Thursday, January 08, 2009

It Can Make You or Break You

I had a very interesting conversation recently about the process of breaking up from relationship. The person I was speaking to had obviously been through some really difficult and horrible breakups. In fact, she had been through 3 relationships that fell apart.

Her comment was, "In each breakup, I lost a part of myself. You are NEVER the same. Every breakup takes something from you that can never be restored."

She was obviously bitter and resentful about all she'd been through.

I realized that, although sincere, this woman had created a self fulfilling prophecy for herself. She believed that each ending needed to destroy part of her. She didn't feel she had a choice.

I looked at her and felt sad. I have a really different perspective! What if every breakup, or ending, created an opportunity to discover a part of ourselves that we didn't know before? What if each ending allowed us to expand rather than contract? What if each such ending allowed us to move into more of who we really are?

Although every ending is a type of death, I do not believe it has to be a negative experience. Every ending can be a transition and mark a new beginning. Even in the ending, there can be a powerful experience of discovery and expansion.

We can all learn to embrace life's transitions with a sense of wonder and excitement. Even the pain can be purifying. There are gifts to be gained from each difficult experience as it unfolds, and as it ends.

Embrace the endings. They can be one of our most powerful life experiences!

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