Sifting Through the Sand

I came across this quote in a journal that a friend gave me for Christmas:

"Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore." ~ Dorothy Bryant

I have one thing to say about that... "Ain't it the truth?"

OK, I lied. I never have just one thing to say about anything! I can start with that, however.

It is so true that, in the course of our lives, we have to dig up and sort through a LOT of useless sand in order to find a few, precious gems worth holding on to.

I think we often times get caught up in an expectation that most of what we dig up should be gold ore, and we feel like somethings wrong when that isn't what happens.

Who told us that it's all supposed to be easy? Where did we get the idea that everything WE THINK should happen will just fall into our laps? We have some strange ideas about what life is about!!

Gold is valuable, because it is rare.

There are a lot of ordinary experiences and happenings in life. Those are valuable in their own right, but not every single moment is going to be filled with ecstasy and fireworks. That isn't how life is!

Sometimes we have to work very hard at something, for a very long time, before we see any tangible result. If we give up at the first hill we have to climb, what are we missing out on?

I like the analogy of panning for gold. Lots and lots has to be 'sifted through' in order to find a few precious nuggets of gold. If every pan was filled with gold, it would be worthless!

Our high, peak experiences are rare, and that's what makes them so amazing.

I believe we can learn to value and enjoy the process of sifting through the sand and appreciate it for the opportunity it affords us! It has it's own beauty, if we simply let it be what it is.

there's a lot of

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday....

to life! That is... sifting through the sand.

If we spend it all wishing we were doing something more exciting, with someone more interesting, were able to travel, retire, get married, have children, have our children out of the house, make more money... we are missing our life.

Enjoy the gold nuggets that come along and learn to appreciate sifting through the sand! It's what we spend most of our lifetimes doing... and we wouldn't have any gold without that piece of our process!

Surfing the Wind

Last week I spent several days on the magnificent Washington coast. I love being at the ocean in the winter time. I always wish for good storms. I love to experience the power of nature (while safely inside a warm room, of course).

As the rain and wind pounded the coast for several straight days, I couldn't help making a comparison between the fury of this outer storm, and the emotional storms that can rage inside us.

Sometimes those inner emotional states seem relentless and without end. That's how I was feeling about the multi day storm at the beach. It wasn't bad when it started, but it got stronger and stronger, and I eventually did grow a bit weary of it. Then, it started to freak me out a bit. That sometimes happen when we are in the midst of strong emotions. Wave after wave comes over us, and the intensity grows.

Watching the wind whip the trees was a bit scary - even for me, the storm lover.

The last morning of my trip, I was treated to an amazing treat. For about an hour, right outside my windows, two bald eagles were surfing the wind currents! They were "playing" in the winds of this crazy violent storm!!

They didn't run away or hide from the storm. They went out into it... to see what use they could make of it. They had the courage, willingness, strength and conditioning to 'enjoy' the storm!

What a concept!

It made me think about how we often feel it's impossible to be happy, or enjoy our lives when 'bad' things are going on... or we are in the midst of a difficult experience or emotional reaction.

I believe the eagles demonstrate a different possibility for us all! The eagles were not afraid of the storm. They found a way to make use of the wind, and have a little fun at the same time!

I believe that we can do that as well!

Even when we are in the midst of difficult life circumstances, or painful emotions, we can realize that the difficulty and the pain are not ALL that is available to us. We can find something in the present moment that allows us a measure of joy and contentment? I believe the answer is... of course we can. Always!

Next time a storm is raging in your life... or your emotions... realize that this too will pass - even if it feels endless. Then, look for SOMETHING that you can enjoy or do in the moment that either makes use of the storm, or at least allows you to experience the storm differently.

Surf that wind!

Sharing the Pain

I love the TV show, "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman." It is a great family show about a woman doctor, Michaela Quinn, who moves from Boston to the 'wilds' of Colorado in the 1860s. She starts her medical practice, becomes a mother to 3 orphaned children, champions many good causes, and meets and falls in love with Byron Sully ("Sully").

Dr. Mike, as she is called, and Sully eventually get married.

One of the funniest 'woman giving birth' scenes I've ever watched is in this show. There is a scene where Dr. Mike, with only Sully attending her, gives birth to their daughter "Katie" in the woods. The couple is a bit frightened at the unexpected prospect of delivering their daughter alone in the wilderness, but 'buck up' under the pressure and rise to the occasion.

At one moment, during a break between contractions, Michaela is gently touching Sully's face, encouraging him through his fears about delivering their baby. Suddenly she is gripped in the pain of another contraction, and her gentle stroking turns into a death grip on Sully's cheeks! She is screaming as she pulls his cheeks outward. The resulting image is hilarious, but obviously painful! He tries to 'take it' in solidarity with his wife, but he's obviously wishing it would stop!

As amusing as this scene is (and it IS funny) it made me think about a not-so-amusing tendency in human nature. That being, that when someone is in pain, especially if they perceive that they have been hurt by another person, there is often an impulse to hurt back. "You hurt me... I'll hurt you." It's also known as revenge. Most people might deny that they believe in revenge, but if their actions are really looked at, they do their best to make the other person feel some pain.

It's not an easy path to take the high road and not stoop to that level. It takes a lot of self discipline and maturity to walk away from someone who has hurt you, with dignity and your head held high. There is no better feeling in the world than doing so! Yet, so many people don't take that road. It's easier to give in to the emotions... to the impulses and lash out. Often, we regret these actions after the fact, but then it is too late.

Lots of spiritual traditions teach about not seeking revenge, and taking a higher path, even when you've been wronged by another person. There is a reason for that. It is both a spiritual practice (to seek to take this path) AND it is a sign of spiritual maturity when we can do it. It is not an easy undertaking. A lot of time the feelings can rage on the inside, but the key is to learn to hold the internal reaction, and still make a good outward choice. Eventually those feelings dissipate, but an action, taken in anger and haste, cannot be retracted. It can leave us feeling embarrassed, humiliated, and more often than not, it makes us look worse than the person who did the original act that provoked us.

We shouldn't be doormats for other people, but there are dignified and assertive ways to deal with people who have hurt us. Seeking to walk that path is like taking a super hard class. It's difficult to do... but as we 'master' this practice we feel a sense of accomplishment that simply can't come from anywhere else!

Take the high road!

It's Never too Late to Discover the Good!

I'm 45 years old. Until this past week, I had never eaten a fish taco. Ever. They never appealed to me before. If just didn't seem like 'my thing.'

For some reason, this past Friday night, I was having dinner with my mom to commemorate what would have been my father's 80th birthday. I was at a restaurant I've visited many times. I know their menu well, and I definitely have my favorite items. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a creature of habit. I am comforted by the routine and the familiar.

Many of my friends eat fish tacos all the time. In fact, I had lunch with a friend on Tuesday last week, and that is what she ordered. I've seen them many times, and while they looked somewhat appealing... I was simply never interested.

This past Friday evening, for some inexplicable reason, I had an intense desire to try fish tacos! It was kind of strange, actually. I ordered the fish tacos... and I was almost overwhelmed by how much I LOVED them! They were fabulous!

I had dinner with my brother on Sunday, at a Mexican restaurant, and guess what I ordered again??? I'm hooked!

I find it interesting that I've gone so many years and never had the slightest interest in trying this particular food item and now it is a new favorite. Just like that!

It teaches me two things. First, tastes and interests can change at any time! This is great news for anyone who thinks they can't change their eating habits!

The second thing I learned is that it's never too late to discover good things. No matter how old we get, there is always more to discover in this world of ours.

So much life awaits our discovery! We just need a spirit of willingness to try new things and a belief that it is always possible to find the good!

80 Years Ago Today...

80 Years ago today, my dad was born. Although he passed away over a decade ago, I still like to remember his birthdays and honor him each year.


Me with a cake for my dad on a birthday many years ago...,

This year feels special, because it is big milestone birthday. I try to imagine hat it would be like to still be able to talk to him, hear him tell stories and laugh together. I miss him.

My dad had a rough end of life experience. He was sick and his health was deterioriating for 20 years before he died. It was a hard process for him to go through, and it was a painful experience to witness, for those of us who loved him. He suffered a lot. We all felt helpless and sad to watch his process.

