The Dangers of Integrated Preschool

I have a sad story to tell today. It's a story that does offer a glimmer of hope, but also reveals the depths of human ignorance.

A friend of mine who lives in Jerusalem attended his synagogue on Friday night for usual Shabbat (sabbath) services. My friend is a progressive minded man who has long been a campaigner for civil rights and a proponent of building a peaceful world. He's known in his synagogue for being a 'lefty' or one who believes in a peace with the Palestinians that is based on fairness and justice for ALL, not just for Israeli Jews. In his synagogue, he is, unfortunately, in the minority. Many there believe that the only consideration is what is best for Israel and the Jewish citizens of Israel. No one and nothing else, in their opinion, should be considered when charting a course forward. It's mind boggling to me.

This synagogue is in an area of Jerusalem known as The French Hill, on Mt. Scopus. Hebrew University is there and the entire area has a fairly mixed population of Jews and Arabs. All of the people living there would be considered Israelis (meaning they have citizenship in the State of Israel). There are Jewish Israelis and Arab Israelis (who also consider themselves to be Palestinian). (I will save an in depth discussion of all the 'labels' for another day). Suffice it to say that all the people living in the French Hill are citizens of Israel. Some of Jewish. Some are Arab (and either are Muslim or Christian).

On this particular night, the chief Rabbi of Jerusalem came to the synagogue to make a special appeal for members to attend a protest the following Sunday. The protest was to be against the fact that two pre-schools in the French Hill, which are run by Jews, are allowing Arab children to attend their preschools. The chief Rabbi of Jerusalem came to encourage Jewish residents of French Hill to call for an end to this practice. He cited many reasons for this, but the primary one was that Arabs didn't belong in Jerusalem, and having them 'mix' with Jewish children all day long was not acceptable. He said Israel is a Jewish State and should be for Jews, not Arabs. Even down to the preschool level.

I find it unbelievable that anyone could be serious in making such a point or a request. That infants and children should be segregated to 'preserve' the 'purity' of the population... is disgusting at best. I can think of a few other words to describe it, but I'll restrain myself.

Of course, Spirit has a way of 'personalizing' these experiences for me. I have a good friend, an Arab, who's 4 year old son attends one of these preschools. It's predominantly Jewish, run by Jews, and he is an Arab Muslim. My friend sent his son there because he wants him to learn Hebrew fluently, and he wants him to come to know Jews as people, and not just grow up fearing them as the oppressors of his people and the occupiers of his homeland. He wants his son to understand the very real challenges of the situation, but to not hate Jews out of hand. He wants his son to understand the complexity of the situation, and not get 'caught up' in the dominant paradigm of polarization and separation.

The Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem is calling for a protest against a little boy that I consider to be a part of my very family. He's saying my sweet little 'nephew' is a danger to the state of Israel and should be unwelcome and prohibited from playing with little Jewish children in a preschool. It's personal for me. The whole concept is absurd. It's ignorant. It's delusional. It's frankly... sick and twisted. And yet, it is shared by so many in Israel... and in other situations around the world where one particular group wants to consolidate power, privilege and control and make everyone around them 'less than.'

My friend who attends this synagogue has had run ins with his own Rabbi and the chief Rabbi of Jerusalem before. This time was no different. He too knows that sweet little Arab boy who attends a Jewish preschool in French Hill. In fact, he considers him to be his grandson. He thought about just getting up and walking out of the service when the chief Rabbi started spewing his racist, hate inspired, 'call to arms.' Then my friend realized he couldn't 'let it stand.' He had to say something.

He proceeded to challenge the chief Rabbi on his statements and request for protest and asked him what could possibly be the problem with Arabs and Jews learning to live together. Each time my friend would raise a point, the Chief Rabbi, his Rabbi and some of the men from the synagogue would tell him he was wrong, that his ideas were wrong... and dangerous. They would reiterate that Israel is a JEWISH state, for JEWS and that it had to be kept that way. If you let the Arabs have access to things, they would take over, and Israel would no longer be the Jewish homeland. Each time they would say this, my friend would ask them if they want 'peace' with the Palestinians. Always they would say that they did. Then my friend would remind them that peace would never come when the Palestinians were denied the dignity and human rights they deserved. This seemed to go right over the heads of those he was arguing with. In their view, the Palestinians should accept whatever Israel offered... and be satisfied with that.

By that logic, I guess the Jews should have accepted the ghetto in Warsaw as well. It's ludicrous.

The argument raged on. My friend did not budge in his opinion or his willingness to disagree. The Rabbis and other members of the synagogue hammered away at him. They seemed to 'need' him to agree with 'them.' It wasn't going to happen. Finally, when one of the people said to my friend, 'YOU are the only one who thinks this way and YOU are wrong,' three young men sitting in front of my friend turned around and said, "Actually, he's not the only one who thinks that way. We agree with him!" The argument was then able to wind down, with the Rabbis knowing they were not going to be successful in getting everyone over to their way of thinking. Thank God.

One of the most powerful things my friend said during the argument is, "I cannot accept a spiritual man who spreads hatred and racism. I simply cannot accept that." Bravo, my friend. I'm unbelievably proud of you.

I don't know how it will all turn out. There have been similar protests against letting Arabs purchase land/homes in the French Hill (remember... they are CITIZENS of the STATE OF ISRAEL), and many such initiatives to try to discriminate against Arabs. What amazes me most is that the people who do this feel they are completely in the right. How can there be such blindness?

Separation, stereotypes, paranoia, parallel universes.... that is what is going on each and every day in Israel and Palestine. One group has all the power, and wields it over the 'other' with complete unfeeling control. The gap widens with each racist act. And yet, there are those, like my friend... and eventually the 3 young men who can stand up tall and say an emphatic "NO." When enough people do that, there will be no place in this world for the kind of ignorant, arrogant actions of the chief Rabbi and those who were supporting him.

I look forward to a day when the integration of preschools is not considered to be a threat to a nation's security. I know we will have made some progress at that point.

Hurry With Your Heels

I've been working with a Physical Therapist recently on some long standing low back issues that I struggle with. I'd never been to a PT before, and was a little bit skeptical. I'm now a total believer! :)

We've been working on many things, including strengthening my 'core' (the abdominal and low back area of the body). It turns out that for some reason, my body has gotten confused. Some critically important muscles have become chronically 'turned off' while other muscles have been working overtime - to the point of cramping and spasm at times. Fascinating.

We have some theories about why this has happened, and as I work to address those issues (both physcially and in consciousness) we are busy retraining my muscles to come off and on when they are supposed to. It's a very interesting process.

My PT gave me a really neat 'modification' to my way of walking this week. She said that she observed me leaving the clinic one day and noticed that I walked in a very distinct and somewhat unbalanced way.

She said, "It's almost like your head and heart are charging out in front to lead the way and your body is just running to catch up." She talked to me about what that was doing to the muscles in my low back, and how it was most likely involved in some of the problems I was having.

She pointed out that it isn't as simple as 'changing the way we walk, sit or move' because all of those things reflect deeper aspects of our character and personality. We have to do some interior work in order to restore a more healthy physcial stance. That, of course, makes perfect sense to me.

She went on to explain that I needed to get grounded on my feet, centered in my core, and move my whole body, mind and spirit from that solid, stable place. She calls it 'hurrying from your heels.' In other words, I can still hurry, be efficitient, get lots done, but she's advocating that my body be completely involved in the process, and not merely drug along for the ride!

So now, my process is to center myself on my heels/feet (I was tending to walk a bit on my toes), 'activate' my core, and swing my legs from my hips very deliberately. It feels AMAZING! What a difference it makes to get centered before moving!!

All the while, I'm working on the 'inner' part of this equation. My head and heart are critically important to me, and I value their judgement and their guidance. Now, however, I seek to balance their input with my physicality and let it all move together in one fluid, coordinated, balanced dance. It is making a huge difference in how I feel physcially... as well as mentally and emotionally.

Whenever I catch myself about to 'take off' with my head and heart out in front of my body, I take a deep breath, settle in to my core and 'hurry from my heels.'

Learning to Calm Our Minds

My teacher, Dr. Chuck Bruni, used to explain to me the advantages of a 'quiet mind.' He asked me, too many times to count, whether I would want to try to solve a complex problem while sitting in a quiet library or in the midst of Grand Central Station.

Having been to Grand Central Station... I understand that to try to do any complex thinking there, especially at 'rush hour' would be virtually impossible.

My teacher's point was that our minds often resemble Grand Central Station. Full of noise and chaos, we find it difficult to think clearly and respond to our lives in a calm and thoughtful manner.

Learning to calm our minds, and restore a state similar to a 'library' is a worthwhile endeavor. Meditation is on of the most effective ways to do this. Repetitive 'training' of the mind, to learn to turn off the jumbled through processes is a powerful undertaking.

It the movie, "For Love of the Game," Kevin Costner plays a succesful major league baseball player. He had a ritual that he performed whenever he would go to the mound to pitch. He would work to get himself into a zone by saying, "Clear the mechanism..." meaning to clear his mind of all distraction and extraneous processes, so he could focus on the task at hand. Brilliant.

I use that line sometimes when I'm attempting to refocus my mind in the midst of some sort of overload or chaos. I am often able to do this, but it didn't 'just happen.' I've spent years meditating (either focusing on my breating, or using a mantra silently in my head).

