The Gift of True Presence

Yesterday when I was hiking I saw something that always makes me a little sad. A father was hiking with his 10 or 11 year old daughter. She was out in front of him, excitedly using her hiking poles as she walked along the trail. He was lagging behind her, which seemed odd, since he was obviously a fit guy. I was approaching them from behind, and as I got close to them the little girl said, "Daddy! PLEASE get off that phone! You've been on it forever!!"

Has I passed him on the trail, I could see that he was actually texting as he walked along the trail!

Here he is, out for a hike with his daughter and he's texting! The little girl was obviously frustrated. I sincerely doubt this is the first time her dad has been 'with her' without really being with her.

It drives me crazy when people ignore their kids like that. It was obviously an activity they were supposed to be doing together, but some other relationship (I'm guessing a girl friend) was more important to him in that moment than spending that precious moment with his child. He was only half present.

I've observed this with people in my own life at various times. They act like their children aren't even there - because of something that they want to give their attention to. Now obviuosly in parenting, one must be a master juggler, and kids can't always have 100% of a parent's attention. I get that.

Far too often, however, kids take the 'back seat' to other relationships and needs of the parent, when it really isn't appropriate... or fair!

Giving true attention and presence to a child (or anyone else in one's life) is a precious gift. Think about how it feels when someone is really 'with' you and you know it. It feels good to be given that attention and that time to connect.

Kids really like me, and I think one of the reasons is that when I'm with kids, I really am WITH them. I get down on their level, (if they are small kids anyway) and I talk to them about life in their world. I'm interested. I care. I work on giving them my presence as well as my attention. If I need to focus on something else, I don't pretend to be with them, I let them know I need to do something else for a period of time, and that I'll be back. It's honest, and it teaches kids about true presence and relationship. Not about 'saying' you have a relationship, but then checking out into other activities when you are claiming to 'spend time' together.

If I had a choice to spend 15 minutes really connected to someone I care about, versus an hour of having them hang out with me but ignore me for 45 minutes, I'd take the 15 minutes any day. We waste each other's time when we commit to spending time together and then distract ourself with other people or tasks.

Especially with kids, we send a message that they just aren't as important as other aspects of our lives when we are constantly distracted in their presence. Life is busy and multitasking is a fact of life. That means it's even more important than ever to set aside quality, undistracted time to be with our kids. They deserve to have that experience and not always be treated as something that can be put on hold when the phone rings or the text message comes in.

Be present. Give true attention to the people you care about. Your relationships will all improve... guaranteed!

Grooves in Thinking

Yesterday I wrote about our propensity to travel the same route over and over again. We get into ruts of how we move and live. We also do this in our thinking.

We get into 'grooves' in our thinking and sometimes it keeps us stuck in patterns of living that no longer serve us.

I once heard our thought processes described this way: If you have a pile of dirt and you pour water down on the top of it, grooves will begin to form down the sides of the hill as the water runs down. The more water you pour, the deeper the grooves become.

Eventually, the water can not run in any other pattern. It always runs down the grooves that already exist. The grooves get deeper and deeper, making a new route less and less possible.

This is so true!

When we try to change our habits or routines, in life or in thinking, it is not an easy undertaking!

In order to change the grooves we have to carve new grooves and divert the water into the new channels. We have to slowly block off the old channels, and allow them to fill in, so that they are no longer viable routes for the water to flow through.

The same is true with our thoughts. When we get into a problematic thought pattern, we have to invest some serious energy into breaking free from it. It doesn't just 'happen.' We have to 'do the work' to retrain our minds out of the problematic/negative pattern of thinking and into a more positive, constructive pattern!

It is totally possible, but it requires some effort!

Re-Thinking is our path to freedom!!!

Route Reversal

I really enjoy hiking. Some people really don't like "up and back" type hikes, where you have to back track along the same route to get back to your starting point. I've never minded this sort of hike at all. I find that the scenery looks entirely different when you are traveling in the opposite direction. I see very different things on my way 'up' a hike than I do on my way 'down.' It's really pretty amazing.

It's the same for routes that I drive. We are greeted with entirely new vistas when we reverse direction.

I have a pretty healthy awareness about this, and yet I discovered something shocking a few weeks ago on my nightly 'walk' around my house.

I work in my garden almost every day during the spring and summer. I enjoy taking a walk several times around my house every evening to review what projects I've completed and think about what is next to be done. I also just enjoy the beauty, the creatures, the birds and all my gorgeous plants. It's my little reward for the work of the day.

A couple weeks ago, I set out on my walk, and it suddenly dawned on me that I ALWAYS walk the same way. I always exit through the same door and walk counter clockwise around the house. I had NEVER walked in the opposite direction. I've lived here for 9 years!

I couldn't believe it when I made this realization! Of course, I reversed my direction and walked the opposite direction - that very moment!

Of course, I saw my garden from a completely different perspective! I couldn't believe it was the first time I'd ever walked this way. With all my awareness about this phenomenon when I hike and drive, I was completely 'missing it' when I took my daily walks!

I'm always amazed at our ability to get into a groove or a rut and not even think twice about it!

Once we gain awareness, it's easy to challenge this pattern in ourselves. It's as simple as reversing the route that we usually take! I even had one teacher I heard speak once encourage us to change which leg we put into our underwear or pants first, just to break the 'normal' pattern!

It's powerful to break through 'crystallized thinking.' Give it a try. Reverse a route that you walk or run. Drive a different route to work. Change around your morning routine once in a while. Shake things up and see how different the world appears!

Another Thought on Walter Cronkite

I didn't really complete the thought I had about the passing of Walter Cronkite. His excellence can and should inspire us, no matter what field we are in, to be the best we can possibly be.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, if we are a street sweeper, we should endeavor to be the best street sweeper EVER! No matter what our calling, we should strive to be the best we can possibly be.

When shining stars arrive on the scene - people who do their jobs in an exemplary manner, we can let them inspire us to be the best we can possibly be!

If everyone did their job to their best possible ability, what a world we would live in!

As Walter leaves us, lets all take a look at how we spend our days, and put an effort into being our very best.

The legacy of peak performers should be that we all reach a little bit higher!

Another Trail Blazer Leaves Us

Walter Cronkite passed away this past weekend. Wow. A lot of people who were influential have 'left us' recently. Their contributions were diverse, but they all touched us in distinct and important ways.

Walter Cronkite was a journalist, the likes of which we don't see much of these days. He had integrity. He tried to present clear, unbiased information. He was a human being who cared deeply about informing the public. He was dubbed the most 'trusted man in America.

I have deep respect for this man. I remember his news casts. He's an icon and a cultural treasure.

The story that has come out that I loved the most about Walter Conkrite is that he actually got in trouble when he initially used his unique tag line of, "And that's the way it is" to end his newscasts.

I love a rebel. The fact that he wanted to use that line and he had to battle to do it, gives me even more respect for him!

Mr. Cronkite is traveling with Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays (The Oxyclean pitchman), a good friend's father and another friend's 22 year old niece. Interesting traveling companions.

Rest in Peace Walter Cronkite. Thank you for all you gave us. You set a high bar for journalists. I hope that more will attempt to live up to your standards.

French Fry Intervention

Do you ever stop to think about how many of your actions are motivated by feelings of 'obligation' rather than conscious choice?

I tend to have an over exaggerated sense of responsibility. I'm all about trying to 'do the right thing' and that is perfectly fine. There is, however, a way that this can get very out of balance. I can flip into a mode where my own wants and needs absolutely vanish as I try to make sure that everyone else around me is comfortable and feeling good about everything. Often times I can be more concerned about the other people around me than they are about themselves. This can lead to some very poor decision making!

I was on a 4 hour drive this past weekend. I need to stop for a 'bio break' and use the restroom at a fast food restaurant. I'm a big time iced tea drinker, so this particular stop was, well - let's just say it was much needed!

I always feel bad about going in to a restaurant, even a fast food restaurant, to use their restroom without buying anything. Even if its a place I've eat at many time before, I still feel guilty. I usually try to at least buy a drink. This particular day, however, I'd had more than my allocated amount of iced tea. Any more and I risked being up all night from the caffeine.

After I used the restroom, all I really wanted to do was get back in my car and continue my drive. The guilt got the better of me and I got in line to buy something. I didn't want tea, so I decided that I would get a small order of french fries. Now, I needed french fries like I need a hole in the head. I didn't even really want them. I just wanted to buy something since I used their restroom! I planned to eat the french fries, of course. I wouldn't want to waste food!

As I stood in line, I kept thinking about walking out. Why was I waiting in line for french fries I didn't want or need? I'd stopped at this place dozens of times in the past and bought food or beverages. Surely it was acceptable to use their restroom once in a while!

The line dwindled down to one elderly couple in front of me. They ordered and paid their bill. The counter person handed them one small cup. The woman said, "Where's our other cup?" What ensued was a discussion about what they had actually ordered, as opposed to what the counter person charged them for. A manager was called. At that moment, I turned and quietly walked out of the restaurant. I got in my car and drove away. I was relieved that I hadn't ended up with the french fries that I didn't really want.

