woman. She was pushing her cart past the door. I let go of the door, and it began to swing shut.

Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound as the door smacked the front of her cart! She was coming out behind me after all. I had dropped the door on her.

I quickly grabbed the door and apologized to her. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think you were coming out!"

This woman was obviously troubled. She was a bit disheveled looking, and her lipstick was smeared around her mouth. She sort of snapped at me as I grabbed the door and opened it for her. "If you let 'em... they'll just keep doin' it!"

I apologized again and held the door open for her.

Then she muttered, "Just leave me alone!"

I held the door until she was safely out of the store and I walked to my car. She was walking a little ahead of me, and kept turning to look over her shoulder at me. She obviously wanted to get away from me, but we happened to be going in the same direction!

She was muttering to herself, and every once in awhile I could hear what she said.

"I just want to be left alone."
"They always do that to you."
"Go away. Just go."

I felt very sorry for this woman. She was obviously a very sad and disturbed person.

She was perceiving persecution where there simply wasn't any. I wasn't trying to hurt her, but she believed I was. The first statement she had uttered really stuck with me, "If you let 'em, they'll just keep doing it."

Now, in this woman's case, it appears to me that she has a belief that people are out to get her and will continue to do so, if she doesn't stop them. The problem is that she seems to 'set herself up' to experience people 'getting her.' I swear to you, she was pushing her cart past the door I was leaving through. When I turned my back and let go of the door, she deliberately turned her cart and pushed it into the closing door. She slammed the door on herself, and then blamed me!

Someone in my life recently made some decisions about the path they are going to follow, declared that they believed most people in their life would reject them as a result, and has proceeded to reject a bunch of people in her life... and then say that they are rejecting her. It's what she believes to be true, so she's MAKING it happen so she can be right, but blaming other people all the while.

This is a common phenomenon for all of us, actually. The way the universe works, we 'get to be right' about our beliefs.

If we believe that people are out to get us, we will experience that as our reality.

If we believe that our luck is always bad, it will appear to us that it is so.

The lens through which we look at life is powerful. It literally changes what we see to match our expectations and beliefs about ourselves and the world.

Be very observant of your beliefs about yourself and the world. It is affecting your experience every single second!

The Resting Messenger

The weather has finally started to improve in Seattle. Finally, we are getting some much anticipated and much appreciated sunshine!

With the arrival of the sun, I have relocated my work space to the great outdoors. Whenever I can, I work on my patio or my deck to enjoy the beauty of my woodland garden.

As you may know, the dragonfly is a very special symbol to me. I consider it to be a powerful symbol of transformation. The process of change that creates a dragonfly from a waterbug is miraculous to me! I feel that process is a metaphor for our own possible transformation... from something that slinks around in the muddy water to something that becomes beautiful and free - able to soar through life with grace and ease.

When I was sitting at the table on my patio working the other day, a dragonfly flew up to me, landed on the table right in front of my writing tablet and did something I'd never seen a dragonfly do before. He or she tucked it's wings up along it's back, bowed it's head and appeared to take a little nap! The dragonfly was resting!!

I was mesmerized by this little creature and the message that he might be delivering to me. I have long believed that dragonflies can be messengers from people who have made their transition and are no longer with us on the earth. Whenever dragonflies appear to me, I believe they bring some sort of message.

This message seemed to be about the important of resting. This little fly looked so relaxed and content. The whole world was his or hers. They could fly anywhere and see anything, and yet, at this moment the creature was taking a break and resting right there in front of me.

I took it as a reminder that in a balanced life, there is both work... and rest. A little while later, I chose to put away my work for awhile and take a walk in the sunshine. I gave my brain a much needed break from the work I was engaged in.

Thank you my little messenger friend!

Suck it In for the Right Reasons

When I was growing up, one of the things I remember that all us girls focused on was trying to hold in our stomachs. We were told, and believed that we would look skinnier if we kept our stomachs sucked in at all times. It made us look better, in our minds, so we did it. It was a pretty common practice - with the reasoning being that it would improve our attractiveness.

When I got into recovery from my eating disorder and started to do a lot of body image repair work, I encountered a different line of thinking. In the quest to accept and appreciate the body, we were encouraged not to 'war' with our bodies and do things that were intended to excessively control them. Letting the stomach relax and deliberately NOT sucking it in was one of the exercises I remember reading about and embracing. My belly was beautiful and sacred, and if I loved myself totally, I wouldn't try to hide it by sucking it in. That was my new line of thinking.