Cultivating this ability is what allows us to pull it out when we really need it.

There are unlimited approaches to learning to tame the mind or calm the inner world of thought. Buddhist mindfulness meditation is one of my personal favorites, but there are many others.

I encourage you to find one that works for you and stick with it. Start small, with just a few minutes a day and build from there. Learning to calm your mind 'on demand' is an important life skill. To be able to step out of Grand Central Station and into the quiet libray can catapult your life into a new level!!

Washing Dishes

Today, I want to share one of my all time favorite reflections. This writing by Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hahn is from his marvelous book, "Peace is Every Step." If you don't own this book... you should!

This reflection has helped me totally transform my relationship to my 'to do' list and to the essential tasks of living!

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Washing Dishes - Thich Nhat Hahn

To my mind, the idea that doing dishes is unpleasant can occur only when you aren't doing them. Once you are standing in front of the sink with your sleeves rolled up and your hands in the warn water, it is really quite pleasant. I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, and each movement of my hands. I know that if I hurry in order to eat dessert sooner, the time of washing dishes will be unpleasant and not worth living. That would be a pity, for each minute, each second of life is a miracle. The dishes themselves and the fact that I am here washing them are miracles!

If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert, I will be equally incapable of enjoying my dessert. With the fork in my hand, I will be thinking about what to do next, and the texture and the flavor of the dessert, together with the pleasure of eating it, will be lost. I will always be dragged into the future, never able to live in the present moment.

Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. In this light, no boundary exists between the sacred and the profane.. I must confess it takes me a bit longer to do the dishes, but I live fully in every moment, and I am happy. Washing the dishes is at the same time a means and an end - that is, not only do we do the dishes in order to have clean dishes, we also do the dishes just to do the dishes, to live fully in each moment while washing them.
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Wow. Isn't that profound? I remember the first time I read it, and washing dishes became a type of 'meditation and mindfulness' training for me. Now, truly, whenever I wash the dishes, I use it as a reminder of how present I want to be in my life. I want to be present to it all. Each feeling, each sensation, each experience, each, precious moment. I use this approach for all of my household chores and find that it really transforms my experience of them. I can actually enjoy picking up, or watering the plants, or folding laundry. I don't simply try to do them as fast as I possibly can to get to 'what's important!'

The truth is, everything we think and do is important,including some of the more mundane responsibilities in life, because the value isn't actually found in the physical task (although there is surely a benefit there as well), it's about who we are 'being' and 'becoming' while we perform the task.

Going Forward... and Not Back

I like watching and listening to great, inspiring speakers! It is one of the things in life that I enjoy the most, truth be told. There is always something to be learned and integrated when a masterful speaker shares spiritual truth!

In a talk I heard yesterday by Joel Osteen, he was talking about the importance of not settling in the our present/past and expecting life to remain the same.

Sometimes we cling so desperatley to 'the way things were' that we miss the opportunity to move with life and embrace a larger expression of what is available to us.

The known is comforting to us. It is natural to enjoy a familiar setting or circumstance. There is nothing wrong with that, unless it prevents us from the inevitable process of growth and change that is part and parcel of life.

If we are not growing, changing and evolving... we are withering, shrinking and dying. We are created to grow and evolve. It is our essential nature. WHen we inhibit that divine impulse... we experience pain and suffering.

In the Jewish Talmud, there is a verse that says, "Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers 'Grow, grow'."

When we allow ourselves to flow with this divine destiny, we attain the highest levels of peace and fulfilment possible.

When we resist change and growth, we experience pain and struggle. What would happen if a we continued to try to wear our baby clothes as adults? Not a pretty picture. We can't go back. And yet... many of us try.

In times of uncertainty or stress, we might yearn to 'go back' into familiar habits (sometimes destructive ones), relationships (sometimes unhealthy ones), careers (sometimes life draining ones). This is a natural yearning for security and 'the known' but it is a dead end street. Life calls us forward.

Joel gave a couple of quotes that I found very inspiring and useful in his talk:

"Sometimes if we don't take the hint, God will close the door for us." I particularly relate to this one. WHen we are called to change directions and we don't... sometimes we are pushed in the new direction against our will.

"Where something starts is not necessarily where it finishes." We do tend to want things to remain the same. Everything changes. Everything. THere is no avoiding that universal truth.

"What was good in the past was good FOR the past. God is a progressive God." I really like this one. THere is no need to tear apart the experiences of our past, in order to move on from them. A relationship might have been very sweet and wonderful for it's season, and then things change. Maybe they aren't so good anymore. Maybe its time to move on. That doesn't take away one bit of what was good about the relationship. It was right for its time. To release something with grace, and move into the next experience is a powerful and skillful way to approach life. Whether its a relationship, job, the shape we are in, the stages of growth for our kids... whatever it is... we can allow the old to have been 'good' for its time... and then move into an embrace of what is true today.

Whenever we feel the urge to go backward in our lives, or to cling to something we feel might be slipping away, I encourage us to pause, reflect, acknowledge our discomfort and fear... and lean in to the new. When we lean in to something we allow and invite it in to our experience. We move with it instead of struggling against it.

Take a deeep breath and lean in to whatever new experience is trying to manifest itself in your life today. It's what you were born to do!

I Am the Center of Everything

One summer, I had a young couple from Australia staying in my home for a week. They were actually from Tasmania, which is an Australian Island.

As I was giving them a tour of my house, we entered my library. There, on the wall is a large map of the world. Being the traveler that I am, I love to look at the entire world and dream of all the places I have yet to see.

As Mark walked up to the map, he said, "Interesting."

I asked him what was interesting. He said, "I've never seen a map of the world with North America dead center on the map."

We started looking at the map, and it became obvious to me that in order for North America to be in the center of the map, Europe and Russia had to be split down the middle and displayed partly on each side. Mark talked about how all the maps he'd seen (not produced by American companies) were quite different, and laid out in a way that made a little more 'geographic sense.'

I thought it was a profound moment. At least a moment for potential reflection about the propensity to place oneself at the center of everything!

What does it say to someone else when we view ourselves as the center of everything? How would our friendships work if we did that? Our marriages? Our relationships to our kids? If we place ourselves smack dab in the middle of the universe and everything revolves around us, how will we treat others?

This is as true a principle at the individual level as it is on a national scope. The US foreign policy is chock full of examples of placing ourselves as the center of the universe and expecting everyone else to line up around the edges... just like the map.

I always bristle when I hear politicians proudly proclaim that the most important goal is to 'protect American interests' in issues involving other nations. What about protecting 'human interests' or 'the good of all?' I again ask us to consider, if in every personal relationship we made it clear that our priority was 'protecting our own interests' at all costs, how successful would those relationships be?

No one wants to be in relationship with a self absorbed, selfishly motivated person. Not on a personal level and not on a national level. Good relationships are created to serve the needs and best interests of ALL parties involved, not just the richer, stronger and more influencial one.

I think the map on my wall is reflective of a deep attitude of entitlement and superiority that is ingrained in our American culture. It isn't a healthy attitude, but it so pervasive, that many of us have become unaware of it. It creeps in to how we see the world, and the other nations and cultures around the world that are different from our own.

The phrase 'taking care of my own' has always bothered me as well. For me... everyone on the planet is 'one of my own' people. I don't make a distinction between a suffering American child and a suffering Iraqi child. They both matter equally to my heart.

I personally, as a symbol of my willingness to look at the world with a healthier perspective... will replace my world map, with one that makes 'geographic sense' rather than the one I currently have which artificially constructs the world so that I (and my country) are at the center of it!

I hope that it will help me continue to remember that I operate in this world, not for my own interests alone, but for the good of all people everywhere.

Relaxing in India

Sometimes we can all use a little reminder to pause, take a breath and relax.

On a trip to India several years ago, in the midst of the enormous city of New Delhi I found a delightful surprise. If you've ever been to New Delhi, you know it is immensely busy, crowded, loud and chaotic! The traffic is a jumble of cars, buses, bicycles, carts pulled by various animals and lots of pedestrians. It can be quite overwhelming and stressful to find oneself in the midst of this sea of humanity.

As I was traveling through the city one day, my bus paused at a stop light (which many people there don't really obey, by the way). I looked up at the traffic light, and in the middle of the red light were white letters, in English, that read, RELAX. I was astonished! I chuckled to myself and wondered how on earth that had come to be.

A little while later, I was stopped at another red light, and I observed the same phenomenon. It too said RELAX.

There were actually many lights that had this little 'message' added to them.

What a great reminder, that anything, even a delay, can be an excellent opportunity to pause, take a deep breath and relax! We are required to stop at red lights and I venture to say that many of us are impatiently waiting for them to turn green so we can get on with it! In our impatience and future focus, we miss the present moment.

These little messages in India convinced me that every red light is an opportunity to recenter myself and sink deeper into a state of peace - no matter what chaos surrounds or indwells me.

Now, no matter what country I'm in... I try to use every red light as a reminder to take a deep breath and sink into a little bit of relaxation. Give it a try! Try to do it at every red light you encounter for an entire day and see how you feel!

Or pick something else... when your cell phone rings... take a deep breath and relax. How about when you flick a light switch on or off? Just take a deep breath and relax. Pick something that you do many times a day on a regular basis and use it to help train yourself to RELAX!

This simple practice can change your life!!