Yet, even with those last many years being difficult, he had lived a life that mattered. He made a difference in my life - not only by being my biological father, but by all he taught me during the years I was lucky enough to have him with me.

I have friends in their 60s who still have both of their parents. I also know people who never knew one or both of their parents, or who lost a parent at a young age. Who knows why some of us get to keep our parents with us long into our mature years, and other don't. It's a mystery. There is no right or wrong about it. It simply... is.

Today I remember my father, Michael Drazdoff. I am greatful to have been his daughter, and to have benefited from the man that he was. With his good qualities, and his weaknesses, he taught me a lot about how to live.

I love you daddy! Happy 80th birthday!






I love this picture. Dad had built this picnic table the day before, and had
just put in a bunch of time working in our garden. He and our dog are taking
'er easy after all the work!

Honesty and Asking for Help... What a Revelation!

I'm writing from the stormy, awesome Pacific coast. I'm on a trip with a friend visiting one of my favorite beaches. A rain storm is raging, as I sit in front of the huge window looking out, through the evergreen trees at the wild and powerful surf. There is a foggy mist in the air... it is January on the Pacific coast. I love it!

They have special deals at resorts and hotels at this time of the year, because not many people seek to come to the ocean when it is cold and stormy. It is ideal for me! No people, lots of wild life and an experience of the powerful forces of nature. It reminds me that I am not in control, and that there is much more to this existence of ours - than my particular experience of this life.

My friend drove up from Oregon, and I drove south from Seattle. We met 1/2 way between her house and mine. We had lunch on the water in a pretty major city, and then began a quest to leave one of our cars parked safely there so that we could ride together the last 2 hours to our destination.

We tried a 'park and ride' but were shocked to find a gravel parking lot in the middle of the woods. Not exactly a safe place to leave a car for a few days!

We decided to go into a small town and look for a place near a truck stop or gas station. We even considered parking a car at the tiny hospital in the town. Somehow I felt like we were doing something wrong!

My friend saw the tiny little police station and suggested that maybe we should just go in, tell them what we wanted to do and ask for a suggestion about where to leave the car. What a concept! Be honest, make a request, and let it be that straightforward.

That's what we did, and the small town cop was delightfully helpful. He suggested that we leave the car parked across the street from the police station so that he and his fellow officers could keep an eye on it. He took our contact information, just in case anything happened to the car.

Wow.

We had spent 1/2 hour considering different options before we just went in and asked for help directly. Then, our dilemma was instantly resolved and we were able to relax, knowing that the car was just about as safe as it could be.

We plan on taking the officers a small gift to say Thank You when we return to pick up the car.

What was it in me that felt we were doing something wrong by simply wanting a place to park a car? Interesting. Why did I feel like we needed to be sneaky about it? My friend had a refreshing approach - be honest about what we needed, and ask for help. What was the worst that could have happened? I was impressed with the simplicity of the solution - and the directness. It illustrates something I would like to experience more and more of in my life.

Be honest and ask for what you need. What a concept!!

Everyone Else is Getting Bailed Out...

I've seen a commercial on television a couple times recently that provokes a sense of irritation inside me.

It's an advertisement by a lawyer, who is trying to sell her services - I believe she helps people settle problems with the IRS. That, in and of itself, is a fine and virtuous undertaking. I have no quarrel with that part of her presentation.

There comes a moment, however, when she uses this line:

"Everyone else is getting bailed out.... why not you?"

Each time I hear it, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I find it such an obvious symptom of so many things that are wrong in our world today.

There was a time when getting 'bailed out' had a very negative connotation. It implied getting yourself into some sort of trouble, usually not an innocent accident, and requiring someone else to 'make it right' and 'clean up your mess.' For many of us, it still has that meaning.

There is certainly nothing wrong with needing or accepting assistance from others. That is part of the human experience. To feel entitled, however, to having someone else clean up a mess that you yourself created, is troublesome to me.

Personal responsibility for one's decisions, actions and life is part of being a healthy and well adjusted adult. Expecting someone else to take care of the problems you create is a cop out.

We all make mistakes and we all get into messes. That too is part of the human experience. We have the opportunity to learn lessons and do things differently in the future. The best chance of this happening is when we face our self created circumstances, accept responsibility, clean up the mess and move on to a different and brighter future!

Let's not be looking for someone else to 'bail us out' no matter how many other people are taking that route! Just because other people (or organizations) are taking that path, doesn't mean it is healthy or constructive!

Awareness and self responsibility are the path to freedom. When we clean up our own mistakes, we are much less likely to make the same mistake in the future. Any parent knows this is a valuable way to learn.

Here's to Self Awareness and Self Responsibility!

Milestones & the Joy of Discipline

Today is my 600th Blog! I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I undertook the discipline of writing each day back in 2007. A good friend of mine in NYC, who has published a couple books, suggested that I should write every day. When I was visiting him in November, he shared with me that he'd told a lot of 'would be' writers that they should write every day, but I was the only one who'd ever done it! I felt good hearing that.

Milestones are important. Some days I wonder why I'm writing this blog. There are plenty of times when I don't feel like it, or I'm tired and would rather just go to bed. Most days, however, I write anyway. It isn't always profound (I know), but I get some thought out on 'paper' as a commitment to myself.

It's a discipline... like working out. I believe something is happening in the process of writing that simply can't happen any other way.

Sometimes the things we do on an ongoing basis don't seem to have an immediate payoff. If something in us calls us to do them, however, we should persevere. I believe the 'payoff' can come at any time, and in many ways. We might not ever know exactly what our persistence has cultivated. I am, however, certain that it serves a purpose and advances us in the course of our endeavors!

To persist in something, with discipline, is an admirable undertaking. It is worthy of respect.

Today I am celebrating the milestone of 600 posts. When we pass through milestones, it feels good to pause, reflect and appreciate our efforts.

Got any big milestones that you are experiencing? Acknowledge... celebrate... Enjoy!

Past Performance is No Guarantee

If you've done any investing at all, you've seen this warning,

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

It's so true. It's true in investing, and it's true in life.

In investing, they are warning the investor that if something has done well in the past, it is not wise to assume it will do well in the future - based on that fact alone.

In life, we all too often, expect that things will never change. When it does, we are sometimes offended!

In my work, I have heard the same stories over and over again. (As a person, I've lived many of them myself!)

He said he would always love me... but now he doesn't.

She said she would never, ever divorce, but now she wants to divorce me.

We've been friends for years, but now he is not interested in hanging out.

She 'used to' enjoy spending time with my family... but now she hates it.

He said he didn't want kids, we agreed not to, but now he is threatening to leave if we don't.

He used to be willing to stay home with me every night, but now he wants to go out all the time and is mad that I won't go.

We used to work out together... but now he is a couch potato.

It seemed like they'd be together forever, but they broke up. How could this be?


The fact that we humans get so 'surprised' when people and circumstances change... is sort of amusing to me. In a dynamic universe, where growth and change are the laws of the land... why should we believe that anything will remain constant? It violates the laws of the universe.

People break promises.
People change their minds.
People grow and change and alter their directions in life.

We seem to have a mindset that this is somehow wrong. Is it? Or is it just that we want to count on people and things never changing to give us a sense of security?

Obviously when people make commitments, they should take them seriously, at least in my humble opinion. Yet, sometimes people make mistakes, or they change in ways that we might not appreciate. We can be devastated by this, or we can accept that it is part of the human experience.

We should never accept being treated poorly or with disrespect. We have a right to voice our objections and walk away from such treatment.

To expect people to stay the same forever and to feel the same way about things forever, is unrealistic.

Allow people to change and grow. Embrace your own change and growth. Find a way to accommodate and adjust. Leave things behind when you have to, but don't be shocked by evolution.

If we stop being 'shocked' at people's behavior changes (both good and bad) we get ourselves on more even footing to deal with what confronts us.

LIFE IS CHANGE!

Don't Bother Going In

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine yesterday, about wasting time.

He has a good friend who is a realtor. The realtor once told him that when you are looking at houses, if you pull up in front of a candidate and you don't like it, you shouldn't waste your time by going in. Why spend the time looking at a house you already know you aren't impressed with?

