Today is the first day of school where I live. I'm sure that for many kids it is a day of excitement, enthusiasm and yes... a bit of anxiety.
The first day of anything is always a little bit of a mixed bag. No matter how wonderful the event may be, there is always some anxiety mixed in with the good stuff.
It is perfectly normal. It is very rare that we can begin anything new or venture into any new arena without a little trepidation.
New situations and surroundings must be adjusted to. We have to allow ourselves to flounder around a little bit and move through our clumsy beginnings!
To expect ourselves to feel completely confident when we move into a new situation is not realistic. It's normal to feel nervous. If we accept that as a reasonable reality, we are free to allow ourselves to ease into our new experiences.
I can remember a lot of my 'first' experiences. The mixed bag of emotions and sensations are the one constant element that is woven through them all.
Excitement and fear.
Confidence and insecurity.
Enthusiasm and nervousness.
Energy and fatigue.
It's all part of a new experience. Embrace it all!
Whatever new experience you are heading into in your life - remember to make space for the 'first day' jitters as well as the first day fire! It's all part of the journey!
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Tough Knocks
It is human nature to want to spare those we love from experiencing pain. We yearn to teach others, especially young people, the lessons we have learned in order to spare them the pain and tough lessons we've had to go through.
It rarely works.
Everyone has their path. All people have to learn the lessons that are theirs to learn. There are no shortcuts. There is no way around it.
I have been spending time with a lot of young people recently.
One young man, a relative of mine, has spent some time staying with me and working for me this summer. This week, as a treat, we took a hike together.
He and I had been arguing, for quite some time, about the proper footwear for hiking. He wanted to wear strap on sandals. I wanted him to wear solid tennis shoes. I, personally, wear hiking boots.
The trails I hike are rocky and steep. It is dangerous to wear open toed shoes. I knew that strap on sandals would be a disaster.
Finally, I gave up. I decided to let him make his own footwear choice. He chose his sandals.
After an hour of hiking, he had scraped skin off of his feet where the straps were rubbing. It was a long hike up and back down with painful open wounds!
He knew that I was right. All my words had meant nothing. Some blisters and open sores got the message across in a way that my lecturing never could.
He was interested in getting some good hiking boots at the end of the day!
There was no way, in words, that I could have taught him what he learned in that one, painful, experience.
Sometimes, we have to let those around us go through incredible pain. It is excruciating to watch. We want to swoop in. We want to rescue them. We want to show them the way out.
If someone doesn't want to listen, or follow our advice, there is nothing we can do to make them. Sometimes the hard knocks in life are the only way we learn.
It is actually a loving act to allow those we love to learn their own lessons, their way, in their own time. Sometimes our attempts at 'helping' actually interfere with the process. We might even make the suffering last longer than it needs to!
Let the learning begin!
It rarely works.
Everyone has their path. All people have to learn the lessons that are theirs to learn. There are no shortcuts. There is no way around it.
I have been spending time with a lot of young people recently.
One young man, a relative of mine, has spent some time staying with me and working for me this summer. This week, as a treat, we took a hike together.
He and I had been arguing, for quite some time, about the proper footwear for hiking. He wanted to wear strap on sandals. I wanted him to wear solid tennis shoes. I, personally, wear hiking boots.
The trails I hike are rocky and steep. It is dangerous to wear open toed shoes. I knew that strap on sandals would be a disaster.
Finally, I gave up. I decided to let him make his own footwear choice. He chose his sandals.
After an hour of hiking, he had scraped skin off of his feet where the straps were rubbing. It was a long hike up and back down with painful open wounds!
He knew that I was right. All my words had meant nothing. Some blisters and open sores got the message across in a way that my lecturing never could.
He was interested in getting some good hiking boots at the end of the day!
There was no way, in words, that I could have taught him what he learned in that one, painful, experience.
Sometimes, we have to let those around us go through incredible pain. It is excruciating to watch. We want to swoop in. We want to rescue them. We want to show them the way out.
If someone doesn't want to listen, or follow our advice, there is nothing we can do to make them. Sometimes the hard knocks in life are the only way we learn.
It is actually a loving act to allow those we love to learn their own lessons, their way, in their own time. Sometimes our attempts at 'helping' actually interfere with the process. We might even make the suffering last longer than it needs to!
Let the learning begin!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Life Has It's Way
When I was growing up, my dad had a favorite coffee mug. It was a mug he picked up from a local trucking company. It was one of those freebie cups that businesses give away for advertising.
My dad LOVED this coffee mug.
It had a green truck on it. When I was very young, and my dad would ask me for a coffee refill, he would use reference points on the truck to guide me.
"Give me an 'axle job'"
"Fill 'er to the top of the cab."
"To the bottom of the cab will do."
He loved this cup and it forged a special bond between us as I was growing up.
When I was 16 years old, the unthinkable happened.
I broke the mug. It slipped out of my hands into the sink and broke.
I was devastated. So was he. It was very traumatic for us both.
I never really got over breaking that mug. It weighed heavy on my mind for several years to come.
At some point when I was in college, I went to visit a friend of mine in our home town. She had recently moved in to her grandmother's house. We were preparing to drink some coffee together and I opened her kitchen cabinet to get us our mugs.
There, to my shock, and delight, were 2 mugs, exactly like the one my dad once had. The very same promotional mug that I had broken! These mugs were at least 20 years old! Her grandma, or more likely her grandpa, had picked them up around the same time my dad had acquired his. I simply couldn't believe it.
These mugs meant nothing to my friend. I asked her if I could have one for my dad and she was happy to give me one.
I'll never forget the look on my dad's face when I handed him the mug. Through life's generosity and grace, I had restored what was lost.
We never know what forces will mobilize to restore that which has been taken from us.
At times it feels like we have lost something completely irreplaceable. Other times we simply feel we will never recover from the loss of something we love.
Life has a way of working things out for us if we are willing to simply allow it.
My dad LOVED this coffee mug.
It had a green truck on it. When I was very young, and my dad would ask me for a coffee refill, he would use reference points on the truck to guide me.
"Give me an 'axle job'"
"Fill 'er to the top of the cab."
"To the bottom of the cab will do."
He loved this cup and it forged a special bond between us as I was growing up.
When I was 16 years old, the unthinkable happened.
I broke the mug. It slipped out of my hands into the sink and broke.
I was devastated. So was he. It was very traumatic for us both.
I never really got over breaking that mug. It weighed heavy on my mind for several years to come.
At some point when I was in college, I went to visit a friend of mine in our home town. She had recently moved in to her grandmother's house. We were preparing to drink some coffee together and I opened her kitchen cabinet to get us our mugs.
There, to my shock, and delight, were 2 mugs, exactly like the one my dad once had. The very same promotional mug that I had broken! These mugs were at least 20 years old! Her grandma, or more likely her grandpa, had picked them up around the same time my dad had acquired his. I simply couldn't believe it.
These mugs meant nothing to my friend. I asked her if I could have one for my dad and she was happy to give me one.
I'll never forget the look on my dad's face when I handed him the mug. Through life's generosity and grace, I had restored what was lost.
We never know what forces will mobilize to restore that which has been taken from us.
At times it feels like we have lost something completely irreplaceable. Other times we simply feel we will never recover from the loss of something we love.
Life has a way of working things out for us if we are willing to simply allow it.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Value of Focus
I’ve always been blessed with a fairly long attention span. I’m grateful for this gift. It has served me well in my life.
There are times when I’m doing something I don’t want to do, however, when I have difficulty staying focused. Other, more interesting, appealing tasks beckon me to stray from the task at hand.
I’ve noticed with a lot of kids in today’s younger generations that they have great difficulty doing one thing at a time. Some even brag about the ‘new ability’ to ‘multitask’ that young people claim to have.
As a champion multitasker, I take issue with their claim to some ‘new’ ability. Anyone who stops to think about it will also realize that effective multitasking is most often actually fast paced serial monotasking.
Being able to multitask is a great skill, it’s true. It must, however, be balanced with an ability to focus, single-mindedly at times. I see this as sorely lacking in some of our kids today. They don’t know how to NOT multitask.
They IM their friends (sometimes more than one at a time) while they work on their computers and listen to music – all at the same time. I wonder about the ‘quality of thought’ that this actually produces.
When sitting with a young person recently, watching them work on their college applications, I got quickly annoyed that they were having a couple IM conversations while we were trying to work on the task at hand. When I suggested they close the window, they pointed out that the other party would simply open another window. Maybe this kid just thought I was an ignorant old person… but I said, “SO LOG OFF!!!”
Finally we settled into the task in front of us. It was not trivial to get the kid to STOP distracting himself with his IM sessions. It’s natural, normal and comfortable for him to do that.
What I notice, however, is that tasks don’t get done well, and tasks requiring full concentration seem particularly challenging to today’s young people. This worries me a lot.
I don’t want a multitasking surgeon operating on me, or reviewing my latest lab tests. I don’t want a dentist IMing with his buddies while he’s drilling on my teeth. I don’t want someone designing the steering of my car to be doing 3 other things at the same time.
The fast paced, technology laced lives we lead are interesting and wonderful. Those of us who existed BEFORE all this ‘instant’ everything have a bit more of an ability to balance things out. We need to be careful with our kids, however, that we require them to focus SINGLEMINDEDLY once in a while, and we don’t always let them distract themselves in too many directions at one time.
Focus is something that every successful human being needs to be able to do. It’s important for us all to nurture that ability in ourselves, and most especially in the young people around us!
There are times when I’m doing something I don’t want to do, however, when I have difficulty staying focused. Other, more interesting, appealing tasks beckon me to stray from the task at hand.
I’ve noticed with a lot of kids in today’s younger generations that they have great difficulty doing one thing at a time. Some even brag about the ‘new ability’ to ‘multitask’ that young people claim to have.
As a champion multitasker, I take issue with their claim to some ‘new’ ability. Anyone who stops to think about it will also realize that effective multitasking is most often actually fast paced serial monotasking.
Being able to multitask is a great skill, it’s true. It must, however, be balanced with an ability to focus, single-mindedly at times. I see this as sorely lacking in some of our kids today. They don’t know how to NOT multitask.
They IM their friends (sometimes more than one at a time) while they work on their computers and listen to music – all at the same time. I wonder about the ‘quality of thought’ that this actually produces.
When sitting with a young person recently, watching them work on their college applications, I got quickly annoyed that they were having a couple IM conversations while we were trying to work on the task at hand. When I suggested they close the window, they pointed out that the other party would simply open another window. Maybe this kid just thought I was an ignorant old person… but I said, “SO LOG OFF!!!”
Finally we settled into the task in front of us. It was not trivial to get the kid to STOP distracting himself with his IM sessions. It’s natural, normal and comfortable for him to do that.
What I notice, however, is that tasks don’t get done well, and tasks requiring full concentration seem particularly challenging to today’s young people. This worries me a lot.
I don’t want a multitasking surgeon operating on me, or reviewing my latest lab tests. I don’t want a dentist IMing with his buddies while he’s drilling on my teeth. I don’t want someone designing the steering of my car to be doing 3 other things at the same time.
The fast paced, technology laced lives we lead are interesting and wonderful. Those of us who existed BEFORE all this ‘instant’ everything have a bit more of an ability to balance things out. We need to be careful with our kids, however, that we require them to focus SINGLEMINDEDLY once in a while, and we don’t always let them distract themselves in too many directions at one time.
Focus is something that every successful human being needs to be able to do. It’s important for us all to nurture that ability in ourselves, and most especially in the young people around us!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Right Tool For the Job
I enjoy working in my garden a great deal. I love pruning plants and creating ‘the look’ I want for each plant. I’m not a formal gardener, but plants do often need to be pruned for their health, and to keep them ‘in scale’ with the rest of the garden.
I have several banks of heather bushes that basically had never been pruned. That’s not good! They’ve been in the landscape for at least 8 years and were getting pretty gangly and unruly.
I pruned 4 banks of heather using a hedge trimmer. It required me to bend over and hold the hedger in front of me as I twisted from side to side. That motion, it turns out, is the kiss of death for my low back. Puts it out every time! I was in a lot of pain after I finished those heather banks.
I spoke to the guy who mows my lawn, and I asked him if he could do the rest of my heather plants for me. I just can’t do that with my back condition!!
He agreed to have his guys do it on their next visit.
When they showed up to work, I was amazed at what I saw them do.
They had some sort of hedger on a long handle. They didn’t have to bend over AT ALL to hedge my heather. They didn’t even really have to twist from side to side. They did all the rest of my heather in about 10 minutes. It took me a couple HOURS to do what I had done.
What a wakeup call! I would have never dreamed that such a piece of equipment existed, yet it made the task almost effortless. My way of doing it was labor intensive, time consuming and PAINFUL!
It was a great reminder that often times we can really make our lives and chores easier by finding the right tool for the job. It’s worth a little investigating and effort to match the right equipment to the task!!
A good reminder for us all!
I have several banks of heather bushes that basically had never been pruned. That’s not good! They’ve been in the landscape for at least 8 years and were getting pretty gangly and unruly.
I pruned 4 banks of heather using a hedge trimmer. It required me to bend over and hold the hedger in front of me as I twisted from side to side. That motion, it turns out, is the kiss of death for my low back. Puts it out every time! I was in a lot of pain after I finished those heather banks.
I spoke to the guy who mows my lawn, and I asked him if he could do the rest of my heather plants for me. I just can’t do that with my back condition!!
He agreed to have his guys do it on their next visit.
When they showed up to work, I was amazed at what I saw them do.
They had some sort of hedger on a long handle. They didn’t have to bend over AT ALL to hedge my heather. They didn’t even really have to twist from side to side. They did all the rest of my heather in about 10 minutes. It took me a couple HOURS to do what I had done.
What a wakeup call! I would have never dreamed that such a piece of equipment existed, yet it made the task almost effortless. My way of doing it was labor intensive, time consuming and PAINFUL!
It was a great reminder that often times we can really make our lives and chores easier by finding the right tool for the job. It’s worth a little investigating and effort to match the right equipment to the task!!
A good reminder for us all!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Assuming the Best
Last week I had a friend visiting from out of town. We had a great time sightseeing, hiking, cooking and eating out at wonderful restaurants.
We went to a cafe for lunch one day that I consider one of my favorite places to eat. The food is amazing and the service is usually quite wonderful.
This particular day the server started off on the wrong foot from his first interaction with us. My friend asked him a question about adding sliced avocado to her food and he looked a little annoyed and said with a little indignation, “Well… that would cost more.” My friend politely answered, “Well… that’s ok.” It was an odd interaction.
We placed our order with the waiter. It was a Mexican Restaurant. At this particular Mexican place, they don’t automatically bring chips and salsa. They usually, however, do offer them to you right off the bat.
Our waiter did not offer them to us. Nor did he come back to our table for quite some time after we placed our order. I needed more iced tea, and I really wanted chips and salsa!!
Finally, he came back and I said, “We’d like chips and salsa please.”
“They don’t just automatically come here.” He snapped.
“I know, but usually, my server asks me first thing if I’d like some.” I answered, as kindly as I could.
“Sorry.” He snapped as he walked away.
My friend’s soup came and my lunch was nowhere in sight. My lunch came out a full 10 minutes after her soup! A manager brought it out and apologized to me and said, “There was some major mix up in the kitchen about your order.”
Our server kind of avoided our table. He seemed a bit embarrassed. He deserved to be, truth be told!
I started out feeling extremely annoyed by this waiter. My friend and I discussed it. I was surprised by how irritated I was. That’s not normal for me. Something about this guy just really rubbed me the wrong way.
As my friend and I enjoyed our lunch, my irritation melted a bit. We started to discuss what might be going on in this young man’s life that would make him act the way he was acting with us. I found some compassion.
I decided that in order to ‘address’ the reaction I’d had to this guy, I would leave him a very very good tip, even though he really didn’t deserve it based on the service he gave us.
I left him a really nice tip on the credit card. As we sat there talking, I was suddenly gripped with the thought that I should add a $20 bill to the tip. I’ve learned over the years to follow my guidance when it comes with such clarity.
I honestly don’t know what was up with this kid, but something just wasn’t right. We left him the tip (which incidentally turned out to be 100% of our bill!) and dashed out before he could see it and react to us. Whenever I do things like that, it’s always a requirement that there isn’t a scene… or an opportunity for the recipient to ‘react’ directly to me.
My friend and I wondered about his reaction and what he would think of our action, given how poor his service had been. We both hoped it would brighten his day… and maybe help with whatever was going on with him.
I felt a lot better after I did it. I didn’t like the way I had been feeling about him. After I left the tip, I felt that I had ‘righted’ myself and my thinking.
You never know what is really happening in a stranger’s life. Sometimes it’s important to give the benefit of the doubt, and not ‘react’ to bad behavior. What a gift to cut people some slack and assume that they are going through something tough. The alternative is to ‘react’ and ‘act out’ in an unbecoming way and make everyone’s day worse! I say make it better if you can!
We went to a cafe for lunch one day that I consider one of my favorite places to eat. The food is amazing and the service is usually quite wonderful.