Following Through on a Spasm of Enthusiasm

We humans get excited about things. We can get very enthusiastic and motivated about something and experience what I call a "spasm of enthusiasm." Talk is cheap, as they say, and its easy to fantasize about how great it would be to do or have something and talk big about making it come to pass. Putting feet under that talk is an entirely different story.

I'm a big believer in letting your 'yes' be 'yes' and letting your 'no' be 'no.' We need to get good at carefully making committments and then following through on them.

All too often, the spasm of enthusiasm lasts until we come face to face with the reality of what it would actually take to follow through on our idea. As soon as we start dealing with the real consequences of the committment, we often find the enthusiasm fades and we let it fade and die.

I think it is far more important to set, work for and achieve one goal or aspiration, rather than to 'talk big' about more desirable undertakings and follow through on none of them.

It's easy to talk. It takes much more to really walk the talk and follow through.

In Bali, a person's promise is a solemn and sacred vow. You don't go back on your promises if you want to retain your reputation and good name. I once promised to give someone there one of my old computers. I did so with all the best intentions. I thought it would be easy to bring one of my old computers with me on a future trip. Little did I know, when I made the promise, that there were laws in place that restrict such imports and to fulfil my promise might mean bribing officials and breaking laws! I wasn't willing to do those things, but I knew that I needed to fulfil my promise! I ended up buying a new computer for my friend, in Bali (at a cost about 3 times what I would have paid in the states). There was no other way to fulfil my promise, and I knew that it was critically important that I do so.

When I take people on trips around the world, I caution them about making promises to people they meet along the way. I ask them to be very deliberate with their words. People in other parts of the world often really depend on what people say they will do. I would rather travelers make ONE committment and keep it (even if it is just to send copies of photographs they took with a local person) than to get caught up in causes where they visit, talk big and then go home and forget about it. The people we encounter on those trips don't forget about it... and we give ourselves and the country we represent a bad name when we go back on our word.

We must contain our 'spasms of enthusiasm' and learn to evaluate them appropriately to pick and choose what we really want to devote our time to. When we let our word really mean something - say what we mean and mean what we say - we live life at an entirely new level.

Spasms of enthusiasm can be marvelous starting points for launching big dreams and amazing projects. Let's learn to identify the ones that deserve our attention and give ourselves wholey to those pursuits, and let the other 'spasms' go without putting out empty talk that we don't back up with action.

We will transform the world!

Your Only Job is to Be the Best You!

I came across a quote by Douglas Mallock today:

"If you can't be a highway, just be a trail;
If you can't be the sun, be a star;
For it isn't by size that you win or you fail -
Be the best of whatever you are."

How often, in life, do we compare ourselves to others and wish we were something other than who and what we are? I'd venture to say that each of us does this far more than we realize.

I think it is one of the saddest and most destructive of our common mental gyrations.

YOU are like no one else... by design. We are each brought into this life with a special constellation of qualities, gifts, talents and potential. Our job is to develop our unique potential to the fullest. End of story. To compare ourselves to others is not only a waste of time... it distracts us from our true purpose. Our true purpose is to fulfil our divine destiny.

Each of us was created for a reason. Some of us get to know the exact nature of that reason. Others of us may never know. So... what to do?

We do the best we can. We follow our passions. We pursue our dreams. We face ourselves and work to eliminate those aspects of our selves that get in the way of being all we were created to be. We do the hard work of becoming the person that we were created to be. We learn to not compare ourselves to others! This is the key. No one else is like us. We are not like anyone else.

My friend and speaking coach, Gail Larsen uses a wonderful Oscar Wilde quote to get the point across, "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken."

Indeed. Celebrate who YOU are. Express your real, authentic self. That's what the world needs and that's what other people will respond to.

Try to be like others and you are, at best, a cheap copy.

Be yourself and you can affect the world as you were intended to. No one can say what that is supposed to be. No one knows the significance that can come from simply living out one's own, unique destiny. However grand or simple it may seem to you... who you are is important and how you live your life matters to us all.

BE YOU! The world will be better off for it!

Spring is in the Air

This week was quite inspiring for me. When spring begins to emerge in all its glorious forms, it cannot help but cause our spirits to lift a little. New life, rebirth, fresh tender growth all appear to remind us of the cycle of life that is unstoppable and never ending.

My robins have begun their process of nesting under my back deck. Each year they pick a different cubby hole and create the home for their new family. I look forward to it each year. I try to be a little quieter when I'm working in that area of the yard, or hanging laundry to dry on the deck. I don't like to disturb them. I still get scolded by the parents when I am in close proximity to the nest. I try to reassure them that I am safe and harmless, but they would rather I just steer clear! I look forward to the babies arrival each year, and the choreographed dance of the parents collecting food and feeding the fledglings. I love seeing the babies gain their bird-like appearance and am always sad, but a little proud, on the day I discover that the nest is empty!

Other birds are also making their rounds in my yard, collecting grass, moss and twigs for their nest. Each year when I cut the perenial grasses down, I make sure and leave lots of grass strands around the beds so I can 'assist' the parents in creating their dream home for raising their families! It's amazing to watch a teeny tiny bird pick up piece after piece of grass, making quite a thick bundle, without dropping anything! Then, at last, when they have a 'full load' they lift off and fly to the building site. Their tenacity, certainty and the ease of their efforts inspire me!

The people who own the gym I work out in raise sheep. There are several new babies in the field this past week. One was so tiny - brand spanking new. How precious they are as they huddle together for warmth... fuzzy and sweet. Who can resist the site of a new baby of any species??

Finally, I had my first mother duck and duckling siting last week. The mother had a dozen little fuzzy ducklings waddling after her. Ducks are one of my very favorite creatures! Seeing the new life in all of its adorable appeal sends my heart leaping.

After the dark night comes dawn. After the deep freeze comes the thaw. After winter comes spring. It's the natural order of things. It never fails us.

I believe that we are given the seasons as a reminder of the order of the universe and the cycle of life. The spring, in particular, is a reminder that there is always a new beginning - in its right time and place. We can depend on that.

Look around you today and see the signs of the new beginnings that are available to us with the spring time. Let it be a reminder to you that the light always follows the darkness and that the new comes after the old lets go!

Happy Spring!

Utilize Your Family Foundation

I was talking to a friend today about the importance of family. Some people are closely connected to their families, others are estranged. We were discussing the situation where people basically disconnect with their families, and how although sometimes necessary, this act is often damaging.

It's true that sometimes our families of origin have caused us deep pain. There are wounds of childhood that are extremely difficult to overcome. And yet, that is the work of our lifetimes - to identify and heal from the things that we have experienced that somehow hurt or damaged us.

It is often difficult (although not impossible) to heal when we detach from the family system that caused those wounds. I want to reiterate that in some situations, a person is well justified and completely right to walk out of a family situation and not return. There are some situations that are so toxic that continued exposure is not only unhelpful, it can be lethal.

In most situations, however, there is always something to be learned from repeated 'exposure' to the system. Here's what I suggest to my counseling clients: If you are going in to your family of origin and you know you will encounter unhealthy and destructive dynamics, attempt to do so from a detached, observer position. My teacher and mentor, Dr. Chuck Bruni used to say that we want to walk into those situations as though we were a 'cultural anthropologist' and just notice what is going on without reacting. Observing something disturbing and saying, "isn't that interesting - look at how X just treated Y and how Y responded. I've seen that pattern a lot in my life with this family." We can observe and learn a lot about the positive and negative aspects of our family dynamic without 'taking it on' or 'dissolving into it.'

By looking at what is going on, we can learn to identify and unravel patterns that have affected us both at the conscious level and in our unconscious. This is extremely valuable!

It is important to protect ourselves when going in to potentially damaging situations. Learning to set and maintain good boundaries is essential. With boundaries in tact, we can walk in to the situations of our lives and pasts with the observer's eye and learn about the mysteries of how we came to be the people we are. There is power in that.

Our early family life created the foundation upon which we each stand today. There are positive aspects of that... and there are negative aspects of that. Every person's balance between positive/negative aspects is unique to their particular situation. Celebrating the positive and unraveling/disarming the negative is what life is all about.

Next time you have to walk in to your family, or into any situation in your life that holds potential mine fields, detach and observe. Cease to react and just learn from what is unfolding around you. It is one of the most powerful ways we can reclaim our power in situations that previously stripped us of our strength. We can emerge healed, healthy and whole - just by observing, learning and adjusting based on what we see.

Enjoy the process. It's a bit like hunting for buried treasure!

Sometimes You Just Need Chicken Noodle Soup

Last night, I had a very simple, old fashioned comfort dinner. I opened a can of chicken noodle soup. OK, so it wasn't the Campbell's of my childhood... it was an updated, organic version with thick, wide egg noodles, but it was still a soothing, familiar dinner.

Comfort is an important aspect of life. Sometimes we just need to be soothed and comforted in the midst of our busy, modern hectic lives.

I was in that sort of mood yesterday. I just needed to relax and return to things familiar. So, I opened a can of soup, heated it up and let myself sink into some nostalgia and days gone by.

It's amazing how powerful something so simple can be. When you've had a hard day or a particularly challenging event occur, find a way to be kind to yourself and sink into something soothing. Whether its a meal, a bath, a supportive call with a friend... find whatever it is that helps you regain your balance!

Letting Go of Urgency...