I recounted a discussion I'd had with a good friend who was reentering the dating scene after his long marriage ended. He was asking for some advice on how to deal with women he wasn't really interested in.

I suggested that he not lead anyone on, and that he should 'cut loose' any woman he knows he doesn't want to continue dating. I impressed upon him how much we women don't like mixed messages or to be encouraged when there is no hope.

He was worried that he might hurt someone's feelings, or that they might 'freak out' if he told them he wasn't interested. I suggested that it's better to let someone down easily before they get too emotionally involved... and that if any woman 'freaked out' at the news he wasn't interested after a date or two... he would be better off without her!

Both of these situations teach us something important: When you know something isn't right for you... don't try to make it work! If you know this person isn't someone you are interested in being with... set them free. If you know the house isn't for you... drive on by. If you know the job would kill you... let it go.

Whatever the decision, if you know, in your heart and gut, that something is wrong for you... don't waste your time. Don't waste anyone else's either.

Listen to your heart... and your gut. Tell the truth as soon as possible... and that includes telling the truth to yourself!

Acknowledging the Parts

I had a great talk with a client tonight on the telephone. We were working on a project to get out his next newsletter. He was arguing with me a lot about things that he hired me to be the expert on. As we went back and forth, I was getting a little frustrated.

Suddenly he acknowledged that 'a part of him' was resistant to the entire process within which we were engaged. As soon as he did that, our conversation began to shift.

He did an amazing thing. He acknowledged that there was part of him that was being a pain in the rear because that part didn't like or enjoy this type of work. Once he did that - giving voice to that part of him - the other parts of him that see and understand the value of our work - stepped in and took over. We got our work done, and moved forward on his project.

We all have different parts of ourselves. Some parts are constructive and others are wounded and destructive. ALL of this is part of us. The key is in acknowledging the various parts and CHOOSING which part(s) get to be in control at any given point in time.

All of us have many facets to our personalities. ALL OF US. The trouble makers can be vocal and persistent! It is up to us to decide who gets to 'run our show.' If we give in to the loud, destructive parts, our lives will be a mess. If we listen to those parts, and then have the healthier parts of ourselves run the show... we will be much better off.

Denying that those unhealthy or destructive parts are in us... does us no good. They exist for a reason. They are responses to old wounds. Healing them takes compassion and time. In the mean time, we need to listen to and learn from them, and then let the adult, mature and healthier parts of us make our decisions and run the show.

Take inventory on the various parts of yourself and see who's hanging out in there. You might make some amazing and useful discoveries!

Sharing Our Realities

Each person has a unique reality in which they live. No one's reality is just like ours. That would be impossible. We see things differently. We experience things based on a unique inner constellation that no one else can ever completely understand. That is part of the human condition.

When realities collide, and we expect the other person to see things exactly as we do, that is a recipe for trouble... if not outright disaster. We humans don't seem to be very good at accommodating each other's realities.

We judge people who think, feel, believe and act differently. We get angry when we are not validated in our views and choices. We want to see ourselves and our realities reflected in those around us, especially those we love and care about. When they look at things differently and don't agree with us, we often get upset.

A key to happy and healthy relationships, is being able to share one's reality without fear of judgement or ridicule. If we can't tell each other the truth about how we see things and how we feel, we cannot have authentic relationships. Hiding who we are, how we really feel, what we think, and the struggles that we have creates a thick barrier in relationship. Expecting people to do things our way and agree with us all the time is a relationship killer.

Needing people to live according to our rules, views and doing what 'keeps us fixed' (to quote Rev. Joyce Meyer) is unfair and will never lead to true intimacy and connection. Control and compliance is not what relationships are all about... or at least it shouldn't be.

I've watched a lot of relationships fall apart because people cannot allow the other person to be themselves. In order to feel 'loved' and 'secure' they require the other party to agree with them and live according to their plan for them. Some of these relationships 'survive' but the people are certainly not happy and fulfilled.

It is not easy to share your reality with another human being without attachment to them agreeing with and living according to it. It's even harder to allow someone to share their reality with you without judging, condemning, and requiring the person to change to your view in order to keep the peace.

Skillful relating is about allowing another person to have their reality and share it with you, and being able to share your reality with them. If there is enough in common, the relationship can work. If there isn't, no amount of trying to force the other person is going to make the relationship healthy and satisfying. It will simply drive a wedge more deeply between the parties involved. It's better to agree not to continue the relationship than to kill the spirit of the other person trying to make them 'do it your way.'

Learn about boundaries, and about allowing people to be themselves. Learn to take responsibility for yourself, and let others take responsibility for themselves. Making someone change for you is not what love is about. Trying to change them to be who you want and need them to be is controlling, not loving.

Whenever you find yourself trying to change someone in any way, take a good look in the mirror and do a little investigating. You are most likely avoiding something in yourself that needs attention, by focusing on the other person's issues.

Freedom is a beautiful thing!

Eat Your Mac-n-Cheese!

Last month, I was grabbing a quick lunch at a local eatery. A group was seated at the table next to me. It appeared to be grandparents with their 2 grandchildren. There was an infant in a high chair, and a 4 year old boy.

Grandma ordered for the kids. Each child was to have macaroni and cheese with, gulp, french fries. My personal trainer's face flashed in front of my eyes. I felt the same pain she would had she been present. I thought about the problems we Americans have with high cholesterol, childhood (not to mention adult) obesity and a variety of other diet related ailments.

I comforted myself by thinking that maybe this was a once in a blue moon 'fun' meal out with grandma and grandpa. Maybe they ate healthier on an every day basis. Grandparents are supposed to spoil and indulge their grand kids, right? Maybe that's what I was seeing.

The waiter brought the food and set the plate of mac-n-cheese and french fries in front of the 4 year old. On the plate next to the oozing fat and carbohydrates was a small, shiny, red apple. The kid gleefully reached for the apple and exclaimed, "Oooooooh! An apple!" He lifted it to his mouth to take a bite, and his grandpa slapped his hand and said, "NO! That's for after. You eat your Mac and Cheese!"

I was stunned. I am a bit fearful that I was sitting there with my jaw on the ground, staring in disbelief at what I was seeing.

The kid, instinctively went for the healthiest thing on the plate, and he got in trouble for it. He was discouraged from eating the one healthy thing in front of him, and encouraged to eat the mound of fat laden, pretty much empty calories!

Wow.

Many of us grew up in an era when good nutrition wasn't really a focus. There have been revisions since we were kids, as to what comprises a healthy, life sustaining diet. Some of us, it seems, haven't caught up with the new knowledge.

As someone who has struggled with my weight and with food issues, I am super sensitive to the programming of children with regards to eating and body image. It breaks my heart to see kids get messed up so early on their eating habits!

In my opinion, we all come in to this life with healthy impulses. They have to be trained out of us. Sometimes through ignorance, sometimes through misguided attempts to control and manipulate.

The good news is that it is never too late to revamp and overhaul our 'programing' and our 'training.'

As master Yoda says, we must 'unlearn what we have learned.' Indeed. All of us have some 'unlearning' to do.

Some of our training has been unhealthy. It is our responsibility to 'unlearn' this destructive training and 'reprogram' ourselves. It is not only possible, it is necessary.

Don't eat your mac and cheese. Go for the APPLE!

The Healing Power of Friends & Nature

I spent several fabulous days ringing in the new year with my dear friend Kim in Palm Springs California. We spent our time hiking, seeing movies, and setting goals for the new year.

We really enjoyed each other's companionship and support as we conquered mountains and dreamed of the coming year and all the mystery that it holds for us.

On one of our hikes we encountered an incredible dragonfly who put on a show unlike anything we'd ever seen before. We sat with him for half an hour snapping around 100 photos of the little fellow. He seemed to really dig having his picture taken! We envisioned him saying to us, "I'm ready for my close up..." and "The ladies... they love me!"

I, of course, believe that dragonflies are incredible spiritual symbols. They represent transformation and the ability to live in multiple realms (they start in water and transform into winged creatures of the air). I also believe that dragonflies are messengers from beyond. They can bring us messages from beings who have passed on. I talked with our dragonfly yesterday and asked who he/she might be, and what they had to offer us. Was it my dad? My uncle? Rev. Jack Boland? Dr. Bruni? Maybe one of Kim's parents??