This particular day the server started off on the wrong foot from his first interaction with us. My friend asked him a question about adding sliced avocado to her food and he looked a little annoyed and said with a little indignation, “Well… that would cost more.” My friend politely answered, “Well… that’s ok.” It was an odd interaction.
We placed our order with the waiter. It was a Mexican Restaurant. At this particular Mexican place, they don’t automatically bring chips and salsa. They usually, however, do offer them to you right off the bat.
Our waiter did not offer them to us. Nor did he come back to our table for quite some time after we placed our order. I needed more iced tea, and I really wanted chips and salsa!!
Finally, he came back and I said, “We’d like chips and salsa please.”
“They don’t just automatically come here.” He snapped.
“I know, but usually, my server asks me first thing if I’d like some.” I answered, as kindly as I could.
“Sorry.” He snapped as he walked away.
My friend’s soup came and my lunch was nowhere in sight. My lunch came out a full 10 minutes after her soup! A manager brought it out and apologized to me and said, “There was some major mix up in the kitchen about your order.”
Our server kind of avoided our table. He seemed a bit embarrassed. He deserved to be, truth be told!
I started out feeling extremely annoyed by this waiter. My friend and I discussed it. I was surprised by how irritated I was. That’s not normal for me. Something about this guy just really rubbed me the wrong way.
As my friend and I enjoyed our lunch, my irritation melted a bit. We started to discuss what might be going on in this young man’s life that would make him act the way he was acting with us. I found some compassion.
I decided that in order to ‘address’ the reaction I’d had to this guy, I would leave him a very very good tip, even though he really didn’t deserve it based on the service he gave us.
I left him a really nice tip on the credit card. As we sat there talking, I was suddenly gripped with the thought that I should add a $20 bill to the tip. I’ve learned over the years to follow my guidance when it comes with such clarity.
I honestly don’t know what was up with this kid, but something just wasn’t right. We left him the tip (which incidentally turned out to be 100% of our bill!) and dashed out before he could see it and react to us. Whenever I do things like that, it’s always a requirement that there isn’t a scene… or an opportunity for the recipient to ‘react’ directly to me.
My friend and I wondered about his reaction and what he would think of our action, given how poor his service had been. We both hoped it would brighten his day… and maybe help with whatever was going on with him.
I felt a lot better after I did it. I didn’t like the way I had been feeling about him. After I left the tip, I felt that I had ‘righted’ myself and my thinking.
You never know what is really happening in a stranger’s life. Sometimes it’s important to give the benefit of the doubt, and not ‘react’ to bad behavior. What a gift to cut people some slack and assume that they are going through something tough. The alternative is to ‘react’ and ‘act out’ in an unbecoming way and make everyone’s day worse! I say make it better if you can!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Feeling Depleted
Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling depleted in some way, you just can’t be present for others in the way that you’d like to?
I’m sitting here writing in my favorite restaurant, and I can feel that my temper is quite short today. I’m just irritable. I love iced tea, but I really like it with a LOT of ice in it. I eat at this restaurant several times a week, and know most of the waiters and waitresses. They know me too! Most of them know to keep my tea well iced, and/or to bring me an extra glass of ice from the get go.
My waiter today is someone I’ve had serve me many times before. My glass, at the moment, is almost completely ice-free. I feel quite annoyed. He knows better. I have asked him to bring more ice, but he’s taking his time about it.
Normally, I would be able to take this in stride and it wouldn’t bother me so much. Today, however, I can feel that my fuse is shorter than usual.
I didn’t sleep very well last night. That’s part of it. I’m a person who REALLY needs their sleep.
I think, too, that I’ve been extraordinarily busy lately and haven’t had the same amount of time to myself that I usually have.
Quite simply, my personal batteries haven’t been charged up the way they normally are. I feel more susceptible to the little bumps and bruises of life. What I normally wouldn’t even notice, feels like a big, big deal.
That being said, I had a big plan for my day today. I already went hiking, and I’m about to have my lunch while I do some writing. After that I was planning to work in my garden, pay bills and catch up on a bunch of housework. Given my current state of mind, however, I’m going to change my plan.
After I finish lunch and my writing, I’m going to take a scenic drive on my way home and then I’m going to meditate for a while in my garden. I might even take a little nap. Then, with the time I have left in my day, I’ll do what I can on my list.
Recharging is important. We need to take the time to nurture ourselves and our own needs in order to give the best we have to give to life and those around us. It may seem selfish, but it’s actually a gift to everyone!
Take time to recharge your batteries and nurture yourself. The rest of us will appreciate it!
I’m sitting here writing in my favorite restaurant, and I can feel that my temper is quite short today. I’m just irritable. I love iced tea, but I really like it with a LOT of ice in it. I eat at this restaurant several times a week, and know most of the waiters and waitresses. They know me too! Most of them know to keep my tea well iced, and/or to bring me an extra glass of ice from the get go.
My waiter today is someone I’ve had serve me many times before. My glass, at the moment, is almost completely ice-free. I feel quite annoyed. He knows better. I have asked him to bring more ice, but he’s taking his time about it.
Normally, I would be able to take this in stride and it wouldn’t bother me so much. Today, however, I can feel that my fuse is shorter than usual.
I didn’t sleep very well last night. That’s part of it. I’m a person who REALLY needs their sleep.
I think, too, that I’ve been extraordinarily busy lately and haven’t had the same amount of time to myself that I usually have.
Quite simply, my personal batteries haven’t been charged up the way they normally are. I feel more susceptible to the little bumps and bruises of life. What I normally wouldn’t even notice, feels like a big, big deal.
That being said, I had a big plan for my day today. I already went hiking, and I’m about to have my lunch while I do some writing. After that I was planning to work in my garden, pay bills and catch up on a bunch of housework. Given my current state of mind, however, I’m going to change my plan.
After I finish lunch and my writing, I’m going to take a scenic drive on my way home and then I’m going to meditate for a while in my garden. I might even take a little nap. Then, with the time I have left in my day, I’ll do what I can on my list.
Recharging is important. We need to take the time to nurture ourselves and our own needs in order to give the best we have to give to life and those around us. It may seem selfish, but it’s actually a gift to everyone!
Take time to recharge your batteries and nurture yourself. The rest of us will appreciate it!
Monday, August 24, 2009
What We Get Used To
This is the third time I’ve come into my favorite restaurant to write, only to find their wi-fi down. What that means is that I can’t get on the internet. I can’t post to my blog. Everything I do, must be done ‘offline’ and then ‘posted’ later. It’s an annoyance that creates extra work for me.
I find it interesting, because I have come to ‘expect’ to be able to get on the internet here. When it isn’t working, it is frustrating to me.
In the old days, I would have never expected to find internet access in a restaurant. Now, it’s annoying to me when it’s not available.
If you stop to think about it, we have become quite dependent on things that can’t always be depended upon.
Think about your last power outage. Where I live we sometimes lose power for days at a time. When the electricity stops flowing we have to worry about our food spoiling in the refrigerator, we can’ use our washing machine, some of us can’t cook our food and of course none of our technological gadgets keep working after their batteries run down. Sometimes it’s hard to continue with life as we know it when this happens.
I am trying to think of ‘interruptions’ as a reminder that I didn’t always have these ‘luxuries’ and that life did, in fact, happen without them! We don’t absolutely NEED much of what we think we do in order to live happy, productive lives.
As I sit here with no internet… unable to surf, post, email or IM (Instant messenger), I’ll remember that there was a time when I had to type everything I wrote on a typewriter and use white out to correct small mistakes and retype the entire page if the mistake was too great. I’ll also remember that at one time people didn’t have typewriters and penned everything by hand. Even before that, there were no pens… no paper… and still life continued.
Once in a while, give yourself a break from some of the things you’ve grown dependent upon. It’s a powerful way to stay connected to reality and remain grounded in a world where it’s all too easy to get a seriously unbalanced sense of the concept of what it means to ‘need’ something.
I find it interesting, because I have come to ‘expect’ to be able to get on the internet here. When it isn’t working, it is frustrating to me.
In the old days, I would have never expected to find internet access in a restaurant. Now, it’s annoying to me when it’s not available.
If you stop to think about it, we have become quite dependent on things that can’t always be depended upon.
Think about your last power outage. Where I live we sometimes lose power for days at a time. When the electricity stops flowing we have to worry about our food spoiling in the refrigerator, we can’ use our washing machine, some of us can’t cook our food and of course none of our technological gadgets keep working after their batteries run down. Sometimes it’s hard to continue with life as we know it when this happens.
I am trying to think of ‘interruptions’ as a reminder that I didn’t always have these ‘luxuries’ and that life did, in fact, happen without them! We don’t absolutely NEED much of what we think we do in order to live happy, productive lives.
As I sit here with no internet… unable to surf, post, email or IM (Instant messenger), I’ll remember that there was a time when I had to type everything I wrote on a typewriter and use white out to correct small mistakes and retype the entire page if the mistake was too great. I’ll also remember that at one time people didn’t have typewriters and penned everything by hand. Even before that, there were no pens… no paper… and still life continued.
Once in a while, give yourself a break from some of the things you’ve grown dependent upon. It’s a powerful way to stay connected to reality and remain grounded in a world where it’s all too easy to get a seriously unbalanced sense of the concept of what it means to ‘need’ something.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Seeing What's Missing With Our Kids
Unlike most of my friends, I didn't do a lot of babysitting when I was a teenager. I didn't have younger siblings and I wasn't really comfortable taking care of kids. I babysat once for an infant when I was 14 or so, and it was so terrifying that I never did it again.
At 45 years of age, it has become a 'badge of honor' that I've never changed a diaper. At this point, it has become a life goal to NEVER change a diaper. :)
I did babysit one summer - ALL summer - 12 hours a day for a family 2 houses away from my family home. I was 12 years old. I cared for a 3 and 5 year old. They were two of the most spoiled, bratty children I've ever encountered. For my $5 a day (yes... for 12 hours) I was also expected to clean their house and do their laundry. Sometimes they would even have parties on Saturday night and leave all the clean up for me. It was exploitation at its worst. The kids were awful. I was not allowed to have friends over, nor was I allowed to speak on the phone to friends. If I did, they told their parents and I got in trouble. It was horrible. Sometimes I think that one horrible summer is the reason I've never had any children!!
At any rate, as I got older, I did babysit a little. I babysat for two families in my neighborhood. One family had a girl a few years younger than me and another girl almost my age (but I was such a little adult I seemed more mature). I enjoyed that. The older girl would sneak out of her room at night and we would hang out while her younger sister slept. That was fun.
The other family had twin girls who were lots younger than me, and one girl who was 5 years younger than me. I used to babysit for that family for free. I just liked the kids and I liked giving the parents time off to themselves. As I got into high school I would even babysit an occasional weekend to give them get-a-ways together.
When babysitting for the family with the three daughters back in the late 70's and early 80's I noticed that these kids had very little imagination. I had grown up inventing my own games, playing in cardboard boxes, writing stories and creating rich inner worlds. These kids needed toys and attention constantly to feel 'entertained.' (I shudder to think how things stack up now in our world of constant stimulation, fast moving everything and video games).
I decided to take on a project to instill in the two younger girls a sense of wonder and imagination. I started doing things like pretending I had miniature people help me in the kitchen when they weren't with me. I'd whip up all sorts of miniature snacks with the help of my 'little people' friends and serve them up to the girls. They were enchanted and mesmerized!
I wrote stories for them and helped them 'invent' their own activities without benefit of toys.
I got them busy creating their own stories and games. I nurtured a tiny flame of imagination and creativity inside them. They took to it like fish to water. They just needed a chance and some encouragement!
I am still proud of what I did for those girls. I hoped it took them away from needing to be 'entertained' and taught them that they could create their own interesting experiences in life.
When we are around kids, they are often missing things. Parents can't provide everything. Sometimes our culture robs kids of their childhood and their innocence. Peer pressure causes them to 'want' all kinds of things that aren't healthy or good for them.
I think all adults have a responsibility to really 'see' the kids around them and give them what they truly need. Not the latest fashions or the best of everything... but what they NEED. Parents, aunts, uncles, friends... it doesn't matter. We all share a responsibility for the future. Our kids are our future.
Look and see what is really 'needed' and do your best to give it to the kids around you. It matters - a great deal.
At 45 years of age, it has become a 'badge of honor' that I've never changed a diaper. At this point, it has become a life goal to NEVER change a diaper. :)
I did babysit one summer - ALL summer - 12 hours a day for a family 2 houses away from my family home. I was 12 years old. I cared for a 3 and 5 year old. They were two of the most spoiled, bratty children I've ever encountered. For my $5 a day (yes... for 12 hours) I was also expected to clean their house and do their laundry. Sometimes they would even have parties on Saturday night and leave all the clean up for me. It was exploitation at its worst. The kids were awful. I was not allowed to have friends over, nor was I allowed to speak on the phone to friends. If I did, they told their parents and I got in trouble. It was horrible. Sometimes I think that one horrible summer is the reason I've never had any children!!
At any rate, as I got older, I did babysit a little. I babysat for two families in my neighborhood. One family had a girl a few years younger than me and another girl almost my age (but I was such a little adult I seemed more mature). I enjoyed that. The older girl would sneak out of her room at night and we would hang out while her younger sister slept. That was fun.
The other family had twin girls who were lots younger than me, and one girl who was 5 years younger than me. I used to babysit for that family for free. I just liked the kids and I liked giving the parents time off to themselves. As I got into high school I would even babysit an occasional weekend to give them get-a-ways together.
When babysitting for the family with the three daughters back in the late 70's and early 80's I noticed that these kids had very little imagination. I had grown up inventing my own games, playing in cardboard boxes, writing stories and creating rich inner worlds. These kids needed toys and attention constantly to feel 'entertained.' (I shudder to think how things stack up now in our world of constant stimulation, fast moving everything and video games).
I decided to take on a project to instill in the two younger girls a sense of wonder and imagination. I started doing things like pretending I had miniature people help me in the kitchen when they weren't with me. I'd whip up all sorts of miniature snacks with the help of my 'little people' friends and serve them up to the girls. They were enchanted and mesmerized!
I wrote stories for them and helped them 'invent' their own activities without benefit of toys.
I got them busy creating their own stories and games. I nurtured a tiny flame of imagination and creativity inside them. They took to it like fish to water. They just needed a chance and some encouragement!
I am still proud of what I did for those girls. I hoped it took them away from needing to be 'entertained' and taught them that they could create their own interesting experiences in life.
When we are around kids, they are often missing things. Parents can't provide everything. Sometimes our culture robs kids of their childhood and their innocence. Peer pressure causes them to 'want' all kinds of things that aren't healthy or good for them.
I think all adults have a responsibility to really 'see' the kids around them and give them what they truly need. Not the latest fashions or the best of everything... but what they NEED. Parents, aunts, uncles, friends... it doesn't matter. We all share a responsibility for the future. Our kids are our future.
Look and see what is really 'needed' and do your best to give it to the kids around you. It matters - a great deal.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
What We Eat For Love
I was watching an old movie called, 'The Accidental Tourist' last night. There are many aspects of this movie that I love. The one I want to focus on, however, is related to the lead character's sister. Her name is Rose. She is an older, unmarried woman, living and caring for her 3 brothers. She begins to fall in love with the employer of one of the brothers.
On Thanksgiving, the sister's 'love interest' is invited to dinner with the family.
The brothers discover that Rose has cooked the stuffed turkey at 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Anyone who has ever cooked a turkey knows that this is not sufficient.
One of the brothers announces that "The turkey may have been cooked at an inadequate temperature."
The sister becomes indignant and upset.
The 'love interest,' Julian, eats two big helpings of the turkey because he wants to prove his love to Rose.
What he ate for love.
I was once touring in the middle east and was taken to a Bedouin Arab encampment. The women there made feta cheese. It was part of what provided their livelihood. They were very proud of their cheese. They gave me and all my party each a bite to eat. My guide cautioned me in English, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. It's not pasteurized. You could get really sick." These women didn't speak English. I smiled and said to my guide, "Why didn't you tell me BEFORE I took the cheese?" He said, "I didn't think you would take it."
I then told the others in my party NOT to eat the cheese. The women were looking at me. I said I would eat the cheese while the women watched me, then my party members could discreetly dispose of their cheese.
I knew I could get ill. I was willing to risk it. I did not want to offend these women. They were offering me the best that they had to offer. I wanted to honor their generosity. Even if it meant getting sick.
I ate the cheese, and it was delicious. What I ate for love.
I never did get sick. I'm glad I ate the cheese.
Sometimes we have to do things for those we love that we would otherwise not choose to do. We do so willingly. We do it for love.
Love is powerful. It is a great and powerful force. Let it work in your life. It can change the world!
On Thanksgiving, the sister's 'love interest' is invited to dinner with the family.
The brothers discover that Rose has cooked the stuffed turkey at 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Anyone who has ever cooked a turkey knows that this is not sufficient.
One of the brothers announces that "The turkey may have been cooked at an inadequate temperature."
The sister becomes indignant and upset.
The 'love interest,' Julian, eats two big helpings of the turkey because he wants to prove his love to Rose.
What he ate for love.