Today I want to share one of my favorite readings from the book, "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. This is a reading that I've worked with for several years and it's helped me a lot.

Letting Go of Urgency
****************************
One thing at a time.
That’s all we have to do.
Not two things at once.
But one thing done in peace.
One task at a time.
One feeling at a time.
One day at a time.
One problem at a time.
One step at a time.
One pleasure at a time.
Relax. Let go of the urgency.
Begin calmly now.
Take one thing at a time.
See how everything works out?


Today, I will peacefully approach
one thing at a time. When in doubt
I will take first things first.

Finish Your Feelings

Abby Rohr created a wonderful program for people who suffer from the psychological problem known as Trichotillomania, which is compulsive hair pulling. I highly recommend her program, which is called "Pull Free At Last." This is a serious problem that afflicts many people world wide. It, like all addictions, can be overcome with conscious effort, diligence and determination! Check out the website: http://www.pullfreeatlast.com/

She has a concept in her work that she refers to as 'finishing your feelings.' This is a critically important piece of recovery work - no matter what the problem or addiction.

Most of us, through the course of our lives and to varying degrees, have been taught to stifle and suppress our feelings. Some of us weren't allowed to have ideas,opinions or feelings of our own because there was no room in our environments for our experience. In some cases when we expressed our true feelings we were met with negative consequences, and through the process of conditioning, we learned what was and wasn't safe or acceptable. We learned to 'turn off' our feelings and send them underground because they caused us less trouble and discomfort that way. At least, that is what we thought. The reality is, that our feelings are always present, whether we acknowledge them or not, whether we express them or not, or whether we are even aware of them... or not.

Our feelings live in us until they are felt, expressed and released. That is just the way the universe operates. If we don't express them or acknowledge them, they lurk underground and exert influences on us that cause us problems - even though we consciously can't understand the connection.

Abby talks about learning to allow our feelings to express completely and 'finish them' as a way to liberate ourselves from our addictions, compulsions and difficulties in life. She likens our emotions to waves on the ocean. Try to stop a wave from going through it's cycle... it's impossible. She encourages us to ride our emotions like a wave and to allow them to build, crest, break and subside. They eventually lose their energy, and their damaging hold on us. It's a natural process if we simply allow it.

Most of us have learned to abort our emotions at some point as they rise up in us. We just stop them and the unexpended energy is stored up in us - to wreak havoc in other ways. That energy doesn't just go away. It is in us and exerts an influence all the time.

When a feeling comes, we must learn to ride it like a wave. To ride the fear of where it will take us, all those sensations that build and crescendo, climax and then dissipate. It can be scary at first, and it requires patience and practice. It also requires courage.

Watch waves on the ocean sometime. Use it as a model in your mind for how you want to 'handle' all your feelings. Know that 'this too shall pass.' No feeling lasts forever. Feelings can only harm us if we stuff them inside and allow them to fester.

This does not mean we have to act on all our feelings. In fact, the process is more about just 'allowing' the feeling to rise up and fully express WITHOUT acting. Our goal should always be to act from a place of calm and not in the midst of big emotion. That's a rule for life really!

Just watch the emotion come... build... break... and dissolve. Do nothing except feel. Allow the feeling to finish and it's gone forever. That particular expression of that particular feeling is gone... forever. Abort it and it will live to fight another day!!!

What we resist, persists. What we fight against grows stronger. Ride the wave. Let it wash over you... and pass.

Learn to finish your feelings! It is a key to freedom!

We either were not allowed to have our feelings and express them (without negative consequences)

J. D. Martin

I want to share someone very special with you today. J. D. Martin is an amazingly talented musician. I met him several years ago at the Center for Spiritual Living (CSL)in Seattle. He was performing there. The first song I heard him sing was "World of Peace." I was hooked! I have heard him perform several times at CSL since that day.

JD and his partner Jan Garrett have many wonderful CDs, but I'm particularly attached to his "One Heart" CD. It is filled with amazing songs that speak directly to the heart about our human family and how we are all connected.

I have purchased dozens of copies of this particular CD and have gifted them to many people here in the US and in the middle east. People always respond positively to JD's music... whether they can understand the words or not! I swear, something in JD's presence and energy comes through the music directly to the heart.

I once was sitting with an Arab family in a village called Dir Hanna and we were listening to JD's CD. The father in the family started tapping his toes and moving to the music when the song, "Love is Waiting" came on. He gave me a beaming smile and said in his limited broken English, "This man... he has good heart. I can feel!" Indeed.

If you don't own "One Heart" you should! If you ever have the opportunity to hear JD and Jan sing... you MUST.

I hope to see them both again soon... they are true gifts to our planet. They are participating in the healing of the world... with every note they sing! :)

Check out JD's website: http://www.jdmartin.ws/

Check out JD & Jan's webiste: http://www.garrett-martin.com/


JD, Nola and Jan at Center for Spiritual Living

Being in the Right Place at the Right Time

I believe that we are given messages from the universe to let us know when we are where we are supposed to be or when we are following the right track. How this happens is different for everyone. Some people are keyed in to their 'way' of receiving these messages, others are not.

For me, I have a variety of methods for receiving 'universal confirmation' of my path. Within the past couple days, for example, I've had two occasions where I knew who someone was talking about, long before the person I was speaking with identified them in conversation.

I was speaking with my friend in Jerusalem, and he started talking about an interview he was going to conduct with the head of "Women in Black" which is a group that protests against the Israeli occupation of Palestinian land. I had no rational knowledge of who heads up Women in Black, but a woman's name popped into my head. I met this particular woman about 8 years ago, when on a trip to the Middle East. She was a peace activist, and part of an organization, but I know it wasn't Women in Black! Her name stayed there in my mind and I finally asked my friend for the name of the person he was telling me about. It was the same woman!

It always sends a little shiver up my back when that happens. There's no way I *should* have known who he was talking about and yet, I did!

Yesterday, I was working out at the gym with my trainer, and she started talking about scrap booking using the Creative Memories product line. I have used Creative Memories "photo slips" for various projects that I do (although I'm not a scrap booker). I asked my trainer if she sold Creative Memories stuff and she said no, but that she had a couple of clients who do. She mentioned the first name of a woman who sells the product line and comes to the gym and said she'd have to introduce us. I knew who she was talking about. She was talking about the only person I had ever purchased Creative Memories products from! I confirmed that with her and I got another shiver. There are a lot of people who sell Creative Memories products, and the one she wanted to introduce me to is the one I'd already been dealing with!

Those types of things may seem small, but to me, they reveal a deeper set of operating wisdom at work in my life and in the universe. There is some level of orchestration going on all the time of where I go, who I meet and what I do. These sorts of synchronistic happenings really strengthen my faith that all is well and I'm right where I need to be.

We become more aware of these sorts of messages when we look for them and acknowledge them when they do occur. The more we train ourselves to receive... the more will come our way.

We All Need a Little Push Now & Then

I received a lovely gift today from a dear friend of mine. It's a little pillow for my counseling area that says, "We all need a little push now & then." How true it is.

Going back to the experience of birth... where would be if our mothers had refused to push at the critical moment! our very beginnings begin with a push into the physical realm of life! I believe that sets the precedent for how many 'new beginnings' will occur throughout our lifetime.

Some baby birds will not willingly take flight from the nest on their own volition. Sometimes they have to be nudged out by a parent. They simply wouldn't be willing to take that first flight on their own. Once they are nudged, instinct takes over and they take flight and soar into a glorious new freedom.

We humans can be the same in our earthly endeavors. We might prepare and prepare again for some new task or experience, but hesitate to dive fully into it. Often we get caught in the 'paralysis of analysis' and simply stop ourselves cold.

Fear, anxiety, uncertainty, bad experiences of the past and many other internal states of mind and emotion can render us unwilling or incapable of doing what we want to do, or know we need to do.

Sometimes God, or the universe, has to give us a gentle (and sometimes a not-so-gentle) shove into the unknown. Basically, we get the spiritual 2x4 upside the head, or, in other words, something happens in our life where we can no longer avoid the issue and we are forced to face it and deal with it.

On a trip to Reno a few years ago, I was on my way into Harrah's Casino. They have a large revolving door. It has a motion detector that initiates the revolution process when you get close to entering one of the segments of the door. In past trips, I had noticed that once inside the door compartment, a message would repeat over and over again. "Please move forward." The message was intended to keep the door moving. Because it senses motion, if you stop moving, the door stops moving and you would be stuck inside (well, at least until you start moving again!) On this one particular day, I was a good 30 feet away from the door, which was still at the moment, and the recording was blaring, really loud, "PLEASE.... MOVE FORWARD. PLEASE MOVE FORWARD. PLEASE MOVE FORWARD," over and over and over again. I started chuckling, because I believe it was the universe telling me "GIRL... you are STUCK! Get your rear in gear and MOVE FORWARD!" I did my best to heed the advice and move myself forward in a number of areas of my life.

As a counselor, it is often my job to nudge people into new territory, both within their lives and within themselves. It's a sacred job to help another person move into those new experiences and states of being.

Most often, we don't like it much when we are 'pushed' into dealing with or facing a situation in our lives that we are doing our best to avoid. In the long run, however, we are best served by taking a deep breath and moving FORWARD!

Got an area where you need a little push? Can you administer the push yourself? If not... be ready, because the universe is probably going to do it for you eventually. It might be more gentle if you find a way to motivate yourself first!