As I drove along and thought about it I got a little frustrated with myself about my willingness to buy and eat french fries out of guilt and a sense of obligation to 'earn my right' to use the restroom at this restaurant. As someone who has struggled with food and weight issues my entire life, it is really quite unhealthy for me to eat something out of obligation or guilt!

I really feel that the 'confusion' between the little old couple and the counter person was a type of universal 'intervention' to save me from myself. If that issue hadn't been made, I would have eaten fries that I didn't want. It would have lessened my enjoyment of the dinner I had an hour later. And for what? Because I felt guilty using the bathroom? That's pretty crazy. I needed to be stopped and shown that this was really not necessary. The pause created by the couple's errant order, allowed me to rethink my decision and make a new choice.

Obligation and guilt are lousy reasons for action. It's never in anyone's best interest. I personally am committed to ferreting out the situations in my life that trigger my sense of obligation or guilt and bring conscious awareness to my choices.

Making a decision for the right reasons is just as important as the decision itself.

Take some time to think about the motivations behind the choices you are making. If guilt or a sense of obligation are lurking there, bring it into the light and reconsider.

"To Do Listing" My Way Through It

Whenever I'm coping with a difficult reality in my life I have many different tactics I use to get through it. One of my favorites is to plan some effective passage of time.

If I've experienced a major life setback, someone has hurt me, or if I've experienced a big disappointment, I first and foremost allow myself time to feel my feelings. The psychologist in me knows that repressing feelings is never the best course of action! Beyond that, however, I know that the passage of time is one of my best friends! In order to not fritter away the time feeling sorry for myself, I always come up with a project list to get me through a specific period of time. Sometimes it's a month, sometimes 3. I've even had some 6 month lists before. It all depends on what I'm 'dealing' with.

I mentioned this in an article earlier this week: the time is going to pass anyway. How do I want to feel at the end of this period of time? Do I want to feel bad about the time I've wasted? Or do I want to look back and say, "Wow... even with what I was going through - I lived my life and accomplished a lot." I vote for the second choice.

I feel good about accomplishing things, whether it's household projects or helping other people. All sorts of things go on my lists. Sometimes it's cleaning out closets or drawers. Other times its catching up on tasks that have been neglected for far too long. Often it has to do with reconnecting with people and strengthening relationships. Whatever works... that's what I say!

This current economic downturn/recession is a great example. Many people are strapped for money. Many of us are staying closer to home, forgoing vacations, and not eating out as much. Financial reality has altered the landscape. For many of us, there are financial worries and stresses that we didn't have a few years ago.

When we are doing all that we can do to address the situation in front of us, it's time to simply let time pass, enjoy what we can enjoy and let time move us through the difficulty.

It doesn't cost money to clean out your closets, drawers or garage. In fact, you might find some things to sell at a garage sale or on ebay! It doesn't take money to volunteer some time to help other people! It doesn't cost money to get into better shape by taking walks/runs, doing some exercises and stretching. Public libraries are free. It costs nothing to get a card and start learning about something of interest to you! Many things cost nothing. Some things cost a little. In the midst of the recession, however, it is totally possible to plot a course that moves us through a stressful, difficult time and gives us something amazing to show for it when we're through!

Try making a list for a specific period of time and start whittling away at it. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish, even when things are tough.

Adjusting to the New Landscape

Life is change. Nothing stays the same. All is impermanent.

Many of us resist these universal truths. We seek security in stability. When we look for our security in outer circumstances, we are pretty much doomed to learn some really tough lessons. We can't ever count on anything in the outer world to remain the way we want it to be. We simply don't have that sort of control.

I'm someone who adapts rather slowly to change. i work on this constantly, in an attempt to be able to 'go with the flow' of life a bit more easily. It still doesn't come naturally to me. I am comforted by routine. I like tradition and I'm a creature of habit. Unfortunately, the world doesn't conform to my particular personality!

I believe that the universe is always teaching us - individually and collectively. One of my big lessons in this life is how to adjust to new situations quickly and without tantrums!

This past weekend, I had an appointment with someone to do some work at my home. I spent two days preparing for their work. I set aside many other tasks and actually put my body under a lot of stress to do the preparation for the work they were going to do to clean and seal all my cement walkways, patios, etc.

They didn't show up.

I was really annoyed. I finally figured it out by 11am. They weren't coming. Although I had spoken to them at 9:15, and they said they were 'on their way.'

All my plans for the day needed to be changed. I had planned my time for that day (and the few days before and after) based on the fact that this work was going to be happening.

I resisted changing my plans for a good 2 hours. I complained to a few people about how this guy had 'wrecked my day.' I didn't 'feel like' doing other things that day. I wanted to get this project done!!

Finally, I started to 'snap out of it.' I grabbed my brain and took hold of my thoughts! Who's fault was it that I was having a bad day and not getting anything accomplished? Was it the concrete guy who didn't show? Or was it me from behind a wall of resistance to 'what is.'

He didn't show up. Not a thing I could do about that. But what happened after that was all on me! I didn't have to let the disappointment of that moment poison my whole day. Yet, that's exactly what I was doing... until I caught myself!

It wasn't the end of the world. It was simply a change in plans. Albeit, it was caused by some one's inconsiderate behavior. That was one moment in time. I was allowing it to become moment after moment after moment. That was my responsibility. I was only hurting myself.

Life is change. Nothing stays the same. Sometimes changes come quite rapidly. The sooner we adjust to what is in front of us, needing our attention, the happier and more productive we will be!

Got any changes staring you down right now? If they aren't going away... you'd best get on with it! You... and me both!

Reigning in the Monkey Mind

Our minds are incredibly powerful and complicated instruments. The way the human mind works is indeed a mystery.

Our thoughts are capable of creating amazing and wonderful masterpieces. They are also capable of making our lives into a living hell.

Have you ever had trouble shutting off your mind at night? Sleep eludes because too many thoughts are spinning through your head. It's frustrating when this happens and it negatively impairs our lives by damaging the quality and amount of sleep that we get.

If you've ever had a conflict with someone and found yourself replaying it over and over in your head - usually with 'better performance' on your part, you are certainly not unique! Most of us, at times, get stuck in instant (and sometimes long past) replays of events in our lives. We go over and over the incident, as though it will change something!

Many of us struggle at various times with thoughts that just will not let us go. We can't stop 'running the tape' of those thoughts through our brains. It is a waste of time, energy and potential. Yet, it doesn't seem to be something we can control.

The only way I know of to address this phenomenon is to 'train' the mind to get quiet. The most powerful way to do this is by meditation practice. It's like anything else. You most likely cannot do something unless you practice it regularly.

Why would we expect to be able to 'turn off' our minds when we are stressed out if we've never even learned to do it when we're not stressed out? That doesn't make much sense.

My teacher, Dr. Chuck Bruni used to ask me this question: "Would you rather make an important decision while sitting in a quiet library or in the midst of Grand Central Station at rush hour?" The meaning being that if we are peace we will most likely make a better decision than if we are in the midst of internal chaos!

Daily practice in quieting our minds will help us at times when we are under great pressure.

I once heard someone say, "The time to start weaving your parachute is NOT when you ready to jump out of the plane!" We can't wait until the moment we absolutely need the ability to quiet our mind to begin to cultivate that ability. We can start NOW... and perhaps the parachute will be ready when we need it!

If you've never meditated before, you need to start small. Even 1 minute of taking deep breaths saying 'relax' inside your head is better than nothing. Using a mantra (words that you repeat either silently or out loud) and watching your breath are excellent ways to begin. Numerous books and workshops are available to teach meditation. It's not complicated... it just requires practice!

Quiet your mind, every day... and soon you'll find that your whole life runs more smoothly!

Do it Again and Again and Again

Sometimes when we are working towards a goal, it seems as though we might never 'get there.' I think we've lost some ability to have patience and wait for things in this culture of ours.

It's true, however, that sometimes we work really hard for something and it truly seems like we should have made more progress than we have. This can be frustrating.

I once heard a teacher of mine talk about working on oneself spiritually and how you have to keep doing what you know is right over and over and over and over and over and over again... regardless of the immediate results you are getting (or not getting).

What other choice do we have? The time is going to pass anyway. We might as well keep doing what we know to do and be patient.

I am someone who has struggled with depression and various mood issues for my entire life. Sometimes, even when I'm doing everything I know how to do, life is just plain hard. I don't feel like I'm where I want to be and I get frustrated with how much effort I'm putting in to feeling better when I don't seem to be getting what I'm hoping for.

I guess I could give up, but that just isn't my personality. Not that I don't feel like it sometimes! My choice, however, is to just keep trucking along. One never knows when things will change or turn around. We simply NEVER know!

It's the same with any long term endeavor. Sometimes you practice a skill over and over for years at a time before you really achieve any kind of success of true ability.

You can't rush things. No matter how much we might wish something went faster - it takes what it takes. When you put a seed in the ground, it takes what it takes to germinate, grow and produce fruit. Is it worth the wait? Absolutely!

Never give up is one of my personal mottos. I mean really... the time is going to pass anyway, so why not do what we believe is going to improve things (whatever it is) and watch things change down the road. The results might not be instant... but we WILL eventually see positive results!

Get up and do it again!

Trail Encounters

I was hiking one of my favorite trails last week on a bright, beautiful day. As I was coming back down the trail, after making it to the summit and soaking in the view, I was struck by the verbal encounters I had along the way.