Interestingly enough, after many many years of not sucking in my stomach, I ended up with some interesting lower back problems. Some of these problems are directly related to weak and atrophied abdominal muscles! Now, it didn't all come from that one practice I did to 'let it all hang out,' but that practice was most definitely involved.

Several years ago I started physical therapy, and have been learning about 'activating my core' which in some ways is very closely linked to 'sucking in my belly!' As I've learned to turn on those muscles, and pull in and lift my abdominal area, my lower back issues have improved. It's really quite amazing how much of a difference it makes.

In fact, I went hiking a week ago, and was disappointed that towards the end of the descent from the mountain I hiked up, my right knee began to hurt on the outer edge of the knee cap. I've had this problem before, but last summer, I hadn't experienced it at all! The fact that on my first hike of this season, I experienced the problem was a bit discouraging and frustrating.

When I told my physical therapist about it, she understood the problem immediately. She said that the muscles that connects to the inner part of the knee cap wasn't do it's job properly, and so the knee cap was pulling to the outside slightly, causing the inflammation and irritation that I experienced.

She had me lie on my back and tighten my right quadricep muscle. She poked a bit at the area on the inside of my left knee cap. It seemed normal to me. Then she asked me to 'activate my core' and contract my quadricep muscle again. She poked the same place and it was rock solid! When I didn't 'activate my core' that muscle wasn't able to contract and hold my knee in place. When I did activate my core, the muscle was 'on' and I could feel that it made a huge difference to the support that my knee had.

What's my point? The point is, that we can do things from different places inside ourselves. Back when I used to hold in my stomach because I was ashamed of it and wanted to look thinner, I was coming from a place of self rejection and control. It was better for my back, but I didn't know that then, and I probably wouldn't have cared if I had known! It was all about appearances and attractiveness back then.

Now, I'm learning to perform that action for a valid reason that is rooted in self love, acceptance and respect for my body. I want to take care of my body because I love it and want it to function at it's best.

What a different place to come from!

An outer action can look exactly the same. Activating your core is still basically sucking in your gut. One comes from a place of self criticism and judgement and one comes from a place of self respect and love for one's body. It makes all the difference in the world which place we're coming from!

Exercise can be an act of self love, or an act of imposing a tyranny of obsessive, anxiety ridden beliefs about ourselves and what we have to do to be acceptable to ourselves.

Keeping a clean house can be an expression of a calm, clear inner world, or it can be an expression of an obsessive, compulsive imprisoned personality. To an outsider the house might look the same in both cases, but the level of peace and contentment within the 'cleaner' would be radically different.

My goal in life is no longer to just do the right things. My goal has become to do the right things from the right place. The quality of the experience is so much greater when we do.

There's Always Something to Enjoy

I'm undergoing a radical transformation in the way I relate to my days and my life! The revelation that I've had is so simple that it may seem unbelievable that it is making such a difference. I will tell you, however, that although the concept is simple... it isn't necessarily easy to implement.

When I was growing up, there was an older lady, Lucy, who lived next door to my family. She was like a second grandmother to me. I spent many happy hours in her company as I was growing up. She had a tremendous influence on the person I have become.

A few years back, I was honored to be invited to her 100th birthday party. She had long since moved to California. My mom and I headed out to go pay tribute to this remarkable woman as she celebrated her 100th year of life on planet earth. Remarkable!

We spent a few hours with her the day before her party just visiting and catching up. I asked her a lot of questions in that conversation. Her attitude is better than anyone I know, and yet her life had not been a bed of roses! I wanted to understand the key to a great life like the one she had lived, and continues to live to this day!

She imparted much wisdom that day, but one of the gems that she told me is at the root of the transformation that I am currently experiencing.

She was telling me about all the different jobs she'd had in her life. There were many, and some of them didn't sound all that glamorous or interesting. Lucy, however, said something I will never forget. As she described her jobs, she never complained about the 'bad parts' of those jobs, but instead she told me what she liked about each job. She was careful to call out something that she learned or enjoyed in every single job she told me about. "There is always something to enjoy about everything you do," she said.

Wow. Just think about that for a moment.

It's as true about all our life experiences as it is about any job that we might have.