My new little pillow will greet my clients from now on. Hopefully it will be a reminder to them (and me) to embrace the push! :)

Honoring the Sacredness of Animals

I have a good friend who blew me away recently, when she explained a practice that she has been doing for some time.

My friend is an advocate for animals. She loves animals, is a vegetarian, and will not wear leather. She truly believes animals are beings that deserve the same respect that humans do. Unlike some who profess these beliefs, she lives them day in and day out.

One thing that really troubles her is to see animals who have been killed by automobiles on the road. To her, it seems like a disrespectful, unacknowledged death. She decided to do something about this.

She keeps in the trunk of her car, a shovel and a number of small stones (like grave markers). Whenever she encounters a dead animal on the road, she stops, removes the body from the road, puts it to the side, and sets a stone by the animal, to acknowledge it's existence and its value. Beautiful.

We had a long discussion about this. She is deeply grieved and affected to see animals dead on the road like that. Yet, she feels compelled to do something. She can't just drive by and leave the animal to meet its end there. She stops. She takes a moment. She perplexes passers by. She acknowledges the sanctity of life. She grieves the loss. It's powerful.

She has had people stop to see if she needs assistance. She has had people honk at her rudely, as if to say she's inconveniencing them, and she's had no apparent response at all. I really believe her practice is a ministry. She is helping people be 'aware' that something has happened that is worthy of note. When an animal, or any being loses its life, something has happened. We are so numb to so many aspects of our lives! She is giving a moment of awareness to an event that matters.

Who knows what impact she might have in this practice. Maybe someone will slow down a bit and avoid hitting an animal they might otherwise have killed. Maybe someone will reflect a bit on the sacredness and importance of life itself. She may never know, but that doesn't diminish by one bit the importance of the act itself.

My friends, Fred and Mary Ann Brusset of Spirituality and Practice (http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com) put forth a very similar practice in their e-course on 'Practicing Spirituality with Animals.' Here is a link to the on-demand e-course if you'd like to take read more about it: Practicing Spirituality with Animals

While not everyone is called to do this particular practice... some most definitely are. It is a powerful ministry!

Life is sacred. All life. It deserves respect and reverence!

Going With The Flow

The past couple weeks, I have been experiencing the age old sentiment, "When we plan, God laughs!"

I had my summer all planned out. I thought I knew how I would spend my time and what goals I would strive to achieve.

Suddenly, an opportunity appeared to take a part time job that would satisfy a number of internal goals that I had for myself. Although I didn't relish the thought of working Friday, Saturday and Sunday for 4.5 straight months, I decided to take on the challenge. The money would come in handy, and in truth, I had some deeper reasons for thinking it would be a good endeavor for me.

Then, another opportunity suddenly appeared. To lead some tours for a tour company, here in the US. This is more in line with what I want to do in the long term, which is to return to leading spiritual pilgrimage tours to spiritually powerful places on the planet, especially the middle east.

THe last two weeks has been full of upheaval. Evaluating my options, making decisions, changing my mind, getting new information and changing it back. I've felt like I was on a bit of a roller coaster! Just when I thought I'd figured it out something would radically change and the landscape of my reality shifted completely. This happened about 4 times in the course of a week.

It was rather exhausting to have my plans batted back and forth like a ping pong ball. :)

In the end, it all worked out exactly as it should. In the grand scheme of things, I don't believe the universe wanted me to have the original job this summer. It is too far from what my purpose is. I still believe my reasons for taking the job were valid, but now, in hindsight, I believe my *willingness* to do it was most important. In my willingness I learned some important things about myself, and some people around me. I got what I needed from the process of agreeing to the job and then having everything change. Now, I'm free to go on with new and more relevant work!

I thought I knew what was best and I worked toward that. WHen the universe offered some divinely guided redirection, I willingly surrendered into that as well. It's the only way to fly, as they say. It doesn't mean we will always be comfortable, but it is the best way to assure that we will be following our true path and fulfilling our destiny!

Make your plan, do your best to implement it, and always be open to redirection!

Help Comes

I was talking to my brother yesterday and he told me a sweet story the illuminates the concept of allowing help to present itself in times of need.

My brother was on his way to work when his car broke down unexpectedly on the freeway. He explained to me that in recent years he has learned to get less upset and stressed out about things that happen to him. Keeping in that vein, he decided to have his car towed to his place of employment and do the work he needed to get done. Once his work was finished, he planned to have the car towed to an auto shop, rent a car and go from there.

As he waited on the side of the road for the tow truck to arrive he was amazed at the number of people who stopped to offer assistance. It touched him deeply. Just him telling me about it helped restore a little of my faith in humanity. :)

When he got to work he proceeded with his duties. He works in a commercial vehicle sales facility. Some of the mechanics he works with heard about his problem, and offered to stay after work to take a look at his car and see if they could fix it. My brother was amazed at their generosity. These aren't fellows he knows very well. They are but casual aquaintances of his.

The guys looked at his car and diagnosed the problem as a bad fuel pump. They said if he bought a fuel pump right then they'd put it in for him. He was blown away! He got the pump, they installed it, and his vehicle was immediately restored to working order. These guys saved him hundreds of dollars in towing and repair fees!

My brother was really encouraged by their willingness to help him out. As we discussed the story, we reflected on the benefits of not freaking out and turning a small problem into a giant crisis. He remained calm and kept his work committments, even though it would have been easy to bail on his job so he could handle the unexpected problem with is car. By doing so, he was in a position where help was offered to him by the guys he works with. If he had towed his car directly to a shop, he would have spent a lot more money! He would have made it impossible for the 'help' to arrive in the way it did.

Of course, he didn't do all this deliberatly. There were greater forces at work, but he did 'his' part, which was to keep his committments (at work), remain calm, know that a solution would present itself and that he would be able to work it out.

Sometimes in my life, I handle things so fast, or so independently, that others don't have an opportunity to help me. Sometimes I feel very alone in my challenges. My brother's story helped me to see this pattern of jumping on it so fast that I eliminate the chance that someone might actually step in to offer me assistance. I'm quick to help others, but I usually don't expect others to help me.

My brother was deeply grateful to the people who stopped on the freeway... and to the guys who fixed his car. I bet it made all those people feel pretty darn good to help him out!

Believing that help is available is a challenge for many of us. We think we have to do everything ourselves. I invite all of us 'independent' types to open our minds to the possibility that help is always available if we open ourselves up to it.

And Some People Say Animals Don't Think...

A friend of mine sent me a link to this marvelous youtube video that involves an elephant, a paintbrush, an eisal and some paper. You have to see it to believe it.

To me, this video reminds us of the immense possibility that exists in the universe. Many people, perhaps even most people, would find this impossible to believe. Yet... it is possible!

Let this video inspire you to believe that many 'impossible' things just might be possible! :)

Watch the Youtube video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LHoyB81LnE

Walk Your Talk

I've been thinking a lot lately about the importance of being true to your word. It is so important in life, and in the development of character, to say what you mean and mean what you say.

Many times in working with someone as a counselor, I encourage my clients to approach various aspects of their life with consistency. When setting boundaries it is important to do so with consistency. Set boundaries inconsistently, and people don't take you seriously.

In so many areas of life, it is better to choose one's words carefully, and then live up to them. Backtracking... on boundary setting or on commitments will not serve us well.

I think it is an actual spiritual practice to make and keep promises, to set and maintain healthy boundaries, and to consciously make and honor our commitments. Our character and strength is forged in these practices.

Walking our talk is both a practice and an approach to living. Talk is cheap as they say. I believe that living up to our word is one of the greatest challenges in living. Carefully choosing our words and our commitments is a powerful part of this practice. It gives us less to follow through on. By more carefully choosing our words and commitments we have a much better chance of being true to them.

Make it a goal... to walk your talk... each and every day! Your life will never be the same!

An Answer Comes

Today, the man who mows and edges my lawn answered my prayers.

I recently had to replace my mailbox. I was informed by my mail man that I had to get a larger locking mail box. It's complicated, but my mailbox was not adequate, and the postal service was no longer willing to deliver oversized packages to my door BECAUSE I had a locking mailbox. He claimed that if I got a larger mailbox, with a capacity to handle bigger packages, I would be shown leniency.

I get a lot of packages. Going to the post office to pick them up is not convenient. So, for the 4th time since moving into this house I got a new mailbox. (Just trust me when I say it's been a saga.)

At any rate, I purchased the new mailbox, and I hired my mowing/edging man to remove my old mailbox, and install my new one.

This was accomplished. My mailman is deliriously happy, and my mail woes are resolved.

I have had the old mailbox, attached to a post (with a huge chunk of concrete around the post) sitting in my flower bed for the past few weeks. I have been wondering what I would do with this perfectly good mailbox, that was burdened with the concrete-laden post.

Today, my doorbell rang, and the guy who mows and edges my lawn, asked if one of his employees could have this used mailbox!

I was elated! I didn't want to throw it away. I hate to waste things! And yet, I didn't know where to go to provide a useful home for this mailbox!

Now, the mailboxd has a home. I don't have to throw it away or try to find someone to take it off my hands. Sometimes things just work out! :) This was one of those wonderful events!

I had the intention of finding a good home for the mailbox... and the good home... came to me! :)

Slow It Down!