I was once touring in the middle east and was taken to a Bedouin Arab encampment. The women there made feta cheese. It was part of what provided their livelihood. They were very proud of their cheese. They gave me and all my party each a bite to eat. My guide cautioned me in English, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. It's not pasteurized. You could get really sick." These women didn't speak English. I smiled and said to my guide, "Why didn't you tell me BEFORE I took the cheese?" He said, "I didn't think you would take it."
I then told the others in my party NOT to eat the cheese. The women were looking at me. I said I would eat the cheese while the women watched me, then my party members could discreetly dispose of their cheese.
I knew I could get ill. I was willing to risk it. I did not want to offend these women. They were offering me the best that they had to offer. I wanted to honor their generosity. Even if it meant getting sick.
I ate the cheese, and it was delicious. What I ate for love.
I never did get sick. I'm glad I ate the cheese.
Sometimes we have to do things for those we love that we would otherwise not choose to do. We do so willingly. We do it for love.
Love is powerful. It is a great and powerful force. Let it work in your life. It can change the world!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Painful Control
I love the old movie "Broadcast News."
Holly Hunter plays a super smart news producer. She is talented and successful, yet she's lonely and isolated.
Holly's character, Jane, can't let go. She is always in control. She always has to take the lead and conduct her circumstances.
It's actually painful to watch. She is so controlled that she can't relax and enjoy any part of her life (except work). Years ago, I was alot like Jane.
Her approach works OK in her work life, but she can't let go, even when she wants to get close to people in her personal life.
One of the funny lines that Jane says is, "I'm now repelling people I'm trying to seduce!"
Controlling everything is impossible. Trying to control others is futile. Living your life feeling like you MUST be in control is painful. It doesn't work and it's going to create a lot of unpleasantness.
Learning to relax and let go is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and the people we care about.
Do yourself (and those around you) a favor... and let go of the need to control.
Holly Hunter plays a super smart news producer. She is talented and successful, yet she's lonely and isolated.
Holly's character, Jane, can't let go. She is always in control. She always has to take the lead and conduct her circumstances.
It's actually painful to watch. She is so controlled that she can't relax and enjoy any part of her life (except work). Years ago, I was alot like Jane.
Her approach works OK in her work life, but she can't let go, even when she wants to get close to people in her personal life.
One of the funny lines that Jane says is, "I'm now repelling people I'm trying to seduce!"
Controlling everything is impossible. Trying to control others is futile. Living your life feeling like you MUST be in control is painful. It doesn't work and it's going to create a lot of unpleasantness.
Learning to relax and let go is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and the people we care about.
Do yourself (and those around you) a favor... and let go of the need to control.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Beauty of Rest
I've been hanging out with some younger folks lately. It has been a wonderful, stimulating experience. I've had a lot of adventures and done a lot of hard work. I'm truly grateful for the opportunity to hang out with younger people and get infected with their enthusiasms and energy.
What I've also noticed is that expending all that energy gets me very tired. It's a good tired. A day well spent is a true gift. At the end of each day, I've felt like I squeezed every drop out of the opportunities I was presented with. There was really nothing left!
Rest feels best when you've earned it. When you can't take another step, the chance to sit down and put your feet up is the best thing in the entire world!!
I appreciate the fact that our bodies are created to expend immense energy AND to rest deeply. We are created to need sleep and rest. We can't live without it!
Honoring both the need for activity AND for rest is very important to health and well being.
I'm taking a day off tomorrow. I've been busy with young folks for the past 12 days! I'm ready for a nice rest, and I intend to revel in it!
What I've also noticed is that expending all that energy gets me very tired. It's a good tired. A day well spent is a true gift. At the end of each day, I've felt like I squeezed every drop out of the opportunities I was presented with. There was really nothing left!
Rest feels best when you've earned it. When you can't take another step, the chance to sit down and put your feet up is the best thing in the entire world!!
I appreciate the fact that our bodies are created to expend immense energy AND to rest deeply. We are created to need sleep and rest. We can't live without it!
Honoring both the need for activity AND for rest is very important to health and well being.
I'm taking a day off tomorrow. I've been busy with young folks for the past 12 days! I'm ready for a nice rest, and I intend to revel in it!
Monday, August 17, 2009
GET DOWN!
Today I spent a fantastic day with my friend Annie driving through the Mt. Rainier National Park. It was a beautiful, sunny day. We stopped many times to take photos to capture a small taste of the experience.
At one stop, I suggested that Annie sit on top of a rock wall with a gorgeous scenic view behind her. She hopped up on the wall and sat down. As I was preparing to take the photo, a little old lady came up behind me and a very loud and shrill voice screeched, "GET DOWN!" at Annie. Her voice was so caustic and abrasive it startled us both.
I looked at the old woman and said, "She's fine."
The woman then snapped, "I sure wouldn't do that!"
She stood very close to me, uncomfortably close actually, as I snapped some photos of Annie.
It gave us both a chuckle. I told Annie, who's much younger than I am, that if I ever get 'that way' as I get older, she has my permission to let me know I'm being... difficult.
As I thought about this woman and her fearful intrusion into our experience, I realized that one person's fear can truly affect everyone they touch. Annie and I agreed that, although she was in no danger of 'falling off' that wall, that it was startling when the woman screeched at her. It was the most dangerous thing about the entire experience!
She had good intentions, but her fear and her sharing of that fear could have been damaging or destructive.
We are responsible for our own emotions. We have a duty to monitor our own reactions to life and not impose those reactions onto others.
I feel a little sorry for that old lady. How many experiences in her life has she missed out on because perfectly safe things seemed dangerous to her? How did she parent her children? Did she instill fear in them, so that they hesitate to fully live their lives?
Fear is powerful and it can alter our life course in limiting and contagious ways.
"Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Annie and I up on Mt. Rainier:
Annie just after the encounter with the scared old lady:
Me up on Mt. Rainier:
At one stop, I suggested that Annie sit on top of a rock wall with a gorgeous scenic view behind her. She hopped up on the wall and sat down. As I was preparing to take the photo, a little old lady came up behind me and a very loud and shrill voice screeched, "GET DOWN!" at Annie. Her voice was so caustic and abrasive it startled us both.
I looked at the old woman and said, "She's fine."
The woman then snapped, "I sure wouldn't do that!"
She stood very close to me, uncomfortably close actually, as I snapped some photos of Annie.
It gave us both a chuckle. I told Annie, who's much younger than I am, that if I ever get 'that way' as I get older, she has my permission to let me know I'm being... difficult.
As I thought about this woman and her fearful intrusion into our experience, I realized that one person's fear can truly affect everyone they touch. Annie and I agreed that, although she was in no danger of 'falling off' that wall, that it was startling when the woman screeched at her. It was the most dangerous thing about the entire experience!
She had good intentions, but her fear and her sharing of that fear could have been damaging or destructive.
We are responsible for our own emotions. We have a duty to monitor our own reactions to life and not impose those reactions onto others.
I feel a little sorry for that old lady. How many experiences in her life has she missed out on because perfectly safe things seemed dangerous to her? How did she parent her children? Did she instill fear in them, so that they hesitate to fully live their lives?
Fear is powerful and it can alter our life course in limiting and contagious ways.
"Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Annie and I up on Mt. Rainier:
Annie just after the encounter with the scared old lady:
Me up on Mt. Rainier:
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Eating the Cheapest Thing on the Menu
I was talking with a good friend last week and she told me a story that had me chuckling and almost rolling on the ground.
She had family visiting her here in Seattle and she was trying to make their stay a fun and memorable one. She tried to share her favorite places with them and have them experience the best of what our beautiful region has to offer. I totally understand her motives and goals. I host a lot of friends and family from around the country and I too try to give them the best possible experience of my 'neck of the woods.'
When she and I were having this conversation, we were sitting in a relatively nice, water front restaurant.
She told me that she had taken her folks, on their last visit to Seattle, to a place similar to where we were sitting at that moment. She laughed and said, "Never again. They don't like this type of place. They would rather have burgers and beer."
She went on to tell me that because the prices were a little higher than they were used to, and they weren't 'comfortable' her dad had ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, which was a type of fish that he hates! He felt the prices were too high, so he went for the cheapest thing - even though he HATED IT!
We both chuckled about this. My friend said, "Imagine... eating something you dislike to save a tiny bit of money!"
There was just no room in his paradigm for embracing the situation and going with the flow. A meal 'should' cost a certain amount. He had to make his experience fit his expectation, so he ordered something that didn't offend his wallet, even though it offended his taste buds.
She imitated him eating the fish he hated - with each bite he grimaced.
How incredibly sad.
These people aren't poor. They could afford to eat in this restaurant. I think my friend was even treating her folks.
Her dad simply couldn't adjust and enjoy the ambiance and find something he liked on the menu and allow himself the pleasure of experiencing something new.
We often box ourselves into corners with our expectations and our rigidity.
I myself have some relatives visiting from another part of the country at the moment. A bunch of my family went out to dinner together, and I asked if these folks had ever had calamari. They asked what it was. When I told them it was squid they said, "No..." and they indicated that they weren't really all that interested in trying it.
I ordered it anyway, because several of us really like it. Just in case I also ordered some beef steak skewers.
To my delight, when the two appetizers came to the table, these relatives immediately tried the calamari... and LOVED IT! I was very proud of them, and I can see where some of my adventurous spirit originates!
When in Rome... do as the Romans do.
Never be afraid to try something new. You might even find a 'new favorite.'
When life sticks you in a situation you'd rather not be in... look for a way to turn it into a learning and growing experience.
You... and your life will be enriched for the trouble!
She had family visiting her here in Seattle and she was trying to make their stay a fun and memorable one. She tried to share her favorite places with them and have them experience the best of what our beautiful region has to offer. I totally understand her motives and goals. I host a lot of friends and family from around the country and I too try to give them the best possible experience of my 'neck of the woods.'
When she and I were having this conversation, we were sitting in a relatively nice, water front restaurant.
She told me that she had taken her folks, on their last visit to Seattle, to a place similar to where we were sitting at that moment. She laughed and said, "Never again. They don't like this type of place. They would rather have burgers and beer."
She went on to tell me that because the prices were a little higher than they were used to, and they weren't 'comfortable' her dad had ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, which was a type of fish that he hates! He felt the prices were too high, so he went for the cheapest thing - even though he HATED IT!
We both chuckled about this. My friend said, "Imagine... eating something you dislike to save a tiny bit of money!"
There was just no room in his paradigm for embracing the situation and going with the flow. A meal 'should' cost a certain amount. He had to make his experience fit his expectation, so he ordered something that didn't offend his wallet, even though it offended his taste buds.
She imitated him eating the fish he hated - with each bite he grimaced.
How incredibly sad.
These people aren't poor. They could afford to eat in this restaurant. I think my friend was even treating her folks.
Her dad simply couldn't adjust and enjoy the ambiance and find something he liked on the menu and allow himself the pleasure of experiencing something new.
We often box ourselves into corners with our expectations and our rigidity.
I myself have some relatives visiting from another part of the country at the moment. A bunch of my family went out to dinner together, and I asked if these folks had ever had calamari. They asked what it was. When I told them it was squid they said, "No..." and they indicated that they weren't really all that interested in trying it.
I ordered it anyway, because several of us really like it. Just in case I also ordered some beef steak skewers.
To my delight, when the two appetizers came to the table, these relatives immediately tried the calamari... and LOVED IT! I was very proud of them, and I can see where some of my adventurous spirit originates!
When in Rome... do as the Romans do.
Never be afraid to try something new. You might even find a 'new favorite.'
When life sticks you in a situation you'd rather not be in... look for a way to turn it into a learning and growing experience.
You... and your life will be enriched for the trouble!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Don't Force It
A young friend of mine recently tried to move a table for me. This particular table has collapsible legs. There's a little trick to collapsing the legs. You must squeeze a metal bar to 'release' each leg. When you do this one step, the leg collapses effortlessly.
My friend didn't know this and didn't really 'look' at the leg of the table to see how it worked. Instead, he just forced the legs down. As a result, he bent the metal bars completely out of shape. It ruined the table.
Bending metal takes effort. The proper operation of the table when collapsing the legs is completely effortless.
There was a great opportunity for learning here. He had to exert force on the legs of this table in order to collapse them. Quite a lot of force actually. He didn't realize he was damaging the table by exerting this force.
When we have to force something, be it a table leg, a relationship or an opportunity, we are most likely heading for trouble. Effort is one thing. Struggle or resistance is another.
If we encounter serious resistance in any endeavor in life, it should be a 'cue' to us to STOP, ANALYZE the situation and see if our current approach is valid... or not. Often, intense resistance is a cue to redirect!
A broken table is no big deal. The lesson it offers us, however, can alter our life.
Forcing things rarely works! If we are having to force something, it is time to reexamine things!
My friend didn't know this and didn't really 'look' at the leg of the table to see how it worked. Instead, he just forced the legs down. As a result, he bent the metal bars completely out of shape. It ruined the table.
Bending metal takes effort. The proper operation of the table when collapsing the legs is completely effortless.
There was a great opportunity for learning here. He had to exert force on the legs of this table in order to collapse them. Quite a lot of force actually. He didn't realize he was damaging the table by exerting this force.
When we have to force something, be it a table leg, a relationship or an opportunity, we are most likely heading for trouble. Effort is one thing. Struggle or resistance is another.
If we encounter serious resistance in any endeavor in life, it should be a 'cue' to us to STOP, ANALYZE the situation and see if our current approach is valid... or not. Often, intense resistance is a cue to redirect!
A broken table is no big deal. The lesson it offers us, however, can alter our life.
Forcing things rarely works! If we are having to force something, it is time to reexamine things!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Eat My Dust
I want to make a plug for awareness. It is such a gift to give those around us to be conscious and aware. It is easier said than done. Many of us walk through life, going through the motions, on auto pilot and oblivious to the impact we have on others.
I attended a dinner at a local organic farm over this past weekend. The event included a tour of the farm and then a fabulous dinner in a meadow.
I had to arrive a little late and as a result missed part of the tour. When I arrived I parked near the entrance and walked up the road to join up with the tour.
As I was walking along the gravel road, a car came up behind me. I stepped to the side of the road. I had noticed that this car was approaching rather quickly, but was sure that as they passed me on the dusty gravel road they would slow down. That, it turns out, was a very incorrect assumption.
The car went blazing by me - leaving me in a cloud of dust!
I saw the car pull over near some of the organizers of the event and the woman in the rolled down her window and started speaking to them. I heard her apologize for being late. (She ended up being the representative for the winery that was featured in the dinner menu).
I walked by the car and continued along the road to catch up to the tour. As I got close to the group I heard the same car approaching from behind me. This time there were about 30 people near me on either side of the road. I stepped to the side and again, this woman sped past in her car, kicking up a horrible plume of dust that coated me and the other 30 people taking the tour. There were a few choice words spoken by some of the other guests. I said, "That's the second time she got me!"
Did she not notice? Was she so consumed with her self and her life that she couldn't be bothered to observe that her actions were generating unpleasant and destructive conditions for MANY other people around her? She was late. She had responsibilities. Nothing else mattered. Even if it meant that she was going to alienate her 'customers' and cover us all with dust that would be with us for the entire evening! It was incredible!
I think that this was kind of an extreme version of something that happens all too often in life. We get so caught up in our responsibilities, our needs, taking care of business that we don't pay attention to how are actions affect others. We might drive fast or aggressively, be impatient with people who are waiting on us because we are in a hurry, rush through interactions that deserve our attention... it can look any number of ways.
The bottom line is that it's easy to leave others to deal with the results of our actions when they don't deserve it.
Attention... and awareness. These are qualities that will make the world a better place.
I attended a dinner at a local organic farm over this past weekend. The event included a tour of the farm and then a fabulous dinner in a meadow.
I had to arrive a little late and as a result missed part of the tour. When I arrived I parked near the entrance and walked up the road to join up with the tour.
As I was walking along the gravel road, a car came up behind me. I stepped to the side of the road. I had noticed that this car was approaching rather quickly, but was sure that as they passed me on the dusty gravel road they would slow down. That, it turns out, was a very incorrect assumption.
The car went blazing by me - leaving me in a cloud of dust!
I saw the car pull over near some of the organizers of the event and the woman in the rolled down her window and started speaking to them. I heard her apologize for being late. (She ended up being the representative for the winery that was featured in the dinner menu).
I walked by the car and continued along the road to catch up to the tour. As I got close to the group I heard the same car approaching from behind me. This time there were about 30 people near me on either side of the road. I stepped to the side and again, this woman sped past in her car, kicking up a horrible plume of dust that coated me and the other 30 people taking the tour. There were a few choice words spoken by some of the other guests. I said, "That's the second time she got me!"
Did she not notice? Was she so consumed with her self and her life that she couldn't be bothered to observe that her actions were generating unpleasant and destructive conditions for MANY other people around her? She was late. She had responsibilities. Nothing else mattered. Even if it meant that she was going to alienate her 'customers' and cover us all with dust that would be with us for the entire evening! It was incredible!