We spent each moment of our time well, and reveled in the renewal and magic of our friendship. What a gift. The appearance of our dragonfly added a sacred and mystical aspect to our time in the mountains. All of it was restorative and healing.

Friendship and nature are two incredibly powerful forces that are available to us at all times. They make life worth living!

I wish for you to have close friendships that lift your spirits and delight your soul... and may you have encounters with nature that amaze and inspire you.

I'll share some photos of my wonderful Palm Springs hiking experiences with Kim and the dragonfly. Happy New Year!


Kim and I at the Murray Hill Summit @ 2200 feet!


What a way to start the New Year!!


Making it to the top - what a feeling!


Kim suggests I might enjoy the shorter route to the bottom of
Murray Hill... and offers me a hand!


Ahhhh..... kickin' back at the top.

And now for the mystical, magical Mr. Dragonfly...

Happy New Year 2010

First of all.... I'm back. Secondly HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's the first day of a new month, a new year and a new decade. What an opportunity for a fresh beginning.

I love the start of a brand new year. This one feels big to me because it also the start of a new decade.

I am writing to you from sunny Palm Springs California. Bright sunshine also inspires optimism in my heart. It is definitely a boost to my hopes and anticipation of this new year. I'm using this sunshine to fuel my desire to embrace this new year to the fullest.

Over the holidays I had a conversation with a young family member. She will turn 15 in 2010. She was saying how 'strange' it will be to have to start writing dates on her school papers that begin with 201. She only remembers writing dates (in her short life) that begin with 200.

It made me remember the 'turning of the decades' when I was in school, and the adjustment I went through each time I had to change the 3rd digit in the year. Then, of course, there was the 'biggie' when we changed from writing 199x to 200x. That took me a while to get the hang of!

Somehow these milestones of dates changing this way feels like a major transition to me. It helps me realize that something big is at hand when the years and decades 'roll over' from one to the next.

We have a major opportunity here. We can start anew. We can wipe the slate clean. We can let go of what has come before. We can forgive. We can allow ourselves to release what needs to be left behind. We can embrace the next happening. It's a new year... and a new decade.

365 new days stretch before each of us. What will they hold? How will we use them?

Each of us has the same opportunity to make use of each moment and live it to the fullest.

I wish you a powerful, productive and wondrous new year filled with opportunity and adventure. Seize the day... the month... the year... and this new decade!

HAPPY 2010!!

Taking Time Off

The holiday season is upon us. I find my days getting busier and busier as the time of gift giving and family visits approach at lightening speed!

I'm going to take a little time off from blogging to devote my time to the activities of the season.

I'll be back soon...

Happy Holidays to all!

Contagious Giving

I wanted to pass along this great article on how generosity can be contagious. This is what the holidays are all about... or should be anyway!

Mystery Pair at Diner Spark Cascade of Giving

Comic Relief

I wanted to share this letter to Santa that I wrote when I was 8 years old. It proves that my opinionated and 'verbal' courage started very early in life. Enjoy!



Happy Holidays!

Continuity

I'm working on a project to scan a lot of old family photos and preserve them digitally. I'm having a ball reliving my childhood, exploring the youth of my mother and father, and connecting to the energy of all my ancestors. It's a great project to facilitate self discovery!

I came across a delightful picture of my grandmother, for whom I was named. Her name was Nola Joy. Mine is Nola Gay.

Check out these pictures! My grandma was photographed around 1905. My photo was taken over 60 years later.

What struck me most about the photos, is that we are sitting in the same position!

Nola Joy


Nola Gay


It's not the most lady-like of poses! It's still my favorite position to sit in to this day. It just feels 'right.'

To see her sitting that way, so long ago, showed me that many of my traits come from my lineage. I've had countless examples of it in the past... but this visual reminder was comforting. I'm certain I never saw my grandmother sit this way! As a girl growing up, I was corrected for sitting this way on more than one occasion. Yet... she did it... and I do it.

My family is full of independent, strong women. I'm proud to take my place in this long line of amazing women. Seeing my grandma's photo, and comparing it to my own, helps me claim it even more!

Celebrate the positive and unique traits that you have received from your ancestors and those who raised and influenced you!

What it Takes to Appreciate

Our weather in the Seattle area is very cold at present. I mean REALLY cold!

A couple weeks ago, I needed to drop my car off for service. It was a bright, sunny day, so I decided to walk about 2 miles to meet a friend for lunch. Although it was a gloriously beautiful day, it was cold and windy.

My walk proved to be rather uncomfortable, from a temperature related perspective! My ears and nose were extremely cold by the time I arrived at my destination.

I'll tell you what though - walking in to that warm restaurant felt wonderful! I go to that restaurant pretty frequently, but until that day, I never appreciated the warmth that greeted me when I walked through the door.

Nothing like being freezing cold to help you appreciate being in a warm place.

Sometimes I think that's why we have some of the extremes in life. We can't really appreciate being relaxed, unless we experience times of stress. We can't fully enjoy being loved if we haven't also spent some time feeling alone and lonely. The list could go on and on. For any pleasant experience in life, there is an equivalent negative. Without experiencing each side of the coin, we wouldn't know just how fortunate we are when the good experience appears.

I'm enjoying the cold weather, even though it's bringing me some strange problems, like a frozen water valve, delays in getting my gutters and windows cleaned, and the inevitably higher heating bills.

When I stand over my heat vent, or in front of my fireplace and bask in the warmth, I'm thankful that I have a warm place to be! Many don't have that privilege.

Next time you're experiencing an extreme... remember that nothing lasts forever. Everything is impermanent. Life is change. The heat wave of today will eventually yield to a cold spell. The snow storm of today will eventually yield to a mellow, spring day. It's all part of life.

Life Happens

I watched a great movie last night, "Mr. Holland's Opus." There are many great lessons in that movie.

In the movie, Mr. Holland, a high school band teacher, sings and signs a song to his deaf son during a concert. He sings John Lennon's song, "Beautiful Boy."

There is a line in the song that is worth reflection, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I think at age 45, I'm finally beginning to understand what that means.

There are some days, when I feel I should be doing something more important with my time, or when I'm feeling overwhelmed by my 'to do list' and I just stop myself and say (often out loud), "Nola! THIS is your life! THIS IS IT! This is where you are meant to be right now. This is what you are supposed to be doing."

It helps with that restlessness and discontent that sometimes is present more often than it should be.

It really is true. For the most part, life is not grandiose. Surely some grand things happen to us in life, but for the most part, our lives are comprised of an endless stream of ordinary moments. Moments that can be lost to us if we spend all our time thinking we should be elsewhere.

This stream of moments however, weaves together into what can be a beautiful tapestry. All that is required is that we notice each moment and appreciate what it has to offer.

The good. The bad.
The bitter. The sweet.
The joyous. The sad.
The comforting. The painful.
The exciting. The boring.
The hot. The cold.
The exhilarating. The frustrating.
The peaceful. The angry.
The calm. The stormy.

Each moment has it's meaning, no matter how insignificant it might seem. They all matter. Each and every moment matters.

LIVE YOUR MOMENTS. THIS is... your LIFE.

The Kindness that Heals

Last year, when my home was burglarized, it was a really tough time for me. Dealing with the insurance, and my security concerns was a bit overwhelming. One of the first days after the burglary I went to a restaurant for lunch. It is a restaurant that I frequent. The waiter knew me as a regular, as did the manager.

I was feeling very vulnerable and a bit 'beat up.' I mentioned to my waiter that my home had been burglarized. He looked concerned and said he was very sorry.

I ordered my lunch. While I ate my lunch I worked on the insurance claim. It was a tough moment in my life's history.

The time came when my bill should arrive at the table. It hadn't come. Eventually, my waiter came by and said, "The manager wants to buy your lunch today. He's really sorry for what happened to you... and so am I."

I almost burst into tears. I did, in fact, get teary eyed. It touched my heart that two people I barely knew wanted to do something nice for me, simply because I'd experienced a hardship in my life.

It was such a simple act, yet for me, in the midst of a dark time, it lifted me. It made a difference that is hard for me to put into words.

It doesn't take much to make a difference in another person's life.

What simple act could you do today to lift some one's spirits? Go for it!

