I call myself a recovering perfectionist. I have an immense capacity to tend to detail. Sometimes that tendency is problematic.
When I balance my checkbook, it needs to be accurate down to the penny! I spend a lot of time sometimes on things that have very little return for me. I like for everything to be 'just so.'
As I worked my way through the insurance claim resulting from my burglary, I found myself with the opportunity to face this 'need' for accuracy in a very magnified way.
Often, the insurance company did strange little things that made their numbers come out a few dollars less than mine. In a few instances, it was a few dollars more. Their numbers often did not match my numbers. That bugged me. I like precision.
In the end, there was one thing I discovered about their 'process' that had not been disclosed to me - and if I wanted to, I could have amended my claim to get another $100. It would have been a lot of work for me to do this, and I decided to let it go. Even though I was entitled to the money, the hassle at that point, was just not going to be worth it to me.
Their little rounding errors and number discrepancies cost me about another $75 beyond that $100. I decided to let that go as well, because the effort to figure out exactly how all their little errors added up to that $75 would have taken me hours of time.
I'm satisfied with the settlement. I worked hard to make sure that I was fair to them and that they were fair to me.
The $100 error was as a result of the company not fully explaining how limited categories affect/relate to my deductible. They didn't explain that to me, and that was to their advantage. I don't appreciate that, but I had worked so hard on everything else to make sure I was treated fairly, that it wasn't worth my time to fight that battle.
The other $75 were truly little mathematical errors or discrepancies. I found that a little easier to let go of.
Sometimes, we need to just weigh the cost against the benefit that we will gain from any action and make a decision based on that analysis. I generally will pay any cost for accuracy. This time, I used this experience as an opportunity to practice letting go of that sometimes obsessive need! It felt GOOD!
It's important to observe ourselves for those traits and tendencies that hold us back from achieving our true potential. I know that my perfectionism and 'addiction to precision' has caused me problems in my past. It has sapped my energy and time and prevented me from doing things that would have been more beneficial to me.
This insurance claim situation provided me with an opportunity to face and practice a new, more healthy behavior. We can all find opportunities, all around us, to challenge those things in ourselves that we want to address and heal.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
What's Lost is Found
It was a really good week for me this past week. In addition to settling my insurance claim, I also found two items that I thought I had lost.
For quite some time, I have been unable to find one of my favorite pairs of earrings. They aren't super expensive, but I purchased them in my friend's store in Israel, and they are very special to me. I wear them all the time.
The last time I looked for them, was the morning of my burglary. I wanted to wear them that day, but couldn't find them. That made me fairly confident that they weren't stolen, but because so many things were taken from my dresser, I couldn't be sure. It was very unsettling to not know if they were just misplaced in the house, or if they had walked out the door with the burglars.
I went out of town last weekend for the first time since early September. I opened my glasses case to a wonderful surprise! There were my lovely earrings - nestled in with my glasses. Sometimes when I travel, I will store earrings in that case temporarily. I was elated! Such a simple discovery... so much joy! I had obviously left them in there on my last trip, and hadn't opened that case since then. What a gift!
The other item I misplaced was a receipt for a text book that I purchased at a local community college that I'm attending. I'm taking classes there and had purchased my books in advance. When I showed up at one of my classes this past week, I found that they were giving us one of the books that I'd already purchased. This book was $45 and now I had two of them! I asked the book store employee about their retun policy and was relieved to learn that I could bring back my second copy for a refund - as long as I had the receipt!
I assumed the receipt would be where all my receipts are - either in my wallet, or in my shoe box of credit card receipts (that I keep for tax purposes).
After searching high and low, I could not locate this receipt. I was frustrated, because I have a pretty consistent routine with my purchase receipts, and somehow this one had slipped through the cracks. Of course, this was THE ONE that I needed.
I worried that because of the frenzy of purchasing and receipt volume that I've had as a result of the burglary that this particular receipt might have ended up in my insurance paperwork or something. Again - an 'out of the ordinary' experience introduced a variable into my normal process of locating a misplaced item.
I was about to give up the search, but decided to check one last briefcase/bag that I had used in the past few weeks. I checked the bag, but there was nothing there. All of a sudden, I glanced down next to this briefcase to see a new canvas bag from the college bookstore! My mind flashed on the day I bought my text books when the store worker informed me that I got a free canvas bag for spending more than $25! I opened the bag... and there was the missing receipt. Another one of those wonderful moments in life when you just know that everything is OK!
In both of these circumstances, I applied a lot of energy and effort to finding the lost item. I've learned that when I lose something it is best to try to locate it as soon as possible - since my memory is fresher as to when and where I had it last.
Both of these situations were complicated by the burglary, and all that it disrupted and made 'unknown' in my life.
Yet, I found each item, right where I had left it. It was strangely reassuring to me that I could feel that hopeless at times in 'the search' and yet it all turned out ok.
For some reason this really gave my faith a boost. I would have survived if I hadn't found my earrings, or this receipt. I knew that and reminded myself of it often. I did believe it was possible to find the receipt. I was pretty sure I could the earrings eventually. Now, with both items recovered, I feel strengthened in the knowledge that often, we can recover what is lost... somehow... sometime.
I think a big key is to be OK with not finding the item, and then give the search all you've got!
For quite some time, I have been unable to find one of my favorite pairs of earrings. They aren't super expensive, but I purchased them in my friend's store in Israel, and they are very special to me. I wear them all the time.
The last time I looked for them, was the morning of my burglary. I wanted to wear them that day, but couldn't find them. That made me fairly confident that they weren't stolen, but because so many things were taken from my dresser, I couldn't be sure. It was very unsettling to not know if they were just misplaced in the house, or if they had walked out the door with the burglars.
I went out of town last weekend for the first time since early September. I opened my glasses case to a wonderful surprise! There were my lovely earrings - nestled in with my glasses. Sometimes when I travel, I will store earrings in that case temporarily. I was elated! Such a simple discovery... so much joy! I had obviously left them in there on my last trip, and hadn't opened that case since then. What a gift!
The other item I misplaced was a receipt for a text book that I purchased at a local community college that I'm attending. I'm taking classes there and had purchased my books in advance. When I showed up at one of my classes this past week, I found that they were giving us one of the books that I'd already purchased. This book was $45 and now I had two of them! I asked the book store employee about their retun policy and was relieved to learn that I could bring back my second copy for a refund - as long as I had the receipt!
I assumed the receipt would be where all my receipts are - either in my wallet, or in my shoe box of credit card receipts (that I keep for tax purposes).
After searching high and low, I could not locate this receipt. I was frustrated, because I have a pretty consistent routine with my purchase receipts, and somehow this one had slipped through the cracks. Of course, this was THE ONE that I needed.
I worried that because of the frenzy of purchasing and receipt volume that I've had as a result of the burglary that this particular receipt might have ended up in my insurance paperwork or something. Again - an 'out of the ordinary' experience introduced a variable into my normal process of locating a misplaced item.
I was about to give up the search, but decided to check one last briefcase/bag that I had used in the past few weeks. I checked the bag, but there was nothing there. All of a sudden, I glanced down next to this briefcase to see a new canvas bag from the college bookstore! My mind flashed on the day I bought my text books when the store worker informed me that I got a free canvas bag for spending more than $25! I opened the bag... and there was the missing receipt. Another one of those wonderful moments in life when you just know that everything is OK!
In both of these circumstances, I applied a lot of energy and effort to finding the lost item. I've learned that when I lose something it is best to try to locate it as soon as possible - since my memory is fresher as to when and where I had it last.
Both of these situations were complicated by the burglary, and all that it disrupted and made 'unknown' in my life.
Yet, I found each item, right where I had left it. It was strangely reassuring to me that I could feel that hopeless at times in 'the search' and yet it all turned out ok.
For some reason this really gave my faith a boost. I would have survived if I hadn't found my earrings, or this receipt. I knew that and reminded myself of it often. I did believe it was possible to find the receipt. I was pretty sure I could the earrings eventually. Now, with both items recovered, I feel strengthened in the knowledge that often, we can recover what is lost... somehow... sometime.
I think a big key is to be OK with not finding the item, and then give the search all you've got!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Surprise Resolution
Have you ever worked really hard on something for a long time and seemed to find resistence and experience slow progress at every turn? I'm sure you have, but if not, try filing a complicated and lengthy insurance claim sometime!
After the recent burglary of my home, I was forced into undertaking this major project to file the insurance claim. A lot of items were stolen in the burglary, some rare and 'exotic' as the insurance company put it.
The burden, of course, was on me to document everything taken, prove that I'd actually owned it and come up with purchase costs, dates, etc. It was a huge project.
I'm an extremely organized and detail oriented person. I'm also a compulsive record keeper! I actually pulled together most everything the insurance company needed within a week of the burglary. The exception was around my rare, antique items. Those took more time to research.
I move quickly on any project I undertake. I tend to get, shall we say 'frustrated' when others don't move as quickly as I do! I worked hard internally to remember that I was not the only person filing a claim with this insurance company at the time and that I needed to be patient. Patience is a virtue, but it is not something I have an abundance of!
As the process unfolded, I learned many things I didn't know about exclusions, limits and procedures that I had no idea were a part of my policy. A word of advice: Sit down with your insurance agent and get a full understanding of your insurance policies! It can save you a large, protracted headache should you ever need to file a claim!
Each new learning that I experienced produced more work for me to do. Each time I provided updated information to the insurance company I had to wait for them to enter the information into their system and get me an updated status on the claim. Turn around times were often quite slow.
At 6 weeks into the process I was informed that in order to actually get the 'replacement value' in my policy, I needed to actually replace the items and provide a receipt to prove that I had done so. By 6 weeks in, I had replaced many of the stolen items, but had no idea that I needed to provide the receipts to the insurance company. I had already proved I owned the items, and given them the current replacement cost for each item. This revelation created a mountain of work for me, which I plowed into with my usual abandon.
Time can seem to stand still when you really want something to be accomplished. We've all heard the saying about the watched pot never boiling.
I was a bit like this with my insurance claim. I did everything I could, as quickly as I could, but kept meeting obstacles, new requirements, delays that were outside of my control and the occaisional mistake or misunderstanding.
A good sized sum of money hung in the balance, and as I was spending fast and furious to replace stolen items, fix my car that was stolen, repair the door that was kicked in, etc. money was a bit scarce. I needed and wanted to settle this claim and get paid!