I think that this was kind of an extreme version of something that happens all too often in life. We get so caught up in our responsibilities, our needs, taking care of business that we don't pay attention to how are actions affect others. We might drive fast or aggressively, be impatient with people who are waiting on us because we are in a hurry, rush through interactions that deserve our attention... it can look any number of ways.
The bottom line is that it's easy to leave others to deal with the results of our actions when they don't deserve it.
Attention... and awareness. These are qualities that will make the world a better place.
Friday, August 07, 2009
What Are You Leaving in Your Jet Stream?
I find it interesting how easily we affect each other with our actions. The other night I was having dinner with a friend. We were sitting on a patio and the weather was extremely warm. Each of us had a glass of white wine that we were drinking.
We were drinking our wine slowly. White wine is supposed to be slightly chilled. Obviously in the hot weather, it was warming up faster than we would have liked.
It is considered very uncultured to put ice in your wine. I've done it on many occasions, especially in my younger days, but only when no one could see me do it.
My friend and I put some ice cubes in our wine to cool it off a bit. It was refreshing and I felt totally good about my decision to 'break the rule' and take this action.
Within a very short time, the two women at the table next to us (the same women who were the subject of my 'sweater' entry yesterday), ordered fresh glasses of wine AND a glass of ice. They proceeded to put ice in their wine! They had each had a glass of wine earlier, but had not put ice in it. It was only after they observed me and my friend putting ice in our wine that they had taken that step.
My friend and I had unwittingly 'blazed a trail' that made it OK for these women to put ice in their wine.
Our behavior has the ability to influence other people - ALL THE TIME. We never know when our behavior will set an example, good or bad, for other people to follow. We never know exactly who's watching and what they might do with the example we set.
In this case, our behavior gave these women 'permission' to take an action that they might have wished to take, but were afraid to.
In other cases, we might inspire someone to do something they didn't think they could do, or, in a negative case, to break a rule that they wouldn't otherwise have broken.
I believe that we each have a responsibility to set a good example for those around us. We have a tremendous ability to liberate others through our courage, to blaze trails for others with our willingness to be different, and to call people to higher levels of conduct with our integrity.
All we have to do is live up to our potential, and remember that others are always watching us.
I once heard a teacher say that each of us leaves a 'jet stream' (like the white trail in the sky behind big jets) with our actions. We can either leave a 'jet stream' of inspiration and encouragement or a jet stream of negativity and pollution. We get to decide what we leave in our 'wake.'
How are you moving through your life? What kind of jet stream are you leaving? What impact might you be having on those around you?
You have far more power and influence than you could possibly imagine.
We were drinking our wine slowly. White wine is supposed to be slightly chilled. Obviously in the hot weather, it was warming up faster than we would have liked.
It is considered very uncultured to put ice in your wine. I've done it on many occasions, especially in my younger days, but only when no one could see me do it.
My friend and I put some ice cubes in our wine to cool it off a bit. It was refreshing and I felt totally good about my decision to 'break the rule' and take this action.
Within a very short time, the two women at the table next to us (the same women who were the subject of my 'sweater' entry yesterday), ordered fresh glasses of wine AND a glass of ice. They proceeded to put ice in their wine! They had each had a glass of wine earlier, but had not put ice in it. It was only after they observed me and my friend putting ice in our wine that they had taken that step.
My friend and I had unwittingly 'blazed a trail' that made it OK for these women to put ice in their wine.
Our behavior has the ability to influence other people - ALL THE TIME. We never know when our behavior will set an example, good or bad, for other people to follow. We never know exactly who's watching and what they might do with the example we set.
In this case, our behavior gave these women 'permission' to take an action that they might have wished to take, but were afraid to.
In other cases, we might inspire someone to do something they didn't think they could do, or, in a negative case, to break a rule that they wouldn't otherwise have broken.
I believe that we each have a responsibility to set a good example for those around us. We have a tremendous ability to liberate others through our courage, to blaze trails for others with our willingness to be different, and to call people to higher levels of conduct with our integrity.
All we have to do is live up to our potential, and remember that others are always watching us.
I once heard a teacher say that each of us leaves a 'jet stream' (like the white trail in the sky behind big jets) with our actions. We can either leave a 'jet stream' of inspiration and encouragement or a jet stream of negativity and pollution. We get to decide what we leave in our 'wake.'
How are you moving through your life? What kind of jet stream are you leaving? What impact might you be having on those around you?
You have far more power and influence than you could possibly imagine.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Convenient Oblivion
I was at dinner with a friend the other night in a really nice restaurant. It was a beautiful summer night, and we were sitting on the outdoor patio, overlooking Lake Washington.
As we chatted away, I noticed two women at the table next to us. They were deeply engaged in conversation. One of them had a light sweater tucked over the arm of her chair. I saw her sweater slip off the chair onto the ground. I was about to tell her about it, when the waiter walked up to their table.
I thought surely that he would pick up the sweater and hand it back to her, or at least tell her about it.
He didn't. In fact, he even stepped over the sweater as he left the table.
Again, I was going to tell her about it, and a bus person came by and stepped over her sweater!
I was stunned.
I decided to do a little unofficial study and see just how long it would be before anyone told this woman her sweater was on the ground.
No one ever did.
She finally picked up her sweater when she got up to leave the restaurant.
I was just amazed at how many people could see her very nice sweater, lying on the ground, and not be courteous enough to pick it up and hand it back to her. Especially the people who work at the restaurant.
I think it speaks to a more serious problem in our cultural consciousness. People are often quite oblivious to what is happening around them, and are so into their own worlds that they ignore the situations that could benefit from their attention.
We become so self absorbed that we don't notice what is happening to the people around us, to our environment, to our government. We just ignore it and continue barreling down our path.
We're all busy. We all have too much to do. Too much stress and pressure rests on our shoulders. Taking time out to be concerned or courteous towards others, or the planet, just seems like a bother at times.
Taking that time, however, is what makes us human. We have the ability to make a huge difference in the world by being aware, alert and acting in a mature and considerate way.
Next time you notice something that everyone around you is being oblivious to... I hope you will consider taking action!
As we chatted away, I noticed two women at the table next to us. They were deeply engaged in conversation. One of them had a light sweater tucked over the arm of her chair. I saw her sweater slip off the chair onto the ground. I was about to tell her about it, when the waiter walked up to their table.
I thought surely that he would pick up the sweater and hand it back to her, or at least tell her about it.
He didn't. In fact, he even stepped over the sweater as he left the table.
Again, I was going to tell her about it, and a bus person came by and stepped over her sweater!
I was stunned.
I decided to do a little unofficial study and see just how long it would be before anyone told this woman her sweater was on the ground.
No one ever did.
She finally picked up her sweater when she got up to leave the restaurant.
I was just amazed at how many people could see her very nice sweater, lying on the ground, and not be courteous enough to pick it up and hand it back to her. Especially the people who work at the restaurant.
I think it speaks to a more serious problem in our cultural consciousness. People are often quite oblivious to what is happening around them, and are so into their own worlds that they ignore the situations that could benefit from their attention.
We become so self absorbed that we don't notice what is happening to the people around us, to our environment, to our government. We just ignore it and continue barreling down our path.
We're all busy. We all have too much to do. Too much stress and pressure rests on our shoulders. Taking time out to be concerned or courteous towards others, or the planet, just seems like a bother at times.
Taking that time, however, is what makes us human. We have the ability to make a huge difference in the world by being aware, alert and acting in a mature and considerate way.
Next time you notice something that everyone around you is being oblivious to... I hope you will consider taking action!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
The Joy of Dirty Clothes
I'm what I would call a 'light user' of my clothes. Rarely do they feel or look dirty. Sometimes when I'm doing laundry I feel like it's almost a waste of time.
Lately, with our Seattle heat wave, my hiking and all my yard work - I've been using my clothes very, very well.
I honestly can't believe how much I've been sweating! My clothes have been ready for the washer without a single doubt!
I've finally felt good about doing my laundry. I've been doing it a lot more often too. Clothes are not 're wearable' with the heat and the activities I've been doing!
I guess it appeals to the Russian peasant, farmer in me! I love to work hard and work up a good sweat. Physical exertion just feels good! Whether I've hiked up a mountain or worked in my garden, it feels good to make use of my body and achieve something. My pile of dirty clothes at the end of it all, shows me what I've done!
It reminds me of my days picking strawberries and working on the farm. There was nothing better than getting all dirty and going to jump in the river after work. I still remember how great that felt!
Hard work can be very rewarding. In this world where there is so much emphasis on convenience and technology, it is sometimes most satisfying to get your hands (and the rest of you) dirty and do something physically challenging!
Enjoy your laundry!
Lately, with our Seattle heat wave, my hiking and all my yard work - I've been using my clothes very, very well.
I honestly can't believe how much I've been sweating! My clothes have been ready for the washer without a single doubt!
I've finally felt good about doing my laundry. I've been doing it a lot more often too. Clothes are not 're wearable' with the heat and the activities I've been doing!
I guess it appeals to the Russian peasant, farmer in me! I love to work hard and work up a good sweat. Physical exertion just feels good! Whether I've hiked up a mountain or worked in my garden, it feels good to make use of my body and achieve something. My pile of dirty clothes at the end of it all, shows me what I've done!
It reminds me of my days picking strawberries and working on the farm. There was nothing better than getting all dirty and going to jump in the river after work. I still remember how great that felt!
Hard work can be very rewarding. In this world where there is so much emphasis on convenience and technology, it is sometimes most satisfying to get your hands (and the rest of you) dirty and do something physically challenging!
Enjoy your laundry!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
At Long Last The Rod is Gone
There is no greater satisfaction than taking care of something that has been nagging at you for the longest time.
Since I moved in to my house and landscaped it 9 years ago, I've had a problem. One of the trees that I brought in had a metal rod sticking out of the root ball, close to the trunk. The rod was about the thickness of a pencil and about 4 feet high.
Every time I weeded around this tree for the past 9 years, I've tried to pull out that metal rod. There was just no way it was going to come out.
I asked my landscapers (who brought in the tree, and the metal rod) to remove it. They never did it. I probably asked them a dozen times.
I've asked other people who work in my yard for help. I think everyone had the same problem. It was impossible to 'pull it out' and no one had the right tool to do it.
I went to home depot this past weekend and bought a bolt cutter. After 9 years of feeling aggravated and irritated EVERY time I looked at that bent metal rod... it is now GONE. Well, it's in the trash, but it will soon be gone.
I kept waiting for someone to help me. I kept waiting for someone to care as much about my problem as I did. It just never happened. In the end, I needed to take responsibility, acquire the proper tool, and take care of it.
Done deal.
No one cares as much about your life or your problems as you do. Nor should they. It's fine to ask for help, but ultimately, the responsibility for yourself is yours.
Got any annoying metal rods sticking out of your life? Get the bolt cutter... and go to town. Believe me, it feels AMAZING when you finally deal with it!
Since I moved in to my house and landscaped it 9 years ago, I've had a problem. One of the trees that I brought in had a metal rod sticking out of the root ball, close to the trunk. The rod was about the thickness of a pencil and about 4 feet high.
Every time I weeded around this tree for the past 9 years, I've tried to pull out that metal rod. There was just no way it was going to come out.
I asked my landscapers (who brought in the tree, and the metal rod) to remove it. They never did it. I probably asked them a dozen times.
I've asked other people who work in my yard for help. I think everyone had the same problem. It was impossible to 'pull it out' and no one had the right tool to do it.
I went to home depot this past weekend and bought a bolt cutter. After 9 years of feeling aggravated and irritated EVERY time I looked at that bent metal rod... it is now GONE. Well, it's in the trash, but it will soon be gone.
I kept waiting for someone to help me. I kept waiting for someone to care as much about my problem as I did. It just never happened. In the end, I needed to take responsibility, acquire the proper tool, and take care of it.
Done deal.
No one cares as much about your life or your problems as you do. Nor should they. It's fine to ask for help, but ultimately, the responsibility for yourself is yours.
Got any annoying metal rods sticking out of your life? Get the bolt cutter... and go to town. Believe me, it feels AMAZING when you finally deal with it!
Monday, August 03, 2009
Hiking in a New Body
Today was an incredible day! I went on a hike I've done many, many times before, but something about it was completely different.
I've been undergoing a series of treatments with my physical therapist called "Structural Integration" based on the work of Tom Meyer. It is deep work on the myofascial structures of the body - one region at a time.
This past Friday, I had major work done on my low back and hip areas. All I can say is that it felt like the furniture was rearranged in that part of my body in a major way! That night, after my treatment, I couldn't really sleep. It literally felt like things were rearranging in there! Some of the muscles along the right side of my low back were so tight and as they were released I felt immense relief. I did a forward bend that was effortless, for the first time in literally years. Heaven. Amazing!
Today, when I was hiking, I remembered the words of my physical therapist. She told me that it was fine for me to do all the physical activities that I normally do, but that I should seek to do them with more awareness, and in the 'new' form that I've been learning. It involves activating the muscles in my core, and using them properly.
As I was hiking today, it felt completely different. My low back felt strong, stable and balanced. It somehow seemed easier than ever before. Everything seemed to move as though it were well lubricated and perfectly aligned. Wow!
This has not been a trivial process - to get my body in alignment. My body has been getting out of alignment for a long, long, long time. It doesn't come back into alignment over night.
I've dedicated a lot of time to getting my physical therapy (and chiropractic treatment before that.) Although I've had improvement and relief along the way, I'm now beginning to see major positive changes. It's taken over 2 years of treatments, exercise and working to retrain my body in how to move and perform it's tasks.
We can't expect instant results in many of our endeavors. It just isn't realistic. It takes faith and perseverance to keep going on a path - even when things aren't changing on the outside. There were many times when I felt frustrated with the amount of time I was spending driving to my appointments, and having treatments. Sure, they always felt good, but I wondered if it was really worth the time and trouble.
IT WAS! IT IS! ALWAYS!
If you are frustrated with the pace of change in some area of your life where you are putting forth effort and energy... hang in there! Your reward will come!!!
I've been undergoing a series of treatments with my physical therapist called "Structural Integration" based on the work of Tom Meyer. It is deep work on the myofascial structures of the body - one region at a time.
This past Friday, I had major work done on my low back and hip areas. All I can say is that it felt like the furniture was rearranged in that part of my body in a major way! That night, after my treatment, I couldn't really sleep. It literally felt like things were rearranging in there! Some of the muscles along the right side of my low back were so tight and as they were released I felt immense relief. I did a forward bend that was effortless, for the first time in literally years. Heaven. Amazing!
Today, when I was hiking, I remembered the words of my physical therapist. She told me that it was fine for me to do all the physical activities that I normally do, but that I should seek to do them with more awareness, and in the 'new' form that I've been learning. It involves activating the muscles in my core, and using them properly.
As I was hiking today, it felt completely different. My low back felt strong, stable and balanced. It somehow seemed easier than ever before. Everything seemed to move as though it were well lubricated and perfectly aligned. Wow!
This has not been a trivial process - to get my body in alignment. My body has been getting out of alignment for a long, long, long time. It doesn't come back into alignment over night.
I've dedicated a lot of time to getting my physical therapy (and chiropractic treatment before that.) Although I've had improvement and relief along the way, I'm now beginning to see major positive changes. It's taken over 2 years of treatments, exercise and working to retrain my body in how to move and perform it's tasks.
We can't expect instant results in many of our endeavors. It just isn't realistic. It takes faith and perseverance to keep going on a path - even when things aren't changing on the outside. There were many times when I felt frustrated with the amount of time I was spending driving to my appointments, and having treatments. Sure, they always felt good, but I wondered if it was really worth the time and trouble.
IT WAS! IT IS! ALWAYS!
If you are frustrated with the pace of change in some area of your life where you are putting forth effort and energy... hang in there! Your reward will come!!!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Integration
Change is challenging. Whether we go through 'good' change or 'bad' change it takes energy and resources to move through it.
I had a powerful physical therapy appointment today. I'm in the midst of a series of 'structural integration' treatments. Today's session was on my 'trouble spot' which is my low back. My therapist worked her way through the area, releasing all the muscles and muscle groups at a very deep level. It was fairly painful and when she was through I felt very relaxed and somehow different. Things felt as though they'd been 'rearranged.' I'm not sure how else to put it. It felt good, but somehow fragile. It was as though the changes needed to integrate into my body completely.
I decided to take the evening and rest. I wanted to give some time and space to my body to allow it to settle into its new 'state.'
It's important to recognize the toll that change can take on us. We need extra time, resources and energy to move through change and allow it to become the 'new normal.'
No matter what the change is that you are facing or going through - be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to integrate the change. If we push too hard through a change, we just make it more difficult on ourselves. We can disrupt the change process, or even undo it if we don't give ourselves the appropriate time and space to pass through it.
Integration is an important part of the change process. It is the completion of a transition of some sort. I'm reflecting on it as I rest this evening - and allow my muscles, tendons and fascia to accept their new configuration.