I read my horoscope the other day, and was reminded to consider the following thought:

"It would be a good idea to remember you are only human after all, and not an action figure."

I loved this. Sometimes I expect so much of myself it isn't at all realistic. I actually do think that I expect myself to be like an action figure or a super hero sometimes. I expect myself to absorb endless extra burdens and responsibilities and never skip a beat. This simply isn't realistic.

Human life is complicated and requires energy. To live it in a way that is satisfying and fulfiling, we need balance. We can't go go go continuously and experience joy and satisfaction. Sometimes we need to pause and just enjoy the ride.

Especially when we are going through challenges, or incorporating new experiences into our life. Those things require extra energy, and it isn't realistic to expect ourselves to just absorb the additional energy expenditure and not ease up on anything else. Something's gotta give!

My horoscope was a good reminder that I am, in fact, a human being. We all are. We are not meant to go like the energizer bunny without ever resting or incorporating fun and balance into our days.

So, today, I have adoped the new mantra... "I'm a HUMAN... not an action figure" to help remind me that sometimes I need to cut myself some slack.

An Easy Practice for Better Sleep

Several years ago, I made a discovery. I realized that when I was sleeping, I was doing so with my hands closed in fists. I can't even remember how I made this discovery, but I remember when I first started to open my hands when I slept.

When you get ready to go to sleep, simply try opening your hands and resting them on a pillow or blanket. See if it has the same effect on you as it did on me. Whenever I do this, to this very day, I feel an instant sense of relaxation and letting go. It's as though the closed fist is a sign of the tension that I'm carrying to bed with me. By simply opening my hands, I'm literally letting it go. A sense of relaxation and release comes over me and I swear that it actually helps me go to sleep!

Simple rituals like this can really help us in training ourselves to release and let go of our tension and our stress. I like to take a few deep breaths when I open my hands at night to enhance the effect.

It is interesting that sometimes I have to open my hands more than one time. They creep back into the closed state. It is a habit. As I've practiced this over the last many years I have noticed that I have improved and usually only need to do it once per night. If I'm especially stressed about something, it might be necessary to unclench my fists more than once. It is a process, so don't be surprised that if when you first begin the practice you must do it multiple times per night. As you train your mind and body to relax in preparation for sleeping, this will become more automatic, and your body will only need an occasional reminder.

Learning to handle and release our stress and tension is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. It improves not only our mental and emotional well being, but our physical health as well!

Relax those hands!!

In Memory of Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King

Today, April 4th is the anniversary of the assassination of an amazing contributor to the evolution of human consciousness, Dr. Martin Luther King.

I have immense respect for the fundamental societal changes the resulted from the courage and inspiration of this one man.

With all the current 'controversy' around Barack Obama and his minister, Rev. Wright, I realize that we are not nearly as 'evolved' as I would like for us to be. With regards to race and with regards to violence as a means to resolve problems.

Dr. King spoke out, shortly before his assassination, against the Vietnam war. He was labeled 'unpatriotic' and a 'traitor' by some. Reverend Wright, although some of his rhetoric (particularly when taken out of context, as it is mostly being shown on Youtube and in the media) has been labeled the same.

What people like Dr. King, Gandhi and other great spiritual and social reformers understand, is that the truth, although unpopular, must be spoken. Until and unless that happens, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of our past and continue to operate at less enlightened stages of consciousness.

It is considered unpatriotic for Rev. Right to speak about American foreign policy with regards to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, or for Dr. King to speak out against the Vietnam war. I find it simply astounding that it could be considered 'unpatriotic' to merely analyze the country's foreign policy and criticize it.

The delusion that we can all get in to, in our own lives, and collectively in groups, is to believe that ANY reflection on the validity of our actions or opinions is an act of betrayal.

Think about how children learn right from wrong. They make mistakes, and they are corrected and often encouraged to gain understanding about their actions and the subsequent consequences.

Yet, when leaders like King spoke out about injustices, in our own society, or in our world, they are deemed traitors and threats if that truth reveals something that needs attention and correction.

Dr. King was an amazing change agent. He was not perfect, and he certainly had his human frailties and faults. He was, however, an amazing orator and leader and he changed the fabric of American culture. The struggle he fought so ardently for... continues to this day.

I had the great privilege, upon my graduation from One Spirit Interfaith Seminary in New York City, as one of our elected class speakers, to speak (very briefly) at the pulpit of Riverside Church in New York City. Dr. King had spoken from that pulpit (as well as some of my other heroes). It gave me chills to speak from the very spot that Dr. King himself had spoken. WOW!

Today, on this solemn day, let us reflect on the legacy on Dr. King. He gave his life in a struggle to champion human rights for ALL people... ALL over the world. That deserves our deep gratitude and our greatest respect.

Link to thekingcenter.com

Gone Fishin'

We are all familiar with the image of the sign hanging on the door of some one's business establishment that says, "Gone Fishin'" right?

Today I have a sign hanging on my door that says, "Gone Gamblin'" :)

I'm off on a little mini vacation... gambling in Reno. It is a tradition for me. I used to bring my father every father's day. Now I sometimes come with friends, and much more rarely, I come alone.

So, I'm here reliving some good memories of times with my father... lots of fun and too many laughs to count.

Video poker is my game... and I'm in search of that royal flush!

I'm a conservative and disciplined gambler... so no need for worries of me not having the cash to return home!

Sometimes you just need to cut loose a little... and that's what I'm doing today!

Happy trails!!

They Aren't Actually Out to Get You!

I returned tonight from a trip to Galiano Island in British Columbia aboard the Victoria Clipper. The Clipper is a high speed boat that travels between Seattle and Victoria. It takes a little under 3 hours to make the journey. It's an awesome way to get up to Victoria and the surrounding area.

On my way back tonight I was sitting near the front of the ship. There was a couple sitting behind me who were exhibiting some strange behaviors. Well, the man of the couple was, anyway.

The boat was fairly empty for our voyage. This man walked a few rows forward of our seats to the very front of the boat and put some things on a seat in the second row. I watched him continually walk to that forward seat, retrieve things from his bag and then return to his seat behind me. He did this over and over again throughout the entire cruise.

As we got closer to Seattle, a crew member came and pulled some curtains that covered the windows that spanned the front of the ship. I wondered why they were doing it, and then noticed a sign that said the curtains had to be pulled upon a night time arrival in Seattle to provide optimum visability for the Captain in the wheelhouse (which was above these windows). That solved the mystery for me. We were pulling directly in to Seattle, and they needed to do this to make it safe for us to dock.

The man literally flipped out after they did this. He was so angry! "Why would they close the curtains right as we are pulling in to the city? I mean we pay for this view... and they close the curtains? That is just stupid!! I don't understand why they did that!" He went on and on. He took it so personally, and he just assumed it was done to irritate him.

He actually had been sitting in the forward seat a few times during the cruise. From that seat, the sign describing what would happen with the curtains was 4 feet in front of his face, and yet... he never saw it.

He was distressed and upset about the curtains being closed, and assumed it was done for no good reason.

I felt it was a great reminder about how we can sometimes make assumptions that do nothing but increase our unhappiness.

The curtains were not drawn to upset and irritate this man. They were drawn to protect his safety upons docking in Seattle.

The man made an assumption, and missed the 'facts' that were right in front of his face!!!!

We all do this at times. Tonight, I was reminded of the importance of looking for the 'reason' behind things and not simply assume that something is happening to deliberately make me unhappy.

The curtains might be closed for a good reason!

Skidboot the World's Smartest Dog

A friend sent me this sweet and touching video today that really shows the impact that animals can have on our quality of life. You owe it to yourself to watch this short video about an incredibly special dog, and his amazing relationship to his owner. Their relationship is sweet and has touched, inspired and entertained countless people!

Enjoy Skidboot the Dog!!!

Click on this link to watch the Skidboot video:
http://www.charliephillips.net/Video/SkidboottheDog/tabid/803/Default.aspx

For more information about Skidboot and his life, visit the website:
http://www.skidboot.com/

Drip, Drip, Drip

A trickle of water can carve an immense canyon. No pressure, no struggle, just the gentle consistency of running water will hollow out the hardest stone.

Tomorrow I will declare victory over the popper weeds in my yard. I have 30 - 60 minutes of weeding left, and I will have achieved my goal.

When I began this endeavor a couple weeks ago, it seemed overwhelming and somewhat hopeless. I wasn't at all sure that I would be able to get the poppers out before the seed pods started exploding. There were days when my fingers were numb and burned from the cold. I wanted to quit. But I didn't. There were days I didn't feel well and didn't want to go 'do my time' in the yard. But I did it anyway. There were days when I questioned my commitment to gardening organically, and not using herbicides or pre-emergents to deal with the evil poppers. Some of these poppers are so small they are difficult to grab and pull out. It would be so much easier to spray them, or to just spread pre-emergents so their payloads wouldn't germinate. But I stayed true to my commitment to organic gardening.

Many 'thoughts' came against me to try to defeat me in my quest. Yet, each day I went out and spent an hour working on the project. Pull a popper. And another. And another. Like a slow drip or trickle of water carving out a canyon, I pursued my goal.

I got bursts of energy when I would survey the progress I'd made. It's amazing how the hours of effort pile up in a very short time!

Tomorrow, I will attain the immense satisfaction of a seemingly impossible task being completed!