I have decided that no matter WHAT is happening in my life, I am going to find SOMETHING to enjoy about it... and focus on that aspect of it, rather than what I don't like or enjoy about it. Even things that are fairly unpleasant have something positive that I can focus on. It really is possible to find something to enjoy in every single experience, even difficult or painful ones.

Easy to say, a bit more difficult to do, but I'm astounded at how much more I'm enjoying my life as I implement this practice. Give it a try!!

Celebrating Accomplishments

It was an exciting time for my family this week. My first nephew graduated from high school!

I'm known in the family for making a 'big deal' out of things. I tend to get pretty enthusiastic about things. I make no apologies for that! It's the only way I want to live my life.

I got him some balloons, and put a sign in his yard, and got him some gourmet cupcakes and put little graduation caps on them all. I gave him a card, and some money for school clothes for his first year of college that will start in the fall. It was a fun experience for him, I think, and definitely for me.

Completion is wonderful. Working towards a major goal, and seeing it come to fruition is worth celebrating. The closing of one door and the opening of a new world is a momentus occasion.

We should revel in those moments of life and recognize them for the magnificent transitions that they are.

As I forced my nephew to pose for picture after picture with various family members I hope that I sent the message that this was a big, big deal! He had really achieved something and he deserved to be the star for this moment in his life experience!

Celebrate your achievements and successes! Whether it is a major event like a graduation, or it's eating well for just one day, we should recognize and honor the steps forward that we take in life!

Me with my nephew at his graduation

Each Moment a Thrill

I was listening to a wonderful talk by Jack Boland yesterday called, "Formula for Success." Jack was talking about how we humans will fly or drive to far distant places like Disneyland and pay lots of money to ride rides and experience thrills... and joy! While there is nothing wrong with doing this, Jack was suggesting that the fact that we look for this sort of sensation is an indicator that we are meant to live interesting and exciting lives! He also suggested that we can do this every moment and every day... right where we are! I couldn't agree more!

Every single moment that we are alive offers some sort of powerful and intense experience, if we will but look for it, recognize it and allow it.

Even so called 'negative experiences' can be powerful teaching moments in our lives. We can learn to surrender. We can recognize that what we once thought important is really not important at all. We can come to see the value of the people closest to us.

Quiet moments can be exhilarating inner experiences of rejuvenation and renewal.

Moments of physical exertion can connect us to our bodies and the marvelous creations that they are!

Moments of mental exertion can stimulate and ignite our creativity and we can celebrate our ability to use our brains for a purpose that we can choose!

Everything... absolutely everything, can be exciting and interesting if we choose to look at it that way.

Treat each moment as the pure experience that it is. Give it your full attention. Let it have its moment in the sun... without distracting yourself with the past or future.

Start to look at every experience as magnificent... no matter what it is. See how this changes your feelings about your life!!

Signs of Progress

I wrote in my June 2010 newsletter about a project I have taken on for the month of June to eat 5 - 13 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. I know I don't get enough fresh fruit and vegetables, and so I'm taking this project on to cultivate some new (and hopefully lasting) habits.

It's amazing. I'm only a little over a week into this process, and I already feel better. It's hard to explain, but I feel more energetic and happier. My mood is better and my body feels like it is better fueled!

I'll keep you posted, but to me, it is an indicator that we are built to function best when we eat a healthy diet! So much of what ails us could probably be resolved if we simply learned what the human body needs to be healthy, and did that on a regular basis.

Easier said than done, I realize, but well worth the effort to make improvements where we can.

Are you eating enough fruits and vegetables? Start where you are. One reader of my newsletter wrote me to say that she was setting a goal to eat one piece of fruit every day for the month of June, because she never ate any. She wrote it with a bit of an apologetic tone in her message. I wrote back an enthusiastic, "YES! Way to go!" message. It isn't about perfection, it's about progress. You start where you are, and make one change... and then another... and then another... and then another.

I believe in working on personal and spiritual growth from a place of radical self acceptance and compassion. We take responsibility for ourselves AND we know that we are doing the best we can at this very moment in time. Then, we make a change because we love ourselves enough to want something better.

One step at a time! That's how we change!

Waiting it Out

I wrote awhile back, in "Make Way for Beauty," about the inconvenient Foxglove plant that sprung up right next to my driveway. As I mentioned in that article, the location is right where people need to get out of their cars when they park on the cement pad in front of my driveway. Yet, I know how pretty these plants are, so I let it grow.