I'm Fascinated by What is Left

Last night, I was watching a movie called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II. One of the young women, who's mother committed suicide, is participating an archaeological dig on her summer break. She is having a bit of a struggle, and is befriended by the woman who is leading the dig. During a conversation one day about how to relate to one's past, the older woman tells Bridgette that she too has lost people... as well as her home, to a bloody and horrible war... and that it has fueled her passion for archeology, because she is "just fascinated by what is left."

I was touched by this line. Having traveled in the middle east so much, I have met many people who have lost more than you or I could ever imagine losing. Yet, they too, often have a passion and enthusiasm for the simple pleasures offered us by life.

Our 'oh so complex' lives sometimes overwhelm us and pull us away from what is important. We forget to enjoy what we do have, as we focus on all that we don't have. We have a tendency to focus on what is lost, rather than on what is left.

What a shift in perspective that offers us! We can focus on what is left, rather than what is gone. We can focus on what we have, rather than what we don't have. We can focus on what we have in front of us, rather than on what is behind us. We can focus on who is still with us, rather than those who are gone.

It offers us a totally new way of relating to what is... right in front of us.

Next time you think about the failed relationship, the betrayal, the abandonment, the loss, the struggle, the pain, the fear... try shifting to what's left.

See how it changes everything!

Adaptation

The other day, I walked 2 miles through town to meet a friend for lunch. I had dropped off my car for service. It was a gorgeous day, and I decided to take advantage of the rare opportunity in Seattle winter to walk in the sunshine.

It was a cold day, and I walked fast to keep warm. I was walking through an area with a lot of strip malls and development. Not the most attractive area to be taking a winter stroll.

As I walked along, I noticed a little stream flowing off to my left. It turned into a larger and larger flow of water. I came to a little bridge that crossed the stream. There, in the water, was a heron! Right there in the middle of the city! This bird was standing in the water, 10 feet from a 5 lane road, hunting for food. The sound of the cars whizzing by was undeniable. Yet, here was this wild creature... surviving with what it had to work with. I was impressed.

His or her habitat has been taken over by humans, yet this creature perseveres. It has adjusted to the changes, and lives on. Is it ideal... probably not. Is it comfortable... most definitely not. Yet... the creatures lives on.

We could take a lesson from this Heron. We can't control what happens around us. We can curl up and die, or we can adapt. I say... we adapt!

The Ugly Marks are Gone!

Last spring, I went to a charity car wash and let a bunch of kid's wash my car to raise money for their sports team. I was a little nervous, because the hoard of kids descended on my car with a lot of sticks with cleaning rags/mops on them. The 'clanking' sound didn't soothe me, as they moved quickly and beat on my car... I worried. There were adults supervising them, and they didn't seem to be concerned. I assumed it was OK.

I was trying to be nice and support the kids.

When I got home later that day, I noticed that I had a lot of black scuff marks all over my car! I was... UPSET!

Today, many, many months later, I went to the body shop to have a little problem fixed. As an after thought, I asked him about the scuffs on my car. I asked if it had damaged the paint, or if it was possible to get them off. The guy said, "No problem" and walked to his workbench, put some liquid on a cloth and proceeded to go all around my car and remove all the scuff marks! It took all of 5 minutes.

I have agonized about those marks, and what it might take to remove them. I feared being told that I'd need to repaint the car. My $10 car wash would have increased in price by a orders of magnitude! Instead... it was a 'free fix' that took very few minutes. WOW!

How often do we blow our problems out of proportion? How often do we 'write stories' about how big our problems really are, when the aren't that big, after all? Often, I suspect.

Got any scary looking black marks in your life? Fearing that it will cost you an arm and a leg to fix them? Maybe you should get another opinion!!!

We All Have It

As I grow older, I'm becoming more and more aware that we all truly believe we're 'different' and the truth is we are all remarkably similar!

At some level...

We all have more going for us than we believe we do.

We all have inner challenges, stresses and darkness that we think no one else has.

We all think that other people have it together, and we aren't like them.

We all fear that if people really knew us in all our weirdness, they would probably think twice about loving us or caring about us.

We all think no one has the same defects that we have.

We all think we are so different that no one could ever REALLY understand us.

Sound familiar?

I'm truly coming to the understanding that there is nothing new under the sun, we all have stuff inside us that we wish wasn't there and we don't believe other people deal with. We're wrong!

Everyone has 'stuff' inside them that is dark, difficult and causes us discomfort. It's part of the human condition.

As I'm coming more fully into acceptance of this idea, a funny thing is happening. I'm lightening up on myself!

That doesn't mean I don't want to improve and deal with what is mine to deal with. It just means that I am not so dang critical of myself all the time.

When we compare ourselves to the 'ideal' version of other people that we create in our heads, we can never measure up. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and everyone has their demons to wrestle with.

If we all were more willing to acknowledge that fact, we'd all be better off!

When we compare ourselves to unrealistic, impossible ideals we can't measure up. When we constantly feel 'less than' we can act out in strange ways.

You're normal! I'm normal! We're all normal! Let's just live our lives and relax about it all!

Checking the Warning Light

Cars these days have lots of 'indicator lights' to alert you to problem conditions.

The fancier the car, the more indicator lights you will find.

On just about all cars, there is the ever ominous 'check engine' light. That one always strikes a little fear in the unhappy eye of the beholder.

There are indicators for a door left ajar, a seat belt left undone and any host of other 'error conditions.'

For quite some time I have had an indicator light coming on to warn me of a problem with one of my tires. It used to come on every few months. Now, it is coming on every few times I drive the car.

I have had it checked out before, when it was extremely infrequent. No authentic problem was uncovered. Recently I became more concerned because of how often it has been occurring.

I decided to take the time to get it checked out... just in case. It wasn't convenient and it probably wasn't necessary. I just wanted to be sure.

Remember the old saying, 'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?" I believe in that saying.

What if I ignored the warning light and just assumed it was a false alarm? I could be right, but I could be wrong. The 'wrong' in this case could be devastating. I wasn't willing to take that risk.

Sometimes 'warnings' in our life turn out to be nothing, but it still worth 'checking them out...' THOROUGHLY before overriding them.

A lot of times the warnings are real and we can save ourselves a heap of trouble by heeding the warning and taking corrective action. The times when we have a 'false alarm' might be inconvenient, but they are a small price to pay for developing sound practices that will serve us well in the long run.

Got any flashing warning lights vying for your attention? Pay attention and check them out. Take action if you need to. If it's a false alarm, brush off the minor inconvenience of checking it out... and move on!

Facing It

I am amazed at the lengths that we humans go to, in searching for a way to not face the things within ourselves that need to be faced.

We all do it. All of us.

I truly believe life is about growing and evolving spiritually and psychologically. To me, that's the entire point of existence. Everything we do in this life, is an opportunity to grow, evolve and participate in the evolution of our collective consciousness. As we expand, the universe expands.

When we refuse to participate, we miss out on a golden opportunity.

We're all so afraid of facing our demons. We will do almost anything to avoid having to deal with the parts of ourselves that are rigid and resistant. For some reason it scares us, makes us uncomfortable, and many of us are simply unwilling to 'go there.'

We might have to change something. We might have to speak up. We might have to give up something that we are addictively dependent upon.

Yet, I believe that those areas we most fear dealing with, are the areas where there is the most to be gained from boldy stepping in to an engagement.

I've heard that certain types of armor only protect the front of the body, not the back. I have to believe that this is because we were created to FACE things head on and not to run away.

When we avoid and resist, we are running away. Ultimately, that isn't how we are made. It doesn't feel 'good' or 'right' to act that way.

Facing fear... facing danger... is not easy. It is, however, entirely possible.

The dark corners in us need to be looked at, embraced, and dealt with.

Turn and face whatever it is. Do it now. You won't believe how much better you will feel once you have done it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble Gobble!

Enjoy a day filled with gratitude and thanksgiving!

The Blind Side

I just saw a movie today that is destined to be one of my all time favorites! It is a true story that will uplift and inspire even the most down trodden spirit.

It is the story of a strong willed southern woman who decides to make a difference in a homeless young man's life. It is... simply SWEET!

I'm not going to say more, because I don't want to spoil the movie.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.

See the movie, and let it inspire you to do something kind for someone... anyone.