"Is it worth it?" one woman asked me as her party passed me on their way up. "ABSOLUTELY!" I responded. My response to that particular question is always the same. While it is true that the view at the top is very nice, and a great reward for the trek up the trail, it is also worth it for the health benefits and the mental/emotional benefits of exercising and being out in nature!

"Are there many bees along the way?" one nervous woman asked me. "A saw a few... but it's not too bad," I replied. Is she allergic? Has she had bad 'bee encounters' on this trail before? I wondered how much anxiety she was feeling about bees and how much that might detract from her hiking pleasure.

"Beautiful day isn't it?" one man remarked as we brushed past each other. "Sure is!" I answered. Something about natural beauty (and good weather here in Seattle) makes us want to share it and revel in it with those around us.

I overheard one small boy, who was hiking with his mom and a couple other kids say, "I'm not even tired yet!!" I thought that was very cute, and I am inspired by the endless energy that children seem to have. I could borrow a little of that unbridled energy and enthusiasm!

I was very impressed with a family from Australia. A mom, dad and their two boys all had pretty large packs on their backs. Even though the boys were probably slightly pre-teen they were totally into the hiking experience. They all had tree and bird identification books and were excitedly trying to ID as many species as possible. They seemed truly intrigued and motivated to know the flora and fauna of the area in which they were hiking. I appreciate that level of 'engagement' with life!

You never know who you'll meet on the hiking trail, or in life. Each person I pass on the trail, whether they talk to me or not, is a possible 'example' of either what I want to do and be... or what I do not want to do and be. I look at each person as a potential teacher or role model - be it positive or negative.

Every encounter we have with other people can be useful to us on our journey of conscious evolution! As we endeavor to become more conscious, happier, better adjusted, more fulfilled and more at peace, those around us can be our greatest inspiration!

Who will you meet on the trail today? What impact will you invite them to have in how you live your life?

Accidental Solution

Have you ever gotten a note from your mailman? I've received many! One of my last ones asked me to fix a pothole in the shoulder near my mailbox. The mailman told me that if I didn't fix it they could stop delivering my mail. Who knew.

It was a frustrating and perpetual problem. I would take a metal rake out and fill the hole with gravel from my driveway. Within a few weeks, the gravel was pushed out and the pothole was back in all it's glory.

A few weeks ago one of the utility companies started laying a new pipe along the side of the road in front of my house. It was a mess. They dug a deep ditch and tore up everything to accomplish their goal. I found myself feeling irritated at the intrusion. I wondered what state they would leave the area in front of my driveway.

Just the other day, I made an interesting discovery. My pothole is GONE! It has been repaired by this most recent 'project' on the road! I was elated.

After a year of filling my pothole with gravel, it is now a non-issue. The problem was solved... by accident!

Sometimes I think I expect things to be harder than they have to be. This problem solved itself! I didn't have to do anything.

I wonder how often things might be solved if I believed it were possible to have an easy solution!

I'm opening my mind up to the possibility that things can come easily. What a concept!

The Waxwing Tree

I love the reminders that we are given about the seasonal patterning of life.

I have a tree outside my workout room window that produces small red berries every mid-late June. The berries last about 2 weeks. Birds seem to love these berries. Robins get a few of them, as do a handful of smaller birds. The bulk of these berries, however, go to a particular type of bird called Cedar Waxwings.


The stunning Cedar Waxwing

I don't see many Waxwings in my yard. Maybe I'll spot one or two throughout the summer. The exception is when this tree is producing it's berry crop. Then I have a steady stream of Waxwings!

Waxwings have a very particular call. It's a little wheeze-like... very subtle.

I start looking for them every year when the berries start to ripen, and like the rising of the sun, they appear exactly when they are supposed to. I always say, "It's Waxwings time!" It's comforting to me.

I think it's important to remember that life has seasons and certain things are predictable. Daybreak follows the night. Birds migrate. The tide rises and it falls. Crops are planted and are later harvested. It all makes sense at a larger, cosmic level.

Sometimes when we are mired in the day to day challenges and minutia of life, we forget that there are larger patterns at play. We can get lost in the 'stuff' of our days and forget the bigger picture.

Things like my 'Waxwing tree' remind me that seasons come... and go. Things are 'as they should be.' It might not seem that way when I'm dealing with the current challenge in front of me, but it's true.

Life goes on. The sun will rise. Let the Waxwing Trees of life remind you that it's all unfolding according to a greater wisdom.

Making the Extra Effort

I read an interesting article this past weekend about how President Obama puts a lot of effort into pronouncing people's names (and countries) correctly.

Article on President Obama and Pronunciation

He considers it a sign of respect. President Obama is right. When we make the extra effort to 'speak someone else's language' we indicate a level of concern and respect that is subtle, but powerful.

When we take the time to know someone else, even something as simple as how to pronounce their name, we communicate to them that we care. They matter. They are important. If we carelessly refer to them, we indicate that they aren't worth our time.

Simple... yet so powerful!

I saw a commercial on CNN one time, where one of my heroes, Christiane Amanpour was talking about one of her 'bugaboos' which is how people refer to Iran and Iraq.

We, in the states, tent to say Eye-Rak and Eye-ran. This is not correct.

The way to correctly prounounce these countries has two components. On the first syllable it is correct to say "EEEEE" (as in bee, or see).

On the second syllable, we the 'a' in Iraq or Iran is pronounced like the o in 'rock' or 'Ron'

So, the lesson for today is, to pronounce:

Iraq = EE-rock

Iran = EE-ron

When we make a little extra effort, we show people that we respect them and care about them. Simple things like pronouncing people's name's (or country's) correctly... shows them that they are relevant and that they matter!

Go the extra mile!

Someone Else Will Take Care of It

A friend of mine told me a fascinating and somewhat disturbing story the other day. She was traveling through the Denver airport recently when I fire alarm went off in her concourse.

The noise was deafening. The strobe lights going off were very disorienting. No one seemed to 'respond' to the alarm in any way, other than covering their ears to try to shield themselves from the noise.

My friend found a security guard and asked what was happening. He said it was a false alarm and someone was coming to turn it off. Eventually, the alarm was shut off.

Then it went off again. As was the case before, no one seemed to respond to the alarm. People went about their business. Kids started to cry. The noise was really horrible. It went on... and on... and on.

Finally, my friend was so disturbed by the noise/strobe lights that she left the concourse to get some relief. When she got outside of the concourse, she saw the same security guard whom she had spoken to earlier. She asked him how long it would be before someone turned off the alarm. He said, "Is it on again?"

No one had reported the second alarm. All those hundreds of people were suffering with damaging noise... and no one had alerted anyone in authority. No employees, no passengers... no one. Everyone thought that surely someone was 'doing something' about the problem. Wow.

How often does this happen in life and society. We see a problem and are certain that someone ELSE is going to take care of it. It troubles me how often this is the case. Even in my friend's situation, where the 'problem' was extremely disturbing and potentially destructive noise! No one took action to stop it or handle it.

What if it had been a real emergency? That is even more disturbing. People were ignoring the warning sign, because the warning sign didn't seem to mean anything.

Warning signs are meant to tell us something. If the warning sign is going off in error, that is telling us something else. If no one does anything about 'dealing with' the warning sign - whatever the reason it is occurring, there is information there for us as well.

Assuming that 'other people' will take care of a problem we encounter is a helpless, victim-like stance to take. We aren't taking control of our own destiny!

Assuming someone else will handle something that is negatively affecting us is not an effective way living life!

Someone in a relationship is doing something we don't like and we just wait for them to change it. That isn't going to work very well either.

Our job is unpleasant and our boss is unhappy with our work. We just keep doing what we are doing and hope it will get better. Oops.

We see signs of distress in some area of our body or our health, but we assume it will just take care of itself. That can be downright dangerous.

We see the suffering of others around us and turn the other way. What if we are the ONE who's supposed to do something about that!?

The list goes on and on.

Our world would benefit greatly from everyone dealing with what is in front of us to be dealt with. Take responsibility for yourself, your life, and the things that you observe need attention. You and I can change the world - one situation at a time!

Traveling Light

I was able to get up hiking this past weekend for the first time in a long while. I enjoy hiking. The physical exercise, being out in nature, a chance to disconnect from my normal world - all of that appeals to me.

I tend to always want to 'be prepared.' I take a backpack with me and have it 'stocked' with items that one might need if they had a mishap in the forest.

One of the trails I hike most often, however, is super heavily traveled. If I had any sort of mishap, literally dozens of people would happen by within a couple hours.

I started asking myself why I always feel the need to carry so much stuff on my back while I'm hiking that trail? It isn't really necessary and on a warm day, it's pretty uncomfortable to have my backpack pressing against my back.

This last hike I decided to go with just a jacket (tied around my waste) to carry id and a few of the items I must have, and carry my water bottle in my hand.

What a liberating feeling to go up the hill will nothing weighing me down!

It is an interesting consideration. Where is the line between always being prepared and traveling with too much on one's back?

I have the same issue when I travel. I always have a big suitcase, stuffed completely full. I like to have what I might need with me... at all times.

Yet, schlepping all that stuff with me is not easy! I pay a cost for being 'super prepared.'