It takes 2 years/seasons of growing before these plants bloom. Until then, they are just a ubiquitous green plant. But when they finally bloom, in their second year, they are very, very pretty.

An impatient person, or one who does not understand the way this plant grows, might yank it out the first year. It's really not that interesting, and it's pretty large!

If, however, you understand the way it works, you wait... and you are ultimately rewarded for your patience.

Understanding the way that the universe works really helps us cultivate and nurture the aspects in our belief systems that yield the amazing and wondrous results that we seek. One of the great principles that we must learn to work with is how to plant seeds, nurture and take care of the plants, and wait patiently for the blossoming or the creation of the desired 'fruit.' If we give up too soon, we never get the rewards!

When we are working with our consciousness, planting seeds in thought, attitude and belief, it takes persistence and patience to see it through to fruition. Sometimes it doesn't look like much is happening on the outside, but a process is unfolding within. First within, then without is the universal order of things. If we try to take short cuts, or if we give up or back track, we miss the show!

And what a show it is!

Persevere... stay the course. Do all that you know you need to do, hold firm... and wait for the blossoming!

The foxglove is the tall plant right next to the driveway...
This is the spot it chose to seed itself and grow.
Not the most 'logical' or 'convenient' place.


And for 2 years, it has grown there.
Nothing but some fuzzy green leaves, until...


The patience paid off... and
the show began.


Unexpected and unplanned for beauty.
A reward for 'making room' and 'being patient.'

Protect Your New Growth

As I was taking my walk along the ridge near my home this past week, I was stopped in my tracks by something I find irresistible... and compelling.

It was a small fir tree that is just at the edge of the gravel path I walk on.

At this time of year, the fir trees, and many other ever green trees and sporting their gorgeous new growth! The new growth is a different, brighter color than the old growth, and in some cases the needles are super soft - unlike the prickly hard needles of the older growth.

I just have to stop and touch these tender green shoots of new growth. Something about doing that just sends my spirit soaring!

For one thing, it is a gentle sweet reminder of the constant renewal of life and the growth process. All of life is constantly growing and developing.

Secondly, it is a great, tangible example of how tender and fragile 'new growth' is. These shoots are so soft and pliable. They have not yet matured into more 'solid' material yet.

Isn't that how we are when we are learning something new, or cultivating a new habit? Aren't those new areas of ourselves a bit fragile and flexible?

When you are just learning how to do something, you aren't very sure of yourself. You might be easily swayed by the opinions or advice of other people. Once you are an expert at something, and have mastered it, you can more easily weigh the input of other people to see if it is valid or not.

I remember when I was first in recovery from my eating disorder. I was desperate for help, and pretty much believed anything my counselor told me. I had to. I needed to. It was important for my survival. When people around me challenged those beliefs and ideas, it was painful. I became defensive. I couldn't tolerate anyone challenging the ideas that I felt were hopefully going to change my world for the better. I had to protect my tender new growth and let it grow stronger before I held it up to the scrutiny of others.

Now, when people challenge my belief system or ideas, I can reflect on what they are saying, make a determination if there is any value/redirection for me there, and either accept and incorporate their feedback, or let it go as their experience and truth without it influencing my perspective.

Protect your tender shoots of new belief or growth. Give them time to strengthen and come into their fullness before you show them to the world.

Just as you would not sign up to perform a piano concert in front of hundreds of people without taking lessons or practicing, don't roll out new aspects of yourself to those around you until you will not be knocked off balance by the opinions and advice of other people.

Protect your new growth!!

Inspiration By Example

My mom is 75 years old, and she has been working out at a gym for a little over 5 years. That impresses the heck out of me!

Her workouts help her keep her arthritis pain at bay, and keep her bones as strong and healthy as they can be. It's a very good practice that she has adopted into her life.

The people who own the gym really love that she works out there every day. Not only do they support her fitness and health as part of their 'mission' in the services they provide to people, but they love the inspiration that she is to others at the gym.

They sell more training services when my mom is there working out regularly. People see her and they are motivated to do more themselves. "If she can do it... I can do it!"

People look forward to seeing her there. She's a constant. Constants are comforting in this world of eternal change.

Mom's commitment to her own fitness helps other people to be committed to theirs!