The world needs more people like Leigh Anne & Sean Tuohy, their family and their community. Wow.

Check out the Blind Side Trailer:

The Blind Side Trailer

Love in a Jar of Pickled Herring

When I open my fridge and see it there, I smile. Each and every time I reach for it, a warm, cozy feeling washes over me.

Who would think that a jar of pickled herring could have such an affect?

You see, my dad used to pretty much always have a jar of pickled herring in his fridge. He always left a single toothpick stuck in a piece of fish in the jar, to use to extract the pieces that were to be eaten.

We had a ritual to eat that herring together. He'd open the jar, pick out a piece of fish with a toothpick and let me take it off the toothpick to eat. Then he'd get himself a piece. Just one piece. On a rare occasion we might eat two!

Such a simple thing. Yet it is a powerful positive memory for me.

I go out of my way to buy jars of pickled herring. I do like to eat it, but it's far more important to me to feel that sweet connection with my dad.

Never underestimate the simple things you do with your kids that will live with them forever. It doesn't take much to create a life long memory.

What's your jar of pickled herring? How can you share special moments with your kids, loved ones or friends that they will remember forever?

Make a memory today!

The Lesson in the Bump

I believe that we get messages from life all the time. God, the Universe, our higher selves... whatever we want to call it - there is something more happening around us than meets the eye. Higher intelligence and wisdom is ever present and is involved in the direction of our days.

The messages that remind us of this come in various forms of experience.

Many years ago, I was rear ended as I sat waiting at a stop light. It's always a shock when you have a car accident. The impact... the jolt... the sort of sick feeling in your stomach - it's not something we experience every day!

I've been hit by other drivers a few times in my life. This time it was pretty minor. I was sitting still, waiting for the light and the other car wasn't moving very fast. It was a bump from behind. It did minor damage to my car. All, in all it was no big deal.

Except, that the person who hit me was someone I knew! She and I were volunteer counselors together at a mental health center in another town. Literally the only time I ever saw this woman was during our weekly staff meetings at the mental health center! Here we were in another town, an area where she and I had never connected before, and she hits me with her car!

What are the odds of something like that happening? Let's recount the facts:

* I was hit while driving in my car
* The person who hit me was someone I knew
* The context within which I knew this person was quite limited
* We were 10 miles away from the only place that she and I ever saw each other
* Not only was she in the same geographic region as me that day...
* but she HIT MY CAR with HERS!

Amazing! No one can tell me that it was 'random.' How many people are alive on this planet? Millions and millions is the answer! How many people drive around the areas I drive each day. Thousands and thousands of people drive in my region! How many accidents are there each day? How many times do the people know each other.

This woman and I shared some sort of connection. What the exact nature of that connection is... I wouldn't presume to try to explain! Yet, we shared one sort of life experience, and that particular day, we shared another type of life experience.

I have often wondered about the people who witnessed our behavior that day. How many times have you seen two people who've just had an accident hugging each other and laughing? We were stunned when we realized what had happened. We hugged each other and laughed at the strangeness of it all. Other people must have been a bit confused... and maybe amused. Perhaps we set a different example that day of what it could be like when someone makes a mistake, and hurts someone else in the process. It doesn't need to be adversarial and ugly. It can be a little bump in the road. You handle it... and move on.

I like to use these sorts of situations as reminders that life is not, in fact, completely random. There is something interesting going on behind the obvious, physical reality that we inhabit. It's a mystery... and we live smack dab in the middle of it! Enjoy it!

Wisdom Flows

I'm on an animal kick this week! This sweet story, to me, is yet another reminder of a wisdom operating in this universe that we humans understand very little of.

There is something wise and wonderful that orchestrates this life.

Check out this story of a sick sea turtle who swam to the place where he could get help.

Amazing!

Sick Sea Turtle Swims Right to Hospital Doorstep

Let the wisdom flow through you...

Ludovico Einaudi - WOW!

A friend just turned me on to Ludovico Einaudi. Powerful, soothing and stirring music.

Give this a listen and be uplifted!



Great music is such a gift. Take a moment and think about the that music has enriched and enhanced your life!

Mixed Emotions

Today, I found out that a good friend of mine passed away on November 7th. She would have been 95 this coming Christmas Eve.


My friend Ethel

I started visiting Ethel over 13 years ago. I signed up with a wonderful organization, Friend to Friend, that matches volunteer 'visitors' with people in nursing homes and assisted living facilities.

I made a one year commitment to visit Ethel, and another woman, Lilly May. Lilly May passed away several years ago.

Ethel was in the early stages of macular degeneration, and the volunteer coordinator at her retirement home thought she could use a friend to help her adjust to her new limitations. Although Ethel had a wonderful loving family, the volunteer coordinator believed it might help to have a 'new' friend to help her with things she'd always done independently.

Ethel and I hit it off right away, and my one year commitment came and went, but our friendship lived on. I did my best to visit once a week whenever I was in town. I helped Ethel with projects once in a while, and helped rig up things to accommodate her failing eye sight. Mostly, we drank tea and visited. She told me about her life and her activities, and I shared my busy life with her.

Over the past few years, Ethel's health was deteriorating at a more rapid pace. Her vision was almost gone, and she was having a lot of pain in one of her knees. Walking had become increasingly difficult, and she was getting sick more often.

I feel very sad at the loss of my friend. i spent many happy hours chatting with Ethel and sharing our lives together. As sad as I feel, however, part of me is relieved that she will not have to suffer further deterioration in her health. She had a great fear of being totally incapacitated. We spoke of her wonderings at why God was keeping her around, when there was so little she could do. She was a treasure to her family, but she was starting to suffer more often than not, and she wasn't really able to do the things she always loved doing. She had communicated to me that she felt like it was time for her to go.

Life, and death, are bitter sweet. It is hard to say goodbye and let go of my friend, and yet, I know that for her, she was ready, and had felt that her almost 95 years of life had been well spent and much enjoyed. She was at peace, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Goodbye dear Ethel. Journey well. Enjoy sweet peace.

In Ethel's honor and memory, I repost a poem that she shared with me some time ago. It embodies her spirit.

Beauty

Beautiful are the youth
Whose rich emotions flash and burn,
Whose lithe bodies filled with energy and grace
Sway in their happy dance of life;

And beautiful likewise are the mature
Who have learned compassion and patience,
Charity and wisdom,
Though they be rarer far than beautiful youth.

But most beautiful and most rare is a gracious old age
Which has drawn from life
The skill to take its varied strands:
The harsh advance of age, the pang of grief,
The passing of dear friends, the loss of strength,
And with fresh insight
Weave them into a rich and gracious pattern
All its own.

This is the greatest skill of all,
To take the bitter with the sweet and make it beautiful,
To take the whole of life in all its moods,
Its strengths and weaknesses,
And of the whole make one great and celestial harmony.

Robert Terry Weston

Nubs - An Amazing Story

I wanted to share a story with you today that touched my heart!

You must read this story and watch this video.

This is the kind of love and loyalty that the world could use more of.

Article and video about Nubs the dog & His Marine Friend


Nubs and Maj. Brian Dennis

Cooking Barefoot in My Kitchen

Coming home to a comfortable, familiar place is such a wonderful feeling. I just returned from a trip, and there is simply nothing like sleeping in my own bed, or drinking coffee from my favorite mug. Home.

This was a short trip, but I've been on many, much longer trips. I'm always amazed at what I miss when I'm away.

When I'm on my long trips, one of the things I miss the most is cooking barefoot in my kitchen. The feeling of the clean hardwood under my feet is somehow soothing to me. When I'm camping or in a dusty environment, the image that pops into my mind most often when I think of home is of me whipping up something to eat in my bare feet.

I miss my bed, of course and driving my own car. Familiar things that make my home environment mine.

We also have an internal home. A home inside ourselves that is always with us. Acknowledging and connecting to that home is something well worth the effort.

When we get disconnected from our internal home, we feel lost and adrift. We miss ourselves!

Taking the time to connect with and feel 'at home' inside our own skin enhances our experience of life. When we have our internal home, we can go anywhere and go through anything - with a stability and sense of peace.

Today, celebrate your home... inside and out!