I had a powerful physical therapy appointment today. I'm in the midst of a series of 'structural integration' treatments. Today's session was on my 'trouble spot' which is my low back. My therapist worked her way through the area, releasing all the muscles and muscle groups at a very deep level. It was fairly painful and when she was through I felt very relaxed and somehow different. Things felt as though they'd been 'rearranged.' I'm not sure how else to put it. It felt good, but somehow fragile. It was as though the changes needed to integrate into my body completely.
I decided to take the evening and rest. I wanted to give some time and space to my body to allow it to settle into its new 'state.'
It's important to recognize the toll that change can take on us. We need extra time, resources and energy to move through change and allow it to become the 'new normal.'
No matter what the change is that you are facing or going through - be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to integrate the change. If we push too hard through a change, we just make it more difficult on ourselves. We can disrupt the change process, or even undo it if we don't give ourselves the appropriate time and space to pass through it.
Integration is an important part of the change process. It is the completion of a transition of some sort. I'm reflecting on it as I rest this evening - and allow my muscles, tendons and fascia to accept their new configuration.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Keeping Cool
There's a reason why our language has the phrase, "keep your cool" in it.
We're having a heat wave here in Seattle. It is HOT!
I'm noticing that people's tempers are a bit short. People are irritable. It is hard to find relief from the heat. As we've 'lost the cool' in our outer environment, many people are losing their cool temperamentally.
It's important to 'keep cool.' Getting overheated physically can be dangerous. In hot weather like this we need to make sure we stay well hydrated, and not allow our bodies to succumb to the heat. We can do ourselves great harm if we don't take good care of ourselves in extreme heat.
Emotionally speaking, it is just as damaging to have melt downs and explosions. When we slide off the edge of the cliff and lose our ability to handle our emotions responsibly we often make situations worse for ourselves. When we have 'lost our cool' emotionally, we don't make good decisions. We often lash out at others or further complicate our challenges with irrational actions that we later regret.
Just as it takes thought and careful action to keep our bodies cool in a heat wave, it takes cultivated skills to keep ourselves calm when we are being irritated.
Watching our reactions to life and other people, and taking responsibility for our feelings is the first step towards being able to keep our cool in times of stress and crisis.
Observation, deep breathing, and thinking through our actions is what's called for. We don't want to ignore our intense emotions, but we do want to balance them with our thinking mind before we take action.
Stay cool out there! Stay cool inside yourself too!
We're having a heat wave here in Seattle. It is HOT!
I'm noticing that people's tempers are a bit short. People are irritable. It is hard to find relief from the heat. As we've 'lost the cool' in our outer environment, many people are losing their cool temperamentally.
It's important to 'keep cool.' Getting overheated physically can be dangerous. In hot weather like this we need to make sure we stay well hydrated, and not allow our bodies to succumb to the heat. We can do ourselves great harm if we don't take good care of ourselves in extreme heat.
Emotionally speaking, it is just as damaging to have melt downs and explosions. When we slide off the edge of the cliff and lose our ability to handle our emotions responsibly we often make situations worse for ourselves. When we have 'lost our cool' emotionally, we don't make good decisions. We often lash out at others or further complicate our challenges with irrational actions that we later regret.
Just as it takes thought and careful action to keep our bodies cool in a heat wave, it takes cultivated skills to keep ourselves calm when we are being irritated.
Watching our reactions to life and other people, and taking responsibility for our feelings is the first step towards being able to keep our cool in times of stress and crisis.
Observation, deep breathing, and thinking through our actions is what's called for. We don't want to ignore our intense emotions, but we do want to balance them with our thinking mind before we take action.
Stay cool out there! Stay cool inside yourself too!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Get on the Registry
I'm using today's blog to encourage people to get on the bone marrow registry. I've been associated with two remarkable young women, aged 22 and 29 who died in the past year because they could not find a solid bone marrow match for donation.
It was an honor to support Erica and her family through her transition last year. I feel very blessed to have known her.
It is so sad. So many people are not on the registry, and pretty much everyone could be! It's easy to get a test online and be entered into the registry. Please watch this short video about my friend's sister, Erica and follow your heart!
Watch Erica's Short Video
Bone Marrow Registry website - www.marrow.org
It was an honor to support Erica and her family through her transition last year. I feel very blessed to have known her.
It is so sad. So many people are not on the registry, and pretty much everyone could be! It's easy to get a test online and be entered into the registry. Please watch this short video about my friend's sister, Erica and follow your heart!
Watch Erica's Short Video
Bone Marrow Registry website - www.marrow.org
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Clear the Mechanism
Last night I watched an older movie called, "For Love of the Game" with Kevin Costner. It's essentially a love story about a professional baseball player and a woman he meets while she's stranded on the freeway with a broken down car. I really like this movie for a lot of different reasons.
One of the most interesting aspects of this movie to me is related to how Billy Chapel (Costner's character) plays the game of baseball.
He's a very successful major league pitcher in the movie. Whenever he takes the mound to pitch, he has an internal 'ritual' where he says to himself, "Clear the mechanism." When he does this, the roar of the crowd is silenced and all distraction is eliminated. He is then able to 100% focus on his pitching.
It is a graphic example of the importance of being able to harness and direct the power of one's own mind. When we are distracted and defocused we don't do our best work. When we have the capacity to direct our energy and attention to a specific task or goal we are far more effective!
Cultivating the ability to eliminate distractions and deliberately focus takes time and directed effort! It doesn't just happen.
The character in the movie cultivated this ability. Then, when he wanted to 'call on' this ability it was available to him.
Focus is critical to being effective in our endeavors. When we are feeling pulled in 100 different directions we are not focused.
Learn how to 'clear the mechanism' and focus on what is in front of you and important to you. Your life will be greatly enriched!
One of the most interesting aspects of this movie to me is related to how Billy Chapel (Costner's character) plays the game of baseball.
He's a very successful major league pitcher in the movie. Whenever he takes the mound to pitch, he has an internal 'ritual' where he says to himself, "Clear the mechanism." When he does this, the roar of the crowd is silenced and all distraction is eliminated. He is then able to 100% focus on his pitching.
It is a graphic example of the importance of being able to harness and direct the power of one's own mind. When we are distracted and defocused we don't do our best work. When we have the capacity to direct our energy and attention to a specific task or goal we are far more effective!
Cultivating the ability to eliminate distractions and deliberately focus takes time and directed effort! It doesn't just happen.
The character in the movie cultivated this ability. Then, when he wanted to 'call on' this ability it was available to him.
Focus is critical to being effective in our endeavors. When we are feeling pulled in 100 different directions we are not focused.
Learn how to 'clear the mechanism' and focus on what is in front of you and important to you. Your life will be greatly enriched!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Gift of True Presence
Yesterday when I was hiking I saw something that always makes me a little sad. A father was hiking with his 10 or 11 year old daughter. She was out in front of him, excitedly using her hiking poles as she walked along the trail. He was lagging behind her, which seemed odd, since he was obviously a fit guy. I was approaching them from behind, and as I got close to them the little girl said, "Daddy! PLEASE get off that phone! You've been on it forever!!"
Has I passed him on the trail, I could see that he was actually texting as he walked along the trail!
Here he is, out for a hike with his daughter and he's texting! The little girl was obviously frustrated. I sincerely doubt this is the first time her dad has been 'with her' without really being with her.
It drives me crazy when people ignore their kids like that. It was obviously an activity they were supposed to be doing together, but some other relationship (I'm guessing a girl friend) was more important to him in that moment than spending that precious moment with his child. He was only half present.
I've observed this with people in my own life at various times. They act like their children aren't even there - because of something that they want to give their attention to. Now obviuosly in parenting, one must be a master juggler, and kids can't always have 100% of a parent's attention. I get that.
Far too often, however, kids take the 'back seat' to other relationships and needs of the parent, when it really isn't appropriate... or fair!
Giving true attention and presence to a child (or anyone else in one's life) is a precious gift. Think about how it feels when someone is really 'with' you and you know it. It feels good to be given that attention and that time to connect.
Kids really like me, and I think one of the reasons is that when I'm with kids, I really am WITH them. I get down on their level, (if they are small kids anyway) and I talk to them about life in their world. I'm interested. I care. I work on giving them my presence as well as my attention. If I need to focus on something else, I don't pretend to be with them, I let them know I need to do something else for a period of time, and that I'll be back. It's honest, and it teaches kids about true presence and relationship. Not about 'saying' you have a relationship, but then checking out into other activities when you are claiming to 'spend time' together.
If I had a choice to spend 15 minutes really connected to someone I care about, versus an hour of having them hang out with me but ignore me for 45 minutes, I'd take the 15 minutes any day. We waste each other's time when we commit to spending time together and then distract ourself with other people or tasks.
Especially with kids, we send a message that they just aren't as important as other aspects of our lives when we are constantly distracted in their presence. Life is busy and multitasking is a fact of life. That means it's even more important than ever to set aside quality, undistracted time to be with our kids. They deserve to have that experience and not always be treated as something that can be put on hold when the phone rings or the text message comes in.
Be present. Give true attention to the people you care about. Your relationships will all improve... guaranteed!
Has I passed him on the trail, I could see that he was actually texting as he walked along the trail!
Here he is, out for a hike with his daughter and he's texting! The little girl was obviously frustrated. I sincerely doubt this is the first time her dad has been 'with her' without really being with her.
It drives me crazy when people ignore their kids like that. It was obviously an activity they were supposed to be doing together, but some other relationship (I'm guessing a girl friend) was more important to him in that moment than spending that precious moment with his child. He was only half present.
I've observed this with people in my own life at various times. They act like their children aren't even there - because of something that they want to give their attention to. Now obviuosly in parenting, one must be a master juggler, and kids can't always have 100% of a parent's attention. I get that.
Far too often, however, kids take the 'back seat' to other relationships and needs of the parent, when it really isn't appropriate... or fair!
Giving true attention and presence to a child (or anyone else in one's life) is a precious gift. Think about how it feels when someone is really 'with' you and you know it. It feels good to be given that attention and that time to connect.
Kids really like me, and I think one of the reasons is that when I'm with kids, I really am WITH them. I get down on their level, (if they are small kids anyway) and I talk to them about life in their world. I'm interested. I care. I work on giving them my presence as well as my attention. If I need to focus on something else, I don't pretend to be with them, I let them know I need to do something else for a period of time, and that I'll be back. It's honest, and it teaches kids about true presence and relationship. Not about 'saying' you have a relationship, but then checking out into other activities when you are claiming to 'spend time' together.
If I had a choice to spend 15 minutes really connected to someone I care about, versus an hour of having them hang out with me but ignore me for 45 minutes, I'd take the 15 minutes any day. We waste each other's time when we commit to spending time together and then distract ourself with other people or tasks.
Especially with kids, we send a message that they just aren't as important as other aspects of our lives when we are constantly distracted in their presence. Life is busy and multitasking is a fact of life. That means it's even more important than ever to set aside quality, undistracted time to be with our kids. They deserve to have that experience and not always be treated as something that can be put on hold when the phone rings or the text message comes in.
Be present. Give true attention to the people you care about. Your relationships will all improve... guaranteed!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Grooves in Thinking
Yesterday I wrote about our propensity to travel the same route over and over again. We get into ruts of how we move and live. We also do this in our thinking.
We get into 'grooves' in our thinking and sometimes it keeps us stuck in patterns of living that no longer serve us.
I once heard our thought processes described this way: If you have a pile of dirt and you pour water down on the top of it, grooves will begin to form down the sides of the hill as the water runs down. The more water you pour, the deeper the grooves become.
Eventually, the water can not run in any other pattern. It always runs down the grooves that already exist. The grooves get deeper and deeper, making a new route less and less possible.
This is so true!
When we try to change our habits or routines, in life or in thinking, it is not an easy undertaking!
In order to change the grooves we have to carve new grooves and divert the water into the new channels. We have to slowly block off the old channels, and allow them to fill in, so that they are no longer viable routes for the water to flow through.
The same is true with our thoughts. When we get into a problematic thought pattern, we have to invest some serious energy into breaking free from it. It doesn't just 'happen.' We have to 'do the work' to retrain our minds out of the problematic/negative pattern of thinking and into a more positive, constructive pattern!
It is totally possible, but it requires some effort!
Re-Thinking is our path to freedom!!!
We get into 'grooves' in our thinking and sometimes it keeps us stuck in patterns of living that no longer serve us.
I once heard our thought processes described this way: If you have a pile of dirt and you pour water down on the top of it, grooves will begin to form down the sides of the hill as the water runs down. The more water you pour, the deeper the grooves become.
Eventually, the water can not run in any other pattern. It always runs down the grooves that already exist. The grooves get deeper and deeper, making a new route less and less possible.
This is so true!
When we try to change our habits or routines, in life or in thinking, it is not an easy undertaking!
In order to change the grooves we have to carve new grooves and divert the water into the new channels. We have to slowly block off the old channels, and allow them to fill in, so that they are no longer viable routes for the water to flow through.
The same is true with our thoughts. When we get into a problematic thought pattern, we have to invest some serious energy into breaking free from it. It doesn't just 'happen.' We have to 'do the work' to retrain our minds out of the problematic/negative pattern of thinking and into a more positive, constructive pattern!
It is totally possible, but it requires some effort!
Re-Thinking is our path to freedom!!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Route Reversal
I really enjoy hiking. Some people really don't like "up and back" type hikes, where you have to back track along the same route to get back to your starting point. I've never minded this sort of hike at all. I find that the scenery looks entirely different when you are traveling in the opposite direction. I see very different things on my way 'up' a hike than I do on my way 'down.' It's really pretty amazing.
It's the same for routes that I drive. We are greeted with entirely new vistas when we reverse direction.
I have a pretty healthy awareness about this, and yet I discovered something shocking a few weeks ago on my nightly 'walk' around my house.
I work in my garden almost every day during the spring and summer. I enjoy taking a walk several times around my house every evening to review what projects I've completed and think about what is next to be done. I also just enjoy the beauty, the creatures, the birds and all my gorgeous plants. It's my little reward for the work of the day.
A couple weeks ago, I set out on my walk, and it suddenly dawned on me that I ALWAYS walk the same way. I always exit through the same door and walk counter clockwise around the house. I had NEVER walked in the opposite direction. I've lived here for 9 years!
I couldn't believe it when I made this realization! Of course, I reversed my direction and walked the opposite direction - that very moment!
Of course, I saw my garden from a completely different perspective! I couldn't believe it was the first time I'd ever walked this way. With all my awareness about this phenomenon when I hike and drive, I was completely 'missing it' when I took my daily walks!
I'm always amazed at our ability to get into a groove or a rut and not even think twice about it!
Once we gain awareness, it's easy to challenge this pattern in ourselves. It's as simple as reversing the route that we usually take! I even had one teacher I heard speak once encourage us to change which leg we put into our underwear or pants first, just to break the 'normal' pattern!
It's powerful to break through 'crystallized thinking.' Give it a try. Reverse a route that you walk or run. Drive a different route to work. Change around your morning routine once in a while. Shake things up and see how different the world appears!
It's the same for routes that I drive. We are greeted with entirely new vistas when we reverse direction.
I have a pretty healthy awareness about this, and yet I discovered something shocking a few weeks ago on my nightly 'walk' around my house.
I work in my garden almost every day during the spring and summer. I enjoy taking a walk several times around my house every evening to review what projects I've completed and think about what is next to be done. I also just enjoy the beauty, the creatures, the birds and all my gorgeous plants. It's my little reward for the work of the day.
A couple weeks ago, I set out on my walk, and it suddenly dawned on me that I ALWAYS walk the same way. I always exit through the same door and walk counter clockwise around the house. I had NEVER walked in the opposite direction. I've lived here for 9 years!
I couldn't believe it when I made this realization! Of course, I reversed my direction and walked the opposite direction - that very moment!
Of course, I saw my garden from a completely different perspective! I couldn't believe it was the first time I'd ever walked this way. With all my awareness about this phenomenon when I hike and drive, I was completely 'missing it' when I took my daily walks!
I'm always amazed at our ability to get into a groove or a rut and not even think twice about it!
Once we gain awareness, it's easy to challenge this pattern in ourselves. It's as simple as reversing the route that we usually take! I even had one teacher I heard speak once encourage us to change which leg we put into our underwear or pants first, just to break the 'normal' pattern!
It's powerful to break through 'crystallized thinking.' Give it a try. Reverse a route that you walk or run. Drive a different route to work. Change around your morning routine once in a while. Shake things up and see how different the world appears!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Another Thought on Walter Cronkite
I didn't really complete the thought I had about the passing of Walter Cronkite. His excellence can and should inspire us, no matter what field we are in, to be the best we can possibly be.
As Martin Luther King Jr. said, if we are a street sweeper, we should endeavor to be the best street sweeper EVER! No matter what our calling, we should strive to be the best we can possibly be.
When shining stars arrive on the scene - people who do their jobs in an exemplary manner, we can let them inspire us to be the best we can possibly be!
If everyone did their job to their best possible ability, what a world we would live in!
As Walter leaves us, lets all take a look at how we spend our days, and put an effort into being our very best.
The legacy of peak performers should be that we all reach a little bit higher!
As Martin Luther King Jr. said, if we are a street sweeper, we should endeavor to be the best street sweeper EVER! No matter what our calling, we should strive to be the best we can possibly be.