I want to come to a place in my life where I take what's needed and I prepare in a reasonable way for what 'might be.' Striking that balance will ease my 'load' in many circumstances and yet preserve my preparedness in a realistic way.

Is there any way you can lighten your load today? Lay down something you've been carrying that you might not really, truly need?

Look for something you can take off your back... and lay it down!

Declare Your Independence

Freedom is a beautiful thing. There are many ways in this life for us to lose our freedom and independence. Lots of worldly interferences can cause us to not be able to move and live freely. That's part of life on planet earth.

The trick is in knowing what freedom really is and knowing that no one can take away our freedom where it really matters - in the way we choose to look at and conduct our lives.

We can have our integrity, our principles, and our convictions. No one can take those away from us. Someone might take away our life, but they cannot take away the inner beliefs and perspective that we hold. We are the only ones who can give those precious gifts away.

Knowing what we can and cannot lose is a large part of finding peace and happiness in this life. Believing that others have the power to take away our joy and happiness is throwing away our power. It is completely our responsibility! If we choose to give others that sort of control over us, we are giving away our freedom to choose.

Independence Day is tomorrow. We celebrate the idea of casting off 'false authority' over our destiny and our path. At least that's what Independence Day is for me. We celebrate freedom, and my hope is that we realize what true freedom is, and where true freedom comes from. No one can take away the freedoms that matter most - our internal state of mind and heart.

I long for a world where no one claims and abuses authority over other people. I yearn for all people to be treated with dignity and respect. My hope is that we learn to live on earth together without exploitation, greed and selfishness. A tall order, I know, but I have to believe we'll get there... eventually.

In the mean time, while people are people, and too many give in to greedy, selfish motivations and take advantage of others in the process, let's all remember that while things can be taken away from us on this earthy, WE GET TO CHOOSE our internal state of mind and our approach to what happens to us in life.

This is real freedom. This type of freedom is all we can ever really count on.

Happy Independence Day! Claim your freedom!

It's Not The Bite It's The Toxins

I am back at work in my garden again. Having been on the road for most of the past 6 weeks I'm finding that my weeds did not take any time off! As always, a continuous stream of work awaits me.

The last time I worked in the garden I got two mosquito bites on my arm. They are only about 3 inches way from each other. One has followed a pretty normal course and is simply a small red bump. The other turned into a giant, painful, red lump. It is hot, itches like the devil and hurts!

The bites are no doubt from different mosquitoes, but it is rather shocking how different the symptoms are.

I've heard that if you are allergic to something that a mosquito bites before you, the reactions can be quite spectacular. That may be what I'm experiencing with the big welt.

This experience got me thinking about the fact that the bite itself isn't what actually matters, it's what comes in with the bite. There is some sort of irritant that comes with the bite that actually causes the pain, itching and swelling. Sometimes it's minor and sometimes it's major.

I think it is the same with difficult experiences in our lives. There is the original event (the bite) and then there is the toxic stuff that comes into our lives with the bite. Those toxins are actually what cause the problem... long after the bite has occurred.

With the bite, I've done all I can to minimize the impact of the poison I took in (antihistamine, caladryl lotion, ice/elevation,etc).

With toxic or traumatic events we have a lot to say about how we deal with them. The bite happened, we can't undo that fact, but we can decide how we will deal with the poisonous toxic stuff that comes into our life with the event.

We have emotions that come up in response to the bite. Some of those can be really destructive - to ourselves and to others. It is our responsibility (and within our control) to deal constructively with those emotions.

Likewise, we have control over our reactions to the bite. We can lash back at the person(s) who bit us, and take actions from a vengeful stance. We can try to make others feel the same pain that we are feeling. None of that helps our bite feel any better, in fact, it only intensifies the 'mess' and pain of the situation.

Sometimes when a 'bite' occurs in our life, we need to 'clean house' and cut loose people or situations that are not good for us. This too, is within our control.

Being angry at the mosquito for biting us doesn't heal the bite any faster.

Being angry at a person or situation for entering our life and causing problems is just as fruitless. We need to face and deal with the aftermath of the bites we receive, take responsibility for the only thing we can control - our self and our own reactions - and move forward.

Got any itchy, swollen bites in your life at the moment? Are you helping them heal, or continuing to perpetuate the pain and suffering related to them?

Release the venomous toxins... and realize that into every life a few bites must come. No one escapes being bitten once in a while. It's part of the human experience. Many have been bitten, and many recover. No sense holding on to what could be a passing pain. Let it go!

Who Travels Together

As I mentioned, we lost several people this past week. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and also Billy Mays (the cleaning product pitch man).

Whenever someone I know passes away, I always pay attention to the other people that go around the same time. I find it interesting.

These four individuals went at the same time. Farrah was only 62, Michael Jackson was 50 and Billy Mays was also only 50 years old. All departed on the young side of things. Ed McMahon was the only one who passed at a 'ripe old age.' He died at 86 years of age.

I'm not sure what any of that means, other than Michael and Billy obviously came in around the same time and exited around the same time. I wonder about things like that.

When my own father passed away, it was round the same time as Princess Diana and mother Teresa. I used to chuckle to myself that he was off somewhere dancing with Princess Di (since he'd been sick for so long and unable to dance) and was also being lectured by Mother Teresa about his 'wilder days.' :)

I wish for all those who have recently departed a peaceful passage. The journey continues...

A Generational Loss - Part 2

This past week, the world also lost Michael Jackson. I was in Las Vegas in the old part of town, on Freemont street when he died. If you've ever been there, you know they have a canopy over the entire street, that stretches several blocks and they project images onto the canopy to create amazing light shows and displays. They did a very touching tribute to him several times during the evening.

I remember seeing Michael Jackson on the Ed Sullivan show when I was a kid. Even when I see those clips today, I'm amazed at the talent and charisma that he had, even as a small boy. He simply radiated contagious energy with his power house voice and seemingly effortless dance moves.

I watched him grow up, and enjoyed his music, my favorite songs of his are:

Don't Stop til You Get Enough
Rock With You
Black or White
PYT (Pretty Young Thing)
Wanna Be Startin' Something
Gone Too Soon

I just read that the song he sang with the Jackson Five on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1969, "I Want You Back" knocked "Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head" from it's number one spot. Rain Drops was my favorite song at the time! I know... I'm 'dating' myself here.

At any rate, Michael Jackson was an enormously talented individual who changed the music scene and popular culture in dramatic ways. The show he had with his brothers in 1975 was the first ever to feature an African American family. He was a pioneer and a trail blazer in many ways. His music, his music videos and his inventive and creative dance moves were all trend setting.

He was also a deeply tormented and troubled individual. As I watched him continually trying to 'alter' his physical appearance, and exhibit strange and eccentric behavior, I felt sorry for him. He was clearly locked in some sort of internal prison of mental and emotional anguish. He seemed to have some sort of deep body image/appearance disorder. He had the money to indulge his impulses to try to 'fix' whatever he thought was 'wrong' with his appearance, and in so doing, turned his appealing and attractive appearance into something artificial and disturbing. I feel sorry for the pain that he was obviously in. His internal pain showed up on the outside in his bizarre appearance.

He also displayed behavior that rightfully concerned many regarding his children (the strange names, covering their faces continually in public, and the 'baby dangling' incident). His own psychological problems were evident in some of his 'public' parenting displays.

He also had a strange and troubling relationship with children. It could have been an innocent childlike nature that lingered into an adulthood. Possibly the result of being forced into adult roles far too early in his life. Perhaps he was truly a 'boy who never grew up' and related to children as 'one of them.' Or, it might have been much more sinister and sick. It is truly hard to tell. His behavior towards children was definitely not normal by our cultural standards, but he also was a huge target with his fortune. People will often try to exploit anything they can to get money from wealthy people.

I personally was troubled by what I saw with him and his relationships to children (including the parenting of his own). However, I certainly wouldn't draw absolute conclusions in any direction about what his issues actually were.

It was clear that he was emotionally and mentally troubled. Many brilliant people are. He was no different. With enormous talent and ability often come demons and a tormented inner world.

I sincerely hope that Michael is at peace now. I appreciate the immense contributions that he made to this world, through his music, blazing a trail for other artists, shattering racial barriers and also important the amazing amount he contributed to charity. He believed in giving back and did so at every opportunity.

It always makes me sad when people of enormous talent struggle with demons and find no path to relief. I hope Michael is finally free of all that plagued him.

Rest in peace, Michael.

A Generational Loss - Part 1

This past week was a strange one. Three well known people passed away - Ed McMahon (Johnny Carson's long time announcer), Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

While I am old enough to remember Ed McMahon, he was not a major force in my world. For one thing, I don't usually stay up late enough to watch the "Late Shows" on tv.

I'll get to Michael Jackson tomorrow, but today I'd like to say something about Farrah Fawcett.

Now, what can I say. I, like every other teenage girl in my generation, worked hard at having that hair. Not very successfully, I might add. I was in Jr. High School when she burst into pop culture as one of Charlie's Angels. This picture below is probably the closest I ever came to getting her hair... on "western day" when I was in the eighth or ninth grade. I'm on the left. My friend came pretty close... and she even had the color right!