It seemed like it woudl go on forever. Last week I had submitted quite a lot of paperwork to the adjuster, and felt that at that point we were very close to being 90% settled on the claim. Once he got that information input, all we needed were the antiques and rare items to be resolved and I was close to having all the information needed for that.
I was expecting it to take another couple weeks. I was a bit disheartened.
Then something happened. Everything seemed to break loose and start to move. WIth one call and a couple faxes from the insurance adjuster, and a few return calls and emails from me... suddenly... we were DONE!
It was like a lightning strike! All that work. All that frustration. All that waiting. All that EFFORT. It seemed like the road still stretched out before me and that I had a long way to go. Suddenly I was there!
It was a little shocking actually! It happened so quickly at the end.
I was reminded of how often this is true, that an endeavor takes so much effort to get it moving and underway and then requires less energy to keep it in the air. A jet airliner uses a large % of it's fuel at take off, but keeping it in flight requires less comparitively speaking.
So many times during this process, I was afraid I wasn't going to get what I wanted or needed from the insurance company. There were scary moments when I didn't think i had what I needed to satisfy their requirements. There were other moments where I doubted their sincerity or their willingness to be fair.
Then, in that gloriously blazing moment at the end - everything came together and I got exactly what I wanted and needed. I got what was fair.
It was a great reminder once again, that when slogging through a difficult or long endeavor, it is important to have faith that it will come to completion and it can turn out ok!
I'm relieved and feel liberated in a way. Liberated both from the cumbersome process I've been involved in, and liberated from some of my tyrannical thinking that can keep me feeling frustrated and stuck, when in actuality progress is being made!
After the recent burglary of my home, I was forced into undertaking this major project to file the insurance claim. A lot of items were stolen in the burglary, some rare and 'exotic' as the insurance company put it.
The burden, of course, was on me to document everything taken, prove that I'd actually owned it and come up with purchase costs, dates, etc. It was a huge project.
I'm an extremely organized and detail oriented person. I'm also a compulsive record keeper! I actually pulled together most everything the insurance company needed within a week of the burglary. The exception was around my rare, antique items. Those took more time to research.
I move quickly on any project I undertake. I tend to get, shall we say 'frustrated' when others don't move as quickly as I do! I worked hard internally to remember that I was not the only person filing a claim with this insurance company at the time and that I needed to be patient. Patience is a virtue, but it is not something I have an abundance of!
As the process unfolded, I learned many things I didn't know about exclusions, limits and procedures that I had no idea were a part of my policy. A word of advice: Sit down with your insurance agent and get a full understanding of your insurance policies! It can save you a large, protracted headache should you ever need to file a claim!
Each new learning that I experienced produced more work for me to do. Each time I provided updated information to the insurance company I had to wait for them to enter the information into their system and get me an updated status on the claim. Turn around times were often quite slow.
At 6 weeks into the process I was informed that in order to actually get the 'replacement value' in my policy, I needed to actually replace the items and provide a receipt to prove that I had done so. By 6 weeks in, I had replaced many of the stolen items, but had no idea that I needed to provide the receipts to the insurance company. I had already proved I owned the items, and given them the current replacement cost for each item. This revelation created a mountain of work for me, which I plowed into with my usual abandon.
Time can seem to stand still when you really want something to be accomplished. We've all heard the saying about the watched pot never boiling.
I was a bit like this with my insurance claim. I did everything I could, as quickly as I could, but kept meeting obstacles, new requirements, delays that were outside of my control and the occaisional mistake or misunderstanding.
A good sized sum of money hung in the balance, and as I was spending fast and furious to replace stolen items, fix my car that was stolen, repair the door that was kicked in, etc. money was a bit scarce. I needed and wanted to settle this claim and get paid!
It seemed like it woudl go on forever. Last week I had submitted quite a lot of paperwork to the adjuster, and felt that at that point we were very close to being 90% settled on the claim. Once he got that information input, all we needed were the antiques and rare items to be resolved and I was close to having all the information needed for that.
I was expecting it to take another couple weeks. I was a bit disheartened.
Then something happened. Everything seemed to break loose and start to move. WIth one call and a couple faxes from the insurance adjuster, and a few return calls and emails from me... suddenly... we were DONE!
It was like a lightning strike! All that work. All that frustration. All that waiting. All that EFFORT. It seemed like the road still stretched out before me and that I had a long way to go. Suddenly I was there!
It was a little shocking actually! It happened so quickly at the end.
I was reminded of how often this is true, that an endeavor takes so much effort to get it moving and underway and then requires less energy to keep it in the air. A jet airliner uses a large % of it's fuel at take off, but keeping it in flight requires less comparitively speaking.
So many times during this process, I was afraid I wasn't going to get what I wanted or needed from the insurance company. There were scary moments when I didn't think i had what I needed to satisfy their requirements. There were other moments where I doubted their sincerity or their willingness to be fair.
Then, in that gloriously blazing moment at the end - everything came together and I got exactly what I wanted and needed. I got what was fair.
It was a great reminder once again, that when slogging through a difficult or long endeavor, it is important to have faith that it will come to completion and it can turn out ok!
I'm relieved and feel liberated in a way. Liberated both from the cumbersome process I've been involved in, and liberated from some of my tyrannical thinking that can keep me feeling frustrated and stuck, when in actuality progress is being made!
Friday, November 07, 2008
Is the Door Really Locked?
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had the following experience.
I arrived at my hair salon for my appointment a bit early. I needed to use the restroom and made my way to the back of the shop. In this particular salon, the door to the restroom is always left open when it is vacant. I was feeling a bit of urgency, but saw that the door was closed and sat down in a chair to wait my turn.
I sat there for three or four minutes and wondered what was taking the occupant so long! It then occurred to me to ask myself, "Do you really KNOW that it is occupied Nola?"
I got up and tried the door handle. It easily opened to an empty restroom.
I was conditioned by past history to believe that this door being closed meant that the restroom was occupied, and not open to me. I didn't even question my assumption. I just accepted the closed door as reality.
I've had similar experiences in the past, and waited much longer than 3-4 minutes before challenging my assumption and trying the door. Hey... I'm improving!
It does illustrate an important point, however. We can allow our past to dictate our expectations of the future. We can close ourselves off from experiences, based on our past experiences.
Maybe we've been hurt in relationships, or been turned down for certain types of jobs we've applied for. Maybe we were told once, twice or more that we could never attain a goal or a dream that we had. We can let those past 'closed doors' become our future if we don't challenge those automatic, knee jerk perceptions and reactions.
I once heard a teaching story about how baby elephants are trained. When an elephant is a baby, a rope is attached to their harness and they are tethered to strong posts in the ground. When the baby elephant tries to move further than a few feet from the post they are stopped by the length of the rope they are attached to. Struggle and strain as they might, they are not able to go past the length of their rope. Over time, the elephant learns the futility of this struggle and accepts the length of their rope as their domain. They simply know its impossible to go any further.
Adult elephants never forget that lesson. When there is a rope attached to their harness, it can be simply draped over a railing and the elephant will not try to move beyond the length of rope. They have been trained to KNOW their limitations. They think as soon as they get to the end of the rope, they will be forcibly stopped. They don't even try.
We can be a lot like an elephant in this regard. I had an 'elephant moment' at the bathroom door today. It pays to tug at the rope. It just might be an open door!
I arrived at my hair salon for my appointment a bit early. I needed to use the restroom and made my way to the back of the shop. In this particular salon, the door to the restroom is always left open when it is vacant. I was feeling a bit of urgency, but saw that the door was closed and sat down in a chair to wait my turn.
I sat there for three or four minutes and wondered what was taking the occupant so long! It then occurred to me to ask myself, "Do you really KNOW that it is occupied Nola?"
I got up and tried the door handle. It easily opened to an empty restroom.
I was conditioned by past history to believe that this door being closed meant that the restroom was occupied, and not open to me. I didn't even question my assumption. I just accepted the closed door as reality.
I've had similar experiences in the past, and waited much longer than 3-4 minutes before challenging my assumption and trying the door. Hey... I'm improving!
It does illustrate an important point, however. We can allow our past to dictate our expectations of the future. We can close ourselves off from experiences, based on our past experiences.
Maybe we've been hurt in relationships, or been turned down for certain types of jobs we've applied for. Maybe we were told once, twice or more that we could never attain a goal or a dream that we had. We can let those past 'closed doors' become our future if we don't challenge those automatic, knee jerk perceptions and reactions.
I once heard a teaching story about how baby elephants are trained. When an elephant is a baby, a rope is attached to their harness and they are tethered to strong posts in the ground. When the baby elephant tries to move further than a few feet from the post they are stopped by the length of the rope they are attached to. Struggle and strain as they might, they are not able to go past the length of their rope. Over time, the elephant learns the futility of this struggle and accepts the length of their rope as their domain. They simply know its impossible to go any further.
Adult elephants never forget that lesson. When there is a rope attached to their harness, it can be simply draped over a railing and the elephant will not try to move beyond the length of rope. They have been trained to KNOW their limitations. They think as soon as they get to the end of the rope, they will be forcibly stopped. They don't even try.
We can be a lot like an elephant in this regard. I had an 'elephant moment' at the bathroom door today. It pays to tug at the rope. It just might be an open door!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
The Storm Always Passes
When you find yourself in the midst of a storm, it is sometimes difficult to believe that it will eventually end. Storms can be frightening and quite unsettling.
Recently, I've been through 5 or 6 really difficult challenges, all unfolding simultanously in my life. I have, at times, felt as though I were drowning. I have been aware that my attitude was 'not helping me' and yet, it has been incredibly difficult to 'snap out of it.'
In the midst of all these struggles, I have felt, on many occaisions like I was facing unpleasant hardship no matter what direction I turned.
This has gone on for almost 2 solid months, but the dawn is now beginning to break. I've moved into more acceptance with the things beyond my control. I have taken decisive action on the situations where I can affect some change or make a difference. I have made tentative plans for how to address the situations that still loom large on the unknown horizon.
With acceptance around what 'IS' and what I cannot change, with action on the situations I can do something about, and a willingness to lay plans on those issues that I'm still not sure about... I have started to emerge from the midst of the storm.
Yesterday morning, someone close to me said, "You look downright chipper today!" I guess I haven't been looking too 'chipper' lately. I haven't been smiling much, that's for sure. There has been a deep, inner pain and discomfort bubbling away.
Yesterday it started to shift. I'm not going to lie... the election results helped lift my spirits immensely! My inner shift, however, was not merely a reaction to this outer event.
The election symbolized the dawn of a new era to me. It symbolized hope and the possibility of a different future. I think it reminded me that this was possible in my life as well.