Whatever it is that you are facing or need to tackle, it can be done one step at a time. Just take the first step and keep on moving!

Solving Puzzles

I am obsessed with jigsaw puzzles. They are one of the few things that give me pure pleasure in life. I just love them. There is something satisfying about clicking in a piece that I've hunted down over a long stretch of time. It is also a great feeling when I pick up a piece and plug it in with seemingly magical divine intervention.

I have definite strategies when I start a puzzle. There is a method to my madness. First, I turn over all the pieces, right side up, on a surface separate from the puzzle construction surface. As I do this process, I search for border pieces and place them in the puzzle construction zone. Once all the pieces are upright and all the border pieces are collected, I put together the border.

I am pretty diligent about making sure I completely construct the border, but I'm not compulsive about it. If I can't find a piece or two after a concerted effort, I move on to the next phase.

I generally start with distinct, easily identifiable color areas. I'll decide on an area, and I'll collect all the pieces that go with that particular area, and put it together.

Chunking down the larger 'problem' into small, manageable pieces makes the task of constructing the puzzle less overwhelming.

I don't like to clutter the puzzle construction area with too many pieces. I like to focus on one part of the puzzle at a time.

Sometimes I'll take a break on one area when I hit a wall, and work on something else for a while.

The bottom line is that I break the problem down into manageable pieces, collect all the necessary parts to work on a particular section and get down to business.

I am methodical, but I allow for inspiration. I mix up my approaches. Sometimes I work on an area, as described above, and other times I will search for a particular piece that I feel motivated to find. Filling 'holes,' where a particular piece is missing from a section, is particularly satisfying.

The actual design of the puzzle can dictate the complexity and difficulty of putting it together. The image on the puzzle, the size and shape of the pieces are all factors that influence the level of challenge. I like to do really easy puzzles, and I like to do more challenging puzzles. I like a lot of variety. It keeps it fresh and exciting.

Doing puzzles has taught me a lot about my personality and my approach to life and solving it's problems.

I approach puzzles in much the same way that I approach life. When faced with a seemingly overwhelming project or problem, I start by organizing all the components so I know where everything is and everything is accessible to me.

Then I create a framework to hold the project. In much the same way as putting together the border of the puzzle creates a container, I like to spec out the project and understand the boundaries and parameters of the endeavor.

Then, I move to work on the parts that make the most sense to do first. I like to get some momentum going and get some success under my belt. Also, the more pieces I get put into place, the less 'confusion' there is in what remains to be done. The more pieces I get put into place, the faster the progress seems to go.

I used to feel that working on puzzles was kind of wasting time. Now, I actually view it as 'training' for how to approach life's problems, challenges and projects. I truly enjoy the fact that I have a leisure activity that teaches me how to be more effective in life.

Life really is like a puzzle. We have all sorts of situations in which we need to figure out how to put the pieces together to make something worthwhile. The problems are always solvable, just like a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes pieces look like they will fit, and they don't. We keep looking for the 'click.' Sometimes we go at life with the pace of a tortoise. Other times, living is easy and the pieces click in quickly and easily. It's all part of the puzzle of life.

I invite you to adopt my metaphor. You don't even have to enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles to enjoy the metaphor!

The pieces lying on the floor look like nothing. When we use our intelligence, our will and our energy to put them together properly, we achieve a meaningful and pleasing end result!

Put a few pieces into place today!!

Resurrection - The Time of New Life Begins

This past Sunday Christians celebrated Easter which commemorates the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is a time of great hope and great inspiration, with the primary message being that anything can be overcome, with God, even death itself.

I spent the day reflecting on the way that life reassures us that there is always a chance for a new beginning. As spring is upon us, we see new life all around us. The trees and shrubs are budding out with their promise of summer's bold foliage. Daffodils, tulips and heathers are in bloom. The birds are beginning to make their nests in preparation of the new life they will bring into our midst. Everywhere you look there is something beginning.

The story of the resurrection reminds us that in order to be resurrected something must first die. The old must pass away before the new can spring forth. The lesson we are taught in Christ's crucifiction and ressurection is that in order to have the new experience that we seek, we must die to the old ways, the old habits, the old ways of thinking, the old ways of behaving. We must let go of the addictions, the self destructive habits, the unhealthy relationships, the limiting self talk and beliefs and any other 'old' construct that keeps us from being the people we are born to be and prevent us from living the lives that we were born to live.

We are shown that when we release something we *think* is all important, we can actually begin to have what IS actually important. So often we cling to things that hurt and destroy us. We must learn to lay down what is no longer healthy for us or useful to us, in order to reach for the new experience that we are being called into.

I believe that the story of Jesus' death and resurrection reminds us that ultimately, we cannot hold on to that which we are being called to release. Sometimes we think we are going to crumble if we let go of 'that thing' but his story reminds us that we not only can let go of things we feel are precious to us, but in some cases, it is required to ascend to our next level of consciousness and our next level of spirtual maturity and expression.

Happy Easter to us all! May we lay down that which no longer serves us, and step into a higher state of consciousness and fulfillment of our potential!

Have I Done All I Can?

As a person who doesn't really enjoy watching sports, many people who know me are amused that I love sports movies. I have a large collection of DVDs that are based on the life of sports figures or teams. They are all inspiring and filled with life wisdom and inspiration.

This weekend I watched "Rudy." This movie tells the truth life story of Rudy Ruettiger who dreamed his entire childhood of playing football for Notre Dam. Rudy came from a working class family. The children didn't go to college. The expectation for the boys was to go to work in the mill where all their relatives were employed. Although not addressed directly, my guess is that girls were expected to get married. No other possibilities existed for these kids.

Rudy's family was not supportive of his dream. He was ridiculed and teased. As a young man of small stature, he was not destined to be a great football player. He struggled in school and did not have the grades to get into Notre Dam or any other college.

Rudy was determined, committed and persistent. He had to go against the wishes of his father, leave behind his family and long time girlfriend and leap into the unknown. He went to South Bend to pursue his dream. He was virtually broke and didn't have any idea how he would make his dream come true.

Rudy worked at Notre Dame in the maintenance department while he attended classes at a local community college. His goal each quarter was to transfer to Notre Dame and gain the opportunity to try out for Notre Dame's "prep" practice football team.

I'm touched by all aspects of this story, but two moments stand out to me as the most powerful.

Semester after semester, Rudy applies to Notre Dame and time after time he is rejected. Yet, he continues to struggle, work, study and pray. He gets discouraged but he never gives up. The moment comes when Rudy is applying to Notre Dame for the last time. If this attempt is unsuccessful, his dream will be ended. In a conversation with a priest, he asks a powerful question, "Have I done everything I can?"

Rudy worked as hard as is humanly possible to attain his goal. That's all any of us can do. He did more than most people would ever consider doing in the pursuit of his dream. At some point, however, he had to let go. There was nothing else he could do. He worked as hard as he possibly could, in the face of overwhelming odds and left no stone unturned.

He finally gets the news that he is admitted to Notre Dame. My second favorite scene in the movie is when Rudy goes to the mill to show his father his letter of acceptance to Notre Dame. His father, who did all he could to discourage Rudy, completely beamed with pride. As he folds the letter very carefully and puts it back into the envelope, you can feel the restricted and shackled thinking starting to break apart. The world will never be the same. Not for Rudy, not for his family, not for his little brothers and sisters, not for the kids in his high school and not for all the people in that mill town. Rudy broke the barriers of limited thinking!

Rudy goes on to play on the prep team and in the end is allowed to dress for one game as an official Notre Dame player. He is played at the very end of the game and sacks the opposing team's quarter back.

Rudy's heart, soul and dedication inspired the entire Notre Dame football team. All the players admired and respected Rudy for what he accomplished. At the end of the game in which Rudy played, he was carried off the field by his teammates. NO other player has been carried off the field at Notre Dame since that day.

Rudy shows us all the immense value of persistence and dedication. If we all had a little more 'Rudy' in us... our worlds would look very different!

What's your dream? No matter how big or how small, ask yourself, "Have I done everything I can?" If the answer is no... you still have stones to turn over... and there is hope!

Watching movies like Rudy and reading books about the lives of ordinary people who've accomplished amazing things helps keep us motivated and moving forward with our dreams and goals. Fortify yourself with these wonderful examples and get to it!

"Getting what you want is only a problem if you have nowhere to go next. Dreaming is a lifetime occupation." - Rudy Ruettiger

Milad an-Nabi/Birthday of Prophet Muhammad (Islam), Good Friday (Christianity), Purim (Judaism)

Yesterday (Thursday, March 20th) and today (Friday, March 21st) mark special days in the calendars of Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. I personally love it when important days of these three religions clump together. I think there is a message, of some sort, in that occurrence.

Thursday, March 20, 2007 marked Milad an-Nabi: the Birthday of the Prophet Muhammad for Muslims. To mark this day is not to be taken as a sign of 'worshipping' Muhammad or setting him out as God himself. Muhammad was very clear in his instructions that he was not to be worshipped in any way. That would be confusing the messenger with the message and it's sender. Milad an-Nabi is merely a commemoration of the birth of someone who brought forth Allah's great wisdom.

From the About Islam website:

In the Islamic calendar, the 12th day of Rabi-al-Awwal marks the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

There is a difference of opinion about whether the Milad Un-Nabi should be a time of celebration. There is evidence that the Prophet, his Companions, and the early followers after them did not celebrate or otherwise observe his birthday. On the contrary, Muhammad was careful to warn his people not to imitate other faiths, whose followers elevated their prophets and added to the religion what was not in the original teachings.