For each of us personally, we have the opportunity to experience both sides of this coin. We need to realize that other people are affected by our behaviors and choices. We can aspire to serve as a positive, uplifting example to those around us. We can take seriously the understanding that if we do things that aren't high quality choices, we might be unwittingly validating others in doing so. We impact each other - for better or worse.

On the other side of this is our ability to seek out role models to inspire us into higher and better expressions of our own potential. I like working out around people who are really into it, because it helps me to push myself a little harder than I might if I was watching people sit around and watch TV!

Likewise, in the arena of spiritual and personal growth, we need to seek out those who teach about and demonstrate principles that we would like to live more fully from. I love to read about people who's lives have changed the world through their persistence and dedication to doing all they could to make a difference. I want to be like that! I love to hear people tell stories of overcoming hardships and obstacles in their quest to live a fully awakened and dynamic life! I want that too! I love to be around kind, compassionate, patient people, because those too are qualities that I would like to cultivate and strengthen in myself. I love to be around people who are smart, successful AND balanced, because that is an area I still work on in my own life experience.

Be an example where you can... and seek out the presence or influence of others who demonstrate what you want in specific areas of your life. What you get around rubs off on you... so be selective about what you immerse yourself in!

It's REALLY Green

There is a new commercial that's been playing that I find really charming. It's the Lowe's Hardware commercial that depicts a very young couple who are 'setting up housekeeping' in their first new home.

These young people are overwhelmed and floundering around with various home repairs and crises. In each scenario presented, it shows the young lady, on her phone, most likely asking her father for advice, while the young man struggles to deal with what ever it going on.

The one vignette that I love the most, is when they are standing in a room they have just painted, and he has a wet paint roller in his hand and the entire room - walls and ceiling are bright, Kermit the frog green! The young lady is crying on the phone as she sort of sobs out the words, 'It's REALLY.... GREEN!'

It cracks me up, and yet... we've all been there! That dreadful moment when you realize that it didn't turn out like you planned and hoped for.

That green looked great on a little tiny swatch from the hardware store, but they didn't realize that when it was greatly magnified it would look much, much different.

Often in life, we make decisions based on a particular view of a situation, possibly too limited a view. People fall in love and get married after only a brief 'sampling' of who their partner really is. As soon as they are married and together for a while, suddenly, that 'color' that looked so lovely is really intense and not at all what was expected or desired.

Of course, all is not lost. the young couple can repaint their 'green room.' Many decisions can be reversed, or the trajectory can be corrected and altered.

I like to think, however, in terms of the principle that is demonstrated that when we only look at a small sample, or a small, isolated piece of something, we don't necessarily see all that we need to see.

I believe that life gives us glimpses sometimes, of problematic patterns that are at work within us, by showing it to us in other people, or the world around us in magnified form.

If someone in your life is really annoying and upsetting you, take a look at the patterns that most bother you, and see if you might have a little of that in you... even if it's in 'swatch' size portions. If the problematic pattern is being expressed around us at the same level that we do it, we wouldn't even notice it. it would seem 'normal' and 'acceptable' to us. That is why life sometimes uses the mirrors around us (other people and the world stage) to show us the magnified versions of that junk. We can't ignore it... and it usually really upsets and irritates us.

This isn't easy work. Admitting that we do something (either to others, or to ourselves) that we don't like in other people... isn't easy! It is, however, the only way to freedom. We can't repaint the room, until we realize that it's the wrong color. Life actually does a favor by showing us the intense and magnified color in those around us, in an attempt to get us to 'switch swatches' before we do our own painting (by allowing the pattern to grown and develop in us, until it becomes much more pervasive in our experience.)

If you find yourself exclaiming either in anger, sorrow, irritation or any other 'negative' evaluation, "It's REALLY GREEN" then take a look at your own swatch, and examine it carefully. You might need to switch swatches to make sure that the paint jobs you complete turn out the way you want them to be.

The Source of the Current Pain

I was talking to a friend today who was very upset about a tree that lives outside her condominium. The grounds maintenance people came and seriously cut back the tree in a fairly disfiguring manner. It was very upsetting to my friend, because she had planted this tree many years ago.

She admitted that it shouldn't have been planted where it is, because it is a type of tree that will grow far too large for the space it has.

We ended up having an interesting discussion about it.