Waiting for the Dried Crusty Stuff to Fall Off

I have a lot of big fuzzy sweatshirts. I practically live in them full time when I’m working at home. I like the temperature around me to be somewhat cool and I enjoy the process of bundling up. I sleep under heavy blankets, and I like warm, fuzzy clothes.

One day last spring, I was wearing one of my favorite dark blue sweatshirts as I worked on a project to clean out my garage. At some point, I somehow rubbed against a large sticky label, and it affixed itself to my sweatshirt. This thing was big – like 4 x 6 inches and bright yellow! It was sort of on my side, so I didn’t see it right away. In fact, I didn’t see it before I took the sweatshirt off. As I took the sweatshirt off, I turned it inside out in the process. I still hadn’t seen the label. The sweatshirt went into the washer and then the dryer, without me realizing this label was stuck to it!

Once I got the sweatshirt out of the dryer, I turned it right side out to fold it, and there it was - the giant bright yellow label.

I tried to pull the label off of my sweatshirt and it would not come off! It had baked onto the sweatshirt in the dryer! When I tried to pull it off, tiny pieces, and I mean TINY, would break off. It would have taken many, many hours to peel it off this way! I gave up fairly quickly. I didn’t have time for that!

It being one of my favorite sweatshirts and all, I have continued to wear it. Not publically, of course, but in the privacy of my own home. Each time I wash and dry it, a few more pieces of the label come off in the process.

I was noticing the other day that the pieces that are still stuck are coming off much easier. I can pick at it with my finger nails and the pieces of label, which have become hard and brittle now, break and fall off! I could probably sit down and remove all the remaining yellow bits in about an hour!

It’s taken 7 months to get to this point!

It reminded me of how some experiences in our life take time to get through and get over. We can’t rush the process. We might be able to make it happen a bit faster, but it would take drastic measures (like sitting down to pick off pieces of label for many, many hours). Instead, time can help us take care of a lot of things – if we just allow it to. My sweatshirt still isn’t ready for prime time, but it is getting there. Similarly, sometimes when we are going through something tough, we can’t conduct all our business as usual. Sometimes we need to make allowances for reduced productivity and lower our expectations a bit.

The dried, crusty bits of the past will eventually fall off – if we let them. Acceptance and allowing are the keys, with a healthy dose of patience thrown in!

Got any dried crusty bits clinging to you? Just keep living your life, and allow them to fall off in due season.

Relabeling the Past

I try to be conscious of the natural resources I consume. Taking care of our environment has been a passion for me since I was a little girl. I take ‘reduce, reuse and recycle’ very seriously in my life.

One of my practices is to reuse manila file folders as often as I can. I’m very organized, and I have a file for just about everything. All my projects have a folder. Each trip I take has a folder. Every vendor I work with has their own folder. Each tax type and tax year has its own folder to call home.

Some folders live on in my files forever. Others have a temporary life span. For example, once a trip is past, I usually don’t need to maintain a file folder for it. There are exceptions, of course. If it’s a trip that I might want to refer back to for some reason, I’ll keep it for awhile. Usually, however, I can ‘retire’ that folder once the trip is behind me.

Every once in a while I go through my filing cabinets and purge old files. I did this last year and filled 4 file boxes with paper to shred! I had a lot of ancient paperwork – documents from the purchase of my first home, student loan documents for loans I paid off 20 years ago and a whole lot of other things I really didn’t need to hang on to anymore.

I emptied all these file folders with the intention of shredding the contents. Most of the file folders themselves were still in great shape. I made a big pile of these folders for reuse.

My general practice is to scribble out the label on the file tab and then flip the folder inside out so I can write on the blank side of the file tab. Once I’ve done this and used the folder a second time, I have to resort to applying white labels to both sides of the file tab. As long as the file folder stays in good shape physically, I can keep using it over and over again.

The other day I finally got around to preparing my giant pile of ‘old folders’ for reuse. I got out my box of white labels and sat down at my desk.

It was a little bit like walking through my past. I encounter vendors I no longer work with, past legal difficulties, documentation for my last traffic ticket, assets I no longer own, trips that are long past and projects that never got off the ground – unfulfilled dreams and goals.

Somehow it felt cleansing for me to apply clean white labels over the words that described past experiences. Many of these things weren’t exactly pleasant for me – especially the legal issues and traffic ticket! Somehow applying the labels over the top of the written expression of these experiences felt powerful to me. It felt like another layer of letting go! I had done some letting go when I shredded the contents of the folders. Now, as I prepared these folders to house something new, it felt deeper.

What a great analogy. I can take these containers that held an experience in my past, and clean it out, relabel it and prepare it to support me in something new!

If only it were this easy to do with actual past experiences. If only we could more easily realize that the experience is in the past, and that we can take what we learned from it and move forward into new, different experiences! Relabeling the container for the experience in our minds helps us release the trauma, drama or pain of whatever it was and move on.

Experiment with relabeling some file folders – and use it as an example to yourself of what is possible with your larger life!

Grab a box of labels and get busy!

The Default Is a Choice

As a software designer, I have designed a lot of input forms in my day.

There is a common practice of setting 'default' responses for fields where a particular response might be the most likely.

For example, if you are ordering something from a website, the software might set the 'quantity' of an item you select to "1." You can change it if you'd like, to order more than one, but it starts by assuming you want one as the default.

Another example might be setting the 'country' to USA if you are shopping on a US company's website. "USA" would be the default value for country. You can change it, of course.

I was thinking about this the other day. It is important to realize that by 'accepting the default' we are actually making a choice! Someone else (or the software in the examples I gave) is offering us a selection, but we have to accept it (and click OK or continue in the case of our software example).

I encountered someone in my counseling work years ago who was fond of saying that he wasn't making 'choices' but instead was just going with the 'default' He really saw himself as a passive player in his life. He just went along with whatever was happening to him. I spent a lot of time trying to help him see that he was, in fact, making choices, even when he was accepting someone else's default outcomes!

Taking the path of least resistance is one way of 'accepting the default' in our life. It's not necessarily what we want, but it's going to happen if we don't stop it, so was just go along for the ride. We are still making a choice.

Recognizing that we are making choices is empowering. Rather than feeling like a leaf blowing in the wind, we can become aware of the fact that we have a lot to say about the direction we take and the attitude that takes us there!

Take responsibility for the choices you make! It's a place of power to KNOW that you are choosing. When we realize that we are choosing, we can choose differently. Often, we want to choose differently when we come to the realization that we are, in fact, making a choice!

Happy choosing!

Temporary Disorientation

My cell phone decided to die this past week. It was quite sudden. My phone just started randomly shutting down without warning. It also 'rebooted itself' a couple times as well. There was no hope. I needed a new phone.

I went to the phone store and purchased the 'next generation' of my current phone. Silly me, I assumed I wouldn't have much of a learning curve, since the phone was running the same version of Windows Mobile on it.

Last time I got a new phone, it took me about 30 minutes to get everything up and running. This time... well, let's just say it was a little different.

After about 3 hours of work I got myself to a manageable place with this phone. Many things have changed! I'm finding myself in a completely new environment!

My phone has a real keyboard on it, and the phone manufacturer even changed the location of several keys in the layout. Thanks guys! Very helpful for continuity of use!!

At any rate, the point is, my environment has changed, and I have no choice but to get used to it and roll with the punches. I'm trying to be patient with myself, but when I depend on something, I really need to be able to use it well. It's going to take some time for me to get there with this phone.

I can complain about it if I want to, but that won't help me learn it any faster.

Soon, the 'new' keyboard layout will be 'mine.' Before long, the new interface for things will become second nature to me. Time, practice and patience!

It's OK to feel temporarily disoriented when you are experiencing a change in your environment or routines. It's part of the adaptation process. Take a deep breath, relax, and allow the 'new' to present itself and introduce itself to you.

Divine Appointments

Last weekend, I realized that my back and hip were starting to hurt me a little bit. I haven't been to physical therapy for a few weeks. I've been doing so much better lately that I'm tapering off a bit. I have learned from my time in physical therapy, that it is important for me to not let my pain get too far down the road before I take action. The pain I experience is mostly due to muscle cramps that are a reaction to the injury I have. The longer I let those muscles stay tight, the harder it is to get them to release.