I was not necessarily a big Farrah fan, but I did want to have her hair! And, I spent a summer living in a house where my landlord proudly had 'that poster' hanging in the dining room!

I think the thing Farrah did that I most admired was to star in the TV movie, "The Burning Bed" which brought domestic violence into public consciousness. That movie impacted me in a major way and shattered many of the misperceptions about this societal nightmare. She helped bring this dark issue into the light.

So goodbye to Farrah. She came, she shined and now she has moved on. Rest in peace.

You've Got the Best Scream I've Ever Heard

I'm in Las Vegas for a few days with some of my relatives. We have a love for gambling in my family. We really enjoy playing various games and playing the slot machines. It's funny how the trait seems to be prevalent among us.

Two of my cousins are with me and they have never been much into video poker, which is my favorite game. I kind of got them both hooked on the game when we arrived here in Vegas. I even carry a little probability sheet with me for the game I play and have been pulling it out to do consultations with various members of my party when they (or I) am in a quandary about what to do!

Last night while most of our party was outside watching the light show in 'old town' Vegas, my cousin and I were in playing video poker, of course. Then it happened. She hit the holy grail of video poker. Something I have tried unsuccessfully to achieve in the 24 years I've been playing this game. She hit the royal flush - which paid 4000 quarters - $1,000!!!!

I let out a "whoo hoo" like you wouldn't believe. Truth be told, I let out many of them. Some "Whooooooo's" and other sounds of happiness were also unleashed. I was so happy for my cousin. She was so excited! It was really cool!

The guy playing at the machine on the other side of me said, 'You have the best scream I've ever heard!' He asked my cousin to hit it one more time so he could hear me scream again. :)

It was funny, but one thing about the entire story that made me even happier is that I could express my enthusiasm and my joy in a way that felt good, and was infectious to other people around me. I wasn't being obnoxious of too loud, but I was fully expressing the happiness and excitement that I felt at the moment. I wasn't shy or self conscious about doing it. I even ran outside to get our entire gang to come in to see the royal flush on her machine!

There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have been able to cut loose like that and express my feelings out loud. I would have kept quiet. It would have felt wrong to let it out and share those feelings with those around me. I'm so glad that I've busted loose out of that prison!

When we are happy and excited, it's magnified when we share it with others and see it reflected back to us. It's a gift for everyone around.

I've laughed so hard this past week that my abdominal muscles actually hurt! I tend to be a bit on the serious side, so for me to laugh this much is really something! It has been such a fun trip. Having fun and laughing out loud is something I need to do a lot more of.

Let your joy out to play! It's healing and freeing for everyone around you!

Whoo hoo!!!!!

It's Illegal For You to See the Truth

As I've mentioned I just spent 3 weeks in Ramallah in the Palestinian territories/currently occupied/controlled by Israel.

There is another interesting phenomenon that I wanted to write about. This one fascinates and infuriates me.

It is ILLEGAL for Israeli citizens to go into the West Bank (the occupied Palestinian territories) or Gaza. Illegal. They are not supposed to go there. Even Israeli Arabs are not supposed to go there. Israeli settlers are evidently the exception to this rule, as they LIVE in the occupied territories.

It's important to understand that Arab family lines cross these arbitrary boundaries. It is illegal for Israeli (Arab) citizens to visit their families if they live in the occupied territories!

This is merely an attempt to keep Israelis from 'knowing' the truth of what is happening in the territories. The official government line would be that they don't want Israelis to be abducted and then have to work to free them. Sounds reasonable, but what if there could be a waiver that Israelis could sign saying they would not hold the government responsible? I think that's a great idea.

The law is being used to engender fear - Don't go there... you might not come back. It is also being used to hide the truth from good people who might question their own government if they 'get to know' the people on the other side of the wall and the conflict.

Unjust laws are an abomination!

I'm reminded of a story a friend of mine told me about his days in the Peace Corps in Swaziland, South Africa. It was illegal for whites and blacks to walk down the same side of the streets in certain areas. I remember him telling me about defying that law and quickly being 'moved' back to his side of the street by the police.

"Keep 'em Separated!" is a great tactic for making enemies of people... and keeping people from knowing who they are afraid of. So simple... and so effective.

I long for the day when laws like the 'white/black side of the street' and "it's illegal for you to go visit the 'other people'" are no longer obeyed. We allow ourselves to be controlled by unjust and ridiculous laws of man such as this.

All human beings deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

A Permit to Live

I just spent 3 weeks in a place where human beings are required to have permits to do basic, essential functions. I was in Ramallah, in the occupied West Bank. This is a Palestinian town, that like the rest of the West Bank, is under the military occupation of Israel.

Although Jerusalem is 10 short miles away, Palestinians can't go there... without a permit from Israel. They can't go to the doctor, to visit relatives, to worship in churches or mosques (there are Christian and Mulsim Palestinians), or leave from the Tel Aviv airport - without a permit from Israel.

It is surreal. Surreal is actually too pretty a word. It's repulsive to me.

To be 'free' to travel in and out as I was, the contrast was startling. Talking to people who have trouble going to Jerusalem for ANY resaon made me feel bad. Their families have lived there for hundreds of years, and they can't travel 10 miles freely, but I, who hadn't set foot on that land until 10 years ago, can go anywhere I want.

I heard a horrible story of a man who was trying to get a permit to Jerusalem for his elderly wife to go to a doctor. He waited in line all day and at 3pm the Israeli authority granted a 9am - 5pm permit for THAT VERY DAY! There wasn't enough time for him to get his wife to/from the doctor. So, he'd have to come back another day and try again. Unbelievable.

The people I was working with in Ramallah are trying to plan a vacation to the US. The entire family has US passports, but still need a 'permit' from Israel to leave via Tel Aviv's airport. The last time they planned a vacation, they were not granted a permit to leave until just before their flight. They could have just as easliy not gotten the permits and would have missed their flight and incurred change fees on their tickets. They can't plan a simple trip - because it is completely the whim of the ISraeli government whether they can actually leave or not.

It is not acceptable for any group of people to hold that sort of 'authority' over other people. I find it offensive.

I hope the world wakes up to these sorts of injustices and says NO MORE.

Here's to Dads Everywhere

Yesterday was father's day. Fathers are so important it is hard for me to know where to begin as I sing their praises!

In my own experience, some of my best memories in life are those involving my father. He worked away from home alot when I was growing up, so I cherished every minute I got to spend with him. I remember one particular Saturday morning, I heard someone knocking at the front door of the house. I was usually the first one up on Saturdays, to watch cartoons with my dog on my lap. I rushed to the door and could see my dad's face smiling at me from outside the dining room window. He wasn't supposed to be home that particular weekend, but I can still feel my heart overflowing with delight as I saw his face in the window. Daddy was home!

He was my greatest supporter, and at the same time expected a great deal from me. The combination served my development well.

I remember him bringing me little presents whenever he'd come home from a business trip. He let me drink 'coffee' with him (which was mostly milk with a little sugar mixed in). I felt so 'grown up' when he let me drink coffee with him!

We fished together, and went clamming. We spent a lot of good father-daughter time. I am a lot like he was... which is good and bad. I trust people too quickly and too much sometimes, and it has caused me problems in life... more than once. I'm friendly and open like he was, and make friends quickly... just like he did.

I see a lot of my father in me. That makes me happy.

Fathers can make or break their children. The role they play in the formation of the persons they 'create' is immense. Fathers sometimes are considered secondary in the rearing of children. That is such a sad occurrence to me. Their role is critical, and it should be treated with seriousness and respect.

How a man treats his wife/the mother of his children will affect generations to come. How a man treats his daughters will lay the foundation for the relationships she will have with men in her life. This can be powerfully positive, or, if the father blows it, can have catastrophic results.

Men... the father role... are a gift to us all. Men and women are different creatures, and those differences should be celebrated and respected. Give thanks for the men in your life, most especially your father. Even if he 'blew it' you wouldn't be here without him, so at least that deserves a thank you inside your heart.

Do something nice for the men in your life to celebrate the gift they give... just by being men.

Happy father's day...

Playing Catch Up

It's always good to come home from a long trip, but there is a price to be paid for being away. I've been traveling in Israel and Palestine for the past three weeks. Coming home is wonderful, but there are bills to be paid, issues to be dealt with and appointments that were postponed for the trip.

This was my first full day back and I had several appointments to keep and many phone calls to make. I paid bills and followed up on why my lawn hasn't been cut since I left home. I'm also amazed at how my garden was weed free when I left and now looks like a jungle! Everything exploded while I was away.

It can feel a little overwhelming when we've fallen behind in a chore or set of tasks. The extra burden of 'catching up' on top of all our normal daily work can seem daunting.

As I slowly dig myself out from beneath the back log, I remember that I've done this many times before - come home from a trip and whipped my home front into shape. This is doable. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I remember that it is not a permanent situation. I will get caught up again and then life will return to a more leisurely pace. OK, well, maybe not leisurely, but it will mellow out a bit.

Whether we fall behind because of our own actions (like procrastinating or postponing something) or it happens as the result of something beyond our control, the sensations can be quite unpleasant.

Patience and persistence are the answer to this situation. If you have something that you're behind in doing, dig in and start chipping away at it. Give yourself a realistic amount of time to tackle it and just keep plugging away.