Interestingly enough, as I bopped and bounced through my day yesterday, many things that had been 'stuck' started to move forward. Progress was made on several fronts that I have been struggling with and stalled on for weeks. Funny how that 'inner shift' and a bit of optimism worked like grease on a sticky hinge.
The storm always passes. There will always be a brighter day. Sometimes the bright spot is major, sometimes it is just a sliver of light. Light is light. Hope is hope. Grab on to it... and don't let go!
Recently, I've been through 5 or 6 really difficult challenges, all unfolding simultanously in my life. I have, at times, felt as though I were drowning. I have been aware that my attitude was 'not helping me' and yet, it has been incredibly difficult to 'snap out of it.'
In the midst of all these struggles, I have felt, on many occaisions like I was facing unpleasant hardship no matter what direction I turned.
This has gone on for almost 2 solid months, but the dawn is now beginning to break. I've moved into more acceptance with the things beyond my control. I have taken decisive action on the situations where I can affect some change or make a difference. I have made tentative plans for how to address the situations that still loom large on the unknown horizon.
With acceptance around what 'IS' and what I cannot change, with action on the situations I can do something about, and a willingness to lay plans on those issues that I'm still not sure about... I have started to emerge from the midst of the storm.
Yesterday morning, someone close to me said, "You look downright chipper today!" I guess I haven't been looking too 'chipper' lately. I haven't been smiling much, that's for sure. There has been a deep, inner pain and discomfort bubbling away.
Yesterday it started to shift. I'm not going to lie... the election results helped lift my spirits immensely! My inner shift, however, was not merely a reaction to this outer event.
The election symbolized the dawn of a new era to me. It symbolized hope and the possibility of a different future. I think it reminded me that this was possible in my life as well.
Interestingly enough, as I bopped and bounced through my day yesterday, many things that had been 'stuck' started to move forward. Progress was made on several fronts that I have been struggling with and stalled on for weeks. Funny how that 'inner shift' and a bit of optimism worked like grease on a sticky hinge.
The storm always passes. There will always be a brighter day. Sometimes the bright spot is major, sometimes it is just a sliver of light. Light is light. Hope is hope. Grab on to it... and don't let go!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
A Great Day For America!!
I've spent the night jumping up and down - interspersed with weeping. I was actually glad I was alone in my house when the networks 'called' the presidential election. I was a little embarrassed by my behavior. I was truly overwhelmed.
I wanted Obama to win, for a number of reasons, but beyond my own political reasoning, I'm truly excited that America has broken through some long standing barriers to blaze a new trail in our history.
Tonight, we elected the first president of African American descent in the history of our nation.
I am proud of my country. We will never be the same.
We have broken some incredible barriers this night and we should all be excited and proud.
The challenges before our nation are immense. There is no easy path before us. We have a lot of work to do. Obama inherits a huge mess to sort out. But even with all that...
This night marks a huge transition in the course of our nation. A healing is possible. A transformation is possible. I hope and pray that we will seize this opportunity.
I hope that, as a nation, we can come together to meet the incredible challenges faced by our nation and embrace this time as an opportunity for immense progress.
At this moment, I am fairly focused on the pure triumph of barriers shattering.
We can all celebrate the paradigm shift that has come to us all this day.
God bless America... and God bless all the people of our planet!
I wanted Obama to win, for a number of reasons, but beyond my own political reasoning, I'm truly excited that America has broken through some long standing barriers to blaze a new trail in our history.
Tonight, we elected the first president of African American descent in the history of our nation.
I am proud of my country. We will never be the same.
We have broken some incredible barriers this night and we should all be excited and proud.
The challenges before our nation are immense. There is no easy path before us. We have a lot of work to do. Obama inherits a huge mess to sort out. But even with all that...
This night marks a huge transition in the course of our nation. A healing is possible. A transformation is possible. I hope and pray that we will seize this opportunity.
I hope that, as a nation, we can come together to meet the incredible challenges faced by our nation and embrace this time as an opportunity for immense progress.
At this moment, I am fairly focused on the pure triumph of barriers shattering.
We can all celebrate the paradigm shift that has come to us all this day.
God bless America... and God bless all the people of our planet!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Election Day!
Today is election day in the USA. Democracy only works for us if we participate. I hope everyone is registered to vote... and is going to do so today!
People sometimes say they don't believe their vote counts. They don't believe their vote makes a difference. So they don't vote.
If a system is broken, the way to fix it is to participate in it and work to change it. Simply ignoring the system is like ignoring the problem.
Our country has a boat load of problems right now. We all need to focused on addressing and fixing these problems. Participating in our society as informed citizens is the way we do that.
Ignorance is not an excuse. Nor, is laziness. When we don't pay attention... bad things happen!
Get out there and VOTE! Tomorrow, we'll see what the future will bring.
People sometimes say they don't believe their vote counts. They don't believe their vote makes a difference. So they don't vote.
If a system is broken, the way to fix it is to participate in it and work to change it. Simply ignoring the system is like ignoring the problem.
Our country has a boat load of problems right now. We all need to focused on addressing and fixing these problems. Participating in our society as informed citizens is the way we do that.
Ignorance is not an excuse. Nor, is laziness. When we don't pay attention... bad things happen!
Get out there and VOTE! Tomorrow, we'll see what the future will bring.
Monday, November 03, 2008
My Sense of Humor is What Got Me Through
Sometimes, God finds ways to give us messages from most unexpected sources.
I drove to see my mom this weekend, and stopped for lunch at a fast food place on my way. As I was getting my straw and condiments from the condiment bar, a woman came up beside me to do the same. Her companion was on her way to get them a table.
The woman next to me called out, "Get a window seat!!" She looked at me, smiled and said,"That way, we can look out on lovely South Tacoma!"
Now, it's important to understand that we were in a particularly unattractive area of this town.
I smiled at her and said, "I like your attitude!"
She said, "Hey... my sense of humor is the only thing that's gotten me through in life!"
I said, "Well, that's a great way to handle life!"
As I continued on my drive I thought about what the woman had said. Who knows what her trials and challenges have been. I'm sure she's had many, just like we all have.
As I've been going through several difficult experiences lately, and am witnessing several friends go through the toughest of challenges, this woman's words really struck me.
She relied on her sense of humor and her attitude to carry her through whatever she faced. From looking at her, this practice had served her well.
I've been feeling a little 'picked on' lately, and have lost a bit of my sense of humor. I'm taking some inspiration from the lady at Taco Time... and going to work on pulling myself up by my bootstraps and performing an 'attitude adjustment' on myself!
Thanks Taco Time Lady... and Thanks to God and the Universe for delivering such a friendly reminder!
I drove to see my mom this weekend, and stopped for lunch at a fast food place on my way. As I was getting my straw and condiments from the condiment bar, a woman came up beside me to do the same. Her companion was on her way to get them a table.
The woman next to me called out, "Get a window seat!!" She looked at me, smiled and said,"That way, we can look out on lovely South Tacoma!"
Now, it's important to understand that we were in a particularly unattractive area of this town.
I smiled at her and said, "I like your attitude!"
She said, "Hey... my sense of humor is the only thing that's gotten me through in life!"
I said, "Well, that's a great way to handle life!"
As I continued on my drive I thought about what the woman had said. Who knows what her trials and challenges have been. I'm sure she's had many, just like we all have.
As I've been going through several difficult experiences lately, and am witnessing several friends go through the toughest of challenges, this woman's words really struck me.
She relied on her sense of humor and her attitude to carry her through whatever she faced. From looking at her, this practice had served her well.
I've been feeling a little 'picked on' lately, and have lost a bit of my sense of humor. I'm taking some inspiration from the lady at Taco Time... and going to work on pulling myself up by my bootstraps and performing an 'attitude adjustment' on myself!
Thanks Taco Time Lady... and Thanks to God and the Universe for delivering such a friendly reminder!
Friday, October 31, 2008
My Leaf Ritual to Celebrate the Season
I have a little ritual that I've been doing every fall for the past several years. It's one of those things that helps me to stop and smell the roses... to pause and appreciate life in its ever changing form.
During the autumn, I am always amazed at the spectacular show that nature puts on in changing the leaves from green to a vibrant rainbow of color. It is one of the greatest natural art shows around.
Each day, when I go out to lunch in the fall, I select a leave from somewhere near the restaurant I'm going to and take the leaf with me to put on the table as a little centerpiece for my meal. I do this whether I'm alone, or with other people.
The leaf on my table right now is a blazing red, Orange and yellow maple leaf. It's pretty large, with a long yellow stem on it. Stunning.
Sometimes I notice people outside noticing me picking out my leaf. Often there is a little smile of delight on their faces. It makes me happy knowing that I'm touching their heart in that moment. A grown woman, acting like a kid in a candy store picking out 'my' leaf.
One day a couple weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant, with my leaf on the edge of the table. A party came in to be seated, and a little boy, maybe 8 or 9 years old looked admiringly at my leaf as he walked by. A few minutes later, I saw him go running back by my table. I assumed he was on his way to the restroom, but about 3 minutes later, he came back by with several leaves in his hands. He took them to his table, and I watched him give each person one of his carefully selected leaves!
I was really touched by the fact that my little ritual had caught his eye, and that he had taken it upon himself to share the beauty of the autumn with his family in this way. This sort of appreciation for life and nature is, indeed, contagious! I had spread the reverence without even trying!
Next time you go out for lunch, and find yourself near a tree with it's leaves changing and falling... why not give it a try?
During the autumn, I am always amazed at the spectacular show that nature puts on in changing the leaves from green to a vibrant rainbow of color. It is one of the greatest natural art shows around.
Each day, when I go out to lunch in the fall, I select a leave from somewhere near the restaurant I'm going to and take the leaf with me to put on the table as a little centerpiece for my meal. I do this whether I'm alone, or with other people.
The leaf on my table right now is a blazing red, Orange and yellow maple leaf. It's pretty large, with a long yellow stem on it. Stunning.
Sometimes I notice people outside noticing me picking out my leaf. Often there is a little smile of delight on their faces. It makes me happy knowing that I'm touching their heart in that moment. A grown woman, acting like a kid in a candy store picking out 'my' leaf.
One day a couple weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant, with my leaf on the edge of the table. A party came in to be seated, and a little boy, maybe 8 or 9 years old looked admiringly at my leaf as he walked by. A few minutes later, I saw him go running back by my table. I assumed he was on his way to the restroom, but about 3 minutes later, he came back by with several leaves in his hands. He took them to his table, and I watched him give each person one of his carefully selected leaves!