Ultimately, although she didn't know when she planted, she had 'set up' the current day situation. The tree can't rub up against the building because it will cause damage, yet the tree is getting quite large, and is simply growing in it's natural pattern. She planted the tree, without understanding exactly what type of tree she had, or what it would need to thrive and live a long life.

This is such a powerful metaphor for life! So often, we begin something without fully understanding what we are getting in to and then are surprised by the results down the road. Sometimes it happens through ignorance, sometimes through lack of due diligence. Other times, it is simply not possible to know all the requirements going in to something.

I'm most interested in the first two conditions: ignorance or lack of due diligence, because these are the two issues we can do something about.

If my friend had researched the type of tree she was purchasing, she might have either chosen a more appropriate tree for that location, or decided not to plant this particular tree in this particular location. It was a live Christmas tree, so she might have been able to give it to someone who had more space for such a tree to grow and thrive.

Now, she's experiencing a lot of pain, as the tree has to be continually cut back, and will eventually need to be cut down. That was certainly never her intention, when she tried to do an environmentally friendly thing by purchasing a live Christmas tree.

To me it illustrates a very basic, yet deep spiritual principle. Often times, the current pain we're experiencing, had it's genesis in our own actions or decisions.

We may have ignored red flags, and allowed ourself to get deeper and deeper into an unhealthy situation. We might have done things repeatedly against our own belief system or values. Perhaps we let the opinions of others pressure us into something we didn't really want to do in the first place. The list could go on and on and on. If we're really honest with ourselves, which isn't always the easiest course of actions, we find that we are at the genesis of much of current pain and struggle.

The great news is that we can use this for our learning and our own growth. We can change the way that we approach our decisions and realize that our actions always have consequences in the outer world. Always.

This isn't about blame or feeling 'guilty.' Far from it. This is about understanding the laws of the universe, and using that knowledge to our advantage! To facilitate our learning, growth and improving our lives in powerful and amazing ways!

Before you plant something in your life, consider it carefully!

The Legacy

Memorial Day weekend is a special time in my family. We have several traditions surrounding the holiday. The most important is to visit cemeteries where relatives are buried. We clean and decorate the graves and remember those who have gone before us. We tell stories, remember and appreciate our ancestors and enjoy the company of those who are still with us to celebrate.

I always look forward to the holiday, because not only do I get together with the people closest to my heart in current time, but I get to pause and reflect on all those who have preceded me in life and who have, by their lifetimes, given me some sort of gift.

In one of the cemeteries I visit, there are 18 family members buried. In some ways, I feel some sadness when I realize how many people have passed. Of the 18, there are only 4 I did not personally know. Those 4 are my dad's grandparents. Everyone else played a role of some kind in my early life. First off, my father, is always tucked safely in my heart. My grandparents, who welcomed me each summer to work on their cherry and blackberry farm. My uncle Johnny, who built me many little wooden items in his wood shop and his wife. My great uncle Paul, who was very close to my dad. My uncle Jack, who was simply one of the nicest people on the entire planet, who died far too young. My great aunt Grace, and great uncle Leo. My dad's cousin Janet, who also died way too young. My great grand parents. It's a long history there in that graveyard. My uncle Jack's brother, who's 4th of July BBQ I attended every year and Jack's parents, who were like another set of grandparents for me when I was a kid. I have so many memories of all these people.

At another cemetery, it's my mom's parents, and one of my uncles that we remember.

I owe them all a debt of gratitude. They all enriched my life in special and important ways. Some of them made my life in it's current form possible - simply by their existence and their persistence in living this thing called life. Others simply made my life better by being in it, celebrating holidays with me, and giving me different perspectives of and approaches to life. They all contributed in important ways to the person I am today.

I love the opportunity to remember and to recognize the contributions that others have made to the life that I am fortunate to live today.

Happy Memorial Day. I hope you remember all those who have come before you, and all that they have made possible for you, in one way or another.

Confessions of a Perfectionist

I have been a recovering perfectionist for a long, long time. As far as I've come in this process, I'm still working on it - each and every day.

A couple weeks ago, I stopped at one of my favorite fast food places for a quick meal. I got my food, went to the condiment bar and got a few containers of hot sauce and headed to my table.

As I unwrapped a taco, I reached for one of my containers of hot sauce and picked it up with the intention of pouring it on my taco.