As I look at my next pile of financial paperwork to deal with, I'm making a plan for how I'll work through it tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm also getting over jet lag, so I'm going to call it a night very soon. I accomplished what I could today, and now it's time to let that be enough and give myself some much needed rest.

Remember too, as you're plugging away, to do what you are doing with peace and do your best to stay balanced. How you do something is as important as what you do.

Home at Last

Just a quick note to say that I'm back home in Seattle. Feeling grateful for a safe and uneventful trip. Smooth sailing all the way. After spending time with people who need permits to travel a few miles to visit friends, family, get medical care or accomplish the simplest of tasks... I no longer take my freedom to travel for granted. More on that later.

For now, it's time for a hot shower and some sleep.

Homeward Bound

As I sit here in the Tel Aviv airport I'm reflecting on a wonderful and exhausting trip. A lot of work accomplished, many new friends made, a great deal of amazing food consumed... and too little exercise done (oops - I'll do better next time).

Saying goodbye to one group of friends and loved ones and heading towards another today. Goodbye to everyone here. See you soon.

Get ready back home... I'm on my way. :)

Maasalaama and Litroat from Palestine and Israel.

Almost, But Not Quite

I'm spending my last night in Jerusalem tonight. It's 'almost time' to go home. Tomorrow is the day! I fly in the morning and will be home by late in the evening.

I'm in the place where I feel like it's time to go, but I haven't quite got it all together yet.

There are always tons of things to do at the end of any project, or in preparation for any journey. Why things always pile up at the last second, I'll never know.

As I organize and pack my bags, I'm reflecting on a busy, wonderful, challenging three weeks. Being in the middle east is always a rich and satisfying experience.

I'm grateful for the time I've had here and am looking forward to getting home!

Simple Pleasures

Yesterday I got my hands into a garden for the first time in 3 weeks. I was walking through a friend's garden enjoying the beauty and incredible variety all around me. I stopped at a day lily plant and started pulling off the spent blossoms. It felt good after three weeks of sitting at a computer for long hours, to get out into the garden and do something with a plant! Within a few minutes I had pulled off the spent blossoms, and the plant looked much happier.

It was a simple thing, but it gave me enormous pleasure.

Sometimes I think we set our expectations too high and set ourselves up to require too much in order to feel content. Often we need to realign our expectations to something more realistic and more sustainable.

If indeed we want to be happy, we need to really dive into and enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer.

Star Wars (Episode IV - which is really 'the first' movie to us old timers) just started... so I'm off to indulge in another simple pleasure!

Hanging on for Dear Life

It was a windy day today. There is a beautiful tree outside the office I'm working in that is covered with lavender colored flowers. It is a stunning site to behold. This tree appeals to a little bird that looks somewhat like a hummingbird. I'm not sure if it is a hummer or not.

As I watched one of these birds drinking nectar I was amazed at his tenacity. The wind was blowing so hard that the little bird was holding on for dear life! The cluster of flowers that he was drinking from were bouncing around like crazy. That little bird just kept holding on and kept drinking nectar. He wanted what he wanted and he wasn't going to let a little wind stop him.

I was inspired by this bird. Next time I'm getting getting bounced around by the wind, I'll just hang on a little tighter and keep on keeping on!

Hand on tight and ride out the wind!

Accepting What Is vs Working for Change

It's a fine line to walk. When faced with an untenable situation, how do we know how long to continue to work to change it and when do we know it's time to surrender? There is no clear answer for most situations. We have to trust ourselves and apply an appropriate amount of persistence!

Often times we can be 'conditioned' just just 'give up' and stop trying. There is a teaching story told about how baby elephants are trained. The baby is tethered to a large and strong steak in the ground with a strong rope. The baby elephant struggles and struggles to try to break free, but it can't. At some point it finally give up and knows that when it is attached to a rope, it cannot move freely. After that critical point, they don't even need to be tethered to anything! Their rope can simply be draped over a railing and they will not try to walk away. They have come to associate the rope with being trapped and stuck. They don't even try. The truth is, they could get away any time they want to. They simply don't try.

We can be the same way. We always need to be vigilant for areas where we settle for something unacceptable, simply because we have come to believe there is no alternative. Often times, we are trapping ourselves!

Likewise, sometimes we really can't change a circumstance, and if we continue to beat our head against the wall, we merely exhaust ourselves needlessly.

There is a balance to be struck here and it will be different for each of us and it will vary from situation to situation. The most important thing is to remain conscious and keep asking ourselves what the appropriate course of action is.

Conscious awareness is the key!

The Relief at the End of the Day

It just feels good when we come to the end of long, hard day. Sleep never feels better than when we have exhausted ourselves body, mind and soul.

Likewise, when we've come through a difficult time and we finally start to emerge on the other side, it feels wonderful.

We need to always realize that we can make it through much more than we think we can. When the long day ends, and we know we've done our best, that is all we can ask of ourselves.

When we finally start to feel better after a betrayal, loss or trauma, we realize that the sun really does rise again. It really does.

I have been through some tough stuff in the past couple years. I'm still standing. In fact, I'm doing just great! There were dark days and tough moments. I just kept on walking. Now, I'm getting to reap the rewards of all those steps I took in the dark.

As I'm back in the saddle, doing some work I haven't done for a long time, I was nervous and anxious about it before I started. Now, after a couple weeks of doing it, I'm seeing that I'm handling it just fine, and am, in fact, doing a great job.

Let those moments of 'relief' and 'peace' after a 'long haul' soothe and bolster us for the rest of our life's journey.

The day is over for me at this moment, and it's time for the much earned rest.

Good night!

Honoring Ones Own Way

Comparing ourselves to others is so destructive! Even though many of us know this is true, we still do it! Sometimes we are extremely harsh with ourselves. We look at other people's skills, abilities and ways of doing things and we idealize them, while at the same time we look at our skills, abilities and ways of doing things and we discount them.

What is that about?

I was telling a story the other day about an experience I had many years ago as a software designer and programmer. I have a particular way that I write programs or solve any complex problem. It usually involves lots of paper and diagrams that help me segment out what I'm working on and see the actual relationships visually on paper.

I am actually pretty good at solving complex problems, but *not* in my head! I need to write things down and figure them out on paper.

When I was in college, taking computer programming classes, I would write my programs out on paper. I would start with a bunch of blank sheets of paper and I would label each one with a function that needed to be performed in my program. I would logically split out the program into various tasks/activities that needed to be performed. I would start very generally, and add sheets of paper for the 'sub tasks' as I got into more specific detailed actions.

By the time I was done writing any program, I had a stack of paper. I could easily rearrange the order of the pieces as I needed to. Every single line of code was actually on that paper when I was finished. It was ready to be typed directly into the computer.

I rarely had logic errors. Usually my errors were limited to 'syntax' errors caused by typos! My programs were always well thought out and met the objectives set for them.

I hung out with a lot of programmers in school and at work. In the company I worked for, I was one of three database designers/programmers. The two other guys were really experienced, talented programmers. They both coded in their head. They would just sit at the computer and type in their code straight away. Somehow they could hold all the logic in their head in a way I had never been able to do.

I started to feel inadequate compared to these two co-workers. I felt like 'their way' was superior to 'my way.'

One day I decided I was being silly and I should just be able to code like they did - straight out of my head onto the computer. So I gave it a try. I had a complex process to write a program to accomplish. I worked on it ALL DAY (to the tune of 8 hours!)

As I neared completion of the program, I felt proud, but it was also much harder than it would have been if I'd done it 'my way.' It took me longer, and I was pretty sure I was going to have some 'logic' errors in addition to my 'syntax' errors.

Then the unthinkable happened. Our computer system crashed (this was a Xenix multi user system). ALL MY WORK WAS LOST! All of it. I hadn't saved during the day (OK, that was a silly mistake). And, because i hadn't written anything down... all my work was lost. I was devastated.

This powerful experience left a lasting impression on me. I realized that I had basically dishonored myself with what I had done. I tried to force myself to do something that was against my nature. The universe let me know that not only was this not necessary, but that it could also be quite painful and costly.

I never tried to code straight on to the computer out of my head... ever again. I still, to this day, draw diagrams and write out my information requirements on paper when I'm trying to solve a problem. In fact, I just finished doing a complex database design... on paper!

It is very important in life that we learn to honor our own unique way of doing things and our own rhythm in our life. We are not like anyone else and we're not supposed to be!

Honor yourself as the amazing creation that you are! The world wouldn't be the same without YOU!

Falling Off the Cliff

In the project I've been working on, I've used a particular analogy over and over again to make a point.

Let's say we are trying to solve the following problem. There is a dangerous cliff in our neighborhood and people keep falling off this cliff and severely injuring themselves.

There are two basic approaches to solving this problem.

The first, is to treat the injured and build hospitals at the bottom of the cliff.

The second approach is to go to the cliff itself and build some fences to PREVENT people from falling off the cliff. We might also post some warning signs and help people avoid the danger in that way.

Approach one is reactive and repetitive. We will have a continued need for medical care at the bottom of the cliff. We have no reason to believe that any fewer people will be falling off the cliff in the future. Nothing is being done to address the cause of the injuries.