I was really touched by the fact that my little ritual had caught his eye, and that he had taken it upon himself to share the beauty of the autumn with his family in this way. This sort of appreciation for life and nature is, indeed, contagious! I had spread the reverence without even trying!
Next time you go out for lunch, and find yourself near a tree with it's leaves changing and falling... why not give it a try?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Outer Doorway to the Inner Cause
I'm a believer in attacking the cause of problem, rather than merely wrestling with the symptom. What I'm about to say might seem like a contradiction to that fundamental approach to life, but bear with me.
I believe that our outer circumstances reflect something about our inner state of consciousness. I can't remember who sings the song, but I remember a particular line that illustrates this point, "I know my life's a mess 'cause all my clothes need pressing." There is some truth to that idea!
When we are scattered and cluttered on the inside, our outer life will probably look a bit scattered and cluttered as well.
There was a time in my life when I simply could not keep my car clean. It was always dirty on the outside and always filled with 'my life' on the inside. Garbage on the floor, items that I never got around to taking into the house... it was simply a mess. It's not like that anymore. True, sometimes it gets a bit dirty, and it isn't always spotless on the inside, but as the saying goes... "I've come a long way... baby!"
In order to address our issues in life, we can't simply wrestle with the outer circumstances and expect to create profound and lasting change. It just doesn't work that way. What fuels our issues is a matter of consciousness and our deeply held thoughts, feelings and beliefs. We have to alter ourselves at that level in order to affect change.
I used to go to a place of business regularly that was immaculately clean, spotless and organized. Having read what I just wrote above, one might think this automatically implies that the person or persons responsible for this place are healthy on the inside (if their environment is a reflection of their inner landscape). The truth is, however, that the level of cleanliness and 'order' in this particular place expressed a pathology of its own. There was a compulsiveness that oozed through the external order. People got bent out of shape, for example, if the toilet paper was put on the roll backwards. Tension was in the air when things weren't 'just so' on the outside. This too, is unhealthy.
We must 'read' the outer environment carefully to see what it tells us about ourselves and our inner landscape.
The true work must be done on the inside, in order to affect lasting change on the outside. That being said, however, there is a way to 'work with' our external reality in order to poke at, and address, the inner causal issues.
When I worked on my car clutter issue, for example, I started by making myself clean out the car regularly. I threw away the trash, took things into the house, and took the car through a car wash as often as I possibly could. I made this 'outer' effort a statement about my willingness to take the time and effort to address the 'inner' state of consciousness that was creating the mess.
It brought stuff up in me when I cleaned out the car. I felt picked on in a way. I never felt like I had the time to do the cleaning process. I felt that the messiness showed how busy and productive a person I was. All of these types of thoughts would come to my mind when I was cleaning. It revealed a lot to me about the 'inner origins' of the 'outer mess.'
I see this sort of 'working with the external world' as a 'doorway in' to the real problem. We will think and feel all sorts of things when we start to force ourselves to address the external reality. Those are our clues as to the deeper issues at work in sustaining the outer condition that we are troubled by. We need to pay attention to those clues and then work to address them.
I think there is a lot to be said for taking action on the outer reality in order to stir up and illuminate the inner, causal factors.
If you have an area of your life that is out of control or 'messy' I encourage you to give this a try. Whether it is a physical reality like a messy desk, closet, car or house... or something like your checkbook, finances or a relationship... explore the outer doorway as a path to actually resolving the issue. It's a lot of work and sometimes can be quite uncomfortable, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
I believe that our outer circumstances reflect something about our inner state of consciousness. I can't remember who sings the song, but I remember a particular line that illustrates this point, "I know my life's a mess 'cause all my clothes need pressing." There is some truth to that idea!
When we are scattered and cluttered on the inside, our outer life will probably look a bit scattered and cluttered as well.
There was a time in my life when I simply could not keep my car clean. It was always dirty on the outside and always filled with 'my life' on the inside. Garbage on the floor, items that I never got around to taking into the house... it was simply a mess. It's not like that anymore. True, sometimes it gets a bit dirty, and it isn't always spotless on the inside, but as the saying goes... "I've come a long way... baby!"
In order to address our issues in life, we can't simply wrestle with the outer circumstances and expect to create profound and lasting change. It just doesn't work that way. What fuels our issues is a matter of consciousness and our deeply held thoughts, feelings and beliefs. We have to alter ourselves at that level in order to affect change.
I used to go to a place of business regularly that was immaculately clean, spotless and organized. Having read what I just wrote above, one might think this automatically implies that the person or persons responsible for this place are healthy on the inside (if their environment is a reflection of their inner landscape). The truth is, however, that the level of cleanliness and 'order' in this particular place expressed a pathology of its own. There was a compulsiveness that oozed through the external order. People got bent out of shape, for example, if the toilet paper was put on the roll backwards. Tension was in the air when things weren't 'just so' on the outside. This too, is unhealthy.
We must 'read' the outer environment carefully to see what it tells us about ourselves and our inner landscape.
The true work must be done on the inside, in order to affect lasting change on the outside. That being said, however, there is a way to 'work with' our external reality in order to poke at, and address, the inner causal issues.
When I worked on my car clutter issue, for example, I started by making myself clean out the car regularly. I threw away the trash, took things into the house, and took the car through a car wash as often as I possibly could. I made this 'outer' effort a statement about my willingness to take the time and effort to address the 'inner' state of consciousness that was creating the mess.
It brought stuff up in me when I cleaned out the car. I felt picked on in a way. I never felt like I had the time to do the cleaning process. I felt that the messiness showed how busy and productive a person I was. All of these types of thoughts would come to my mind when I was cleaning. It revealed a lot to me about the 'inner origins' of the 'outer mess.'
I see this sort of 'working with the external world' as a 'doorway in' to the real problem. We will think and feel all sorts of things when we start to force ourselves to address the external reality. Those are our clues as to the deeper issues at work in sustaining the outer condition that we are troubled by. We need to pay attention to those clues and then work to address them.
I think there is a lot to be said for taking action on the outer reality in order to stir up and illuminate the inner, causal factors.
If you have an area of your life that is out of control or 'messy' I encourage you to give this a try. Whether it is a physical reality like a messy desk, closet, car or house... or something like your checkbook, finances or a relationship... explore the outer doorway as a path to actually resolving the issue. It's a lot of work and sometimes can be quite uncomfortable, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Cost of Paranoia
I must be on a 'password' subject matter kick. I'm going to write about passwords again today, but this time from a different perspective.
After the burglary in my home, I went through a couple weeks where I was hyper sensitive about security issues. OK, one might even say I was a bit paranoid!
In the 24 hours after the theft of my laptop computer I changed every online password that I had. I carefully documented all of the new passwords, and they are stored in a secure location. This was not paranoid, but a necessity.
When I got my new computer and started setting it up, I decided to change the passwords on my email files. Not a bad idea, but my paranoid tendencies were in such full swing that I changed my passwords, but would not write them down, even temporarily, until I could add them to the secure list. I was afraid to write the passwords down on a scrap of paper and have it 'in existence' in my house for a couple hours! I decided that I would remember the passwords, and add them to the secure list later.
Guess what? Even a few hours later, I went back to log in to my email... and I couldn't do it! I could not remember the passwords! First off, I changed them while in a state of mind that is not my norm. I was extremely stressed and probably a little in shock from the burglary and all. The main problem, however, was my deep fear that I was placing my self (or my email in this case) in jeopardy by simply writing down the passwords! For goodness sake... I own a shredder and could have destroyed the piece of paper within a few seconds if need be. I simply didn't want to write it down. Not anywhere. As a result, I couldn't get into my own email for several hours, until someone helped me crack the password. It was actually frightening to me how easy that was, by the way.
At any rate, this entire story was a great reminder that we can get so crazed about the security of our things (and our selves) that we can lock ourselves out of our own life! What a metaphor. We can try to make ourselves 'safe' and 'secure' and paralyze our ability to live life.
I'm reminded of the stories I've heard about W.C. Fields and how he was so worried about someone swindling him out of his wealth that he hid all sorts of assets throughout his life. In the end, many of these assets (bank accounts, etc) were never found, and his heirs did not receive them. In the end, he swindled himself, because of his paranoia about the 'threats' in the larger world. He became his own worst nightmare.
That's what happened to me that day with my passwords. I was the problem... not any nebulous 'threat' in the larger world. The danger lurked inside me.
I'm a big believer in being prepared and taking appropriate precautions to protect ourselves and our things. We do, however, need to constantly monitor ourselves for the occasions when we cross that line and start to over do it and damage our quality of life. Paranoia can be costly in the physical, emotional and mental realms. Let's not go there!
After the burglary in my home, I went through a couple weeks where I was hyper sensitive about security issues. OK, one might even say I was a bit paranoid!
In the 24 hours after the theft of my laptop computer I changed every online password that I had. I carefully documented all of the new passwords, and they are stored in a secure location. This was not paranoid, but a necessity.
When I got my new computer and started setting it up, I decided to change the passwords on my email files. Not a bad idea, but my paranoid tendencies were in such full swing that I changed my passwords, but would not write them down, even temporarily, until I could add them to the secure list. I was afraid to write the passwords down on a scrap of paper and have it 'in existence' in my house for a couple hours! I decided that I would remember the passwords, and add them to the secure list later.
Guess what? Even a few hours later, I went back to log in to my email... and I couldn't do it! I could not remember the passwords! First off, I changed them while in a state of mind that is not my norm. I was extremely stressed and probably a little in shock from the burglary and all. The main problem, however, was my deep fear that I was placing my self (or my email in this case) in jeopardy by simply writing down the passwords! For goodness sake... I own a shredder and could have destroyed the piece of paper within a few seconds if need be. I simply didn't want to write it down. Not anywhere. As a result, I couldn't get into my own email for several hours, until someone helped me crack the password. It was actually frightening to me how easy that was, by the way.
At any rate, this entire story was a great reminder that we can get so crazed about the security of our things (and our selves) that we can lock ourselves out of our own life! What a metaphor. We can try to make ourselves 'safe' and 'secure' and paralyze our ability to live life.
I'm reminded of the stories I've heard about W.C. Fields and how he was so worried about someone swindling him out of his wealth that he hid all sorts of assets throughout his life. In the end, many of these assets (bank accounts, etc) were never found, and his heirs did not receive them. In the end, he swindled himself, because of his paranoia about the 'threats' in the larger world. He became his own worst nightmare.