Instead of successfully pouring it on my taco, it slipped out of my hand, flipped over, and dumped all over my tray.

Now, this isn't a catastrophe, but the inner reaction I had shocked me! I felt pangs of embarrassment and actual shame because I had slipped and dropped my hot sauce.

I was really, really surprised at how 'not OK' it was for me to make this mistake. I really thought I'd come farther than that in my recovery!

Humans make mistakes. Humans do things wrong. Humans drop things. ALL OF US are human and have weaknesses and flaws. Even on our best days we screw up.

I'm determined to embrace my humanity and stop expecting perfection from myself. It's an ongoing process.

Be gentle with yourself and your humanity. You are not alone!

Let it Be a Dance

I am a big fan of the work of Gabrielle Roth. I have greatly benefited from her Ecstatic Dance practice. It has really helped me to embrace my physical being in a whole new way.

Gabrielle helps her students learn to accept themselves and their physical forms through the process of expressive dance. There is no 'right or wrong' in 'the dance.' There is only using one's body as a form of expressing what is happening inside. It's powerful!

I love the idea of looking at life as a dance. Gabrielle's approach to dance is also a great approach to life. Allow yourself to move through life in the way the feels best to your inner most soul and learn from it all.

Accepting myself in 'the dance' means not judging my moves by anyone else's standards. It means not comparing the way I move to the way that anyone else moves. My way is my way, and for the present moment, it is what it is.

The paradox about Gabrielle's method is that the more I've practiced Ecstatic Dance, the more comfortable I've become moving my body. The more comfortable I've become, the more I 'like' the way I move my body when I dance. I always try to suspend judgment, but I find that the more I practice, the easier that becomes. Partly because I'm more self accepting, and partly because I'm moving with more grace and ease.

Dancing is a great way to get in touch with your spirit. If you've never tried Gabrielle's method, you might want to investigate it!

Let life be a dance...

Rising Above Emotional Whiplash

A couple months ago, I upgraded my computers to Windows 7. I was one of those who clung to Windows XP for as along as I possibly could. The time finally came for me to make the upgrade, and I finally took the plunge.

For the most part it went smoothly, although I must say it was far from easy.

I bought a new laptop computer and set it up over the course of a two week period.

I was preparing to head out for a long business trip, and was pleased that I was on track for having the computer all set up and ready to rock-n-roll.

There was a small physical defect (dealing with the ethernet port) that I decided to have looked at. The defect made it almost impossible to plug in ethernet cables and be able to remove them again. I had a 'work around' for the problem, but decided I would rather have a permanent solution.

I undertook this repair right before I was scheduled to take my niece to the beach for a little 'girl time' vacation. I only had a few days after that mini-vacation before I would leave on the 6 week long business trip.

What ensued was a nightmare I could have never predicted.

I met with a 'mobile technician' sent out by the hardware manufacturer. After he 'worked on' my machine for 3 hours in a Starbucks, he not only was unable to 'fix' my problem, he rendered the computer unusable. It wouldn't start up!

I was devastated. Here I had to leave the next day for my vacation, and I didn't have a working computer. They couldn't get replacement parts to me until mid week the following week - only a few days before I was scheduled to leave on my work trip.

This computer was essential to my work. I needed to have a working, fully loaded (with about 30 software applications) computer to take with me.

I struggled with whether or not I should even go on my vacation with my niece. I thought that perhaps I should buy a new computer and work as fast as I could to try to get it set up.

I decided to go on my vacation and be as present as I could. I must admit, however, that there was a nagging worry in the pit of my stomach the entire time I was gone. "What if they can't fix this computer?" If they weren't able to fix it, I would have to buy a new machine, and try to do in 4 days what it had taken me two weeks to accomplish on my now busted laptop.

My niece and I had a great time. I was able to set aside my worries, for the most part, and have a great time with her.

When the next technician worked on my computer, it was a whiplash experience, the likes of which I have rarely experienced.

First, he thought he easily solved the problem caused by the first technician. He did this very quickly.

I was elated.

Then, he encountered another problem and the machine wouldn't boot at all. This could have been caused by a number of issues, the most frightening was a hard disk failure (which would have been the worst possible outcome for me).

I was devastated... again.

After several pendulum swings between elated and devastated, he finally had my machine back in working order. Although the original problem was not resolved, my machine was back in working order, and I was relieved beyond expression!