When shining stars arrive on the scene - people who do their jobs in an exemplary manner, we can let them inspire us to be the best we can possibly be!
If everyone did their job to their best possible ability, what a world we would live in!
As Walter leaves us, lets all take a look at how we spend our days, and put an effort into being our very best.
The legacy of peak performers should be that we all reach a little bit higher!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Another Trail Blazer Leaves Us
Walter Cronkite passed away this past weekend. Wow. A lot of people who were influential have 'left us' recently. Their contributions were diverse, but they all touched us in distinct and important ways.
Walter Cronkite was a journalist, the likes of which we don't see much of these days. He had integrity. He tried to present clear, unbiased information. He was a human being who cared deeply about informing the public. He was dubbed the most 'trusted man in America.
I have deep respect for this man. I remember his news casts. He's an icon and a cultural treasure.
The story that has come out that I loved the most about Walter Conkrite is that he actually got in trouble when he initially used his unique tag line of, "And that's the way it is" to end his newscasts.
I love a rebel. The fact that he wanted to use that line and he had to battle to do it, gives me even more respect for him!
Mr. Cronkite is traveling with Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays (The Oxyclean pitchman), a good friend's father and another friend's 22 year old niece. Interesting traveling companions.
Rest in Peace Walter Cronkite. Thank you for all you gave us. You set a high bar for journalists. I hope that more will attempt to live up to your standards.
Walter Cronkite was a journalist, the likes of which we don't see much of these days. He had integrity. He tried to present clear, unbiased information. He was a human being who cared deeply about informing the public. He was dubbed the most 'trusted man in America.
I have deep respect for this man. I remember his news casts. He's an icon and a cultural treasure.
The story that has come out that I loved the most about Walter Conkrite is that he actually got in trouble when he initially used his unique tag line of, "And that's the way it is" to end his newscasts.
I love a rebel. The fact that he wanted to use that line and he had to battle to do it, gives me even more respect for him!
Mr. Cronkite is traveling with Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays (The Oxyclean pitchman), a good friend's father and another friend's 22 year old niece. Interesting traveling companions.
Rest in Peace Walter Cronkite. Thank you for all you gave us. You set a high bar for journalists. I hope that more will attempt to live up to your standards.
Monday, July 20, 2009
French Fry Intervention
Do you ever stop to think about how many of your actions are motivated by feelings of 'obligation' rather than conscious choice?
I tend to have an over exaggerated sense of responsibility. I'm all about trying to 'do the right thing' and that is perfectly fine. There is, however, a way that this can get very out of balance. I can flip into a mode where my own wants and needs absolutely vanish as I try to make sure that everyone else around me is comfortable and feeling good about everything. Often times I can be more concerned about the other people around me than they are about themselves. This can lead to some very poor decision making!
I was on a 4 hour drive this past weekend. I need to stop for a 'bio break' and use the restroom at a fast food restaurant. I'm a big time iced tea drinker, so this particular stop was, well - let's just say it was much needed!
I always feel bad about going in to a restaurant, even a fast food restaurant, to use their restroom without buying anything. Even if its a place I've eat at many time before, I still feel guilty. I usually try to at least buy a drink. This particular day, however, I'd had more than my allocated amount of iced tea. Any more and I risked being up all night from the caffeine.
After I used the restroom, all I really wanted to do was get back in my car and continue my drive. The guilt got the better of me and I got in line to buy something. I didn't want tea, so I decided that I would get a small order of french fries. Now, I needed french fries like I need a hole in the head. I didn't even really want them. I just wanted to buy something since I used their restroom! I planned to eat the french fries, of course. I wouldn't want to waste food!
As I stood in line, I kept thinking about walking out. Why was I waiting in line for french fries I didn't want or need? I'd stopped at this place dozens of times in the past and bought food or beverages. Surely it was acceptable to use their restroom once in a while!
The line dwindled down to one elderly couple in front of me. They ordered and paid their bill. The counter person handed them one small cup. The woman said, "Where's our other cup?" What ensued was a discussion about what they had actually ordered, as opposed to what the counter person charged them for. A manager was called. At that moment, I turned and quietly walked out of the restaurant. I got in my car and drove away. I was relieved that I hadn't ended up with the french fries that I didn't really want.
As I drove along and thought about it I got a little frustrated with myself about my willingness to buy and eat french fries out of guilt and a sense of obligation to 'earn my right' to use the restroom at this restaurant. As someone who has struggled with food and weight issues my entire life, it is really quite unhealthy for me to eat something out of obligation or guilt!
I really feel that the 'confusion' between the little old couple and the counter person was a type of universal 'intervention' to save me from myself. If that issue hadn't been made, I would have eaten fries that I didn't want. It would have lessened my enjoyment of the dinner I had an hour later. And for what? Because I felt guilty using the bathroom? That's pretty crazy. I needed to be stopped and shown that this was really not necessary. The pause created by the couple's errant order, allowed me to rethink my decision and make a new choice.
Obligation and guilt are lousy reasons for action. It's never in anyone's best interest. I personally am committed to ferreting out the situations in my life that trigger my sense of obligation or guilt and bring conscious awareness to my choices.
Making a decision for the right reasons is just as important as the decision itself.
Take some time to think about the motivations behind the choices you are making. If guilt or a sense of obligation are lurking there, bring it into the light and reconsider.
I tend to have an over exaggerated sense of responsibility. I'm all about trying to 'do the right thing' and that is perfectly fine. There is, however, a way that this can get very out of balance. I can flip into a mode where my own wants and needs absolutely vanish as I try to make sure that everyone else around me is comfortable and feeling good about everything. Often times I can be more concerned about the other people around me than they are about themselves. This can lead to some very poor decision making!
I was on a 4 hour drive this past weekend. I need to stop for a 'bio break' and use the restroom at a fast food restaurant. I'm a big time iced tea drinker, so this particular stop was, well - let's just say it was much needed!
I always feel bad about going in to a restaurant, even a fast food restaurant, to use their restroom without buying anything. Even if its a place I've eat at many time before, I still feel guilty. I usually try to at least buy a drink. This particular day, however, I'd had more than my allocated amount of iced tea. Any more and I risked being up all night from the caffeine.
After I used the restroom, all I really wanted to do was get back in my car and continue my drive. The guilt got the better of me and I got in line to buy something. I didn't want tea, so I decided that I would get a small order of french fries. Now, I needed french fries like I need a hole in the head. I didn't even really want them. I just wanted to buy something since I used their restroom! I planned to eat the french fries, of course. I wouldn't want to waste food!
As I stood in line, I kept thinking about walking out. Why was I waiting in line for french fries I didn't want or need? I'd stopped at this place dozens of times in the past and bought food or beverages. Surely it was acceptable to use their restroom once in a while!
The line dwindled down to one elderly couple in front of me. They ordered and paid their bill. The counter person handed them one small cup. The woman said, "Where's our other cup?" What ensued was a discussion about what they had actually ordered, as opposed to what the counter person charged them for. A manager was called. At that moment, I turned and quietly walked out of the restaurant. I got in my car and drove away. I was relieved that I hadn't ended up with the french fries that I didn't really want.
As I drove along and thought about it I got a little frustrated with myself about my willingness to buy and eat french fries out of guilt and a sense of obligation to 'earn my right' to use the restroom at this restaurant. As someone who has struggled with food and weight issues my entire life, it is really quite unhealthy for me to eat something out of obligation or guilt!
I really feel that the 'confusion' between the little old couple and the counter person was a type of universal 'intervention' to save me from myself. If that issue hadn't been made, I would have eaten fries that I didn't want. It would have lessened my enjoyment of the dinner I had an hour later. And for what? Because I felt guilty using the bathroom? That's pretty crazy. I needed to be stopped and shown that this was really not necessary. The pause created by the couple's errant order, allowed me to rethink my decision and make a new choice.
Obligation and guilt are lousy reasons for action. It's never in anyone's best interest. I personally am committed to ferreting out the situations in my life that trigger my sense of obligation or guilt and bring conscious awareness to my choices.
Making a decision for the right reasons is just as important as the decision itself.
Take some time to think about the motivations behind the choices you are making. If guilt or a sense of obligation are lurking there, bring it into the light and reconsider.
Friday, July 17, 2009
"To Do Listing" My Way Through It
Whenever I'm coping with a difficult reality in my life I have many different tactics I use to get through it. One of my favorites is to plan some effective passage of time.
If I've experienced a major life setback, someone has hurt me, or if I've experienced a big disappointment, I first and foremost allow myself time to feel my feelings. The psychologist in me knows that repressing feelings is never the best course of action! Beyond that, however, I know that the passage of time is one of my best friends! In order to not fritter away the time feeling sorry for myself, I always come up with a project list to get me through a specific period of time. Sometimes it's a month, sometimes 3. I've even had some 6 month lists before. It all depends on what I'm 'dealing' with.
I mentioned this in an article earlier this week: the time is going to pass anyway. How do I want to feel at the end of this period of time? Do I want to feel bad about the time I've wasted? Or do I want to look back and say, "Wow... even with what I was going through - I lived my life and accomplished a lot." I vote for the second choice.
I feel good about accomplishing things, whether it's household projects or helping other people. All sorts of things go on my lists. Sometimes it's cleaning out closets or drawers. Other times its catching up on tasks that have been neglected for far too long. Often it has to do with reconnecting with people and strengthening relationships. Whatever works... that's what I say!
This current economic downturn/recession is a great example. Many people are strapped for money. Many of us are staying closer to home, forgoing vacations, and not eating out as much. Financial reality has altered the landscape. For many of us, there are financial worries and stresses that we didn't have a few years ago.
When we are doing all that we can do to address the situation in front of us, it's time to simply let time pass, enjoy what we can enjoy and let time move us through the difficulty.
It doesn't cost money to clean out your closets, drawers or garage. In fact, you might find some things to sell at a garage sale or on ebay! It doesn't take money to volunteer some time to help other people! It doesn't cost money to get into better shape by taking walks/runs, doing some exercises and stretching. Public libraries are free. It costs nothing to get a card and start learning about something of interest to you! Many things cost nothing. Some things cost a little. In the midst of the recession, however, it is totally possible to plot a course that moves us through a stressful, difficult time and gives us something amazing to show for it when we're through!
Try making a list for a specific period of time and start whittling away at it. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish, even when things are tough.
If I've experienced a major life setback, someone has hurt me, or if I've experienced a big disappointment, I first and foremost allow myself time to feel my feelings. The psychologist in me knows that repressing feelings is never the best course of action! Beyond that, however, I know that the passage of time is one of my best friends! In order to not fritter away the time feeling sorry for myself, I always come up with a project list to get me through a specific period of time. Sometimes it's a month, sometimes 3. I've even had some 6 month lists before. It all depends on what I'm 'dealing' with.
I mentioned this in an article earlier this week: the time is going to pass anyway. How do I want to feel at the end of this period of time? Do I want to feel bad about the time I've wasted? Or do I want to look back and say, "Wow... even with what I was going through - I lived my life and accomplished a lot." I vote for the second choice.
I feel good about accomplishing things, whether it's household projects or helping other people. All sorts of things go on my lists. Sometimes it's cleaning out closets or drawers. Other times its catching up on tasks that have been neglected for far too long. Often it has to do with reconnecting with people and strengthening relationships. Whatever works... that's what I say!
This current economic downturn/recession is a great example. Many people are strapped for money. Many of us are staying closer to home, forgoing vacations, and not eating out as much. Financial reality has altered the landscape. For many of us, there are financial worries and stresses that we didn't have a few years ago.
When we are doing all that we can do to address the situation in front of us, it's time to simply let time pass, enjoy what we can enjoy and let time move us through the difficulty.
It doesn't cost money to clean out your closets, drawers or garage. In fact, you might find some things to sell at a garage sale or on ebay! It doesn't take money to volunteer some time to help other people! It doesn't cost money to get into better shape by taking walks/runs, doing some exercises and stretching. Public libraries are free. It costs nothing to get a card and start learning about something of interest to you! Many things cost nothing. Some things cost a little. In the midst of the recession, however, it is totally possible to plot a course that moves us through a stressful, difficult time and gives us something amazing to show for it when we're through!
Try making a list for a specific period of time and start whittling away at it. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish, even when things are tough.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Adjusting to the New Landscape
Life is change. Nothing stays the same. All is impermanent.
Many of us resist these universal truths. We seek security in stability. When we look for our security in outer circumstances, we are pretty much doomed to learn some really tough lessons. We can't ever count on anything in the outer world to remain the way we want it to be. We simply don't have that sort of control.
I'm someone who adapts rather slowly to change. i work on this constantly, in an attempt to be able to 'go with the flow' of life a bit more easily. It still doesn't come naturally to me. I am comforted by routine. I like tradition and I'm a creature of habit. Unfortunately, the world doesn't conform to my particular personality!
I believe that the universe is always teaching us - individually and collectively. One of my big lessons in this life is how to adjust to new situations quickly and without tantrums!
This past weekend, I had an appointment with someone to do some work at my home. I spent two days preparing for their work. I set aside many other tasks and actually put my body under a lot of stress to do the preparation for the work they were going to do to clean and seal all my cement walkways, patios, etc.
They didn't show up.
I was really annoyed. I finally figured it out by 11am. They weren't coming. Although I had spoken to them at 9:15, and they said they were 'on their way.'
All my plans for the day needed to be changed. I had planned my time for that day (and the few days before and after) based on the fact that this work was going to be happening.
I resisted changing my plans for a good 2 hours. I complained to a few people about how this guy had 'wrecked my day.' I didn't 'feel like' doing other things that day. I wanted to get this project done!!
Finally, I started to 'snap out of it.' I grabbed my brain and took hold of my thoughts! Who's fault was it that I was having a bad day and not getting anything accomplished? Was it the concrete guy who didn't show? Or was it me from behind a wall of resistance to 'what is.'
He didn't show up. Not a thing I could do about that. But what happened after that was all on me! I didn't have to let the disappointment of that moment poison my whole day. Yet, that's exactly what I was doing... until I caught myself!
It wasn't the end of the world. It was simply a change in plans. Albeit, it was caused by some one's inconsiderate behavior. That was one moment in time. I was allowing it to become moment after moment after moment. That was my responsibility. I was only hurting myself.
Life is change. Nothing stays the same. Sometimes changes come quite rapidly. The sooner we adjust to what is in front of us, needing our attention, the happier and more productive we will be!
Got any changes staring you down right now? If they aren't going away... you'd best get on with it! You... and me both!
Many of us resist these universal truths. We seek security in stability. When we look for our security in outer circumstances, we are pretty much doomed to learn some really tough lessons. We can't ever count on anything in the outer world to remain the way we want it to be. We simply don't have that sort of control.
I'm someone who adapts rather slowly to change. i work on this constantly, in an attempt to be able to 'go with the flow' of life a bit more easily. It still doesn't come naturally to me. I am comforted by routine. I like tradition and I'm a creature of habit. Unfortunately, the world doesn't conform to my particular personality!
I believe that the universe is always teaching us - individually and collectively. One of my big lessons in this life is how to adjust to new situations quickly and without tantrums!
This past weekend, I had an appointment with someone to do some work at my home. I spent two days preparing for their work. I set aside many other tasks and actually put my body under a lot of stress to do the preparation for the work they were going to do to clean and seal all my cement walkways, patios, etc.
They didn't show up.
I was really annoyed. I finally figured it out by 11am. They weren't coming. Although I had spoken to them at 9:15, and they said they were 'on their way.'
All my plans for the day needed to be changed. I had planned my time for that day (and the few days before and after) based on the fact that this work was going to be happening.
I resisted changing my plans for a good 2 hours. I complained to a few people about how this guy had 'wrecked my day.' I didn't 'feel like' doing other things that day. I wanted to get this project done!!
Finally, I started to 'snap out of it.' I grabbed my brain and took hold of my thoughts! Who's fault was it that I was having a bad day and not getting anything accomplished? Was it the concrete guy who didn't show? Or was it me from behind a wall of resistance to 'what is.'
He didn't show up. Not a thing I could do about that. But what happened after that was all on me! I didn't have to let the disappointment of that moment poison my whole day. Yet, that's exactly what I was doing... until I caught myself!
It wasn't the end of the world. It was simply a change in plans. Albeit, it was caused by some one's inconsiderate behavior. That was one moment in time. I was allowing it to become moment after moment after moment. That was my responsibility. I was only hurting myself.
Life is change. Nothing stays the same. Sometimes changes come quite rapidly. The sooner we adjust to what is in front of us, needing our attention, the happier and more productive we will be!
Got any changes staring you down right now? If they aren't going away... you'd best get on with it! You... and me both!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Reigning in the Monkey Mind
Our minds are incredibly powerful and complicated instruments. The way the human mind works is indeed a mystery.
Our thoughts are capable of creating amazing and wonderful masterpieces. They are also capable of making our lives into a living hell.
Have you ever had trouble shutting off your mind at night? Sleep eludes because too many thoughts are spinning through your head. It's frustrating when this happens and it negatively impairs our lives by damaging the quality and amount of sleep that we get.