Now, while we might need to build a hospital to treat those who have fallen, the second approach is much more of a 'solution.' We are actually implementing a plan to prevent people from falling off the cliff in the first place, thus preventing the injuries in the first place.

When we live our lives in 'reactive' mode, we are basically using the first approach. We fight the fires in our lives repeatedly, without giving thought to a way of preventing or lessening the severity of the fires.

We are actually fairly conditioned to look for the fasted relief from a symptom, even if the approach doesn't resolve the issue permanently. When we do this, we are almost guaranteed a repeat performance. Treating the symptom and ignoring the cause is not a true solution.

Taking a reactive approach takes a tool on us. It requires more energy in the long run to repeatedly deal with something than it does to spend a little more time up front and REALLY solve the problem.

We need to turn a new eye to the issues and challenges in our lives and see if we detect any patterns that require attention.

It might be time to climb the mountain and starting building that fence!

Obama Blazes a Trail of Possibility

US President Barack Obama was in Cairo Egypt yesterday, June 4, 2009 to deliver a speech aimed at improving US Muslim/Arab relations.

I am in the Middle East myself, and actually feel proud to be here at the same time that delivered this message to the Arab world.

Do I think all the problems are solved... of course not. Do I believe Obama can achieve everything he hopes he can... again, no. Do I think his speech, and the feelings expressed in it provide a way forward into the future... absolutely.

I still maintain that while it may take time for this world to change, it will, indeed... CHANGE.

Obama's election, to me, represents the opportunity to begin to break down old, crystallized thinking, stereotypes and limited perspectives that keep us locked in a prison of ignorance, arrogance and fear.

He may not be able to accomplish all that is required to resolve the key problems of our time (with regards to the middle east) but I do believe that his knowledge and understanding of the truth, and what is needed here can, at the very least, lay the ground work for a very different future.

Nothing happens overnight, but for the first time in a long time, I believe that some important ground work is being done.

Many people believe that 'words are just words.' I too want to see Obama act on his words (Especially those regarding the emergence of a viable, secure, autonomous Palestinian State). BUT... I am delighted that at the very least, we have a president in the United States who is not going about flexing his muscles and insulting other people! Obama understands what it means to be respectful, and to wield one's power responsibly. This is a HUGE improvement over the past 8 years of nightmare that the world has suffered at the hands of former president Bush.

I have hope. I see this as a positive time, filled with possibility. Only time will tell, but it will take time to develop the fruits of the seeds that Obama is sewing. The time will pass anyway, so we might as well be hopeful that the results will come to fruition.

Here are some excerpts from the speech. They are things that jumped out at me. I don't agree with every single sentence in what I'm sharing, but probably 98% of it!

If you haven't heard or read the entire speech, I encourage you to do so.

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"I am convinced that in order to move forward, we must say openly the things we hold in our hearts, and that too often are said only behind closed doors. There must be a sustained effort to listen to each other; to learn from each other; to respect one another; and to seek common ground. As the Holy Koran tells us, 'Be conscious of God and speak always the truth.' That is what I will try to do - to speak the truth as best I can, humbled by the task before us, and firm in my belief that the interests we share as human beings are far more powerful than the forces that drive us apart.

As a student of history, I also know civilization's debt to Islam. It was Islam - at places like Al-Azhar University - that carried the light of learning through so many centuries, paving the way for Europe's Renaissance and Enlightenment. It was innovation in Muslim communities that developed the order of algebra; our magnetic compass and tools of navigation; our mastery of pens and printing; our understanding of how disease spreads and how it can be healed. Islamic culture has given us majestic arches and soaring spires; timeless poetry and cherished music; elegant calligraphy and places of peaceful contemplation. And throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality.

And when the first Muslim-American was recently elected to Congress, he took the oath to defend our Constitution using the same Holy Koran that one of our Founding Fathers - Thomas Jefferson - kept in his personal library.

So I have known Islam on three continents before coming to the region where it was first revealed. That experience guides my conviction that partnership between America and Islam must be based on what Islam is, not what it isn't. And I consider it part of my responsibility as President of the United States to fight against negative stereotypes of Islam wherever they appear.

Moreover, freedom in America is indivisible from the freedom to practice one's religion. That is why there is a mosque in every state of our union, and over 1,200 mosques within our borders. That is why the U.S. government has gone to court to protect the right of women and girls to wear the hijab, and to punish those who would deny it.

This is a difficult responsibility to embrace. For human history has often been a record of nations and tribes subjugating one another to serve their own interests. Yet in this new age, such attitudes are self-defeating. Given our interdependence, any world order that elevates one nation or group of people over another will inevitably fail. So whatever we think of the past, we must not be prisoners of it. Our problems must be dealt with through partnership; progress must be shared.

The Holy Koran teaches that whoever kills an innocent, it is as if he has killed all mankind; and whoever saves a person, it is as if he has saved all mankind. The enduring faith of over a billion people is so much bigger than the narrow hatred of a few. Islam is not part of the problem in combating violent extremism - it is an important part of promoting peace.

Let me also address the issue of Iraq. Unlike Afghanistan, Iraq was a war of choice that provoked strong differences in my country and around the world. Although I believe that the Iraqi people are ultimately better off without the tyranny of Saddam Hussein, I also believe that events in Iraq have reminded America of the need to use diplomacy and build international consensus to resolve our problems whenever possible. Indeed, we can recall the words of Thomas Jefferson, who said: 'I hope that our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater it will be.'

And finally, just as America can never tolerate violence by extremists, we must never alter our principles. 9/11 was an enormous trauma to our country. The fear and anger that it provoked was understandable, but in some cases, it led us to act contrary to our ideals. We are taking concrete actions to change course. I have unequivocally prohibited the use of torture by the United States, and I have ordered the prison at Guantanamo Bay closed by early next year.

Around the world, the Jewish people were persecuted for centuries, and anti-Semitism in Europe culminated in an unprecedented Holocaust. Tomorrow, I will visit Buchenwald, which was part of a network of camps where Jews were enslaved, tortured, shot and gassed to death by the Third Reich. Six million Jews were killed - more than the entire Jewish population of Israel today. Denying that fact is baseless, ignorant, and hateful. Threatening Israel with destruction - or repeating vile stereotypes about Jews - is deeply wrong, and only serves to evoke in the minds of Israelis this most painful of memories while preventing the peace that the people of this region deserve.

On the other hand, it is also undeniable that the Palestinian people - Muslims and Christians - have suffered in pursuit of a homeland. For more than sixty years they have endured the pain of dislocation. Many wait in refugee camps in the West Bank, Gaza, and neighboring lands for a life of peace and security that they have never been able to lead. They endure the daily humiliations - large and small - that come with occupation. So let there be no doubt: the situation for the Palestinian people is intolerable. America will not turn our backs on the legitimate Palestinian aspiration for dignity, opportunity, and a state of their own.

For decades, there has been a stalemate: two peoples with legitimate aspirations, each with a painful history that makes compromise elusive. It is easy to point fingers - for Palestinians to point to the displacement brought by Israel's founding, and for Israelis to point to the constant hostility and attacks throughout its history from within its borders as well as beyond. But if we see this conflict only from one side or the other, then we will be blind to the truth: the only resolution is for the aspirations of both sides to be met through two states, where Israelis and Palestinians each live in peace and security.

That is in Israel's interest, Palestine's interest, America's interest, and the world's interest. That is why I intend to personally pursue this outcome with all the patience that the task requires. The obligations that the parties have agreed to under the Road Map are clear. For peace to come, it is time for them - and all of us - to live up to our responsibilities.

Palestinians must abandon violence. Resistance through violence and killing is wrong and does not succeed. For centuries, black people in America suffered the lash of the whip as slaves and the humiliation of segregation. But it was not violence that won full and equal rights. It was a peaceful and determined insistence upon the ideals at the center of America's founding. This same story can be told by people from South Africa to South Asia; from Eastern Europe to Indonesia. It's a story with a simple truth: that violence is a dead end. It is a sign of neither courage nor power to shoot rockets at sleeping children, or to blow up old women on a bus. That is not how moral authority is claimed; that is how it is surrendered.

Now is the time for Palestinians to focus on what they can build. The Palestinian Authority must develop its capacity to govern, with institutions that serve the needs of its people. Hamas does have support among some Palestinians, but they also have responsibilities. To play a role in fulfilling Palestinian aspirations, and to unify the Palestinian people, Hamas must put an end to violence, recognize past agreements, and recognize Israel's right to exist.

At the same time, Israelis must acknowledge that just as Israel's right to exist cannot be denied, neither can Palestine's. The United States does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements. This construction violates previous agreements and undermines efforts to achieve peace. It is time for these settlements to stop.

Israel must also live up to its obligations to ensure that Palestinians can live, and work, and develop their society. And just as it devastates Palestinian families, the continuing humanitarian crisis in Gaza does not serve Israel's security; neither does the continuing lack of opportunity in the West Bank. Progress in the daily lives of the Palestinian people must be part of a road to peace, and Israel must take concrete steps to enable such progress.

America will align our policies with those who pursue peace, and say in public what we say in private to Israelis and Palestinians and Arabs. We cannot impose peace. But privately, many Muslims recognize that Israel will not go away. Likewise, many Israelis recognize the need for a Palestinian state. It is time for us to act on what everyone knows to be true.