This experience, however, really reminded me of just how easily I can be affected by outer circumstances. I was swinging wildly between elation and devastation! Because of a computer!!

Now, it was a serious issue that would have had serious ramifications for me if it had turned out badly. I don't want to minimize that fact.

The truth is, however, that I don't want to be that emotionally volatile. I was actually surprised at the internal experience I went through as this situation unfolded. On the outside, I was fine (well, after the initial melt down in Starbucks when the guy busted my computer). This was an improvement for me. In years past I would have most likely cancelled my vacation, or even if I'd gone, I would have let it ruin my time there. I'm pleased that I was able to go on with my life and enjoy it despite the problem.

What troubled me is the vast swings internally that I experienced when it looked 'good' or 'bad' on the outside. This is the next level of 'work' for me at a spiritual level. I want to be more 'even' in my reactions and remain at peace, no matter what is happening.

There are always challenges and storms in life. We will never experience a time when there isn't something to worry about. The key is learning how to weather those storms and ride out the problems, with as little inner turmoil and outer reaction as possible.

Got any emotional whiplash experiences going on in your life? Look for the balance. Find the even keel! Learn to know at a deep level that you will be OK, no matter what unfolds in your life!

Getting Pushed out of the Nest

When we watch birds in flight, it looks so remarkably easy! Birds make flying look so effortless. It's natural, fluid... remarkable!

Yet, long before they demonstrate flying prowess, all birds start out hatching from an egg, and need to be tended to and cared for in the nest. They grow larger and stronger in the nest, until the day comes for them to take their first flight.

Do you think that all birds just leap willingly out of their nests for their initial flight? I have to believe, and nature proves out, that some birds do not willingly fling themselves out of their nest. No, in fact, many birds must be pushed out by their wise and loving parents!

Life often plays this role in our experiences. Sometimes we are literally 'forced' to deal with situations that we would never willingly leap into. Yet, these experiences can be the greatest instruments of our transformation and growth.

Next time you find yourself in 'over your head' or being flung into a situation that you don't feel prepared for, remember that life is most likely giving you a nice firm push out of your cushy little nest. It's time for you to fly, and you can't do it while you're hanging out in the nest.

Take flight - either on your own volition... or when tossed out of the nest! It doesn't matter how the journey begins, as long as you go! Just remember to flap those wings!

Sharper Vision

I have worn contact lenses since I was 13 years old. I'm 'old school' and wear hard contact lenses. I tried to make the switch to soft lenses a few years ago, but the loss in clarity of my vision was simply not palatable. If you've never worn hard lenses, you wouldn't know what you are missing, but I'm used to a crispness to my vision that isn't possible with soft lenses (according to my eye doctor anyway).

Over the years, my vision has actually remained fairly stable. Every few years I replace my lenses, but that has been about all that was necessary to maintain my clear vision.

This year, my doctor decided it was time to increase my prescription strength a bit. It seems I had slowly, over the past few years lost a little bit of clarity in my vision.

I had noticed that I had more trouble seeing a particular clock in my home from across the room, but didn't give it much thought, until the day I picked up my new lenses!

Last week, my world changed! The day I picked up those new lenses, I realized just how much my vision had deteriorated! Everything is so much sharper and clearer now.

I simply hadn't realized how much I'd lost, until it was restored to me.

Often in life, things 'creep up on us.' Gradual changes, both positive and negative ones, can happen so subtly and slowly that we aren't even aware they are happening. This is a double edged sword. It's a good news/bad news type of deal!

On the positive side, we can make tiny changes, bit by bit, and eventually generate a massive shift in our lives. This is great news. We don't have to make big, dramatic changes to eventually have significant impact down the road.

On the other side of the coin, however, we need to be vigilant to changes in our habits and behaviors that can add up to a larger negative in the long run. Eating just a little bit more each day, can result in a weight gain after several months. Neglecting a relationship, or letting our attention to our friends and loved ones become reduced by competing interests can damage those relationships over time.

Being vigilant and paying attention to what we are doing (and not doing) can pay off big dividends in our lives!

Now that my vision is sharpened and restored - I realize how far I'd 'let it slide' before taking corrective action. The good news is that it didn't take much to correct my course and get me back on track!

Use this knowledge to your advantage! Being the best you can be is largely under your own control and influence!

Pay attention and stay alert. Direct your changes consciously!