If you've ever had a conflict with someone and found yourself replaying it over and over in your head - usually with 'better performance' on your part, you are certainly not unique! Most of us, at times, get stuck in instant (and sometimes long past) replays of events in our lives. We go over and over the incident, as though it will change something!
Many of us struggle at various times with thoughts that just will not let us go. We can't stop 'running the tape' of those thoughts through our brains. It is a waste of time, energy and potential. Yet, it doesn't seem to be something we can control.
The only way I know of to address this phenomenon is to 'train' the mind to get quiet. The most powerful way to do this is by meditation practice. It's like anything else. You most likely cannot do something unless you practice it regularly.
Why would we expect to be able to 'turn off' our minds when we are stressed out if we've never even learned to do it when we're not stressed out? That doesn't make much sense.
My teacher, Dr. Chuck Bruni used to ask me this question: "Would you rather make an important decision while sitting in a quiet library or in the midst of Grand Central Station at rush hour?" The meaning being that if we are peace we will most likely make a better decision than if we are in the midst of internal chaos!
Daily practice in quieting our minds will help us at times when we are under great pressure.
I once heard someone say, "The time to start weaving your parachute is NOT when you ready to jump out of the plane!" We can't wait until the moment we absolutely need the ability to quiet our mind to begin to cultivate that ability. We can start NOW... and perhaps the parachute will be ready when we need it!
If you've never meditated before, you need to start small. Even 1 minute of taking deep breaths saying 'relax' inside your head is better than nothing. Using a mantra (words that you repeat either silently or out loud) and watching your breath are excellent ways to begin. Numerous books and workshops are available to teach meditation. It's not complicated... it just requires practice!
Quiet your mind, every day... and soon you'll find that your whole life runs more smoothly!
Our thoughts are capable of creating amazing and wonderful masterpieces. They are also capable of making our lives into a living hell.
Have you ever had trouble shutting off your mind at night? Sleep eludes because too many thoughts are spinning through your head. It's frustrating when this happens and it negatively impairs our lives by damaging the quality and amount of sleep that we get.
If you've ever had a conflict with someone and found yourself replaying it over and over in your head - usually with 'better performance' on your part, you are certainly not unique! Most of us, at times, get stuck in instant (and sometimes long past) replays of events in our lives. We go over and over the incident, as though it will change something!
Many of us struggle at various times with thoughts that just will not let us go. We can't stop 'running the tape' of those thoughts through our brains. It is a waste of time, energy and potential. Yet, it doesn't seem to be something we can control.
The only way I know of to address this phenomenon is to 'train' the mind to get quiet. The most powerful way to do this is by meditation practice. It's like anything else. You most likely cannot do something unless you practice it regularly.
Why would we expect to be able to 'turn off' our minds when we are stressed out if we've never even learned to do it when we're not stressed out? That doesn't make much sense.
My teacher, Dr. Chuck Bruni used to ask me this question: "Would you rather make an important decision while sitting in a quiet library or in the midst of Grand Central Station at rush hour?" The meaning being that if we are peace we will most likely make a better decision than if we are in the midst of internal chaos!
Daily practice in quieting our minds will help us at times when we are under great pressure.
I once heard someone say, "The time to start weaving your parachute is NOT when you ready to jump out of the plane!" We can't wait until the moment we absolutely need the ability to quiet our mind to begin to cultivate that ability. We can start NOW... and perhaps the parachute will be ready when we need it!
If you've never meditated before, you need to start small. Even 1 minute of taking deep breaths saying 'relax' inside your head is better than nothing. Using a mantra (words that you repeat either silently or out loud) and watching your breath are excellent ways to begin. Numerous books and workshops are available to teach meditation. It's not complicated... it just requires practice!
Quiet your mind, every day... and soon you'll find that your whole life runs more smoothly!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Do it Again and Again and Again
Sometimes when we are working towards a goal, it seems as though we might never 'get there.' I think we've lost some ability to have patience and wait for things in this culture of ours.
It's true, however, that sometimes we work really hard for something and it truly seems like we should have made more progress than we have. This can be frustrating.
I once heard a teacher of mine talk about working on oneself spiritually and how you have to keep doing what you know is right over and over and over and over and over and over again... regardless of the immediate results you are getting (or not getting).
What other choice do we have? The time is going to pass anyway. We might as well keep doing what we know to do and be patient.
I am someone who has struggled with depression and various mood issues for my entire life. Sometimes, even when I'm doing everything I know how to do, life is just plain hard. I don't feel like I'm where I want to be and I get frustrated with how much effort I'm putting in to feeling better when I don't seem to be getting what I'm hoping for.
I guess I could give up, but that just isn't my personality. Not that I don't feel like it sometimes! My choice, however, is to just keep trucking along. One never knows when things will change or turn around. We simply NEVER know!
It's the same with any long term endeavor. Sometimes you practice a skill over and over for years at a time before you really achieve any kind of success of true ability.
You can't rush things. No matter how much we might wish something went faster - it takes what it takes. When you put a seed in the ground, it takes what it takes to germinate, grow and produce fruit. Is it worth the wait? Absolutely!
Never give up is one of my personal mottos. I mean really... the time is going to pass anyway, so why not do what we believe is going to improve things (whatever it is) and watch things change down the road. The results might not be instant... but we WILL eventually see positive results!
Get up and do it again!
It's true, however, that sometimes we work really hard for something and it truly seems like we should have made more progress than we have. This can be frustrating.
I once heard a teacher of mine talk about working on oneself spiritually and how you have to keep doing what you know is right over and over and over and over and over and over again... regardless of the immediate results you are getting (or not getting).
What other choice do we have? The time is going to pass anyway. We might as well keep doing what we know to do and be patient.
I am someone who has struggled with depression and various mood issues for my entire life. Sometimes, even when I'm doing everything I know how to do, life is just plain hard. I don't feel like I'm where I want to be and I get frustrated with how much effort I'm putting in to feeling better when I don't seem to be getting what I'm hoping for.
I guess I could give up, but that just isn't my personality. Not that I don't feel like it sometimes! My choice, however, is to just keep trucking along. One never knows when things will change or turn around. We simply NEVER know!
It's the same with any long term endeavor. Sometimes you practice a skill over and over for years at a time before you really achieve any kind of success of true ability.
You can't rush things. No matter how much we might wish something went faster - it takes what it takes. When you put a seed in the ground, it takes what it takes to germinate, grow and produce fruit. Is it worth the wait? Absolutely!
Never give up is one of my personal mottos. I mean really... the time is going to pass anyway, so why not do what we believe is going to improve things (whatever it is) and watch things change down the road. The results might not be instant... but we WILL eventually see positive results!
Get up and do it again!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Trail Encounters
I was hiking one of my favorite trails last week on a bright, beautiful day. As I was coming back down the trail, after making it to the summit and soaking in the view, I was struck by the verbal encounters I had along the way.
"Is it worth it?" one woman asked me as her party passed me on their way up. "ABSOLUTELY!" I responded. My response to that particular question is always the same. While it is true that the view at the top is very nice, and a great reward for the trek up the trail, it is also worth it for the health benefits and the mental/emotional benefits of exercising and being out in nature!
"Are there many bees along the way?" one nervous woman asked me. "A saw a few... but it's not too bad," I replied. Is she allergic? Has she had bad 'bee encounters' on this trail before? I wondered how much anxiety she was feeling about bees and how much that might detract from her hiking pleasure.
"Beautiful day isn't it?" one man remarked as we brushed past each other. "Sure is!" I answered. Something about natural beauty (and good weather here in Seattle) makes us want to share it and revel in it with those around us.
I overheard one small boy, who was hiking with his mom and a couple other kids say, "I'm not even tired yet!!" I thought that was very cute, and I am inspired by the endless energy that children seem to have. I could borrow a little of that unbridled energy and enthusiasm!
I was very impressed with a family from Australia. A mom, dad and their two boys all had pretty large packs on their backs. Even though the boys were probably slightly pre-teen they were totally into the hiking experience. They all had tree and bird identification books and were excitedly trying to ID as many species as possible. They seemed truly intrigued and motivated to know the flora and fauna of the area in which they were hiking. I appreciate that level of 'engagement' with life!
You never know who you'll meet on the hiking trail, or in life. Each person I pass on the trail, whether they talk to me or not, is a possible 'example' of either what I want to do and be... or what I do not want to do and be. I look at each person as a potential teacher or role model - be it positive or negative.
Every encounter we have with other people can be useful to us on our journey of conscious evolution! As we endeavor to become more conscious, happier, better adjusted, more fulfilled and more at peace, those around us can be our greatest inspiration!
Who will you meet on the trail today? What impact will you invite them to have in how you live your life?
"Is it worth it?" one woman asked me as her party passed me on their way up. "ABSOLUTELY!" I responded. My response to that particular question is always the same. While it is true that the view at the top is very nice, and a great reward for the trek up the trail, it is also worth it for the health benefits and the mental/emotional benefits of exercising and being out in nature!
"Are there many bees along the way?" one nervous woman asked me. "A saw a few... but it's not too bad," I replied. Is she allergic? Has she had bad 'bee encounters' on this trail before? I wondered how much anxiety she was feeling about bees and how much that might detract from her hiking pleasure.
"Beautiful day isn't it?" one man remarked as we brushed past each other. "Sure is!" I answered. Something about natural beauty (and good weather here in Seattle) makes us want to share it and revel in it with those around us.
I overheard one small boy, who was hiking with his mom and a couple other kids say, "I'm not even tired yet!!" I thought that was very cute, and I am inspired by the endless energy that children seem to have. I could borrow a little of that unbridled energy and enthusiasm!
I was very impressed with a family from Australia. A mom, dad and their two boys all had pretty large packs on their backs. Even though the boys were probably slightly pre-teen they were totally into the hiking experience. They all had tree and bird identification books and were excitedly trying to ID as many species as possible. They seemed truly intrigued and motivated to know the flora and fauna of the area in which they were hiking. I appreciate that level of 'engagement' with life!
You never know who you'll meet on the hiking trail, or in life. Each person I pass on the trail, whether they talk to me or not, is a possible 'example' of either what I want to do and be... or what I do not want to do and be. I look at each person as a potential teacher or role model - be it positive or negative.
Every encounter we have with other people can be useful to us on our journey of conscious evolution! As we endeavor to become more conscious, happier, better adjusted, more fulfilled and more at peace, those around us can be our greatest inspiration!
Who will you meet on the trail today? What impact will you invite them to have in how you live your life?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Accidental Solution
Have you ever gotten a note from your mailman? I've received many! One of my last ones asked me to fix a pothole in the shoulder near my mailbox. The mailman told me that if I didn't fix it they could stop delivering my mail. Who knew.
It was a frustrating and perpetual problem. I would take a metal rake out and fill the hole with gravel from my driveway. Within a few weeks, the gravel was pushed out and the pothole was back in all it's glory.
A few weeks ago one of the utility companies started laying a new pipe along the side of the road in front of my house. It was a mess. They dug a deep ditch and tore up everything to accomplish their goal. I found myself feeling irritated at the intrusion. I wondered what state they would leave the area in front of my driveway.
Just the other day, I made an interesting discovery. My pothole is GONE! It has been repaired by this most recent 'project' on the road! I was elated.
After a year of filling my pothole with gravel, it is now a non-issue. The problem was solved... by accident!
Sometimes I think I expect things to be harder than they have to be. This problem solved itself! I didn't have to do anything.
I wonder how often things might be solved if I believed it were possible to have an easy solution!
I'm opening my mind up to the possibility that things can come easily. What a concept!
It was a frustrating and perpetual problem. I would take a metal rake out and fill the hole with gravel from my driveway. Within a few weeks, the gravel was pushed out and the pothole was back in all it's glory.
A few weeks ago one of the utility companies started laying a new pipe along the side of the road in front of my house. It was a mess. They dug a deep ditch and tore up everything to accomplish their goal. I found myself feeling irritated at the intrusion. I wondered what state they would leave the area in front of my driveway.
Just the other day, I made an interesting discovery. My pothole is GONE! It has been repaired by this most recent 'project' on the road! I was elated.
After a year of filling my pothole with gravel, it is now a non-issue. The problem was solved... by accident!
Sometimes I think I expect things to be harder than they have to be. This problem solved itself! I didn't have to do anything.
I wonder how often things might be solved if I believed it were possible to have an easy solution!
I'm opening my mind up to the possibility that things can come easily. What a concept!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
The Waxwing Tree
I love the reminders that we are given about the seasonal patterning of life.
I have a tree outside my workout room window that produces small red berries every mid-late June. The berries last about 2 weeks. Birds seem to love these berries. Robins get a few of them, as do a handful of smaller birds. The bulk of these berries, however, go to a particular type of bird called Cedar Waxwings.
The stunning Cedar Waxwing
I don't see many Waxwings in my yard. Maybe I'll spot one or two throughout the summer. The exception is when this tree is producing it's berry crop. Then I have a steady stream of Waxwings!
Waxwings have a very particular call. It's a little wheeze-like... very subtle.
I start looking for them every year when the berries start to ripen, and like the rising of the sun, they appear exactly when they are supposed to. I always say, "It's Waxwings time!" It's comforting to me.
I think it's important to remember that life has seasons and certain things are predictable. Daybreak follows the night. Birds migrate. The tide rises and it falls. Crops are planted and are later harvested. It all makes sense at a larger, cosmic level.
Sometimes when we are mired in the day to day challenges and minutia of life, we forget that there are larger patterns at play. We can get lost in the 'stuff' of our days and forget the bigger picture.
Things like my 'Waxwing tree' remind me that seasons come... and go. Things are 'as they should be.' It might not seem that way when I'm dealing with the current challenge in front of me, but it's true.
Life goes on. The sun will rise. Let the Waxwing Trees of life remind you that it's all unfolding according to a greater wisdom.
I have a tree outside my workout room window that produces small red berries every mid-late June. The berries last about 2 weeks. Birds seem to love these berries. Robins get a few of them, as do a handful of smaller birds. The bulk of these berries, however, go to a particular type of bird called Cedar Waxwings.
The stunning Cedar Waxwing
I don't see many Waxwings in my yard. Maybe I'll spot one or two throughout the summer. The exception is when this tree is producing it's berry crop. Then I have a steady stream of Waxwings!
Waxwings have a very particular call. It's a little wheeze-like... very subtle.
I start looking for them every year when the berries start to ripen, and like the rising of the sun, they appear exactly when they are supposed to. I always say, "It's Waxwings time!" It's comforting to me.
I think it's important to remember that life has seasons and certain things are predictable. Daybreak follows the night. Birds migrate. The tide rises and it falls. Crops are planted and are later harvested. It all makes sense at a larger, cosmic level.
Sometimes when we are mired in the day to day challenges and minutia of life, we forget that there are larger patterns at play. We can get lost in the 'stuff' of our days and forget the bigger picture.
Things like my 'Waxwing tree' remind me that seasons come... and go. Things are 'as they should be.' It might not seem that way when I'm dealing with the current challenge in front of me, but it's true.
Life goes on. The sun will rise. Let the Waxwing Trees of life remind you that it's all unfolding according to a greater wisdom.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Making the Extra Effort
I read an interesting article this past weekend about how President Obama puts a lot of effort into pronouncing people's names (and countries) correctly.
Article on President Obama and Pronunciation
He considers it a sign of respect. President Obama is right. When we make the extra effort to 'speak someone else's language' we indicate a level of concern and respect that is subtle, but powerful.
When we take the time to know someone else, even something as simple as how to pronounce their name, we communicate to them that we care. They matter. They are important. If we carelessly refer to them, we indicate that they aren't worth our time.
Simple... yet so powerful!
I saw a commercial on CNN one time, where one of my heroes, Christiane Amanpour was talking about one of her 'bugaboos' which is how people refer to Iran and Iraq.
We, in the states, tent to say Eye-Rak and Eye-ran. This is not correct.
The way to correctly prounounce these countries has two components. On the first syllable it is correct to say "EEEEE" (as in bee, or see).
On the second syllable, we the 'a' in Iraq or Iran is pronounced like the o in 'rock' or 'Ron'
So, the lesson for today is, to pronounce:
Iraq = EE-rock
Iran = EE-ron
When we make a little extra effort, we show people that we respect them and care about them. Simple things like pronouncing people's name's (or country's) correctly... shows them that they are relevant and that they matter!
Go the extra mile!
Article on President Obama and Pronunciation
He considers it a sign of respect. President Obama is right. When we make the extra effort to 'speak someone else's language' we indicate a level of concern and respect that is subtle, but powerful.
When we take the time to know someone else, even something as simple as how to pronounce their name, we communicate to them that we care. They matter. They are important. If we carelessly refer to them, we indicate that they aren't worth our time.
Simple... yet so powerful!
I saw a commercial on CNN one time, where one of my heroes, Christiane Amanpour was talking about one of her 'bugaboos' which is how people refer to Iran and Iraq.
We, in the states, tent to say Eye-Rak and Eye-ran. This is not correct.
The way to correctly prounounce these countries has two components. On the first syllable it is correct to say "EEEEE" (as in bee, or see).