The sixth issue that I want to address is women's rights.

I know there is debate about this issue. I reject the view of some in the West that a woman who chooses to cover her hair is somehow less equal, but I do believe that a woman who is denied an education is denied equality. And it is no coincidence that countries where women are well-educated are far more likely to be prosperous.

Now let me be clear: issues of women's equality are by no means simply an issue for Islam. In Turkey, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Indonesia, we have seen Muslim-majority countries elect a woman to lead. Meanwhile, the struggle for women's equality continues in many aspects of American life, and in countries around the world.

Our daughters can contribute just as much to society as our sons, and our common prosperity will be advanced by allowing all humanity - men and women - to reach their full potential. I do not believe that women must make the same choices as men in order to be equal, and I respect those women who choose to live their lives in traditional roles. But it should be their choice. That is why the United States will partner with any Muslim-majority country to support expanded literacy for girls, and to help young women pursue employment through micro-financing that helps people live their dreams.

All of us share this world for but a brief moment in time. The question is whether we spend that time focused on what pushes us apart, or whether we commit ourselves to an effort - a sustained effort - to find common ground, to focus on the future we seek for our children, and to respect the dignity of all human beings.

It is easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward; to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. There is also one rule that lies at the heart of every religion - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This truth transcends nations and peoples - a belief that isn't new; that isn't black or white or brown; that isn't Christian, or Muslim or Jew. It's a belief that pulsed in the cradle of civilization, and that still beats in the heart of billions. It's a faith in other people, and it's what brought me here today.

We have the power to make the world we seek, but only if we have the courage to make a new beginning, keeping in mind what has been written.

The Holy Koran tells us, 'O mankind! We have created you male and a female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another.'

The Talmud tells us: 'The whole of the Torah is for the purpose of promoting peace.'

The Holy Bible tells us, 'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.'

The people of the world can live together in peace. We know that is God's vision. Now, that must be our work here on Earth. Thank you. And may God's peace be upon you."

Getting Into the Swing of Things

We've all had the experience of getting sore muscles after doing something physical that is not usual for us to do. Our muscles are not used to the exertion and we feel it as soreness after the fact. If we continue doing that activity on a regular basis, eventually the soreness eases and our body grows accustomed to the new activity level.

It's the same scenario for other new experiences in our lives. If we try to incorporate a new activity into our schedule, for example, we may find that it is a struggle for quite some tome. We might discover that it feels impossible to fit it in without disrupting our normal routine. If we persist, however, the activity becomes a bit easier (just like my physical activity example) and we are able to integrate it more completely into our life.

We have to keep this in mind when we are taking on a new endeavor. I'm in the middle of a huge, new project that is taking a lot of my time and energy. Its a different schedule and a different type of mental engagement than I've done for quite some time. It can seem overwhelming on some days. Yet, I know that there is a process happening inside. Old skills are getting dusted off. Some things that initial felt awkward to me are already starting to feel a bit easier and more comfortable. Parts of my brain, that have been 'resting' for a time are waking up. Some old capacities are being resurrected, and some 'new muscles' are being flexed. With each day that goes by, what at first felt foreign is feeling more 'normal' and 'natural.'

Remember what it was like at the beginning of every new school year? After the lazier more relaxed days of summer, it took a little while to get back into the routine of going to school every day, doing homework, and balancing our time. We knew this was going to occur and we accepted it. Most of us cut ourselves some slack as we 'ramped up' to the pace we would need to sustain for the school year.

Many of our life experiences are similar to this. Some new endeavor enters our life, or a new responsibility, or challenge appears. It might feel daunting and impossible at first. It might seem like we'll never be able to do what needs to be done... day after day after day. Yet... we do!

It's important to give ourselves time to get 'back in the swing' of things when we are integrating anything new into our lives. Shway Shway, as is said in Arabic. Slowly slowly... little by little!

The Winding Path

Have you ever noticed that sometimes, now matter how much you might want to, you simply can't go straight to where you want to go? Sometimes the path to our destination is long and winding. It seems as though, for some reason, we have to go through a lot of things before we can reach the place we wish to reach.

I grow impatient sometimes, when i want something to be done NOW. I often expect myself to be able to figure things out quickly and accurately with no wavering. This isn't really very realistic.

I do know that sometimes, when I'm trying to solve a complex problem I have to think about something, roll it around in my mind, come at it from different angles, try different approaches, feel very lost... and then suddenly everything crystallizes and comes together. It might come in a flash, but there was a long, slow, sometimes frustrating lead up to the solution!

I guess the qualities that are needed in such situations are patience and trust. We need to remember that there is a solution and that we will get there if we keep working the problem and let the answer emerge.

These days I'm working on some complex projects that are not quick to complete. There are many decisions to be made, and those decisions need to take into account a lot of information and possibilities. It takes time and it takes a lot of 'trial runs' through different scenarios to see if they will handle what needs to be handled.

It's all part of the process. Growing impatient doesn't help anything. In fact it can thwart the creative process. Feeling like something is 'wrong' because the end result is not achieved just wastes energy.

Maybe we find ourselves in situations that take time to resolve so we can cultivate the qualities of patience and trust. Perhaps those experiences are like our curriculum for learning these two important aspects of a happy life!

Next time you find yourself wishing you were 'through' something and that it was all 'settled' and 'figured out,' remember that you are being given an opportunity to demonstrate and cultivate patience and trust in the process of life itself! When we have these gifts, life becomes much easier and more pleasant to live!

Working it In Around the Edges

I have come to know the importance of exercise in my daily life. It is simply no longer an option for me to go for long periods of time without it! When I'm not exercising, I don't sleep as well and I don't feel as well as I do when I'm getting regular exercise!

Sometimes life gets hectic. I used to be somewhat of an 'all-or-nothing' thinker. If I couldn't do something 'the whole way' I'd rather not do it. With regards to exercise, this might mean that if i couldn't go to the gym for an hour or go for a long run, I simply would do nothing. If I couldn't do the entire activity the way I usually did it, then I simply wouldn't do any of it.

This is a very destructive way of doing things and looking at life! There are many times in our lives where we cannot do 100% of a task when we want to do it.

At the moment, I'm in the midst of a complex and consuming project. My daily routine is very disrupted. I'm not at home. All of those things are making it difficult to get in my normal amount of exercise. When I'm home, I workout 2-3 times a week and I do cardio exercise (to get my heart rate elevated) every day. I spend 30 - 90 minutes a day on my exercising.

Now, that is simply not possible. I've had to make some changes to the expectations. I've also had to get creative about how I get my movement needs met. So I'm working it in around the edges.

For example, I'm staying on the fourth floor of a hotel here. I am walking up and down the stairs whenever I need to go anywhere. This is a little bit of exercise that I would miss if I took the elevator. Likewise, I'm walking to my destinations, as often as possible, instead of driving. Squeezing in a little bit more exercise.

Is this as effective as my normal routine? No, of course it isn't. To get me through a temporary situation, however, it is adequate. It is certainly better than throwing up my hands and saying, "oh well, if I can't go to the gym to walk on the treadmill and workout I'll just skip it."

We need to learn to let go of unrealistic and unsustainable expectations. It is really beneficial for us to operate on a model of doing whatever we can do, instead of waiting for some time when all the stars align and we can do exactly what we want to do. That day usually never comes.

It is very helpful in life to learn to work things in 'around the edges' if that's the only way we can fit them in. We can still make progress towards our goals, albeit at a slower pace. The time will pass anyway... so where will we be in one year, or five years is we do nothing? We can't stop the passage of time, but we can change our approach to how we spend it!

Rising to the Occasion

Uncertainty causes anxiety. Often times the worst aspect of an upcoming challenge or new experience is facing all of the unknowns. If you're anything like me, you might feel some doubt from time to time about whether you can handle something that is coming your way. Now matter how many times I demonstrate my competence to myself, I'm still nervous when the time comes to try something new and different!

And yet, with each new experience, I find that once it has begun, I find my way through it... step by step.

Sometimes when we are sitting at the bottom of a mountain, it can seem overwhelming and at times might even feel impossible. Then we take the first step. Then we take another. And another. And yet another. Soon we have gained altitude and things look different. At some point we start to believe we will make it to the top. What a moment that is!

Dealing with the anxiety of change and uncertainty requires courage and willingness to flail around a bit. Most of us have no idea what we are capable of until we are faced with a situation where we have to step out and do something we weren't sure we could actually do. It is a moment of trepidation for most of it, but more times than not we are able to do what needs to be done. We astound and amaze ourselves from time to time.

I remember reading a book once about a woman who was chronically depressed and unable to function very well. Then, one of the worst things that can happen in life occurred in her life. Her house burned down. Suddenly she was thrust into a situation where she HAD TO function. It snapped her out of her depression and put her on the road to recovery!

Sometimes what we consider negative or horrible experiences in our lives can be the circumstances that cause us to rise to the occasion and go beyond the limitations we perceive ourselves to have.

Let's start giving ourselves credit for our ability to go above and beyond what we often think are our limitations. Necessity is the mother of invention. Often was are propelled forward by the demands placed on us by life itself!