That's what happened to me that day with my passwords. I was the problem... not any nebulous 'threat' in the larger world. The danger lurked inside me.
I'm a big believer in being prepared and taking appropriate precautions to protect ourselves and our things. We do, however, need to constantly monitor ourselves for the occasions when we cross that line and start to over do it and damage our quality of life. Paranoia can be costly in the physical, emotional and mental realms. Let's not go there!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Getting the Right Password
If you've used a computer for any length of time, you are familiar with the challenge of using passwords. Today's technological world is fairly complex when it comes to keeping our data safe and secure. Passwords are one of the mechanisms by which we accomplish this goal.
As a person who uses passwords dozens of times every day, I am often reminded of the power that they have.
I was sitting in a restaurant the other day, trying to use the free wireless internet that they provide. I go to this particular place frequently, and use their internet access a lot. On this particular day, I could not log in for some reason. They change their password from time to time, but I had verified with my waiter that I was indeed using the correct password. I couldn't get on to the internet. Finally I gave up.
The next time I was in the restaurant, the manager came to talk to me about the problems I'd experienced a few days prior. He told me that the password had been changed, but they weren't informed. He apologized for the inconvenience.
That small little word is the key to so much. Without the right password, you can't get where you want to go or access what you need.
A lot of things in life have their own 'password' that is required in order to accomplish what we desire. A lot of times the 'password' is particular knowledge or experience. Sometimes that password is our attitude towards something. The 'key' or password to where we want to go is something that we have to find, nurture and maintain properly in order to turn our goals and dreams into reality.
I'm a big jigsaw puzzle fan. The same principle applies here. You can't simply pick up a piece and randomly fit it in to the puzzle. Each puzzle piece has only one place that it belongs. It is the 'key' or the 'password' for that particular part of the puzzle. None other will do. Just as in the jigsaw puzzle, where sometimes you must try many pieces in one spot before you find the right one, so it is in life. We can use clues in the puzzle to help us find the right piece... the color, size and shape of the hole we are trying to fill can all help us locate and install the right piece.
Finding the missing piece, the key or the password to whatever situation we are facing in life is a process. We have to stay determined and never give up. The key exists. The password is there. We simply have to keep looking for it until we find it. Then... and only then... the door will unlock and we can move into the realm we seek to enter.
As a person who uses passwords dozens of times every day, I am often reminded of the power that they have.
I was sitting in a restaurant the other day, trying to use the free wireless internet that they provide. I go to this particular place frequently, and use their internet access a lot. On this particular day, I could not log in for some reason. They change their password from time to time, but I had verified with my waiter that I was indeed using the correct password. I couldn't get on to the internet. Finally I gave up.
The next time I was in the restaurant, the manager came to talk to me about the problems I'd experienced a few days prior. He told me that the password had been changed, but they weren't informed. He apologized for the inconvenience.
That small little word is the key to so much. Without the right password, you can't get where you want to go or access what you need.
A lot of things in life have their own 'password' that is required in order to accomplish what we desire. A lot of times the 'password' is particular knowledge or experience. Sometimes that password is our attitude towards something. The 'key' or password to where we want to go is something that we have to find, nurture and maintain properly in order to turn our goals and dreams into reality.
I'm a big jigsaw puzzle fan. The same principle applies here. You can't simply pick up a piece and randomly fit it in to the puzzle. Each puzzle piece has only one place that it belongs. It is the 'key' or the 'password' for that particular part of the puzzle. None other will do. Just as in the jigsaw puzzle, where sometimes you must try many pieces in one spot before you find the right one, so it is in life. We can use clues in the puzzle to help us find the right piece... the color, size and shape of the hole we are trying to fill can all help us locate and install the right piece.
Finding the missing piece, the key or the password to whatever situation we are facing in life is a process. We have to stay determined and never give up. The key exists. The password is there. We simply have to keep looking for it until we find it. Then... and only then... the door will unlock and we can move into the realm we seek to enter.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Satisfaction of Completion
This past Saturday was a big day for me. I had a major day of 'completion' in my life.
I completed the 're-setup' of my new laptop. I wrote about this last week when I was still 'in process' with it. I had to do the setup procedure twice, because my first hard drive was defective. Late in the afternoon on Saturday, I moved the final files to my new computer and the project was completed. I was filled with a sense of relief, satisfaction and pride. It was a big job. It was a job I would have rather not had to tackle. It was something I really didn't have the time to do. It was essential, and it was time critical. When I crossed the last item off my task list (there were 25 items on the list initially), I felt a wave of contentment sweep through my system. I'm not sure there is any better feeling than, "I DID IT!"
As if that weren't enough, I set out to work in my garden later that same day. The burglary of my home threw a spanner into my weeding plans. I should have been done with my last weeding pass before October arrived. Here is is near the end of the month, and I was still working to get the last weeds pulled before the leaves cover the ground and it becomes too cold to work outside. I was playing beat the clock... and beat the leaves! I didn't know that I would finish yesterday. Usually I work for 30 minutes or an hour, depending on how much time I have any given day. This particular day, as I worked, I realized that if I put in 2 hours, I could finish the task! I knew I was close, but I didn't realize it was that close!
When I pulled that last weed, I felt another wave of the satisfaction I'd felt 2 hours before when I completed my computer set up. I DID IT! I realized that all of the doubts I'd had about whether I could make it or not... were at last disproved. I was done. It was accomplished. I could take that item off my to do list until March rolls around. Thank goodness!
I'm going to get a nice little reward for finishing my yard work. The weather here is supposed to be really nice for the next several days. Now, I get to simply enjoy the beauty of these days without having to 'make hay while the sun shines' and pull weeds. How nice is that?
I wouldn't have made either of these goals if I hadn't plugged away at the tasks. As for the weeding, the days have been colder lately, and sometimes an hour was too hard on my hands, so I would only require that I work 30 minutes outside. All those little 30 minute chunks added up! I often felt a little guilty that I wasn't working 'my full hour,' but I kept myself from descending into an 'all or nothing' mentality and did what I could do.
The same applied to the computer project. I simply used available time to accomplish a task that would fit in that window, and eventually all 25 items on the list were crossed off and completed.
I've been having some struggles lately, so I guess the universe decided that I needed to have some successes. Completion is sweet. Savor it when it comes your way. As I sit here in my favorite restaurant, using my new (and fully set up) computer, looking out at the beautiful fall day... I'm reveling in my successes... and the satisfaction of completion.
I completed the 're-setup' of my new laptop. I wrote about this last week when I was still 'in process' with it. I had to do the setup procedure twice, because my first hard drive was defective. Late in the afternoon on Saturday, I moved the final files to my new computer and the project was completed. I was filled with a sense of relief, satisfaction and pride. It was a big job. It was a job I would have rather not had to tackle. It was something I really didn't have the time to do. It was essential, and it was time critical. When I crossed the last item off my task list (there were 25 items on the list initially), I felt a wave of contentment sweep through my system. I'm not sure there is any better feeling than, "I DID IT!"
As if that weren't enough, I set out to work in my garden later that same day. The burglary of my home threw a spanner into my weeding plans. I should have been done with my last weeding pass before October arrived. Here is is near the end of the month, and I was still working to get the last weeds pulled before the leaves cover the ground and it becomes too cold to work outside. I was playing beat the clock... and beat the leaves! I didn't know that I would finish yesterday. Usually I work for 30 minutes or an hour, depending on how much time I have any given day. This particular day, as I worked, I realized that if I put in 2 hours, I could finish the task! I knew I was close, but I didn't realize it was that close!
When I pulled that last weed, I felt another wave of the satisfaction I'd felt 2 hours before when I completed my computer set up. I DID IT! I realized that all of the doubts I'd had about whether I could make it or not... were at last disproved. I was done. It was accomplished. I could take that item off my to do list until March rolls around. Thank goodness!
I'm going to get a nice little reward for finishing my yard work. The weather here is supposed to be really nice for the next several days. Now, I get to simply enjoy the beauty of these days without having to 'make hay while the sun shines' and pull weeds. How nice is that?
I wouldn't have made either of these goals if I hadn't plugged away at the tasks. As for the weeding, the days have been colder lately, and sometimes an hour was too hard on my hands, so I would only require that I work 30 minutes outside. All those little 30 minute chunks added up! I often felt a little guilty that I wasn't working 'my full hour,' but I kept myself from descending into an 'all or nothing' mentality and did what I could do.
The same applied to the computer project. I simply used available time to accomplish a task that would fit in that window, and eventually all 25 items on the list were crossed off and completed.
I've been having some struggles lately, so I guess the universe decided that I needed to have some successes. Completion is sweet. Savor it when it comes your way. As I sit here in my favorite restaurant, using my new (and fully set up) computer, looking out at the beautiful fall day... I'm reveling in my successes... and the satisfaction of completion.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
When You Hear the Buzz, Don't Hesitate!
What is it about human nature that makes us repeat our mistakes over and over and over again? Sometimes I truly marvel at my ability to shoot myself in the foot.
If you've been reading my blog recently, you know that my house was burglarized and my laptop was one of the items that was stolen. I had to purchase a replacement and reinstall and reconfigure my 'universe.' It was complicated by the fact that I didn't have the old computer sitting next to me to refer to as I tried to remember what I needed to install, and what settings I needed to change. It took me a good 2 days to restore my system to the place where I, once again, had everything I needed in it's place.
I was obviouusly eager to get this computer back up and running. For one thing, it truly is the center of my operational universe! I can't get very far in my functioning without it! Also, with each part of my life that I restore to 'pre-burglary' status, I put that experience a little further behind me. Those two motivations propelled me to accomplish the task as quickly as possible.
There was only one little problem. From the first time I turned on the machine, I had noticed that I had an intermittent noise emanating from the computer itself. It sounded a little like a bee trapped in a jar. Ok, well, maybe it was a little more 'mechanical' than that. The noise occurred at least a time or two every hour. At first I wasn't sure if it was coming from the computer itself, or the media base/docking station I had it in. It might have been coming from the cooling pad that the machine sits on. Whatever it was, instead of dealing with it immediately, I barrelled ahead in setting up the machine.
Over the next couple of weeks I determined that it was, in fact, coming from the computer, most likely the hard drive. I had suspected that immediately, but in my rush to 'get back to normal' I ignored my intuitive flash and pressed on.
I finally called Dell a few days ago, and lo and behold, they too suspected the hard drive and shipped me a new disk drive overnight. I was to replace the drive myself and return the defective one to them.