Monday morning I called the physical therapist's office to make an appointment for sometime that week. They told me that my therapist had an opening for that very day. Someone had just cancelled their appointment. I jumped at the chance to get the appointment!

That afternoon, when I met with my therapist, she was chuckling as she told me that she had been thinking about me over the weekend, and was planning to call me this week to tell me she had another technique that she wanted to try on my injured area! She said she was stunned to find me on her schedule that day, since I wasn't supposed to be there. She went on to tell me that she had been to church the day before, and the message had been on "Divine Appointments" and how God will put us right where we need to be and will put the exact right people on our path. She was tickled to have such a real life example show up in her life so quickly! "I wanted to see you and try this out, and I didn't even have to call you," she said!

I had the impulse to see her and made the call. She was thinking about me at the same time, and wanting to share a new technique with me that she thought might be helpful to my body! The universe did the rest!

It was a good reminder for me also, that life is constantly arranging things for us - behind the scenes - to meet our needs.

Have you ever been thinking about someone and suddenly they called you? Or you got an email from them? Start paying attention to just how often we are matched up with who and what we need at any given time!

Impatience Magnified

I have a little bit of a challenge around being patient. It's probably one of my biggest struggles if the truth be told. I find it very difficult to be patient and I have to constantly monitor and wrestle with my impulses.

I don't like to do anything slow. I am fairly efficient at most things I do. I really, really like it when other people are efficient too! :) I also don't like to be inconvenienced by other people's lack of efficiency!

I think that life gives us a giant mirror to look in at times, to show us the characteristics that we need to face and deal with. The mirror often is one that magnifies the issue. If we see someone doing exactly what we do, at exactly the same level of intensity, it would look normal to us. I believe we are shown 'exaggerated' versions of ourselves in order to call our attention to problem areas.

While I was eating lunch in one of my favorite restaurants a while back, a man, his wife and their young son came in and were seated at the booth next to me. It was late in the afternoon, about 3pm, so the restaurant was pretty empty.

I was working away on my computer and wasn't paying too much attention to what was happening at their table. They had ordered drinks, which the waitress had delivered promptly. Evidently there was a problem with the water they had ordered. They wanted tap water, and this water had carbonation in it. They told the waitress. She seemed confused, and went off to check it out. She wasn't gone very long at all and the man at the table next to me started to get very agitated. He started complaining to his wife about how long it was taking her to get back with the water he and his son wanted.

She was trying to soothe him, but he kept getting more and more impatient. He got up several times and started walking towards the bar, but he kept turning around and coming back to their table. He said, "I'm going to go to the bar to get a stinkin' glass of water." His wife encouraged him to sit down. What touched me is that his little boy started looking very concerned. "Daddy, I don't want to get kicked out!"

They proceeded to have a little back and forth about daddy's behavior, and the fact that the little boy really wanted to stay and eat at this restaurant. I'm guessing this has happened before.

The man continued with his impatient behavior. He did go to the bar, and came back complaining that he couldn't find anyone to get him a glass of water. The waitress came back to the table, and he complained again. She said the manager was checking their 'line' and that it appeared the water and soda lines got crossed. They were fixing it. He grew more irritated.

Finally, the manager came over with two glasses of water. The man let the manager have it. He ranted about how unacceptable it was to not be able to get a glass of water in a restaurant.

This entire episode took no more than 3 or 4 minutes. The man was crazed because it took 3 or 4 minutes to get his water!

In watching this unfold, I realized the 'ugliness' of impatience. I don't do it at the level this guy was expressing it, but I certainly do it! It showed me what my own behavior would be if I ramped it up a bit. I obviously have no desire to look as foolish and unreasonable as the 'water man!!'

Looking at those around us as mirrors of ourselves is an interesting (and sometimes disturbing) message from the universe! Next time you are really annoyed (or amazed) at someone's behavior, or the next time you really admire someone's actions, look closely at yourself to see what might be reflecting back to you about yourself.



The guy at claim jumper who was so impatient for a glass of water... his son was afraid they were going to get kicked out.

When Letting Go is Beautiful

I am not a person who lets go of things easily. It's something I work on... constantly.

For example, until last spring, I had every cancelled check I'd ever written. Every single one since 1982! That's a whole lotta checks by the way. I simply could never get rid of them. When my realtor held an event for his clients that involved a large professional shredding truck, I decided the time had come to part with the majority of my checks. I ended up taking 4 filing boxes full of paper (and checks) to the event. I must admit, there was a feeling of freedom that came with shredding all those checks and old papers. I felt lighter.

Still, it was not an easy decision for me to make or action for me to take.

Just this morning, I found out that a paper I've been using in my business for quite some time, is no longer available. It is a beautiful white paper with silver sparkles embedded in it. I have had notepads made of this paper. It's been like a 'signature paper' for me since I started my company in 2000. Now, it's gone. I feel saddened by the news. In addition to it being emotional for me, it's also inconvenient. I needed some card stock in this design to finish up a project I'm working on. Now, I have to find an alternative. Another reminder that life is constant change, and yes... constant processes of 'letting go.'

Yesterday, I had an example of a different way of relating to the process of letting go. As I was driving in to town, I experienced one of my favorite happenings at this time of year. The highway I drive on is lined with trees on both sides for most of my drive to town. It was cloudy, but not raining. The wind was blowing fairly hard.

Four or five times along my path, I drove through showers of beautiful leaves of gold, yellow, orange and red that were falling from the trees. It was like driving through confetti!

You simply can't feel sad when you drive through showers of leaves coming down. It instantly lifted my spirits.

The trees are releasing their leaves as they move into the winter season... and it is beautiful. Sometimes letting go can, indeed, be beautiful. It is us humans who cling and struggle to hang on to things.

It can be something simple, like me with my checks, or my pretty paper, or it can be more complex, like trying to hang on to relationships that no longer serve us in a positive, constructive fashion, clinging to self destructive habits or addictions, trying to keep our children from growing up and away from us or any myriad of things.

I personally am challenging my need to cling and hold on. I want to be more like the trees who turn letting go into a beautiful, inspiring process. They prove it's possible. I want to embrace their example of letting go, moving on and growing in a natural, fluid process - free from struggle and resistance. I feel better just typing that!

Let go... beautifully.

Don't Throw it Away

I'm a big movie fan. I get so much out of the movies I love!

Seabiscuit is one of my all time favorites. A true story of a little horse that achieved what appeared to be impossible. It is also a story of three men, broken by life in different ways. The owner, trainer and jockey of Seabiscuit all lived through and overcame hard knocks in life. The four of them found salvation and redemption in each other, and in the success they found in racing.

One of my favorite lines in the movie, occurs on two different occasions.

"You don't throw a whole life away just because it's banged up a bit."

Once the trainer says it about an old horse that he's decided to save from being put down.

The second time Seabiscuit's owner says it to the trainer, when they discover that the jockey is blind in one eye, and has been lying to them all along.

In both cases, the 'banged up life' is spared and given another chance. What a beautiful message.

Many years ago I was a counselor in a mental health clinic. I was working with a man who was a recovering alcoholic. He had a bad problem with perfectionism and self criticism. If something wasn't perfect, it was worthless. He felt that way about himself too. He came in one day and told me he'd built a flower box for his wife. He recounted that when he finished it, he saw that it wasn't perfectly square on one of the corners, and he flew into a rage. He took a sledge hammer and completely destroyed the flower box he'd built. Even in telling me the story, he felt he was 'justified' because it wasn't perfect.

As we discussed what had happened, I eventually asked him if he could tell me one good thing about the flower box. He thought for about 15 seconds, and a little light bulb came on. He looked at me and said, "It would have held dirt and flowers!" Bingo.

This world is quick to criticize and judge people on imperfections in appearance and behavior. While I'm a big believer in facing our 'stuff,' striving to improve ourselves and addressing our issues, I also believe that we need to learn to cut ourselves and each other some slack.

No one is perfect. No one ever will be. Often times people make big mistakes. Sometimes people fail repeatedly. Other times people have trouble recovering from big setbacks.

Nothing is so horrible that we can't come back from it. Nothing.

If you need a bit of encouragement to believe that... watch Seabiscuit!

"You don't throw a whole life away just because it's banged up a bit."