On the second syllable, we the 'a' in Iraq or Iran is pronounced like the o in 'rock' or 'Ron'
So, the lesson for today is, to pronounce:
Iraq = EE-rock
Iran = EE-ron
When we make a little extra effort, we show people that we respect them and care about them. Simple things like pronouncing people's name's (or country's) correctly... shows them that they are relevant and that they matter!
Go the extra mile!
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Someone Else Will Take Care of It
A friend of mine told me a fascinating and somewhat disturbing story the other day. She was traveling through the Denver airport recently when I fire alarm went off in her concourse.
The noise was deafening. The strobe lights going off were very disorienting. No one seemed to 'respond' to the alarm in any way, other than covering their ears to try to shield themselves from the noise.
My friend found a security guard and asked what was happening. He said it was a false alarm and someone was coming to turn it off. Eventually, the alarm was shut off.
Then it went off again. As was the case before, no one seemed to respond to the alarm. People went about their business. Kids started to cry. The noise was really horrible. It went on... and on... and on.
Finally, my friend was so disturbed by the noise/strobe lights that she left the concourse to get some relief. When she got outside of the concourse, she saw the same security guard whom she had spoken to earlier. She asked him how long it would be before someone turned off the alarm. He said, "Is it on again?"
No one had reported the second alarm. All those hundreds of people were suffering with damaging noise... and no one had alerted anyone in authority. No employees, no passengers... no one. Everyone thought that surely someone was 'doing something' about the problem. Wow.
How often does this happen in life and society. We see a problem and are certain that someone ELSE is going to take care of it. It troubles me how often this is the case. Even in my friend's situation, where the 'problem' was extremely disturbing and potentially destructive noise! No one took action to stop it or handle it.
What if it had been a real emergency? That is even more disturbing. People were ignoring the warning sign, because the warning sign didn't seem to mean anything.
Warning signs are meant to tell us something. If the warning sign is going off in error, that is telling us something else. If no one does anything about 'dealing with' the warning sign - whatever the reason it is occurring, there is information there for us as well.
Assuming that 'other people' will take care of a problem we encounter is a helpless, victim-like stance to take. We aren't taking control of our own destiny!
Assuming someone else will handle something that is negatively affecting us is not an effective way living life!
Someone in a relationship is doing something we don't like and we just wait for them to change it. That isn't going to work very well either.
Our job is unpleasant and our boss is unhappy with our work. We just keep doing what we are doing and hope it will get better. Oops.
We see signs of distress in some area of our body or our health, but we assume it will just take care of itself. That can be downright dangerous.
We see the suffering of others around us and turn the other way. What if we are the ONE who's supposed to do something about that!?
The list goes on and on.
Our world would benefit greatly from everyone dealing with what is in front of us to be dealt with. Take responsibility for yourself, your life, and the things that you observe need attention. You and I can change the world - one situation at a time!
The noise was deafening. The strobe lights going off were very disorienting. No one seemed to 'respond' to the alarm in any way, other than covering their ears to try to shield themselves from the noise.
My friend found a security guard and asked what was happening. He said it was a false alarm and someone was coming to turn it off. Eventually, the alarm was shut off.
Then it went off again. As was the case before, no one seemed to respond to the alarm. People went about their business. Kids started to cry. The noise was really horrible. It went on... and on... and on.
Finally, my friend was so disturbed by the noise/strobe lights that she left the concourse to get some relief. When she got outside of the concourse, she saw the same security guard whom she had spoken to earlier. She asked him how long it would be before someone turned off the alarm. He said, "Is it on again?"
No one had reported the second alarm. All those hundreds of people were suffering with damaging noise... and no one had alerted anyone in authority. No employees, no passengers... no one. Everyone thought that surely someone was 'doing something' about the problem. Wow.
How often does this happen in life and society. We see a problem and are certain that someone ELSE is going to take care of it. It troubles me how often this is the case. Even in my friend's situation, where the 'problem' was extremely disturbing and potentially destructive noise! No one took action to stop it or handle it.
What if it had been a real emergency? That is even more disturbing. People were ignoring the warning sign, because the warning sign didn't seem to mean anything.
Warning signs are meant to tell us something. If the warning sign is going off in error, that is telling us something else. If no one does anything about 'dealing with' the warning sign - whatever the reason it is occurring, there is information there for us as well.
Assuming that 'other people' will take care of a problem we encounter is a helpless, victim-like stance to take. We aren't taking control of our own destiny!
Assuming someone else will handle something that is negatively affecting us is not an effective way living life!
Someone in a relationship is doing something we don't like and we just wait for them to change it. That isn't going to work very well either.
Our job is unpleasant and our boss is unhappy with our work. We just keep doing what we are doing and hope it will get better. Oops.
We see signs of distress in some area of our body or our health, but we assume it will just take care of itself. That can be downright dangerous.
We see the suffering of others around us and turn the other way. What if we are the ONE who's supposed to do something about that!?
The list goes on and on.
Our world would benefit greatly from everyone dealing with what is in front of us to be dealt with. Take responsibility for yourself, your life, and the things that you observe need attention. You and I can change the world - one situation at a time!
Monday, July 06, 2009
Traveling Light
I was able to get up hiking this past weekend for the first time in a long while. I enjoy hiking. The physical exercise, being out in nature, a chance to disconnect from my normal world - all of that appeals to me.
I tend to always want to 'be prepared.' I take a backpack with me and have it 'stocked' with items that one might need if they had a mishap in the forest.
One of the trails I hike most often, however, is super heavily traveled. If I had any sort of mishap, literally dozens of people would happen by within a couple hours.
I started asking myself why I always feel the need to carry so much stuff on my back while I'm hiking that trail? It isn't really necessary and on a warm day, it's pretty uncomfortable to have my backpack pressing against my back.
This last hike I decided to go with just a jacket (tied around my waste) to carry id and a few of the items I must have, and carry my water bottle in my hand.
What a liberating feeling to go up the hill will nothing weighing me down!
It is an interesting consideration. Where is the line between always being prepared and traveling with too much on one's back?
I have the same issue when I travel. I always have a big suitcase, stuffed completely full. I like to have what I might need with me... at all times.
Yet, schlepping all that stuff with me is not easy! I pay a cost for being 'super prepared.'
I want to come to a place in my life where I take what's needed and I prepare in a reasonable way for what 'might be.' Striking that balance will ease my 'load' in many circumstances and yet preserve my preparedness in a realistic way.
Is there any way you can lighten your load today? Lay down something you've been carrying that you might not really, truly need?
Look for something you can take off your back... and lay it down!
I tend to always want to 'be prepared.' I take a backpack with me and have it 'stocked' with items that one might need if they had a mishap in the forest.
One of the trails I hike most often, however, is super heavily traveled. If I had any sort of mishap, literally dozens of people would happen by within a couple hours.
I started asking myself why I always feel the need to carry so much stuff on my back while I'm hiking that trail? It isn't really necessary and on a warm day, it's pretty uncomfortable to have my backpack pressing against my back.
This last hike I decided to go with just a jacket (tied around my waste) to carry id and a few of the items I must have, and carry my water bottle in my hand.
What a liberating feeling to go up the hill will nothing weighing me down!
It is an interesting consideration. Where is the line between always being prepared and traveling with too much on one's back?
I have the same issue when I travel. I always have a big suitcase, stuffed completely full. I like to have what I might need with me... at all times.
Yet, schlepping all that stuff with me is not easy! I pay a cost for being 'super prepared.'
I want to come to a place in my life where I take what's needed and I prepare in a reasonable way for what 'might be.' Striking that balance will ease my 'load' in many circumstances and yet preserve my preparedness in a realistic way.
Is there any way you can lighten your load today? Lay down something you've been carrying that you might not really, truly need?
Look for something you can take off your back... and lay it down!
Friday, July 03, 2009
Declare Your Independence
Freedom is a beautiful thing. There are many ways in this life for us to lose our freedom and independence. Lots of worldly interferences can cause us to not be able to move and live freely. That's part of life on planet earth.
The trick is in knowing what freedom really is and knowing that no one can take away our freedom where it really matters - in the way we choose to look at and conduct our lives.
We can have our integrity, our principles, and our convictions. No one can take those away from us. Someone might take away our life, but they cannot take away the inner beliefs and perspective that we hold. We are the only ones who can give those precious gifts away.
Knowing what we can and cannot lose is a large part of finding peace and happiness in this life. Believing that others have the power to take away our joy and happiness is throwing away our power. It is completely our responsibility! If we choose to give others that sort of control over us, we are giving away our freedom to choose.
Independence Day is tomorrow. We celebrate the idea of casting off 'false authority' over our destiny and our path. At least that's what Independence Day is for me. We celebrate freedom, and my hope is that we realize what true freedom is, and where true freedom comes from. No one can take away the freedoms that matter most - our internal state of mind and heart.
I long for a world where no one claims and abuses authority over other people. I yearn for all people to be treated with dignity and respect. My hope is that we learn to live on earth together without exploitation, greed and selfishness. A tall order, I know, but I have to believe we'll get there... eventually.
In the mean time, while people are people, and too many give in to greedy, selfish motivations and take advantage of others in the process, let's all remember that while things can be taken away from us on this earthy, WE GET TO CHOOSE our internal state of mind and our approach to what happens to us in life.
This is real freedom. This type of freedom is all we can ever really count on.
Happy Independence Day! Claim your freedom!
The trick is in knowing what freedom really is and knowing that no one can take away our freedom where it really matters - in the way we choose to look at and conduct our lives.
We can have our integrity, our principles, and our convictions. No one can take those away from us. Someone might take away our life, but they cannot take away the inner beliefs and perspective that we hold. We are the only ones who can give those precious gifts away.
Knowing what we can and cannot lose is a large part of finding peace and happiness in this life. Believing that others have the power to take away our joy and happiness is throwing away our power. It is completely our responsibility! If we choose to give others that sort of control over us, we are giving away our freedom to choose.
Independence Day is tomorrow. We celebrate the idea of casting off 'false authority' over our destiny and our path. At least that's what Independence Day is for me. We celebrate freedom, and my hope is that we realize what true freedom is, and where true freedom comes from. No one can take away the freedoms that matter most - our internal state of mind and heart.
I long for a world where no one claims and abuses authority over other people. I yearn for all people to be treated with dignity and respect. My hope is that we learn to live on earth together without exploitation, greed and selfishness. A tall order, I know, but I have to believe we'll get there... eventually.
In the mean time, while people are people, and too many give in to greedy, selfish motivations and take advantage of others in the process, let's all remember that while things can be taken away from us on this earthy, WE GET TO CHOOSE our internal state of mind and our approach to what happens to us in life.
This is real freedom. This type of freedom is all we can ever really count on.
Happy Independence Day! Claim your freedom!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
It's Not The Bite It's The Toxins
I am back at work in my garden again. Having been on the road for most of the past 6 weeks I'm finding that my weeds did not take any time off! As always, a continuous stream of work awaits me.
The last time I worked in the garden I got two mosquito bites on my arm. They are only about 3 inches way from each other. One has followed a pretty normal course and is simply a small red bump. The other turned into a giant, painful, red lump. It is hot, itches like the devil and hurts!
The bites are no doubt from different mosquitoes, but it is rather shocking how different the symptoms are.
I've heard that if you are allergic to something that a mosquito bites before you, the reactions can be quite spectacular. That may be what I'm experiencing with the big welt.
This experience got me thinking about the fact that the bite itself isn't what actually matters, it's what comes in with the bite. There is some sort of irritant that comes with the bite that actually causes the pain, itching and swelling. Sometimes it's minor and sometimes it's major.
I think it is the same with difficult experiences in our lives. There is the original event (the bite) and then there is the toxic stuff that comes into our lives with the bite. Those toxins are actually what cause the problem... long after the bite has occurred.
With the bite, I've done all I can to minimize the impact of the poison I took in (antihistamine, caladryl lotion, ice/elevation,etc).
With toxic or traumatic events we have a lot to say about how we deal with them. The bite happened, we can't undo that fact, but we can decide how we will deal with the poisonous toxic stuff that comes into our life with the event.
We have emotions that come up in response to the bite. Some of those can be really destructive - to ourselves and to others. It is our responsibility (and within our control) to deal constructively with those emotions.
Likewise, we have control over our reactions to the bite. We can lash back at the person(s) who bit us, and take actions from a vengeful stance. We can try to make others feel the same pain that we are feeling. None of that helps our bite feel any better, in fact, it only intensifies the 'mess' and pain of the situation.
Sometimes when a 'bite' occurs in our life, we need to 'clean house' and cut loose people or situations that are not good for us. This too, is within our control.
Being angry at the mosquito for biting us doesn't heal the bite any faster.
Being angry at a person or situation for entering our life and causing problems is just as fruitless. We need to face and deal with the aftermath of the bites we receive, take responsibility for the only thing we can control - our self and our own reactions - and move forward.
Got any itchy, swollen bites in your life at the moment? Are you helping them heal, or continuing to perpetuate the pain and suffering related to them?
Release the venomous toxins... and realize that into every life a few bites must come. No one escapes being bitten once in a while. It's part of the human experience. Many have been bitten, and many recover. No sense holding on to what could be a passing pain. Let it go!
The last time I worked in the garden I got two mosquito bites on my arm. They are only about 3 inches way from each other. One has followed a pretty normal course and is simply a small red bump. The other turned into a giant, painful, red lump. It is hot, itches like the devil and hurts!
The bites are no doubt from different mosquitoes, but it is rather shocking how different the symptoms are.
I've heard that if you are allergic to something that a mosquito bites before you, the reactions can be quite spectacular. That may be what I'm experiencing with the big welt.
This experience got me thinking about the fact that the bite itself isn't what actually matters, it's what comes in with the bite. There is some sort of irritant that comes with the bite that actually causes the pain, itching and swelling. Sometimes it's minor and sometimes it's major.
I think it is the same with difficult experiences in our lives. There is the original event (the bite) and then there is the toxic stuff that comes into our lives with the bite. Those toxins are actually what cause the problem... long after the bite has occurred.
With the bite, I've done all I can to minimize the impact of the poison I took in (antihistamine, caladryl lotion, ice/elevation,etc).
With toxic or traumatic events we have a lot to say about how we deal with them. The bite happened, we can't undo that fact, but we can decide how we will deal with the poisonous toxic stuff that comes into our life with the event.
We have emotions that come up in response to the bite. Some of those can be really destructive - to ourselves and to others. It is our responsibility (and within our control) to deal constructively with those emotions.
Likewise, we have control over our reactions to the bite. We can lash back at the person(s) who bit us, and take actions from a vengeful stance. We can try to make others feel the same pain that we are feeling. None of that helps our bite feel any better, in fact, it only intensifies the 'mess' and pain of the situation.
Sometimes when a 'bite' occurs in our life, we need to 'clean house' and cut loose people or situations that are not good for us. This too, is within our control.
Being angry at the mosquito for biting us doesn't heal the bite any faster.
Being angry at a person or situation for entering our life and causing problems is just as fruitless. We need to face and deal with the aftermath of the bites we receive, take responsibility for the only thing we can control - our self and our own reactions - and move forward.
Got any itchy, swollen bites in your life at the moment? Are you helping them heal, or continuing to perpetuate the pain and suffering related to them?
Release the venomous toxins... and realize that into every life a few bites must come. No one escapes being bitten once in a while. It's part of the human experience. Many have been bitten, and many recover. No sense holding on to what could be a passing pain. Let it go!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Who Travels Together
As I mentioned, we lost several people this past week. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and also Billy Mays (the cleaning product pitch man).
Whenever someone I know passes away, I always pay attention to the other people that go around the same time. I find it interesting.
These four individuals went at the same time. Farrah was only 62, Michael Jackson was 50 and Billy Mays was also only 50 years old. All departed on the young side of things. Ed McMahon was the only one who passed at a 'ripe old age.' He died at 86 years of age.
I'm not sure what any of that means, other than Michael and Billy obviously came in around the same time and exited around the same time. I wonder about things like that.
When my own father passed away, it was round the same time as Princess Diana and mother Teresa. I used to chuckle to myself that he was off somewhere dancing with Princess Di (since he'd been sick for so long and unable to dance) and was also being lectured by Mother Teresa about his 'wilder days.' :)
I wish for all those who have recently departed a peaceful passage. The journey continues...
Whenever someone I know passes away, I always pay attention to the other people that go around the same time. I find it interesting.
These four individuals went at the same time. Farrah was only 62, Michael Jackson was 50 and Billy Mays was also only 50 years old. All departed on the young side of things. Ed McMahon was the only one who passed at a 'ripe old age.' He died at 86 years of age.
I'm not sure what any of that means, other than Michael and Billy obviously came in around the same time and exited around the same time. I wonder about things like that.
When my own father passed away, it was round the same time as Princess Diana and mother Teresa. I used to chuckle to myself that he was off somewhere dancing with Princess Di (since he'd been sick for so long and unable to dance) and was also being lectured by Mother Teresa about his 'wilder days.' :)
I wish for all those who have recently departed a peaceful passage. The journey continues...
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