This is a relatively easy mechanical procedure, although I needed help to accomplish it!
What this means, however, is that I am now in the midst of the set up process... all... over.... again!!!
My willingness to deny the reality of the problem and plow ahead in setting up my machine basically cost me two days of effort. I'm doing all of those same procedures over again now and once again, doing with without benefit of a completely set up machine to refer to. It's easier this time, since so much is still fresh in my mind, but it is still a huge chunk of time that I really didn't have to waste.
I knew I had a problem. I was even right in what I suspected the problem to be. I knew that if I was right, the hard drive would most likely need to be replaced, and I'd have to completely set up and configure my system again. Yet, I somehow ignored all that information as I charted my couse. Amazing!
What is it that makes us, as humans, ignore obvious signs that are telling us what we need to do? We just keep going down the path we're on, because for the moment... it seems easier. Taking the easy way out rarely works. We usually end up having to take the longer, harder path anyway.
I must be on a roll with this pattern, because I had another example of it show up in my life this week.
I was traveling between two towns to get from one appointment to another. It was a beautiful fall day, with stunning autumn leaves in every direction I turned. I decided that I wanted to take a bit of a scenic drive along a local lake as I made my journey. As I made my way towards the scenic road, I decided to take a short cut and drive through a local park. You aren't supposed to drive through this park. They have very clear signs up warning against 'thru traffic.' It had been at least 5 years since the last time that I 'cut through' this park, but I decided that I would do it that day. Partly because I needed the few extra minutes it would save me and partly because it was a beautiful day and I knew that driving through the park would be therapeutic.
As I entered the park, I saw a sign I've never seen before. In addition to the "No Thru Traffic" sign, there was another sign posted that said, "Proof of paid parking required at East gate." Guess where I was heading? To the East gate, of course! Now, one would think that I would have just turned around at that moment and exited the park the way I came in. Not me. I kept driving towards the east gate, feeling annoyed at this new rule, wondering if it was true, wondering if I could talk my way 'out' of the park, etc. I got almost to the east exit gate before I finally chickened out and turned around. Now, not only did I have to take the long way around to get to my scenic route... I also had to backtrack my entire shortcut in order to do it!
I was a little late for my appointment because of this. Again, I knew 5 years ago that you aren't supposed to drive through this park. I tried it anyway, but the really important point of the story is that even after I saw the new rule and new warning sign... I KEPT DRIVING! Defiantly blazing ahead in the wrong direction, as though that would somehow make the wrong direction right.
Oh... my... goodness.
Guess the universe is trying to teach me a little lesson about paying attention and, more importantly, acting on the messages I'm receiving.
OK... I get it! Let's hope I do a little better on the next test.
If you've been reading my blog recently, you know that my house was burglarized and my laptop was one of the items that was stolen. I had to purchase a replacement and reinstall and reconfigure my 'universe.' It was complicated by the fact that I didn't have the old computer sitting next to me to refer to as I tried to remember what I needed to install, and what settings I needed to change. It took me a good 2 days to restore my system to the place where I, once again, had everything I needed in it's place.
I was obviouusly eager to get this computer back up and running. For one thing, it truly is the center of my operational universe! I can't get very far in my functioning without it! Also, with each part of my life that I restore to 'pre-burglary' status, I put that experience a little further behind me. Those two motivations propelled me to accomplish the task as quickly as possible.
There was only one little problem. From the first time I turned on the machine, I had noticed that I had an intermittent noise emanating from the computer itself. It sounded a little like a bee trapped in a jar. Ok, well, maybe it was a little more 'mechanical' than that. The noise occurred at least a time or two every hour. At first I wasn't sure if it was coming from the computer itself, or the media base/docking station I had it in. It might have been coming from the cooling pad that the machine sits on. Whatever it was, instead of dealing with it immediately, I barrelled ahead in setting up the machine.
Over the next couple of weeks I determined that it was, in fact, coming from the computer, most likely the hard drive. I had suspected that immediately, but in my rush to 'get back to normal' I ignored my intuitive flash and pressed on.
I finally called Dell a few days ago, and lo and behold, they too suspected the hard drive and shipped me a new disk drive overnight. I was to replace the drive myself and return the defective one to them.
This is a relatively easy mechanical procedure, although I needed help to accomplish it!
What this means, however, is that I am now in the midst of the set up process... all... over.... again!!!
My willingness to deny the reality of the problem and plow ahead in setting up my machine basically cost me two days of effort. I'm doing all of those same procedures over again now and once again, doing with without benefit of a completely set up machine to refer to. It's easier this time, since so much is still fresh in my mind, but it is still a huge chunk of time that I really didn't have to waste.
I knew I had a problem. I was even right in what I suspected the problem to be. I knew that if I was right, the hard drive would most likely need to be replaced, and I'd have to completely set up and configure my system again. Yet, I somehow ignored all that information as I charted my couse. Amazing!
What is it that makes us, as humans, ignore obvious signs that are telling us what we need to do? We just keep going down the path we're on, because for the moment... it seems easier. Taking the easy way out rarely works. We usually end up having to take the longer, harder path anyway.
I must be on a roll with this pattern, because I had another example of it show up in my life this week.
I was traveling between two towns to get from one appointment to another. It was a beautiful fall day, with stunning autumn leaves in every direction I turned. I decided that I wanted to take a bit of a scenic drive along a local lake as I made my journey. As I made my way towards the scenic road, I decided to take a short cut and drive through a local park. You aren't supposed to drive through this park. They have very clear signs up warning against 'thru traffic.' It had been at least 5 years since the last time that I 'cut through' this park, but I decided that I would do it that day. Partly because I needed the few extra minutes it would save me and partly because it was a beautiful day and I knew that driving through the park would be therapeutic.
As I entered the park, I saw a sign I've never seen before. In addition to the "No Thru Traffic" sign, there was another sign posted that said, "Proof of paid parking required at East gate." Guess where I was heading? To the East gate, of course! Now, one would think that I would have just turned around at that moment and exited the park the way I came in. Not me. I kept driving towards the east gate, feeling annoyed at this new rule, wondering if it was true, wondering if I could talk my way 'out' of the park, etc. I got almost to the east exit gate before I finally chickened out and turned around. Now, not only did I have to take the long way around to get to my scenic route... I also had to backtrack my entire shortcut in order to do it!
I was a little late for my appointment because of this. Again, I knew 5 years ago that you aren't supposed to drive through this park. I tried it anyway, but the really important point of the story is that even after I saw the new rule and new warning sign... I KEPT DRIVING! Defiantly blazing ahead in the wrong direction, as though that would somehow make the wrong direction right.
Oh... my... goodness.
Guess the universe is trying to teach me a little lesson about paying attention and, more importantly, acting on the messages I'm receiving.
OK... I get it! Let's hope I do a little better on the next test.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Vacuuming on Sunday Morning
This past Sunday I went early to a restaurant I eat at regularly. I was the first customer, as I frequently am. As I was seated at table '95' (my favorite) I could hear the sound of a vacuum cleaner. The manager of the restaurant approached me as she vacuumed. She was quite a sight, with her vacuum cleaner strapped to her back. She looked a little like one of the characters in Ghost Busters! She said, "I got a late start this morning!" We proceeded to joke about her Ghost Busters costume.
I had a flashback to my teenage years when I worked for Jan's Food Mill in Forest Grove Oregon. I worked there all through high school as a dishwasher, cook, hostess and occasional waitress.
On Sunday mornings, we had a brunch. I was the Sunday morning seating hostess. Part of my duties, among many, were to come in early and vacuum the dining room, make sure all the tables were clean and set properly for brunch, etc. Hence the connection to my manager friend and her vacuum cleaner this morning -- at least in my mind!
I really enjoyed working at that restaurant. I had a lot of responsibility there, and learned the value of hard work. It felt good to earn my own money and pay for my own school clothes. I was also able to buy (and fuel) a car. Those early days of self reliance have carried me far in life.
I worry a bit about how insulated a lot of teenagers today are from the work world. I see many kids not having part time jobs. Some are super involved in sports or other extra curricular activities. Some complain about being board in school and opt for skipping grades, rather than simply finding ways to make their time in school more challenging.
I'm a big believer in teenagers working and earning at least a part of their way. I'd like to see more of them saving for their own college expenses and taking responsibility for managing their time between school work and paid employment. It creates a firm foundation for the future.
I did participate in a few extra curricular activities when I was a teenager, although I must admit that they fizzled away as I worked more. I still believe it was a good trade off. I know, in some ways, I missed some care free aspects of my youth. I gained something I feel is more valuable in making my way in the world as a trade off, and I believe that was a good trade.
Having everything done for you, or given to you when you are young can create a sense of unrealistic expectation and entitlement that can hinder a person in their life experience. I hope all parents consider that when helping their children make decisions about how to spend their time in their teenage years. Increasing responsibility for oneself is part of the growing up process. Too many kids leave the nest too dependent on mom and dad for their 'daily bread.' Let's create healthy, confident and capable kids!
I had a flashback to my teenage years when I worked for Jan's Food Mill in Forest Grove Oregon. I worked there all through high school as a dishwasher, cook, hostess and occasional waitress.
On Sunday mornings, we had a brunch. I was the Sunday morning seating hostess. Part of my duties, among many, were to come in early and vacuum the dining room, make sure all the tables were clean and set properly for brunch, etc. Hence the connection to my manager friend and her vacuum cleaner this morning -- at least in my mind!
I really enjoyed working at that restaurant. I had a lot of responsibility there, and learned the value of hard work. It felt good to earn my own money and pay for my own school clothes. I was also able to buy (and fuel) a car. Those early days of self reliance have carried me far in life.
I worry a bit about how insulated a lot of teenagers today are from the work world. I see many kids not having part time jobs. Some are super involved in sports or other extra curricular activities. Some complain about being board in school and opt for skipping grades, rather than simply finding ways to make their time in school more challenging.
I'm a big believer in teenagers working and earning at least a part of their way. I'd like to see more of them saving for their own college expenses and taking responsibility for managing their time between school work and paid employment. It creates a firm foundation for the future.
I did participate in a few extra curricular activities when I was a teenager, although I must admit that they fizzled away as I worked more. I still believe it was a good trade off. I know, in some ways, I missed some care free aspects of my youth. I gained something I feel is more valuable in making my way in the world as a trade off, and I believe that was a good trade.