Those who disagree claim that although not practiced in the early years of Islam, the remembrance of the Prophet's birthday is a "good innovation." They see it as a time to read the Qur'an, and remember the life, teachings, and example of the Prophet Muhammad.

See the entire article on Milad an-Nabi at http://islam.about.com
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For Western Christians, March 21, 2008 is Good Friday, or Holy Friday (the Friday before Easter), the most solemn day of the liturgical year. It commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

From Wikipedia:

The Dutch name Goede Vrijdag translates as "Good Friday". Other languages refer to this day in different ways (most often as Holy Friday).

In the Holy Land, Good Friday is known as "Great Friday." In German it is "Karfreitag", an Old German word meaning "Friday of lamentation", although this meaning is not obvious to speakers of modern German. In Armenia it is called "High Friday (Ավագ Ուրբաթ)". In Russia it is called "Passion Friday" (Страстной Пяток / Страстная Пятница). In Ethiopia it is called Friday of the Crucifixion (arib siqilat)

Great Friday: Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Greece (Μεγάλη Παρασκευή / Megáli Paraskeví), Hungary, Macedonia, Malta (Il-Ġimgħa l-Kbira), Poland (Wielki Piątek), Lithuania, Romania, Serbia, [[Slovakia]Velky Piatok], Slovenia, and in the Eastern Orthodox Church generally; Sri Lanka (Maha Sikurada); Indonesia (Jumat Agung)

Holy Friday: Latin America, Spain (Viernes Santo), France (Vendredi Saint), Italy (venerdì santo), Portugal, Brazil (Sexta-Feira Santa), Philippines (Mahal na Araw or Biyernes Santo), Vietnam (Thứ sáu Tuần Thánh), Japan (聖金曜日)

Long Friday: Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Faroe Islands, Iceland

Day of Christ's Suffering: Chinese-speaking areas (基督受難日)

Sad Friday: Arabic-speaking locals

Good Friday (English language) but Aoine Chéasta Passion Friday (Irish Language): Ireland

Read the entire article on Good Friday at http://en.wikipedia.org
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Today in Judaism, is part of the celebration of Purim. In Purim Jews recall the story of Esther, who saved her people in Persia from annihilation. Purim is one of the most joyous and fun holidays on the Jewish calendar. Children often dress up in costumes for the occasion.

From Jewfaq.org:

The story of Purim is told in the Biblical book of Esther. The heroes of the story are Esther, a beautiful young Jewish woman living in Persia, and her cousin Mordecai, who raised her as if she were his daughter. Esther was taken to the house of Ahasuerus, King of Persia, to become part of his harem. King Ahasuerus loved Esther more than his other women and made Esther queen, but the king did not know that Esther was a Jew, because Mordecai told her not to reveal her identity.

The story of Purim is every interesting and entertaining. I encourage you to read the whole story of Purim on http://www.jewfaq.org

One Step at a Time

You are apt to read a lot about my garden in the coming months. I learn a lot about myself and about life from my garden.

The past few days I have 'worked between the raindrops' to pull weeds. Obviously, my choice is to have a beautiful, bright sunny day to inspire me to get out in the garden and work. Life in the Pacific Northwest rarely provides such an opportunity.

When it's cold, damp and looks like it could rain at any second... it is so easy to say, "I'll do it some other time!" Yet, with our weather in this region, if I waited for the perfect day it could be months before I'm willing to get out and do the work that needs to be done.

I'm practicing the art of 'making hay while the sunshines' and 'striking while the iron is hot.' Today for example, I started my hour of weeding and the raindrops started to fall. I instantly felt both frustrated and relieved. Frustrated because I was 'resigned' to 'doing my time' and relieved to think I was being 'let off the hook' for today. I started to head for my garage, but then decided to just give it a few minutes and see if the rain continued and got worse, or if it just passed. WIthin just a few minutes the sprinkles stopped. The sun even came out!

I ended up putting in an hour and a half! A bonus half hour! I made great progress on my project even though the skies were mostly gray, and I did get 'spit' on a bit.

I could have used the few sprinkles that fell as an excuse to give up for the day. If I had, I'd be an hour and a half further from my goal.

I felt such a sense of accomplishment when I finished my 1.5 hours of weeding today. As I surveyed the progress I made, I was grateful for my willingness to stick with it, even though conditions weren't ideal.

Again, this is very true of life itself. We are often required to step into things at less than perfect moments. We don't always get to wait until we feel inspired (by weather or anything else) to take action. Sometimes we have to decide to take action, and squeeze it in around everything else.

When we can do that we will achieve far more than we believed possible. My garden gets weeded one hour at a time. I squeeze those hours into busy days. I wedge those hourse in between rain showers, dentist appointments, stock trades, writing and providing counseling services. That is how life happens. If we wait for unrestricted time, perfect weather and optimal conditions... we will spend our lives spining our wheels going no where.

I vote that we MOVE... even if only one hour, or one weed at a time!! :)

The Art of Using Something Well

My mom is about to embark on a little home improvement project. The night shades on a few of her windows (including the ones in my room) are literally disintegrating. They are falling apart to the touch!

When I was visiting her last month, I wanted to pull the shade down to block out the street light that was shining through the window. As I walked up to the shade, I realized that it brittle and broken. Each time I tried to hold on to it to pull it down, pieces would break off in my hand! I was amazed. The thing has probably been there since I was in high school... many moons ago!

Likewise, my mom replaced her kitchen curtains last year. They too had... shall we say, seen better days. They were falling apart.

I was teasing her a bit about this today. Using things into the ground... until there isn't an ounce of 'use' left in them.

Even as I was teasing her, I was also admiring that attitude towards life. My mom isn't into replacing things just to have something new. That's not to say that she doesn't appreciate nice things. She certainly does. The attitude expressed here, however is in not indulging in buying new things just for the sake of having something new. It is an attitude of respecting that something has a function or job, and giving it the opportunity to do that job until it is no longer able!

In our disposable world, this attitude is fading fast. I get so upset that so many things are disposable and we collectively think nothing of throwing things 'away.' I was very affected the first time I read this statement:

There is no such place as 'away.'

When we 'throw things away' they end up in a landfill. Depending on how long they take to biodegrade they are with us for the long haul. If they give off toxins as they break down, they affect the entire balance of life. Yet, we often throw things away with a casual and unconscious attitude. As long as we don't look at it anymore, it's gone. That isn't really true, of course. The item we've discarded is, of course, somewhere.

I like my mom's attitude about using things well and thoroughly. I feel better about letting go of something when I know I've really enjoyed it and used it to the fullest. Whether its a car, an article of clothing or a computer. I always try to find a good home for things that still have use left in them. Now, thanks to the reminder by my mother, I'm going to be looking to hold on to things a little longer and use them a little better!

We can infuse the way we use our time with the same attitude. Each moment is an opportunity to invest a little of our life force and energy. When we fritter away our time we are not using it well. If we use our time involved in addictions and unhealthy habits, we miss an opportunity to invest our most valuable resource in what is most important to us.

Give a little thought to how you use all your resources in your life! Is there something you can use a little more thoughtfully? Carefully? Consciously? Completely?

There is a deep satisfaction that comes with using something well. Give it a try!

Exploding Popper Weeds

Do you know what a popper weed is? I'm not sure of the technical name, but I sure have a lot of experience with them!

Popper weeds are little plants that produce numerous seed pods that explode when they reach full maturity and/or are influenced by an outside element. That outside element could be the wind blowing them around, or someone or something brushing up against them. They also explode if you try to pull them when they are past a certain critical point in their maturing process!

I have these little weeds ALL over my yard. Some seasons I am able to stay on top of them and get them pulled before they set their seeds pods and become little dangerous ticking time bombs. Other years they have gotten ahead of me and cast their seeds far and wide. When that happens, obviously, the problem grows and magnifies.

These little weeds have taught me a valuable lesson. A LITTLE effort early on, before the weeds set their seed pods, saves a LOT of effort later on. A little extra effort before the problem is severe saves me a nightmare of playing catch up for the entire summer. Each one of the seeds creates another plant. Each plant has a LOT of seeds. Plucking one of those weeds before it has time to propogate itself is a wise move. Yet, sometimes the 'effort' seems like too much... even when I KNOW that I'm saving myself 10 times the effort and energy later on.

All it takes is a couple of seasons of doing almost CONSTANT battle with these little suckers to convince me that the poppers must be dealt with as early as possible.

Right now, I have a healthy crop of them flourishing in my garden. It's still cold outside and being out there pulling weeds is about the last thing I want to be doing! However, I'm setting aside a chunk of time every day to do just that. My 'suffering' now with cold fingers and a little dampness, will save me endless hours later on.

It's a great reminder that sometimes, in life, we have to pay the price up front to have the prize in the end. We don't always have the luxury of 'waiting until we feel like it' to do something we know we need to do. Often the 'payoff' for doing the right thing isn't obvious up front. A lot of times we have to learn the hard way that when we procrastinate and don't tend to things in a timely fashion, we will get slammed with an unpleasant consequence.

Got any popper weeds hanging out in your life? Get to pulling them before they explode and create more problems in your future.