Having everything done for you, or given to you when you are young can create a sense of unrealistic expectation and entitlement that can hinder a person in their life experience. I hope all parents consider that when helping their children make decisions about how to spend their time in their teenage years. Increasing responsibility for oneself is part of the growing up process. Too many kids leave the nest too dependent on mom and dad for their 'daily bread.' Let's create healthy, confident and capable kids!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Relapse is Inevitable
In all processes of recovery, the experience of relapse is pretty much unavoidable. This is as true of recovery from addictions as it is of physical conditions.
I've been struggling with a tendon injury for the past 3 months. Who knew that something so small, as a little tendon near my elbow, could rock my world for so long?
I injured myself by 'pushing through pain' to achieve some gardening goals. I could never have imagined how my life would be disrupted by insisting that I meet that goal on time!
Slowly, but surely, my arm has been getting better, but every once in a while, I do something that is a bit too much for it, and it 'flares up.' I have to give it a little time before I regain that lost ground. It is all part of the process.
As frustrating as the process has been, particularly the length of time it is taking to complete, this one has been pretty understandable.
My back, however, is another story. I've struggled with pain in my low back/hip area for many years. I worked with a chiropractor for a year and improved a lot, and now have been working with a physical therapist for 6 months and it is markedly improved! I'd say I'm at ab out 85% of my pre-injury as far as pain free time is concerned.
Two weeks ago, however, I had a major set back. I've traced it (with the help of my personal trainer) to a rather vigorous core/ab workout I did. It was just a little too much for the unstable area of my back, and it whipped me back to the early days of pain that I suffered with for so long.
Herein lies one of the other aspects of relapse. I was terrified! I couldn't believe that I could so easily 'go back there' to that level of pain. Less than one hour of activity seemingly erased all the gain I'd made in the past year and a half. I was frustrated and really scared. What did this mean to my future? Would I ever really be 'well?' How long would it take me to get back to where I was only days before? All that swirled in my mind as I visited the physical therapist twice in a week to try to untangle the destabalized mess in my back.
After only 1 week, I'm pretty much already back to where I was before that fateful 'ab/core day.' How cool is that?
I can see now that my fears, while very real, were not based in a true grasp of the situation. Something did indeed get shifted out of place, and it did take some work to get it back, but the 'progress' I had made in the past 18 months was not lost in that one activity. It was a setback, but did not erase all I had accomplished.
This is the most important thing to remember in relapse. The climb back to where we were will not take us what it took the first time around. We knokw more. We have earned our place. The restoration process will go faster!
There are lessons to be learned in relapse. My biggest lesson is that I still need to be religious about my core stability strengthening exercises. Sometimes, because the pain is so radically reduced, I get lazy and don't do my exercises. There is a price to pay for laziness. Doing what I know I need to do will firm up the foundation upon which my recovery is situated. I may 'feel' better, but there is still work to be done.
It's kind of like taking antibiotics to kill an infection. You might start feeling better after a day or two, but the infection is not completely gone yet. One needs to finish the entire course of treatment to make sure the infection is truly gone and isn't lurking in the system somewhere.
Relapse can teach us that point. We need to keep doing the work to stay on a path of recovery and healing, even when we are looking and feeling lots better.
We certainly don't want to invite relapses into our processes, but if we can embrace relapse when it does occur, our recovery process can actaully be fortified by it!
Happy recovery!
I've been struggling with a tendon injury for the past 3 months. Who knew that something so small, as a little tendon near my elbow, could rock my world for so long?
I injured myself by 'pushing through pain' to achieve some gardening goals. I could never have imagined how my life would be disrupted by insisting that I meet that goal on time!
Slowly, but surely, my arm has been getting better, but every once in a while, I do something that is a bit too much for it, and it 'flares up.' I have to give it a little time before I regain that lost ground. It is all part of the process.
As frustrating as the process has been, particularly the length of time it is taking to complete, this one has been pretty understandable.
My back, however, is another story. I've struggled with pain in my low back/hip area for many years. I worked with a chiropractor for a year and improved a lot, and now have been working with a physical therapist for 6 months and it is markedly improved! I'd say I'm at ab out 85% of my pre-injury as far as pain free time is concerned.
Two weeks ago, however, I had a major set back. I've traced it (with the help of my personal trainer) to a rather vigorous core/ab workout I did. It was just a little too much for the unstable area of my back, and it whipped me back to the early days of pain that I suffered with for so long.
Herein lies one of the other aspects of relapse. I was terrified! I couldn't believe that I could so easily 'go back there' to that level of pain. Less than one hour of activity seemingly erased all the gain I'd made in the past year and a half. I was frustrated and really scared. What did this mean to my future? Would I ever really be 'well?' How long would it take me to get back to where I was only days before? All that swirled in my mind as I visited the physical therapist twice in a week to try to untangle the destabalized mess in my back.
After only 1 week, I'm pretty much already back to where I was before that fateful 'ab/core day.' How cool is that?
I can see now that my fears, while very real, were not based in a true grasp of the situation. Something did indeed get shifted out of place, and it did take some work to get it back, but the 'progress' I had made in the past 18 months was not lost in that one activity. It was a setback, but did not erase all I had accomplished.
This is the most important thing to remember in relapse. The climb back to where we were will not take us what it took the first time around. We knokw more. We have earned our place. The restoration process will go faster!
There are lessons to be learned in relapse. My biggest lesson is that I still need to be religious about my core stability strengthening exercises. Sometimes, because the pain is so radically reduced, I get lazy and don't do my exercises. There is a price to pay for laziness. Doing what I know I need to do will firm up the foundation upon which my recovery is situated. I may 'feel' better, but there is still work to be done.
It's kind of like taking antibiotics to kill an infection. You might start feeling better after a day or two, but the infection is not completely gone yet. One needs to finish the entire course of treatment to make sure the infection is truly gone and isn't lurking in the system somewhere.
Relapse can teach us that point. We need to keep doing the work to stay on a path of recovery and healing, even when we are looking and feeling lots better.
We certainly don't want to invite relapses into our processes, but if we can embrace relapse when it does occur, our recovery process can actaully be fortified by it!
Happy recovery!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Danger of "Letting it Slide"
I've had a big problem in this recent election of the 'whisper' campaign to paint Barack Obama as a Muslim. Of course, he is not a Muslim, but the fact that trying to paint him as such is seen by some as reducing his appeal as a potential president is what bothers me.
There is nothing wrong with being a Muslim.
There is nothing wrong with being an Arab.
There is no direct link that indicates that every Muslim or every Arab is a terrorist or terrorist sympathizer. Drawing that link is misguided.
And yet, that is the implication that has been made by those trying to destroy the Obama candidacy and support John McCain.
I do not believe that John McCain shares this perspective, but I have been disappointed by his relative silence on the issue. Some of the things going on at Palin rallies have been indeed troubling, and she has done nothing to shut them down. If you read yesterday's blog, you know how I feel about that.
McCain himself did make a noble effort when a woman at one of his rallies had the microphone and said, "I don't trust Barack Obama." McCain nodded in agreement. She continued to say, "He's an Arab..." and McCain began shaking his head no. He took the microphone and said, "No, ma'am. No, ma'am. He's not," McCain said. "He's a decent family man -- citizen -- that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues."
So Kudos to McCain for correcting a false statement. Barack Obama is indeed, not an Arab. That's where my praise ends, and my issue begins. His 'answer' to this misguided woman made it sound like there's a difference between being an Arab and being a decent family man... citizen. The two are not mutually exclusive. Oh how I would have loved for him to say something like, "No ma'am, that is not a true statement. There are many fine Arab Americans... but Barack Obama is not one of them. The reasons I think you should choose me over him have nothing to do with any of that." How different would that have been.
Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for President this past weekend. While I find that interesting, by far more powerful to me were the remarks he made on Meet the Press when he discussed the 'Muslim' issue. His feelings mirror my own. Here is the excerpt of the transcript that covers this portion of the interview:
I say "AMEN" to General Powell. I may not agree with him on Iraq, but on this, I wholeheartedly agree.
"Accusations" of Barack Obama being a Muslim, or an Arab, should be met with more than a simple correction of fact. Those "accusations" should be met with a direct challenge. That is what America is all about... or at least, it should be.
There is nothing wrong with being a Muslim.
There is nothing wrong with being an Arab.
There is no direct link that indicates that every Muslim or every Arab is a terrorist or terrorist sympathizer. Drawing that link is misguided.
And yet, that is the implication that has been made by those trying to destroy the Obama candidacy and support John McCain.
I do not believe that John McCain shares this perspective, but I have been disappointed by his relative silence on the issue. Some of the things going on at Palin rallies have been indeed troubling, and she has done nothing to shut them down. If you read yesterday's blog, you know how I feel about that.
McCain himself did make a noble effort when a woman at one of his rallies had the microphone and said, "I don't trust Barack Obama." McCain nodded in agreement. She continued to say, "He's an Arab..." and McCain began shaking his head no. He took the microphone and said, "No, ma'am. No, ma'am. He's not," McCain said. "He's a decent family man -- citizen -- that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues."
So Kudos to McCain for correcting a false statement. Barack Obama is indeed, not an Arab. That's where my praise ends, and my issue begins. His 'answer' to this misguided woman made it sound like there's a difference between being an Arab and being a decent family man... citizen. The two are not mutually exclusive. Oh how I would have loved for him to say something like, "No ma'am, that is not a true statement. There are many fine Arab Americans... but Barack Obama is not one of them. The reasons I think you should choose me over him have nothing to do with any of that." How different would that have been.
Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for President this past weekend. While I find that interesting, by far more powerful to me were the remarks he made on Meet the Press when he discussed the 'Muslim' issue. His feelings mirror my own. Here is the excerpt of the transcript that covers this portion of the interview:
"I'm also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim." Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, "He's a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists." This is not the way we should be doing it in America.
I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery, and she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards--Purple Heart, Bronze Star--showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old. And then, at the very top of the headstone, it didn't have a Christian cross, it didn't have the Star of David, it had crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, and he was an American. He was born in New Jersey. He was 14 years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he can go serve his country, and he gave his life. Now, we have got to stop polarizing ourselves in this way. And John McCain is as nondiscriminatory as anyone I know. But I'm troubled about the fact that, within the party, we have these kinds of expressions."
I say "AMEN" to General Powell. I may not agree with him on Iraq, but on this, I wholeheartedly agree.
"Accusations" of Barack Obama being a Muslim, or an Arab, should be met with more than a simple correction of fact. Those "accusations" should be met with a direct challenge. That is what America is all about... or at least, it should be.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Be Careful with Your Endorsement
An email exchange this week has prompted me to revisit the topic of the power of words and what can happen when we lend our voices to communicating those words.
I believe that we have the power to harm or to heal with what we say as well as with how we treat other people. Sending our words into the world is part of how we treat others. It is as possible to commit acts of violence against others in words as it is in the physical realm of existence.
What we say (as an extension of our belief) is powerful. When we speak something, we add energy to it. We send it out into the universe with an infusion of life force.
When I talk about words, I'm referring to both the spoken and written forms. What we write is also powerful.
If you've had any exposure to my thinking before, you know that I also believe that what we 'don't say' has the power to harm (and in some cases benefit).
I want to focus today on the idea of how what we 'don't say' can be harmful. I've written before about my personal commitment to always speak out when an idea that is harmful is expressed in my presence. This is most easily understood when we think of racist or other prejudicial statements, jokes and the like. You can listen to a talk I gave here: Spiritual Messages from the Middle East Conflict, for more of an understanding of how I came to this decision and some of my experiences in living this principle. It has gotten me into some very interesting situations!
It is usually not very popular to do this. When people get embarrassed they get defensive. I *try* not to embarrass people when I state my disagreement with a destructive idea. However, when the idea is expressed publicly, then I am committed to stating my objection publicly. This is undoubtedly the more difficult circumstance. Yet, my moral conscience obliges me to do so.
When we let someone say something destructive about another group of people (such as a stereotypical, prejudicial or racist slur) and we say nothing... we subtly validate what has been said. We add credence to the thought or idea that was expressed, by our presence and 'non-objection.' This is true for emails that get circulated with our names on them. Our name being present might influence someone (if they know who we are). It is like an 'endorsement' of the idea. Even though we might totally disagree! What if that email reaches someone who knows us? What if they don't know anything about the subject independently, but decide that we do know... and they can trust our judgment? They might 'buy in' to that idea because they think we do. When our name is attached to destructive, hate and distrust encouraging materials, we should stand up and say, "I disagree" and "Please do not associate me with this type of thinking."
Some people are afraid to rock the boat, or hurt some one's feelings by doing that. I have said before that I have friends in almost every ethnic and religious group around. Jokes, negative stereotypes or prejudicial statements against almost any group instantly brings the faces of my friends into my mind. THEY would be hurt if they were present. If they are not present, it is my duty, as their friend, to stand up for them. I feel this way about all peoples... no matter who they are or from what walk of life they are.
Here's the key. I don't need to change any one's mind (although there's always the secret hope that a challenge to a destructive idea will get someone to look more closely at their position, I will admit). The goal, however, is not to win an argument, or change a position. It is merely to make it CLEAR that I do not support, endorse or agree with what has been said. That is my only job. That keeps my conscious clear.
One of my favorite quotes of all times refers to the Holocaust and what happened when good people remained silent out of fear and self preservation. It illustrates clearly, that actually - we are all tied together in this human family. When any one of us is persecuted... we are all harmed. All of us.
I believe that we have the power to harm or to heal with what we say as well as with how we treat other people. Sending our words into the world is part of how we treat others. It is as possible to commit acts of violence against others in words as it is in the physical realm of existence.
What we say (as an extension of our belief) is powerful. When we speak something, we add energy to it. We send it out into the universe with an infusion of life force.
When I talk about words, I'm referring to both the spoken and written forms. What we write is also powerful.
If you've had any exposure to my thinking before, you know that I also believe that what we 'don't say' has the power to harm (and in some cases benefit).
I want to focus today on the idea of how what we 'don't say' can be harmful. I've written before about my personal commitment to always speak out when an idea that is harmful is expressed in my presence. This is most easily understood when we think of racist or other prejudicial statements, jokes and the like. You can listen to a talk I gave here: Spiritual Messages from the Middle East Conflict, for more of an understanding of how I came to this decision and some of my experiences in living this principle. It has gotten me into some very interesting situations!
It is usually not very popular to do this. When people get embarrassed they get defensive. I *try* not to embarrass people when I state my disagreement with a destructive idea. However, when the idea is expressed publicly, then I am committed to stating my objection publicly. This is undoubtedly the more difficult circumstance. Yet, my moral conscience obliges me to do so.
When we let someone say something destructive about another group of people (such as a stereotypical, prejudicial or racist slur) and we say nothing... we subtly validate what has been said. We add credence to the thought or idea that was expressed, by our presence and 'non-objection.' This is true for emails that get circulated with our names on them. Our name being present might influence someone (if they know who we are). It is like an 'endorsement' of the idea. Even though we might totally disagree! What if that email reaches someone who knows us? What if they don't know anything about the subject independently, but decide that we do know... and they can trust our judgment? They might 'buy in' to that idea because they think we do. When our name is attached to destructive, hate and distrust encouraging materials, we should stand up and say, "I disagree" and "Please do not associate me with this type of thinking."
Some people are afraid to rock the boat, or hurt some one's feelings by doing that. I have said before that I have friends in almost every ethnic and religious group around. Jokes, negative stereotypes or prejudicial statements against almost any group instantly brings the faces of my friends into my mind. THEY would be hurt if they were present. If they are not present, it is my duty, as their friend, to stand up for them. I feel this way about all peoples... no matter who they are or from what walk of life they are.
Here's the key. I don't need to change any one's mind (although there's always the secret hope that a challenge to a destructive idea will get someone to look more closely at their position, I will admit). The goal, however, is not to win an argument, or change a position. It is merely to make it CLEAR that I do not support, endorse or agree with what has been said. That is my only job. That keeps my conscious clear.
One of my favorite quotes of all times refers to the Holocaust and what happened when good people remained silent out of fear and self preservation. It illustrates clearly, that actually - we are all tied together in this human family. When any one of us is persecuted... we are all harmed. All of us.
"First they came for Socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me."
Rev Martin Niemoeller (1892-1984)
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Value of a Stable Core
I find that I keep coming across the idea of cultivating and maintaining a 'stable core' in my life.
In the investing classes that I've taken for the past several years, my instructor always talks about a 'core and explore' approach to investing. Having a core that you establish and rarely tinker with, and a much smaller portion of the portfolio that you do more aggressive investing with. It is a solid and sensible approach. It keeps most of your money in a well diversified, risk tolerance related position, while allowing freedom to move with the rest of the porfolio.
I have also been in physical therapy for the last many months for a problem with my back. It seems I have an area of instability in my low back that can be moved out of place quite easily. This results in a lot of pain in my hip and low back. The remedy... to develop and strenghen the core of my body - my abs and torso. I've come to learn how to 'activate' and 'turn on' my core through my therapy. It is amazing that everything I do in my life can be done with more stability and ease,if initiate movement from a strong core.
I think that it it's interesting that this concept occurs in so many areas of life. There is something profound in the idea. Whatver we do we are best served if we have a solid 'core' to move from. THe possibilities of how we move, what direction we go in, the choices we make are all affected by the place that we start from. IF we start from an unstable position - the results might be seriously adversely affected. We might be harmed.
There is a lot to be said for working to create a firm, solid core or foundation... for our selves and our lives, and conduct our affairs from that place. There is no better endeavor. Nothing will have a better payoff than cultivating a strong core!
In the investing classes that I've taken for the past several years, my instructor always talks about a 'core and explore' approach to investing. Having a core that you establish and rarely tinker with, and a much smaller portion of the portfolio that you do more aggressive investing with. It is a solid and sensible approach. It keeps most of your money in a well diversified, risk tolerance related position, while allowing freedom to move with the rest of the porfolio.
I have also been in physical therapy for the last many months for a problem with my back. It seems I have an area of instability in my low back that can be moved out of place quite easily. This results in a lot of pain in my hip and low back. The remedy... to develop and strenghen the core of my body - my abs and torso. I've come to learn how to 'activate' and 'turn on' my core through my therapy. It is amazing that everything I do in my life can be done with more stability and ease,if initiate movement from a strong core.
I think that it it's interesting that this concept occurs in so many areas of life. There is something profound in the idea. Whatver we do we are best served if we have a solid 'core' to move from. THe possibilities of how we move, what direction we go in, the choices we make are all affected by the place that we start from. IF we start from an unstable position - the results might be seriously adversely affected. We might be harmed.
There is a lot to be said for working to create a firm, solid core or foundation... for our selves and our lives, and conduct our affairs from that place. There is no better endeavor. Nothing will have a better payoff than cultivating a strong core!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Put One Foot in Front of the Other
Once again I find myself reminded of the importance of taking one step at a time in the pursuit of any endeavor. It seems that, for me, this is an issue I need to be reminded of... over... and over... and over again.
I flipped on the TV the other day and found Deepak Chopra presenting a program on Public Television. I was only able to watch for a few minutes, but my 'personal message' was delivered.
The interviewer asked Mr. Chopra a question that had been sent in by a viewer. The question was something like, "How to I work towards fulfilling my life purpose?"
Mr. Chopra's answer was simple, yet profound. He said that the important thing is to spend some time each and every day working on something related to your purpose. Even if only 30 minutes. DO SOMETHING that is somehow related to your best understanding of your life purpose... each and every day.
This really resonated with me. Often we aren't sure what our life purpose is. We generally have some clues, however. I like the idea of taking the 'best' idea that we have about our unique contribution/purpose at any given moment in time... and do SOMETHING to take us closer to it.
We don't have to have a completely clear picture. We don't need to be able to see down the road to know how it all turns out. We simply need to put one foot in front of the other... and follow the highest guidance that we have available at the time. We will make progress and things will become clearer if we follow this path.
I flipped on the TV the other day and found Deepak Chopra presenting a program on Public Television. I was only able to watch for a few minutes, but my 'personal message' was delivered.
The interviewer asked Mr. Chopra a question that had been sent in by a viewer. The question was something like, "How to I work towards fulfilling my life purpose?"
Mr. Chopra's answer was simple, yet profound. He said that the important thing is to spend some time each and every day working on something related to your purpose. Even if only 30 minutes. DO SOMETHING that is somehow related to your best understanding of your life purpose... each and every day.
This really resonated with me. Often we aren't sure what our life purpose is. We generally have some clues, however. I like the idea of taking the 'best' idea that we have about our unique contribution/purpose at any given moment in time... and do SOMETHING to take us closer to it.
We don't have to have a completely clear picture. We don't need to be able to see down the road to know how it all turns out. We simply need to put one foot in front of the other... and follow the highest guidance that we have available at the time. We will make progress and things will become clearer if we follow this path.
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